Chapter Seventeen

Kurt dug the key out of his bag. It was kind of funny—he always thought when he was younger that the idea of giving one's key to a significant other was a bit foolish and old-fashioned. But as he pressed it into the slot of Blaine's door, he had to admit that it felt sort of... exciting.

"Excuse me!"

Kurt turned at the sound of the voice, watching as a brunette man quickly approached him. He raised his eyebrow slightly, removing the key from the lock and clutching it in his fingers. "Can I help you?"

"Do you—you don't live here, do you?" he asked. "I'm looking for Blaine Anderson's place."

Kurt frowned slightly at him. "And can I ask why?" he asked coldly.

The man held out his hand. "I'm Christian, his fiancé," he said.

"Ex-fiancé," Kurt corrected for him, and the other man lowered his hand. "You left him... what, a year and a half ago?"

"You a good friend of Blaine's, then?" he asked, a forced smile on his lips as his eyes roamed over Kurt.

"You could say that," Kurt said smoothly. "Now, what do you want? Because I think Blaine has made it very clear he doesn't want anything to do with you."

"Actually, I came to bring back his scarf. You see, he forgot it when we went out to coffee on Monday," he paused and produced the familiar scarf that Kurt recognized, even back from their days at Dalton. He smiled at the expression on Kurt's face. "I'm sorry, I take it he didn't tell you? I wonder why he wouldn't mention something like that."

"I don't know who you think you are," Kurt snapped. "Even if you weren't trying to specifically anger me, you still have absolutely no right to come around here. You hurt Blaine an inexcusable amount when you left him on your wedding day. You don't have the right to just waltz back into his life, no matter what the conditions may be."

"I could say the same about you," Christian retorted, and Kurt narrowed his eyes. "You're his high school sweetheart, aren't you? I recognize you from his old photos."

"What happened between me and Blaine—"

"Isn't my business, of course," Christian held up his hands in defeat. "I just don't think it's fair for you to think that you're the one who's all high and mighty, when you broke his heart pretty terribly, too."

Kurt snatched the scarf from the other man's hands. "Leave," he told him forcefully.

"Fine," Christian said with a shrug. He stalked off, giving Kurt one last smirk over his shoulder.

Furiously, Kurt shoved the key into the lock once more, letting himself inside. He quickly made his way up the stairs.

"Hey," Blaine said with a smile as Kurt opened the door at the top of the stairs. "You look—hey, my scarf! Where did you find it?"

"Christian gave it to me," Kurt said evenly, and Blaine's face paled. "When were you going to tell me that you met with him?"

Blaine closed his eyes. "I wasn't."

"You weren't," Kurt snapped. "Fantastic, Blaine. We're going out for a month and already you're lying to me about meeting with the man you almost married. Just perfect!"

"Kurt, it wasn't like that," Blaine said. "All I did was tell him that I wanted nothing to do with him."

"And a simple phone call—"

"I blocked his number," Blaine cut across. "And then he came by my office at school. I didn't know what else to do." He looked at Kurt seriously. "You must know that I’m not cheating on you."

"Maybe not, but you just get yourself in these situations, Blaine," Kurt told him. "Some guy likes you, openly hits on you or asks you out, and you just... befriend them. And then it makes me look and feel completely and utterly pathetic because there you are, just like high school, another guy pining away for you—"

"I'm not befriending Christian," Blaine said, suddenly sounding angry, and Kurt looked taken aback. "He cheated on me, okay? He left me because he was cheating on me and decided he liked that guy better. I would never take him back, even if you weren't in the picture. Especially with Ella around? Never." He let out a cold, laugh. "You know, I'm the pathetic one." He shook his head, closing his eyes tightly. "When we decided to part ways, I never got over you. But you moved on, and you ended up so happy." He gave Kurt a sad smile, then he shook his head again, looking terribly hurt and broken. "Be honest, Kurt. Not with me, but with yourself. If things had went the way you wanted, you wouldn't be here. There wouldn't be an 'us'. The only reason that you're here is because Alex is dead."

The two men stared at each other for several moments longer before Blaine sighed frustratedly, snatching up his keys.

"W-where are you going?" Kurt asked him in a tiny voice. Blaine turned to him, looking less furious than before, but still mildly angry.

He sighed. "I just... I can't be here right now," he muttered. He turned and went back downstairs, the door slamming shut behind him just moments later.

Kurt took his bottom lip between his teeth, begging himself not to cry. He took a deep, shuddering breath, collapsing slightly in a chair. His heart was aching so badly, and he wondered if it was because of the things that Blaine said, or that somewhere deep down, he knew they were true.

The next day, Kurt thoroughly distracted himself with Aiden. He took the young boy shopping and spent hours playing with him, forcing all thoughts of Blaine out of his mind. And in his opinion, he was doing it the best way possible.

However, the day after was some other boy from preschool's birthday party, and Aiden had been invited. And once his son had been dropped off, suddenly Kurt felt more alone than he had in a long time.

He had tried to call Blaine. Made phone calls and left messages and sent texts, saying that he was sorry, because that was really all he knew how to say. Nothing else seemed right or sounded right. But then again, he was finding that many things were that way without Blaine.

Rachel, with her sixth sense, had sent him countless text messages begging him to talk to her, but he ignored them. Even if he had felt like talking, he wasn't sure that she'd be the right person—she'd become an emotional wreck recently, Finn told him, because of the pregnancy, and if she thought that her two best gays had even the smallest chance of breaking up, Kurt was afraid she'd snap completely.

But that wasn't what Kurt wanted. He didn't want Blaine to leave him.

He loved him.

And maybe he wasn't ready to admit that, because somehow telling someone that you love them as an adult wasn't any easier than as a kid. Somehow, it seemed so much more difficult, like it carried a bigger weight. And despite knowing fully the consequences of saying such a thing (not like in high school, when everyone ‘loved’ each other, whether you were dating a day or a week or a year, or not dating at all) it still seemed like a terribly big word.

And honestly, no time had felt right to say it. So the only person he dared admit the idea to was himself. But that didn't change the way he felt, or how desperately he wanted Blaine to just come back to him.

He sunk onto the ottoman, running his hands over his face, lacing his fingers into his hair. He felt like he always got himself into these messes but wasn't so sure how to fix them once he got there.

He heard as the front door opened, but couldn't force himself to look up. His dad, Carole, Finn, Rachel... whichever one was dropping in, he didn't really care. Yet suddenly he was being pulled into an embrace by a different pair of arms, one he recognized too well.

He didn't dare move or open his eyes, just in case it turned out his mind was tricking him.

Finally, Blaine pulled back, pushing some of Kurt's hair out of his face. "I'm sorry," Kurt murmured to him, and Blaine nodded slowly.

"I know," he whispered. "I am, too."

"You're not just my second choice or a consolation prize," Kurt told him. "I want to be with you."

"I know," Blaine sighed again. "I was just being stupid."

"But it's not stupid," Kurt said. "I mean... I don't know where we'd be right now if Alex were still alive. I don't know where we'd be if Christian had treated you right, or if your brother hadn't died. The point is that this is where we are now. We can't change things. And all things considered... I'm content with where I am now."

Blaine smiled at him, pressing a kiss to Kurt's mouth. "I think I'm pretty happy here, as well," he said. "I don't want to lose you, Kurt."

"I don't want to lose you either," Kurt murmured. "Can we just... be okay again?"

Blaine smiled, chuckling softly. "If you'll have me," he said.

"Of course," Kurt breathed out. "I don't plan on letting you go again."