Fucking faggot.

If anything, Blaine's words had only egged me on, made me realize exactly how much I needed to go through with this plan. But the kiss afterwards in the hallway had made me realize that I couldn't do it alone. I needed someone to share this with, help me plan and keep me focused on my goal so that I wouldn't do something stupid. I needed someone to share this with, someone who would keep me in track when I couldn't do it myself. I needed the scheming, ugly minds of two particularly annoying brunettes. That was why, after Glee practice a week later, I found myself walking up to Rachel and Santana with a rather strange favor to ask.

I had asked them to come to the auditorium after practice, and since it was almost five pm, the most of the students had already gone home for the day, allowing us to have some privacy. Not that many people used the auditorium anyway. It seemed to be a Glee club preference. There was something very scheming and soothing about the stage.

The three of us sat in the middle of it, forming a small circle of secrets.

"Kurt, is this going to take long? Finn was going to drive me home and meet my dads." Rachel eyed him without getting an answer, because Santana spoke up, too.

"As intrigued as I was when you invited me for this little secret gathering of yours, I wanna know what's going on."

"Well," I said, "first I need you both to promise that whatever I say stays between us. Can you do that?"

"Look, doll face," Santana said, "if you need a place to stay cause the cops looking for the missing body you killed can't be lead to your house, you can't use my house. Nana is upset as it is with Brittany and me being together and occasionally snuggling on the couch."

I stared at her in disbelief, but shook my head. "No, it's nothing like that. But I need help with something, and I thought that you two would be the most suiting for what I have planned."

"What do you mean?" Rachel chirped, confused.

I looked at Rachel for a beat, then at Santana. "You know how Blaine Anderson always is such a contradicting shit?"

"God, Kurt," Rachel said, leaping forward to take my hand, "I couldn't believe it when I heard he basically called you�that word�in front of the whole class, I still can't. Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," I said slowly, then added, looking between them, "but I want him to pay. And this would be where you guys come in."

"Damn, Hummel, I didn't know you had it in you," Santana said and smiled appreciatively. "I am�honored�that you asked me to help you in your revenge, but can I ask what Dinosaur Nose is doing here? I would think Quinn have more of an evil mind than Rachel." She shot her eyebrows together in thought. "Actually, I think anyone would beat Rachel on the scale of evilness, she just knows how to be annoying."

Rachel stared at Santana sourly, strongly pinching her lips together not to snap at her.

"Girls, girls," I warned. "This is exactly why I chose you two. I think that you have the right energetic approach that I need for what I have in mind."

"What do you have in mind?" both Rachel and Santana asked at once.

I leaned closer to them, and they leaned closer too, until our three heads were close together.

"Ladies. Blaine Anderson… is�gay."

Rachel gasped in surprise and quickly covered her mouth with her hands and muffled an "oh my god". Santana leaned back and looked very pleased.

"Well, well," she smirked, "I must say I'm pleased with these turn of events. So when do we out him?"

"Nonono," I said hurriedly, holding my hands up as if to stop her from screaming it at the top of her lungs right that second. "That's not what I'm planning on doing."

"Then what? Why shouldn't he get the same treatment as the rest of us?"

"I don't believe in outing people, Santana, it's wrong. What Finn did to you was wrong. We're better than that." I could see that the memories I brought up made a second of pain flash across Santana's face, but she quickly recovered. Rachel pretended to be busy with her hands at the comment. "What I have planned is something different entirely."

"Kurt, just spill it!" Rachel begged, looking up and seeming like she was going to burst at any second.

"I am going to take his virginity, and then-"

"Wait, whoa,�whoa, hang on a second!" Santana said and held up a hand. "Blaine is a�virgin?"

I raised my eyebrow and nodded to the girls, and I couldn't decide who of them looked more surprised. Okay, I'd say it was Rachel, but to be fair to her, Santana wasn't as obvious about her emotions. But now both of their jaws were dropped and they were staring at me in disbelief.

"Kurt, are you sure?" Rachel asked. "I mean, he seems so…"

"Yeah, I know," I replied, still feeling the weird sensation of being the only one in the whole school who wasn't completely oblivious. Nonetheless, it came as a surprise to Santana and Rachel, and to a certain point, I could understand them. When you only look at a person's shell, their outsides is all you see. You only see what that person wants you to see. It's not until you peel away the layers and really�look�that you might finally see something that's true. In this case, it was about Blaine's virginity.

I have to take a second to defend myself right there though, because I'm leaving something unsaid. No, I have no sort of obsession for Blaine. Yes, I have found myself looking his direction more than just once or twice. I don't know why exactly, I just guess there was something about him that lured me in. Maybe it was the fact that he was gay… or maybe it was something else. I couldn't quite tell yet, because as Blaine had said many times, I didn't know him. I prayed that I never would either, because then it would make this game so much more difficult. But luck was on my side since Blaine wasn't one to talk about himself.

"Kurt…" Rachel breathed, and snapped me out of my thoughts. She hesitated for a moment before she spoke, to choose her words. "I know some people sometimes see me as a cold-hearted bitch and/or spoiled brat-"

"Some�people�sometimes?" Santana interrupted, with a smirk spread widely across her cheeks.

Rachel gave her an evil stare before continuing. "But why exactly do you wanna get back at him?"

"He deserves it," I said confidently.

"Yes, but I mean-"

"Listen, dwarf," Santana interrupted again. "I understand perfectly why he wants to do it. Heck, I'd do it myself if I knew how. You've seen that guy go about, haven't you? He doesn't just stand against the bullies, he stands against everyone. That little prick thinks so highly of himself that he thinks he can stand up against anyone without getting punished for it, teachers and peers included. I saw him as late as yesterday, terrifying a kid into giving up his lunch money. He's a bad person and a bully, that's what he is."

Thinking back at this moment, I can see that it was one of the more defining ones. Maybe I should've been more attentive, kept my eyes open and actually listened to what was being said. That was probably what I regretted most, afterwards: that I didn't see it coming. I can't say it was all their fault, it was my fault because I brought them into this in the first place. Blaine was doomed the moment my mind had been wandering in his direction, even if I would be the one pulling the trigger or not. It was bound to happen because I had made sure of it.

I just hope that he can forgive me one day.

Rachel nodded in agreement, but turned to me again. "But why does it have to be you?"

"Because, the kind of revenge I want to do is something only I can do," I replied, pausing to build the tension. "I want to take his virginity."

"What even, glitter?" Santana asked, not understanding how that could make any difference. "That's your big plan? Hell, that's like giving him a favor. No way."

"I haven't really come up with the details yet," I said defensively, "about what's gonna happen afterwards, how I can turn it against him. That's where you come in."

Santana folded her arms across her chest. "Okay, okay, that is a genius move, glitter. Auntie Snix has gots this."

"Just nothing inhumane, cruel or illegal," I warned, already starting to worry about what I was doing and what was going to happen.

Then came the line that I trusted and depended my whole world on, the line that would keep everything safe and protected how matter bad things turned out, the line that later turned out to be a lie.

"Don't worry, glitter. I won't do anything without running it past your approval."

. . . . .

Content with what had come of the talk with the brunettes, I was ready to go home. I would have to pass my locker first though, to get books to work with at home. As I turned the last corner, Blaine was there in the hallway. But he wasn't alone this time.

"I said, why did you spread those rumors about me?" Blaine yelled, at the little sophomore he had pressed up against the lockers, neck pinned in a choking grip with his lower arm. The blonde guy was grasping for air, his face reddening.

Before I realized what I was doing, I heard myself call as I jogged up to them. "Hey! Leave that kid alone!"

Blaine was startled by the voice that suddenly shook him to reality, and after blinking a few times, let go of the kid, who slid down the lockers on unsteady legs. Blaine scoffed at me, and gave me a nasty, disapproving look. "Stop putting your nose where it doesn't belong!" Then he was off.

I approached the sophomore wearily, sitting down next to him on the ground. He looked away, ashamed of meeting my eyes. "I'm guessing you two have met before?" I started gently.

He watched me for a moment, running a lazy hand through his hair while just breathing, considering if he should talk to me or not. But why would I even bring him into this story if he didn't end up talking?

"He threatened to kill me... when I found out that he was gay."

Those were the exact words he spoke, I still remember them. Even the way he spoke them still lingers in my mind. Distress. Hopelessness. Defeat. It sounded like giving up, like finally telling someone something that had been torturing the mind for god knows how long.

Judging by my face, he figured I took it as a surprise, so he told me that yeah, Blaine was gay. But I wasn't surprised because of that, I was surprised because�someone else had known.

"How did you find out?" I asked simply, then waited for him to take his time.

"Believe it or not, it was during summer camp. So about… two or three months ago now. It was in July. Well, technically it was during the end of July and the beginning of August. But whatever." He sighed, and then engaged in his story. "We were roommates, we shared a cabin. Well, us two and a couple of more guys. We were four guys… but Blaine had a different program than the rest of us. One morning we had soccer on the schedule, and we told Blaine "see ya in the lunch hall in two!". Two hours, that was. If he even had a schedule of activities, he wasn't obeying it." The sophomore laughed a little at the thought. "He was the oldest, about to be a senior. I think all of us were a little intimidated, and he had this attitude…"

The sophomore wrapped his arms protectively around himself and shifted his gaze right and left through the hall, to be sure no one was eavesdropping on us. He lowered his voice anyway, just in case.

I had been feeling weird all morning. Later they said the mushrooms were bad, and I had to lay a week with food poisoning. It was the worst. But I was looking forward to soccer, I love soccer. It's my favorite sport.

We were on the court, just been divided into teams in the unfair way. Four people got to choose the best players, the non-athletic ones left last. I was picked somewhere in the middle, but it doesn't really matter when you're picked. There's always that feeling in your stomach, that sort of shame, while you justwait.

I had put on the glowing, yellow vest and we were warming up. I tried to ignore the knifelike stabs in my stomach as I jogged around the field, slower than the other guys. The coach was on me, asking what was up. I tried to tell him I was fine, but when he forced me to jog with him, in his fast pace, I just could take it. Without even doing it intentionally, my body bent over, folded into half, and I threw up right then and there, on the artificial grass.

I was sent back to the cabin all alone. It was a good ten minute walk – uphill, might be added. The only comforting words I got was to get some rest, and that the nurse was coming up to check me when she was done mending a twisted ankle. That walk was the worst thing I've ever experienced in my whole life.

There was nothing that seemed to be out of the ordinary. Everything was calm in the woods, the birds were singing and the sunlight shone beautifully through the thick trees. I remember how I stopped for a beat to really look at it, thinking there was no rush to push myself anyway.

As I got to the cabin, I didn't even think of the fact that Blaine would still be there. I figured he just took on the forced summer camp strolling through the woods or down my the lake (I'd seen him do that once, throwing rocks into the lake. It looked really peaceful, even though he looked miserable). But he wasn't away, he was still in there.

He should've heard me coming, that's what I kept telling myself weeks and weeks. Why couldn't he just have heard me come? It would've made everything so much easier. But I suppose his mind was engaged elsewhere…

I almost threw the cabin door open in exhaust, ready to crawl into my top bunker. But what I saw as I opened the door was nothing I'd been expecting. Blaine was in his bed, the one under mine, head thrown back against the wall, mouth wide open and eyes tightly shut. His pants were pulled down to his hips, one hand wrapped around himself while the other supported him to stay upright on the bed. It only took a second to realize what he was doing, and then he noticed me too. Then it was too late. I tried darting my eyes away, but that was when I saw�it.

Lying open in his lap was a magazine, only the world's stupidest or innocent person wouldn't know what kind of magazine that was. (I'm a guy, I know how it is.) But it wasn't until he scrambled the magazine together to hide it under his pillow when I saw what it really was. It wasn't Playboy or half naked girls… they were�guys. I couldn't stop staring at him, realizing the truth. It was like everything suddenly made sense. He stared back at me, and I just stood there, frozen with fear. He looked like he was about to scream or hit something - me - but just kept staring at me like that.

Eventually I moved, slowly climbing into my bed above his, the pain in my stomach suddenly numb. I heard his sheets rustle, the pull of a zipper. Then silence. That wait was the longest I think I've ever experienced in my life. I was too scared to even breathe because the loudness of it could upset him, make him snap. I just lay there, praying that the nurse would just get there already.

Then I heard a strong pull of breath, followed by, "You go to McKinley, right? I've seen you there."

I thought replying would be better than nothing. "Yeah."

There was another moment of silence, another pause. Another breath. When his voice filled the small room again, it was slow and steady, like it had all the time in the world. "If you tell anyone about this, I will kill you."

He didn't use any swear words. He sounded calm and threatening. It wasn't like "if you tell anyone about this I will fucking kill you, you little shit". That was what scared me, how serious he sounded. Like he really meant it.

The sophomore turned his head to face me for the first time since Blaine had left. "I swear, I would never tell anyone. I'm cool with people being themselves,�whoever�they are... but he wasn't fine with me knowing. He's been pestering me, threatening me - mostly silently and left me alone - ever since school started."

I furrowed my eyebrows, thought about what I'd just learned. However, there was something that didn't seem right. "But why now? I mean, why was he attacking you now?" The sophomore nodded, and I added carefully, "I heard Blaine say something about some rumors?"

The blonde turned fully toward me, looked me pleadingly in the eye. "I have no idea what that was about. I'm not spreading any rumors, I swear! I haven't even told anyone about this summer until now, no one. I have no idea why he would say that."

He had no idea, and neither had I. But then I suddenly knew.

The only "rumors" Blaine would even think twice about punishing someone for was him being gay, that's what I knew. That's the only thing about him that the sophomore knew. Blaine thought the younger blonde was the only one who knew about his sexuality. So what a surprise he must've gotten when I suddenly walked right up to him and confronted him about it, just months after the incident that had broken years of silence. And the only conclusion that made sense to me was that Blaine though his secret had been spread by the only person who had known.

I didn't tell the guy next to me any of this. Maybe he deserved to know, but I didn't tell him. I just didn't.

"I'm late for practice," he suddenly said, rising to his feet. Before leaving, he gave me a long look. "I think he's scared that his secret's out, and if more people find out, he might come after me. I can't live like that, in the constant fear. I- I have to go." Then he went.

That was the last time I ever saw him. I didn't even get to know his name.