Chapter Twenty-Six

Kurt sat in the rocking chair, holding the tiny baby in his arms.

"You're amazing," he mumbled to the child. "You know that? You are seriously something completely and utterly wonderful in this world right now. There's so many terrible things going on every single minute but here you are, so tiny and perfect. So pure. Innocent."

Kurt sighed, running his thumb along the baby's tiny cheek. "I'm jealous of you," he muttered. "You don't even know what's happening right now. I wish that I didn't, either." He licked his lips. "I guess that's why I'm here with you. I'm playing pretend. Just making believe that everything's okay right now...

"But it's not." He shut his eyes tight. "It's not okay, little one. I wish it was. I wish that you could be born into some fantastic world where everything is as perfect as you. I wish that you didn't have to know all the hurt and pain, like Aiden has... I wish that I could keep you and him and Ella safe, protect you from everything so incredibly terrible the world has in store for you. I want to," he assured him. "I want to so badly. I just... I can't." He offered a weak smile. "I'll try my best, though."

"Kurt?" Kurt didn't glance up at the sound of Rachel's voice, hearing as she shuffled along the floor in her slippers. She sighed. "Kurt..." She kneeled down in front of him, looking at him with concern. "You shouldn't be here right now."

"Can't I visit with my godson?" he asked her in a dangerously sweet voice.

"Kurt..." Rachel drew in a deep breath. "You should be down in the ER with your dad and Carole." Kurt was silent. "The way they're talking—god, Kurt—I'm scared. The things they're saying and the terms they're using... it's scary. It really is. And Carole asked about you. She wants you there. She—"

"I can't Rachel," Kurt snapped. He squeezed his eyes shut, taking a deep, steadying breath. "I just can't be there. Not right now. I can't be sitting there, useless, when they refuse to even let me see him." He looked at her, feeling the stinging sensation in his eyes preceding tears.

"Kurt..." Rachel said consolingly, taking his hand in hers. "They will."

Kurt's grip on the baby tightened slightly. "I wasn't there when Alex died," he muttered to her. "Part of me was thankful that I didn't have to sit and wait there and watch him suffer. But what I always wish is that I could have just been there, with him. I wish that he didn't have to die alone in some disgusting alley. There was no one there to hold his hand or tell him that it was going to be okay, even though it wasn't. And just... the idea of him laying there hurting and alone makes my entire soul ache."

"Don't want want to be there, to avoid the same feeling of guilt should you lose your father?" Rachel said.

"I just want to see him," he said desperately, getting to his feet and placing the baby gently back into the small glass casing with blue blankets, the name 'Alexander Hudson' labeling it. "To actually see him, to be with him... But at the same time, I... I'm terrified. How do I survive another loss?" he asked, turning back to Rachel. "This might be the point where it's just too much, Rachel."

The door to the ward opened, and Kurt glanced up, feeling his pulse quicken as the man scanned the room. Immediately the intruder's eyes fell upon Kurt and his face softened.

"Blaine," Kurt breathed out.

"Oh god, Kurt," Blaine responded, quickly crossing the room and taking the other man into his arms. He held him painfully tight, holding him as closely to him as was possible. "Kurt, Kurt, Kurt..."

"But—Columbus..." Kurt mumbled into Blaine's shoulder, clutching handfuls of the other man's shirt in his fists. "How did you—?"

"Finn called me," Blaine said. "The second he found out. He figured that you'd need m—that—well..." He trailed off slightly. "That you'd need someone."

"You didn't have to do this," Kurt said, but it wasn't even a half-hearted argument.

"I did," Blaine responded. "You said that when you were sixteen, you felt so alone. I couldn't let you feel that way again."

Kurt felt his heart clench slightly at Blaine's words, and suddenly he felt Rachel's gentle grip on his upper arm.

"You can do this, Kurt," she assured him. "I know that it's going to be hard and I know how much it might hurt, but you're strong." She gave him a watery smile. "You're so strong, and clearly, you're not alone."

He nodded at her, offering her a similarly forced smile. "I know. I'm ready," he murmured to Blaine. "Just... don't—"

Blaine quickly pressed a kiss to Kurt's forehead. "I won't leave your side."

"I hated the way he looked like this back then, too," Kurt murmured vaguely to Blaine, clasping onto his father's hand. "He looks so sick, so weak... But he isn't weak. He's so strong. He just has to make it through. He promised he wouldn't leave me then and he isn't allowed to break that promise now, either."

Blaine's grip on Kurt's shoulder tightened slightly. "Your dad's a man of his word," he assured Kurt softly, and the brunette nodded absently.

The door swung open, and Kurt glanced up to see his step-mother entering the room. He stood quickly, letting go of his father's hand as the woman pulled him into a tight hug.

"Thank god you're here," she said in a hushed tone. "Just—thank god. I thought... for a moment I was afraid—maybe that you wouldn't—"

"I'm here," Kurt told her reassuringly. "I just couldn't bear not seeing him. I mean—he's my dad."

"Sweetheart, I know," Carole sighed, pulling him to her chest once again. "I know how hard this is. And it's not even two years after Alex—"

"I know," Kurt cut across in a small voice.

"He would... he would be so glad that you're here right now," Carole assured him.

Kurt choked a little at her words, shaking his head. "Please, just... please don't talk about him like he's already gone."

Carole nodded, a few tears falling down her cheeks. "Right," she said quickly. "No, of course not, sweetheart, but..."

"But you don't think he's going to make it," Kurt supplied for her, almost inaudible. "Don't let him hear you say that, Carole," he added, half-heartedly attempting to tease her, but the smile dying on his lips immediately. He squeezed his eyes shut. "You don't think he's going to make it. And you're a nurse. You actually have some idea..."

"As a Hummel man, I have no doubt in my mind that he will do absolutely everything possible to pull through," Carole assured him, her voice fighting to stay strong even when it was thick with the sound of tears. "But from a medical standpoint, I just..." She swallowed tightly. "I just can't."

"He'll do it," Kurt said with false confidence. "He did it before, he'll do it again, Carole."

Carole didn't respond again and Kurt found it a little disconcerting.

Suddenly, a few nurses were filing into the room, hovering over Burt and taking his vitals and scribbling a few things on a clipboard. Kurt looked to Carole in concern and she closed her eyes for a moment. "They're taking him into surgery in a few moments," she muttered to him. "Bypass surgery."

"Is that—"

"If he makes it, it could make a world of difference," Carole told him quickly. "But I won't pretend..."

"You're a nurse, Carole, and I'm an adult," Kurt told her shakily. "Just tell me."

She sighed. "There are risks," she said plainly. "There are with any surgery. I mean, if you want me to just list them... there's the usual risks of clotting, infection, and bleeding out, or it could cause memory loss, problems with his heart rhythm, another heart attack or a stroke, kidney failure, lung failure..."

Kurt swallowed thickly. "But if he does make it?"

Carole looked at him softly. "Usually they try to give the heart more time to heal after a heart attack," she told him. "But in emergency cases..."

"He'll make it," he told her without hesitation. "He has to."

"Can I get you anything?" Blaine asked him gently. "Coffee? Water? Anything?"

Kurt shook his head. "Just stay," he murmured, and Blaine pulled Kurt more closely to him, kissing the top of his head.

"I promised I would," Blaine said. "I meant it."

Kurt closed his eyes as he rested his head against Blaine's shoulder. He felt so tired. He was just so incredibly tired of feeling this way, all the hurt and pain and hopelessness.

He threaded his fingers together with Blaine's. Blaine, the man that he felt so lucky to have. He wondered where he would be without Blaine, sometimes.

"I love you," he whispered suddenly, and Blaine pressed another kiss into his hair.

"I love you, too," he responded, squeezing his arm softly.

"You do too much for me," Kurt said. "You're too good to me."

"I disagree," Blaine told him gently.

"I'd be lost without you," Kurt went on.

"And once again you don't give yourself the credit you deserve," Blaine said.

Kurt hummed in response. "I just..." He trailed off, giving Blaine's hand a squeeze. "I just love you. Thank you for being here."

Another gentle, chaste kiss from Blaine.

"Kurt?" He glanced up as Carole came toward them, looking more exhausted than he'd ever seen her.

"What happened?" he asked immediately. "Is—is he all right?"

"He's stable," she told him slowly.

"So he's made it," Kurt said quickly. "He's going to be fine."

"Not yet," she sighed. "He needs to be kept in the ICU for the night, and he still isn't awake. It's still a bit touch-and-go."

"Can I see him?" he asked her next, but she simply shook her head.

"Not yet," she said again. "They're going to come down and let us know the moment we can."

Kurt nodded, taking a deep breath as he leaned back into Blaine. "It'll be fine," he murmured to Kurt. "It'll work out."

Kurt didn't respond, closing his eyes tightly. He wished he could wake up and the nightmare would just be over.

"This is the part I dread the most," Kurt told Blaine quietly, as they stood just outside the ICU. "The waiting. Just sitting there waiting for him to wake up, or to just squeeze my hand or... something." He took a deep, steadying breath. "I waited so long before, it felt like it was forever. There were moments I didn't think he would..."

"He will," Blaine assured him quietly, squeezing his hand tightly. Kurt nodded vaguely.

The nurse allowed them in, Carole already taking the seat right beside Burt. Kurt quietly slipped into the chair on the other side, taking his other hand in his.

Suddenly, it was all Kurt could do to wait.

Kurt drifted in and out of consciousness.

He was exhausted, he really was. Carole had already fallen asleep, still seated on Burt's left side. Blaine was dozing as well, sitting in the chair in the corner. Kurt wanted to join them to be able to rest after a long, emotional day (or was it days? He really didn't know anymore), but he simply couldn't. Every time he started to nod off, he swore that he could feel the hand in his twitch.

Suddenly, it occurred to him that perhaps he wasn't imagining it.

He squeezed his father's hand tightly in his and waited for just a few seconds before he felt the fingers beneath his moving again, his pulse speeding up painfully.

"Carole," he croaked, his throat dry. "Carole!"

The woman jolted awake, staring at Kurt startled. He let out a watery laugh, glancing from his father to his step-mother.

"Carole, he's—he's moving!" he told her breathlessly. "He's waking up, he—he's... he's going to be okay."