Chapter 9:

"I—can't, we—can't," Blaine said, sliding his hand out from underneath Kurt's shirt, the tips of his fingers placing tiny butterfly kisses all along Kurt's stomach as he went, sending small electric shocks all along his skin.

"Okay," Kurt breathed, flopping back against Blaine's pillows, his vision ever so slightly blurred. His lips felt bruised and his heart was beating wildly in his chest. "Okay."

Blaine fell back, too, his head flat on the bed rather than resting on the pillows. Kurt found it a little amusing that Blaine had broken away first, saying they couldn't, since Blaine had been the one doing all the touching. Kurt had simply sat with his back to Blaine's headboard, his fingers entwined in those silky curls and allowed Blaine's hands to explore various areas of his exposed skin, his fingers moving slowly and cautiously.

They lay there, breathing for a long time and then Kurt sat up and looked down at the other boy, his letterman jacket now in a pile on the floor, his cheeks flushed a dusty shade of pink. Blaine stared up at him through a canopy of full, dark lashes, those golden brown eyes dilated and bright. Kurt smiled, sadly, because Blaine looked so vulnerable like this. He liked when Blaine was vulnerable and real with him. Moments like these helped ease Kurt's mind every time he questioned himself about why he kept forgiving Blaine time and time again. When he thought of Blaine like this, he knew he wasn't making a mistake—or at least, he hoped he wasn't.

"Are you okay?" Kurt asked, softly.

"Yeah, it's just—that keeps happening," he said a little breathlessly. "Doesn't it?"

Kurt chuckled and nodded. "Yeah," he said. "It seems like it. Is it time for you to jump up and panic and then run out of the house?"

Blaine twisted his face in confusion, but he was smiling, which was a good sign and definitely an improvement to previous reactions.

"No," he informed Kurt. "Besides, this is my house, remember?"

"Oh, yeah," Kurt found himself grinning. He felt relieved that Blaine hadn't reacted badly and demanded he leave. "I remember now," Kurt said, grabbing the stiff schedule with his picture in the corner and holding it up for Blaine to see. "I definitely don't have this stuck to any walls in my house."

Blaine's jaw dropped open and he laughed. He leaned up and snatched the piece of paper from Kurt and smoothened it out. Kurt watched as he climbed off the bed and went towards his notice board. He pinned it back where it had been before. Kurt raised an eyebrow.

"What?" Blaine said, sitting back down, his face a mask of innocence."I'm too used to having it there, now, so there it will stay," he declared.

Kurt's heart leapt a little as he nodded and smiled, timidly. Something about Blaine having his picture, even a picture that was faded and creased, filled him with some sort of pleasure and happiness.

"So, I don't mean to be a stick in the mud, here, or whatever," Kurt said, then, his voice a little hoarse. He cleared his throat, then continued. "But how are you going to tell your—friends about you joining glee?"

Blaine's head shot up, quickly, his eyes widening with alarm.

"I hadn't thought of that," he said, voice catching. "Shit."

"Anderson!" Blaine heard a voice echoing down the hallways of McKinley. He turned to see Puckerman running towards him, shoving kids out of the way. Blaine knew what was coming, he felt his heart beat speeding up. He took a deep breath and waited for Puck to reach him. When he did, he gave Blaine a quizzical expression. "Well?" he said. "What's this I hear about you joining those glee losers?"

Blaine sighed and slammed his locker shut.

"I didn't want to," Blaine told him, hoping he sounded convincing enough. "It's my dad," he explained. "He doesn't think I'm involved in enough 'extra-curricular activities'," he twisted his fingers into air quotes and shook his head. "He said I need to join something else so that my college applications look better, or something. I had no choice, man."

He felt sickened with himself that he had fabricated that ridiculous tale.

"But why glee?"

"What else am I supposed to join?" Blaine asked, matter-of-factly. "I am not playing chess, I suck at science and hockey is obviously out." There was a lot of bad feeling between the footballers and the hockey players. Basically, they despised one another. "What else is left? Cheerios?" he asked, trying to add a sprig of humour to the mix.

"I guess," Puck said, with a frown.

"Dude, relax," Blaine said. "I'll hardly even go, it'll be fine."

"I hope so, Anderson," Puck shook his head. "For your sake, I really, really hope so."

Puck stalked off down the hall and Blaine pressed his back to his locker, taking comfort in the cool metal against the back of his head.

He hoped so, too.

"Kurt," a muffled voice said on the other end of Kurt's phone. "K—Kurt, I'm outside your—your house."

Kurt sighed.

"Blaine," he said, patiently. "Blaine are you—who am I kidding? Of course, you are. You're drunk."

"Only a little—little bit!" he protested. "Kurt, let me in? Which one's your—your window, again, Kurt? Kurt? Kurt!"

"Okay, okay!" Kurt hissed. "My dad's sleeping, you need to stay quiet, okay?"

"Quiet?" Blaine shouted into Kurt's ear and he had to hold the phone away a couple of inches. "Did you say quiet, Kurt?"

"Blaine," Kurt said, quietly. "I'm not opening the door until you're completely silent."

Blaine said nothing. Kurt waited a minute, then rolled his eyes and started up the stairs.

"Come to the door, but keep quiet," he said into the phone, before pressing the 'end call' button.

He crept out into the hallway and unlocked the front door. He opened it slowly, so that it didn't make too much noise. He opened it all the way and Blaine was standing there grinning at him. Kurt raised a finger to his lips to remind Blaine to stay quiet, then stepped back and Blaine shuffled inside. Kurt closed the door and locked up again, before gesturing for Blaine to follow him.

Blaine followed closely behind him, in complete silence, only the sound of his breathing audible. They finally reached Kurt's room in the basement. Kurt closed the door behind them, quietly and tiptoed down the stairs, to find Blaine lying on his bed, staring up at the ceiling. He was singing quietly to himself.

"So," Kurt said, unable to resist the smile dancing on his lips, as he sat down on the bed next to him. Blaine was pretty adorable like this, he had to admit. "Where have you been?"

"Someone's birthday," he told Kurt, a goofy grin spreading across his face. "You should have come. It sucked."
"Why would I come if it sucked?" Kurt asked, watching Blaine in amusement. Small tendrils lay across Blaine's forehead. His eyes were wide and bright and his face was flushed. The light of Kurt's lamp cast an illumination across Blaine's head, causing slivers of Blaine's hair to appear white. Kurt fought the urge to reach across and push his hair away from his face.

"Because if you'd been there, it wouldn't have sucked any more, duh!" Blaine rolled his dark eyes.

"Of course," Kurt smirked. "So, what are you doing here?"

Blaine tilted his head, still smiling and looked up at Kurt curiously.

"I felt like looking at your face."

Kurt raised an eyebrow and cursed the fact that his heart beat had sped up again. He knew for a fact that his was the alcohol talking, but it was still touching for some reason.

"What were you doing before I got here?"

"Looking for a song."
"Why?"

"Because of our glee assignment, remember?" Kurt asked. Blaine had been in glee club for three weeks now and he still hadn't grasped the fact that they had assignments every week.

Blaine sat up, his movements slow and grinned lopsidedly at Kurt.

"I'm finally going to get to hear you sing?"

"Maybe," Kurt said. He was nervous about singing in front of Blaine. He wasn't sure why. He'd done it in front of the entire glee club, more than once by now, yet the idea of singing while Blaine was present made his hands sweat and his head spin. Blaine seemed to bring it up a lot, which made Kurt feel even more nervous. "We'll see."

"Kurt," Blaine said and it sounded like a question. Kurt responded with a little 'hmm' sound, as he climbed to his feet and switched off his iPod, which was still playing music through his head phones, then slid it inside a drawer. "Why aren't you kissing me?"

Kurt stopped still and took a couple of breaths, before turning to face Blaine. He tried to act calm and collected, but his heart had stopped briefly in his chest and he could almost feel the blood rushing through his veins.

"I kiss you, like, every day," Kurt said, forcing a smile. "Actually, correction: You kiss me, every day."

Kurt didn't like to instigate anything between himself and Blaine, because he never really knew where he stood when it came to their situation. Sometimes, Blaine would give in and just kiss him and even smile afterwards, which always made Kurt smile, too. Other times, he would go silent and bury his head in his hands and that always made Kurt feel sick. It was probably stupid, getting worked up because of Blaine Anderson, but it happened regardless.

Kurt had come to terms with it now, the fact that his feelings had grown and he maybe, sort of liked Blaine as more than just a friend, or whatever they were right now. He wouldn't tell Blaine that, but he'd accepted it himself, even if he didn't like it most of the time.

"I meant," Blaine said, eyes half-lidded. "Why aren't you kissing me now?"

Oh.

"Because," Kurt said, thankful for the fact that Blaine's drunkenness probably meant he wouldn't notice that his voice was uneven as he spoke. "You smell like a liquor store."

"I know you want to kiss me," Blaine chuckled. "Kurt. Kurt! You do, don't you?"

Kurt folded his arms and shifted his feet and rolled his eyes in an attempt to convince Blaine that he did not want to kiss him.

"Tell you how I know?" Blaine asked, flinging his legs over the side of the bed and climbing to his feet. He wobbled a little, then caught his balance and went to stand directly in front of Kurt. Kurt swallowed hard. "I know because when you want to kiss me, you nibble on your bottom lip."

Kurt froze, his bottom lip caught between his teeth. He felt himself blushing wildly. He opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came, because at that moment, Blaine lost balance and his hands reached up and clasped gently onto Kurt's forearms to steady himself. Unfortunately, Kurt's knees weren't exactly sturdy enough at that moment to keep them both upright. As a result, Blaine ended up flat on his back on Kurt's bed, with Kurt's body pressed to his. Blaine smiled up at him.

"You should do it," Blaine told Kurt.

"Do what?" Kurt asked. He told himself to pull away from Blaine, but he couldn't bring himself to do it.

"Kiss me," Blaine said. "If you want to, you should."

Kurt studied Blaine, then. He'd told him to do it and he really did want to, because although Blaine smelled disgusting, he was still Blaine and he still felt really good against him and his eyes were pretty gorgeous. Kurt should just take him up on his offer and kiss him.

Except Kurt never kissed Blaine first. Never.

"Why don't you just kiss me?" Kurt asked, quietly, his breathing faster now. Being pressed against Blaine did no good for Kurt's lungs. He felt breathless and as if he might explode.

"Because I want you to kiss me."

"Why?"

"Because you want to do it," Blaine made his excuse.

"I—"

Blaine had tugged him closer and Kurt could feel Blaine's breath warm against his face. He smelled atrocious, but somehow that didn't matter.

"Kiss?" Blaine said, simply.

Kurt's heart was beating exceptionally quickly, but he could also feel Blaine's beating almost as quickly against his chest, so he didn't feel too embarrassed about it. Blaine's lips seemed so close to his now and they were so shiny and his eyes were so spectacular and one little kiss couldn't hurt, could it?

Kurt gave in and lowered his mouth down over Blaine's. He felt Blaine smiling against his lips as they kissed slowly and cautiously, Blaine's hands finding the small of Kurt's back. Kurt tasted the bitter, tangy taste of Blaine's mouth, but forgot about that when Blaine slipped his tongue past Kurt's teeth, the kiss growing more hungry now. Kurt was lost, then, because Blaine's warmth against him made him feel at ease and the rapid pace both of their hearts were beating felt comforting to him. Blaine's hands had slipped beneath his shirt now and his fingers were kneading gently up and down his back. Kurt felt strange shivers flittering up and down his spine. He shivered and Blaine pushed him gently side wards, so that he ended up above Kurt.

Blaine's hands had slipped around to Kurt's front and his fingers were on his stomach now, beneath his shirt. It was too close for comfort and Kurt felt himself hardening. Then he felt Blaine's erection against his thigh and he knew he should probably stop, but Blaine's mouth was gliding down his jaw and placing little kisses along his neck. He found Kurt's pulse then and clamped his mouth there and Kurt forgot that they weren't supposed to be doing this.

Then Blaine's fingers were hooking inside the top of Kurt's pants and they pushed downwards until Kurt was naked from the waist down. He groaned as Blaine slipped his fingers between his thighs.

"I just want you," Blaine murmured against Kurt's neck.

In one swift movement, Kurt had slipped out from beneath Blaine. He pushed his pants back up and stood a little away from the bed. Blaine was staring at him in confusion. Kurt's heart was hammering in his chest and he felt far too hot and his throat was dry, but he forced words anyway.

"I can't," he told Blaine.

"W—why?"

Blaine looked sort of.. hurt. Kurt wished he could take that look off his face, but he couldn't. He sighed and went back to sit on the edge of the bed, his erection throbbing now. He ignored it as best as he could and turned to look at Blaine, his face a mask of seriousness. Blaine was still looking at him like he didn't understand and he probably didn't, not with all that alcohol in his body.

"Blaine, look," Kurt began. "You can't get drunk and use that as an excuse to hook up with me."

"I didn't—"

"You did," Kurt apprised him. "When you're not drunk and you take things to a stage that you consider 'too far', you pull yourself away and you say we can't do it." This had happened a handful of times now. They hadn't done much more than making out, at least if you didn't count the night of Puck's party. Or the morning after, but other than that, kissing was the farthest they'd gone. Sure, hands had slipped and had been pulled away just as quickly as they'd landed, but that was it. "Look, I just—Blaine. I can't be used as some sort of—experiment."

"Experiment?" Blaine asked.

"Yes," Kurt nodded. "I—At the beginning, I would have gladly gone all the way with you," he said and he meant it, too. He completely would have. "Because you're—well, you're sort of gorgeous," he admitted and Blaine smiled and Kurt smiled, too, because if he'd learned anything in the past few months, he'd learned that Blaine's smile was infectious. "And I didn't really—feel anything, other than maybe, like, lust, or whatever." He paused and braced himself, because he wouldn't ever be able to reveal this to a sober Blaine. "But—not now. I—I can't just be used as some sort of—of experiment. I don't want to be the person you use to find out what you like, okay?"
"I don't get it," Blaine told him and he looked to be telling the truth.

Kurt paused and tried to think of a better way to put it, a simpler way.

"Blaine, you have a girlfriend," Kurt told him. "Yet, you and I—well. We do what we do. It's pretty obvious you're having sexuality issues and I just—You pull away when you're sober. Every time. But now, while you're drunk, you want to just do whatever. I feel like.. like I'm being used so that you can solve your sexuality problems, but you're too afraid to do that while you're sober, so you're getting drunk and coming to hook up, just so you can—I don't know," Kurt stopped and rubbed his eyes for a minute. He found it incredibly hard to explain, especially with Blaine so close by and staring at him with those honey coloured eyes. "I just—I can't, okay?"

Blaine gave a small inclination of his head.

"Okay," he stated.

"Look," Kurt swallowed, his throat dry. He felt awful, because even though this was how he felt, there was a possibility that that wasn't what Blaine was doing. "You can stay here, because—well, we're sort of friends, aren't we?" Friends who just happened to feel each other up now and again. "And I don't really want to send my—my friend out while he's in this state." Because I like looking at you for long periods of time.

Blaine nodded and gave Kurt a smile, which he returned. Blaine climbed into the bed and Kurt looked down at him for a couple of heart beats of silence.

"Kurt," Blaine said, then. He looked like a little boy, all innocent and wide eyed and pretty.

"Yeah?"

"Will you sleep next to me if I promise not to touch you?"

Kurt wavered then. It was probably a bad idea.

"I, um—uh, okay," he breathed. "I—I guess."

Kurt climbed in next to Blaine, carefully and reached across to switch off the bedside lamp. He lay there, his body rigid for a long time, until he thought Blaine was asleep. He relaxed a bit and closed his eyes and then he felt the heat coming up beside him. Suddenly, Blaine was there, next to him, their hips touching. Blaine reached down and clasped Kurt's hand in his own. Kurt forgot to breath for a moment, then tried to settle, to breathe and to get himself together.

"Goodnight, Kurt," Blaine whispered next to him.

Kurt shivered and he felt the tingling all along his skin on the side Blaine was closest to. He closed his eyes and listened to Blaine's even breaths.

"Goodnight, Blaine," he replied, quietly.

He was in deep, now and it didn't seem as if he was going to be able to get out of it any time soon.

The scariest part was that he wasn't sure he even wanted to get out.

"I'm fully clothed," Blaine said the next morning, his body running rampant with relief. "You're—we're fully clothed."

"Correct," Kurt said, smiling at Blaine through the mirror. He was in the middle of his early morning skin routine.

Blaine couldn't remember much from the night before. He sat up in Kurt's bed, his mouth tasting as if he'd eaten something well past its sell by date.

"So, we didn't do anything?" he asked, heart racing. He was afraid of the answer.

"Not really," Kurt told him. "Not that you didn't try."

"I.." he trailed off, unsure of whether or not he should ask what that meant. He didn't have to, because Kurt told him anyway.

"I stopped it before it went too far."

Kurt had stopped it. An inexplicable surge of disappointment found its way into Blaine's body. He wished it would go away, along with what seemed to be a permanent dreaded feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"Are you ever going to tell anyone what Karofsky did to you?" Blaine found himself asking out of the blue.

Kurt looked at him through the mirror like he was crazy.

"Um, no."

"Why not?"

"I told you," Kurt said, with a sigh. He didn't sound angry, just tired. "I'm against outing people, it's not what I do."
"So.. you think he's—gay?"

"You tell me," Kurt shrugged, squeezing some sort of white cream into the palm of his hand.

"Why—why would I know?" Blaine asked, nervously. He wasn't sure why he felt nervous, he just did. Talking about things like this made him feel ill.

"You know him better than I do," Kurt said.

"Oh," Blaine said, feeling stupid. "I don't know him that well. Not really."

"Well," Kurt said. "For the record, I think he is gay. From what he was saying anyway."

Blaine nodded and pressed the back of his head to the cool headboard. His head was pounding.

Kurt closed the lids of all of his bottles and tubs and then turned to look a Blaine. He eyed him for a moment, then spoke.

"Blaine," he said, softly. "Don't you think you should admit it? To yourself, I mean? I'm not telling you to tell the entire world and its mother, but—I think you need to maybe.. try to accept it."
"Accept what?" Blaine asked, but he knew. Deep down, he knew good and well what Kurt meant.

"You know," Kurt said, folding his hands. "That you're—maybe not as straight as you've believed all along."

Blaine's gaped at Kurt, his eyes wide.

"I," he declared. "Am not gay, Hummel."

"And we're back to the 'Hummel'," Kurt rolled his cerulean eyes. "Just when I thought we were making progress."
"Kurt, then," Blaine said. "I'm—I'm not gay."

"Yeah," Kurt said, not without sarcasm. "And you totally didn't pull my pants down last night."

Damn.

"I—I didn't.." Blaine said, astonishment plain on his face. He had, he knew he had. He simply didn't want to believe it.

"You did," Kurt told him. "I'm just saying that you should admit it to yourself. It's the first step."

"I'm not—"

"Yeah, so you said," Kurt said. "But your actions do sort of indicate otherwise, don't they? I don't know, Blaine, maybe you're bi, or maybe you just don't care about gender, I don't know. I just know that you ke—we keep on making out and we keep on ending up in these.. intimate positions and you seem totally into it, until you remind yourself that you're not supposed to be into it. That's all I'm saying. I'm not even asking you to admit it to me, just to you."

Blaine dropped his eyes to his hands and didn't tear them away for a long time. He didn't really know what to say to that, because what if Kurt was right? But he couldn't be, could he?

"I'm sorry," Kurt said and Blaine looked up then. "I hate labels, I don't know why I said all that. I just—Blaine, you believe that you're straight, don't you?"

Blaine just nodded, words escaping him.

"Right," Kurt said. "All I meant to say was that you might feel better if you try to accept that you're—well. Not. Either way, I didn't mean to sound like I was pushing you, or whatever. Do it in your own time. Just—do you remember what happened last night? After I stopped what we were doing?"

"Vaguely."

"And are you—using me to figure it out?"

Blaine raised his eyebrows and parted his lips.

"What? No!" he said, quickly. How could Kurt think that? "I—Kurt. I like how we are," he said, quietly. "I don't know why I like it, I just know that I do."

Kurt gave him a smile and it reached his glittering eyes.

"But I'm not using you," he shook his head, hoping he was doing enough to convince Kurt of the truth. "I promise, I'm not. Like you said, we're sort of friends. To be honest, you're the only—the only real friend I've got."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Blaine smiled. "I don't understand any of—this, yet, but I just know that I don't want it to stop. I meant it when I said things felt right when we—when we—"

"I get it," Kurt nodded and Blaine was glad, because he wasn't sure he could finish that sentence. "And you know what? You're getting there, because a couple of days ago, you probably wouldn't have admitted that to me."

Blaine grinned, but he wasn't sure if he should feel happy about that or not.

"Now, if only we could do something about your bullying tendencies."

"Kurt, you know I'm sorr—"

"Blaine, I was kidding," Kurt told him. "Well, mostly kidding. I don't like it, but I get it. You'll get there, I think. I must be a good influence," he teased, winking and Blaine felt his stomach leaping. It must have been because he was hungry.

"Yeah, you must be," Blaine rolled his eyes and smiled, hoping he was doing enough to conceal the stupid feelings he was currently enduring. "Are we okay?" he asked, then, seriously, because he didn't like it when they fought.

"Yeah, we're okay," Kurt assured him. "You don't look convinced."

Blaine only shrugged, because he wasn't sure where they stood with regards to everything now. Kurt sighed and came and sat next to him on the bed.

"Come here," he smiled and reached across. He pulled Blaine's head gently towards his own, until their lips met and Blaine wanted nothing more than for Kurt to keep on kissing him, until he didn't have to think any more. Kurt pulled back then, much to Blaine's chagrin. He smiled and Blaine's stomach took another leap. Obviously still hungry.

"Convinced?" Kurt enquired.

Blaine took a deep breath and forced out the words he wanted to say.

"Maybe," he told Kurt, then he gave in to the smile dancing on the corners of his lips. "But you should convince me one more time, just for good measure."

"Asshole," Kurt said, but he leaned across and captured Blaine's mouth with his own again. This time, Blaine wrapped an arm round his waist and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss, because sometimes, when his brain told him to do things, his body ignored it and did something else, did what it wanted to do and apparently, it wanted Kurt close and Blaine couldn't do anything about that, so he simply gave in.

"You know," Kurt said, once they'd pulled apart a little to breathe. "I thought I had higher morals. Who would have thought I'd become the other woman?"

Blaine spluttered and pressed a single kiss to Kurt's lips again. It was pointless not doing it at this stage, they'd made out so many times and Blaine liked it, whether it had to do with the pressing need for someone to want him, or something else he didn't know and right now, he just didn't care.

"Maybe she's the other woman," he smiled against Kurt's lips, those blue eyes so dangerously close that he feared he might lose himself if he stared into them for too long.

"Yeah?" Kurt asked and Blaine knew from the glint in those eyes like cyan oceans that it was more than a mere joke now.

"Yeah," he replied and he meant it, because regardless of whether he was ready to admit it to himself or not, Kurt meant more to him than Quinn ever had in the entire two years they'd been dating. "But she's scary, so I'd rather she didn't know that."
"I can be scary, too, you know," Kurt told him.

"Can you?" Blaine chuckled and Kurt gave him a fake scowl. "I believe that, actually. Don't they always say that? That things that are beautiful have some sort of sinister side?"

Kurt's smile faded and their eyes locked and Blaine realised he'd called him beautiful. He hadn't even known himself up until that point that he considered Kurt beautiful. Could another guy be beautiful? Apparently, he thought as he stared into those eyes, studying the array of colour and swirls, the mingling of the blues and greens and yellows and even oranges and yes, beautiful did sort of sum him up.

"Um," Kurt said, finally. "My dad's gone to the garage already. We should go eat, or something."

Blaine agreed because eating would take away those feelings in his stomach, the leaping and the hollow feeling. He was just hungry, after all and hopefully a good breakfast would solve that.

It didn't.