Chapter 29:

"We should go out." Blaine waited for a response, but Kurt didn't flicker. He rolled his eyes and elbowed his boyfriend gently in the side. Kurt rolled over, with a quiet groan, but was still asleep. "Kuuuuuuurt," Blaine said, leaning closer to Kurt's ear. Blaine smiled and pressed his hand to the inside of Kurt's thigh and then slowly, slid it upwards and then Kurt was awake and sitting up.

"What the..?"

"Trying to wake you up," Blaine grinned.

"Other people have alarm clocks," Kurt said, but he was smiling. "I get molested in my sleep."

Blaine sat up and faced Kurt, crossing his legs.

"What did you want, anyway?" Kurt asked, as Blaine entwined their fingers together. "How's the head?"

"It's okay," Blaine said, but it was still throbbing a little bit. "Buttttt," he said, stretching out the 't' sound. "I was waking you up to say we should go out."

Kurt blinked a couple of times. "I thought we were already going out?" he made it a question.

"No," Blaine shook his head. "I meant out out. As in on a date. We've never gone out on a date."

Kurt seemed to stare at him for longer than was really necessary and then he smiled, slightly, his eyebrows raising. "Um, okay," he breathed. "Where has this come from?"

Blaine shrugged and lay back against Kurt. "I was just thinking about how we sort of got into this whole thing really quickly," he said. "Like, we started with sex and then feelings came into it, when it should have been the other way round. Plus, dating should have slotted in there somewhere."

They both spoke at the same time then.

"We don't have to."

"Unless you don't want to."

"Oh."

"Oh."

"Oh, what?" Kurt asked.

"You don't want to," Blaine said.

"I didn't say that," Kurt said, pushing Blaine gently off, so that they could face one another. "I just meant I don't want you to feel like you have to take me out. Sex and feelings is more than fine with me."

"Yeah," Blaine smiled. "But imagine sex and feelings and dating. Or! Imagine dating, then feelings, then sex."

Kurt rolled his sky blue eyes and chuckled. "I think it's time for your medication, babe."

Blaine lay back again and Kurt cradled his head in his arms, then began to unravel the bandage from around his head. Blaine closed his eyes when Kurt gently pulled the bandage off of the cut. It stung, but wasn't hurting as badly as it had the night before.

"Ew," he heard Kurt say.

"'Thought you said you loved me," Blaine fake pouted.

"I'll love you in a minute," Kurt said, crawling out from beneath Blaine and standing up. "Be right back."

"Does loving me in a minute mean a blowjob?" Blaine called after Kurt, as he disappeared into the bathroom. He lay back, smiling, because even though his life had literally come apart at the seams and would probably never be sewn back together, he still had these little moments with Kurt. Not for long, his mind said, automatically, but he shoved that away, not wanting to think about it.

He lay there, just thinking, until Kurt came back a few minutes later, holding a damp towel and a fresh bandage. He looked at Blaine and smiled. "Have you figured it out?" he asked after a moment.

"Hmm?" Blaine asked, pushing himself up. "Figured what out?"

"The meaning of life, or whatever mind-boggling concept you were just trying to understand."

"Huh?" Blaine furrowed his dark eyebrows.

"Nothing," Kurt smiled, sitting back down. "You just looked as if you were thinking about something really deep and meaningful." Kurt dabbed the wet towel to Blaine's head and he winced a little at first, but then settled down. "So, what was it?" Kurt asked.

"What?"

"That you were thinking about."

"Oh," Blaine said. "You."

"Me?" Kurt asked.

"I'm always thinking about you."

"Cheese ball," Kurt grinned, unravelling the new bandage.

"I was just thinking," Blaine began. "About how you said no one had ever called you beautiful before." He tilted his head backwards so that he could see Kurt, who was blushing now. "Stop getting embarrassed," Blaine smiled. "I'm serious, though. How does that work?"

"How does what, um, work?" Kurt asked, taking Blaine's head in his hands again. He began to wrap the bandage back across the gash.

"You getting through eighteen years of not being called beautiful."

Kurt only shrugged.

"You don't even see it, do you?" Blaine asked, sitting up and then flipping himself onto his stomach in front of Kurt. He reached out and took his hands. "I'm being serious. You're so perfect. It literally hurts when I think about how perfect you are. Just—seriously, you're so attractive."

"Um," Kurt said. "Is this some kind of strategical flattery?"

"You wound me, baby."

"What do you want, babe?"

Blaine grinned. "Nothing," he told him. "I do, however, think you should let me take you out and flaunt you to those who have less attractive boyfriends and they can be insanely jealous while I get to take you back here and undress you and put my tongue on every last inch of your body."

"Oh."

"Oh?"

"Oh," Kurt nodded and Blaine glanced down as Kurt crossed his legs over his growing erection.

"Oh," Blaine grinned and he pushed himself up, then crawled across until he was looming over a flushed Kurt. "Did I get you all hot and bothered?" Kurt swallowed and Blaine's fingers went to the waistband of his pyjama bottoms. "Lie back."

Kurt obliged and Blaine slid his hand down his pants and palmed Kurt's half-hard cock through his briefs. "So, uh," Kurt managed. "Ab-about going out. Um, where are you—we going to go?"

"I was thinking Breadstix," Blaine informed him as he slipped back down and placed a gentle kiss to Kurt's hip, where he had slid his pants down slightly.

"Br-Breadstix?" Kurt asked. "But everyone goes there.

"Exactly."

"Oh," Kurt uttered.

"Oh?" Blaine asked, and he wrapped his hand around Kurt's cock.

"Ohhh," Kurt emitted.

"That's what I was thinking," Blaine smiled.

"I feel like everyone's staring," Kurt told Blaine on the other side of the table at Breadstix."

"Please," Blaine said. "We could just be friend having dinner together."

Kurt watched as Blaine reached across and laid a hand over his.

"Or not," Kurt uttered.

"Relax," Blaine smiled, his eyes bright and glittering in the dim overhead lights.

"I am relaxed," Kurt said, twisting his hand in Blaine's. "I'm merely stating a fact."

"I like when you merely state facts."

"That makes no sense," Kurt told him. "I knew you should have waited before you took those painkillers again."

Blaine grinned like a mad man and began to play with his straw. "I didn't take them."

"Oh," Kurt said. "Well, then, that's awkward."

Blaine chuckled and gave Kurt's hand a squeeze, ignoring the looks of disapproval the man at the next table was shooting them. "I'm sorry we didn't date sooner."

Kurt smiled and squeezed back. "Well, you were already dating someone for most of the start of this," Kurt pointed out.

"Even still," Blaine said. His eyes darkened then and he leaned a little closer. "You never deserved to be treated the way I treated you at the beginning, Kurt.

"You're sure you didn't take those pills?"

"No," Blaine smiled, the corners of his mouth tilting slightly upwards. "Really, though. I was horrible to you. I should have just given in the second I knew I liked you. I should have left Quinn. I should have told you how I felt. I should have given you everything you deserve right from the beginning."

Kurt smiled, crookedly. "It's okay."

"It's not," Blaine disagreed. "I promise you that from now on, I'll treat you with the love and care you deserve. I'll treat you like.. Like a prince!"

Kurt laughed. "Actually, I was princess, remember?"

"Pfft," Blaine scoffed. "I'll be princess. I can totally see you riding into castle grounds on a white horse, waving a sword in the air, the sun colliding with the silver point, casting a radiant glow all across your flawless, milky-white, skin, your dazzling blue eyes shining, like the ocean on a summer's day."

"Blaine, since when are you a poet?" Kurt spluttered. "I suppose I'm supposed to picture you in a fabulous, pink ballgown?"

"Only if that lights your fire," Blaine wiggled an eyebrow.

Kurt choked a bit. Blaine had just said 'lights your fire'. He shook his head and sat back, smiling.

"Think you'll ever forgive me?" Blaine asked, the ghost of a smile still on his pale lips.

"I never held anything against you," Kurt apprised him.

Blaine got that glint in his eye, then. "Technically not true."

"Eat your bread sticks, Blaine," Kurt shook his head.

Blaine reached across and took a bread stick then lifted it to his mouth and started flicking his tongue across it. Kurt blushed, remembering how Blaine had done just that earlier that day when he'd taken his pyjama bottoms off and..

He was doing it on purpose.

Kurt frowned at Blaine, whose golden brown eyes were locked with his blue ones. The corners of Blaine's mouth tilted up into a smile when he realised Kurt had made the connection. He started to suck the bread stick into his mouth then and Kurt could only stare at him.

"I love when you get all flustered," Blaine told him, taking his mouth off the bread stick for a split second.

"We're in public," Kurt hissed, but he couldn't take his eyes off Blaine's stupid tongue.

"Oh, I know," Blaine grinned. "And I remember how much you liked it last time I did that to you in public."

Kurt looked away quickly, remembering their encounter in the school toilets. "I'll make you pay for this," he told Blaine.

"Ooh," Blaine smirked. "Is that a promise?"

"Where's Blaine?" Rachel asked, sitting down on the sofa. She took her hat off and left it in her lap.

"Sleeping," Kurt told her, sitting down beside Mercedes. "He passed out after taking his pills."

Which was half true. Blaine had gotten a tad hyper following taking his pills and only after an hour or so of grinning like an idiot and making sexual innuendos did he finally flake out and go to sleep.

"Is he doing okay?" Mercedes enquired.

"Yeah," Kurt smiled. "Yeah, he's doing fine."

"What's Blaine doing after school anyway?" Rachel asked, curiously.

Kurt's smile disappeared.

"Nothing," Kurt said. "Or at least he has nothing planned."

Blaine felt a little dizzy from the meds, so he pressed his back to the wall and just listened. He didn't want to walk in while they were talking about him, because that would make everything insanely awkward, so he waited.

"So, what's going to happen?" Blaine heard Mercedes ask.

"I have no idea," Kurt sighed. "I just.. I wasn't sure about it—us, when I found out he hadn't applied anywhere, but he convinced me to give it a try and I wanted to, so I caved, said yes, but now.. Now I just don't know. Not now that he is virtually out on the streets and without any kind of stability or love in his life. It's like—like I'm all he has."
Which was true, but he didn't want that holding Kurt back.

"I just.. I don't know what to do. Because I love him, I really do, but.. I don't know. What's going to happen when I have to leave?"

Rachel and Mercedes were both quiet. Kurt went on when he saw they had no solutions. "Sometimes I.. Sometimes I think I should just tell him I don't love him, that we're going nowhere, that I can't do it any more, because I don't know how to leave him, but I won't ever do that. That would be the most selfish thing I could ever do."

"That's what I would do," Rachel added. "My career comes first."

"I can't put my career first, Rachel," Kurt said. "I don't know for sure that my career will ever take off, but Blaine.."

"You can't be sure it'll work out with Blaine in the long run anyway," Rachel shook her head. "You'll regret it if you don't go, Kurt, trust me."

Kurt sighed, sounding worn out. "I just.. I have a feeling about him, Rachel, like he's the one. I just.. I don't know what to do. He has nothing. How am I supposed to claim I love him, then leave him?"

Blaine felt his heart contracting in his chest. He sat there, pressing the back of his head to the wall, just listening.

"I know you feel bad for him, Kurt, but this is your life," Mercedes pointed out.

"But he's a huge part of my life."

"You've known him for five months, Kurt," Rachel deadpanned.

"Right," Kurt said. "And in those five months, he's changed so much and come out of himself and he—he's found himself. If I leave him, what's going to happen? Will he fall apart again? Will he go back to hiding, pretending, just because it's the easiest way to get through? I can't let him do that."

"Maybe you should talk to him," Mercedes suggested.

"I don't want to hurt him, Mercedes."

"If he loves you, he'll let you go, Kurt," Rachel uttered.

"I don't want him to let me go."

Blaine didn't want to let him go, either, but for once, Rachel had a point.

Blaine stared up at the white ceiling, into the nothingness above him. He felt as if he couldn't really breathe properly. He was light headed and his heart was hammering and he felt sick, but he knew he had to do it. He knew there was no other way.

It was about thirty minutes or so before Blaine heard Kurt coming down the steps. He sat up and tried to act natural.

"Hey," Blaine said, when Kurt walked into his bedroom.

"You're awake," Kurt smiled and sat down on the bed. "Sleep okay?"

"Why didn't you talk to me?"

"Huh?" Kurt asked. "Talk to you about what?"

Blaine pushed himself up so that he could look right at Kurt. "I heard you talking to Mercedes and Rachel," he provided. "You should have talked to me."

Kurt's expression went blank for a couple of heart beats, then he frowned. "It was too soon, Blaine. Everything happened at once and I—I didn't want to add to the drama."

Blaine studied him. His face was paler than usual and his eyes held a sadness. Blaine wished he could hug him, hold him, make him smile again, but he didn't. "I love you, Kurt," Blaine told him.

Kurt's eyebrows furrowed. "I love you, too."

"Which is why I'm letting you go," Blaine said, voice breaking a little. "I—Rachel and Mercedes are right. This is your life, your career. If I held you back, that would make me selfish and a horrible human being and it would certainly go against me loving you, so I'm not going to do that. I'm going to let you go. I'll leave, I'll figure out where to stay and then after that, I'll figure out what I'll do after we graduate, but you were right the first time round. Breaking up earlier rather than later is the best thing to do. It doesn't make it easier, exactly, but at least we won't have a million more memories to add to the pain. This is for the best."

"Blaine, no," Kurt shook his head. "Stay. Don't leave, stay. We'll figure it out."

Blaine shut his eyes, tightly, then opened them again. "No," he shook his head, adamant. "No, this is how it has to be. If I didn't do this, it would mean I don't give a crap about you, but I do. I love you and you're everything to me, so I'm letting you go."

Kurt's eyes were shining now and Blaine hoped he wouldn't cry, because if he cried he would set him off, too and he might give in if he saw Kurt crying.

"I don't want you to let me go."

"I don't want to let you go, either, but I have to," Blaine explained. "Can you see where I'm coming from?"

"Yes, but I—Blaine, listen," Kurt sat forward and took Blaine's hand in his. Blaine's skin still tingled every time he touched him. "We could try and work something out. Honestly, we'll figure it out. We'll make it through this. I love you. I do. I just—Blaine, I need you in my life. I can't imagine a day without having you in my life. Don't leave."

Blaine was tempted. He wanted to just cry, or sleep, or kiss Kurt senseless, but this was what he had to do. He had no place in Kurt's bright future, no matter how hard it hurt him to admit it. It was true and this was the right thing to do.

"I'm sorry," Blaine told him and he really was sorry. "You'll get through this, though. You're going to make it, Kurt and when you do, you won't remember me. I'll always remember you, though. When you're up there on Broadway, or whatever, I'll be able to sit back and smile and say to myself 'he loved you once. Kurt Hummel love you once' and that'll be enough, just knowing I let you go for a reason, that you went on to do amazing things."

Kurt sniffled, but he was smiling, sadly. "I'll look out for Blaine Anderson in the audience every single night."

"I'll be there," Blaine promised, though if he was living under a bridge, he wasn't sure how he would be able to keep such a promise.

"Look, is there any way I can change your mind? Any way at all? Please, Blaine?"

"No," Blaine told him. "This is what I want, okay?"

Kurt sighed and his breaths came out shakily and broken. "At least stay at my house," he said. "I can't have you roaming the streets, Blaine."

"I'll figure it out," he said and he leaned across and kissed Kurt on the lips, gently. "It'll be okay."

"I love you, babe," Kurt told him and a small sob escaped his throat.

Blaine chuckled. "Love you, too, baby."

Blaine hadn't spoken to him once since he had broken it off. He had heard from Mike that he was staying at his house for a while and Kurt was glad that he was somewhere safe, warm. It broke his heart knowing he had thrown away the only thing he had just so that he would have a chance at a real future, away from Lima.

Kurt would have been happy to try to figure something out, somehow. He wasn't sure what exactly, but he wished he had given him that chance. He loved Blaine far too much to just let him go, but it didn't seem as if he had much of a choice.

Blaine smiled at Kurt after the New Directions won their regionals competition. Kurt had smiled back and Blaine had looked away and that was the epitome of their communication. Kurt sighed, because e missed his boyfriend. He missed him being crazy and whiny and horny and funny and smart and stupid and all of those things that Blaine was.

He just really missed his boyfriend.

To: Kurt at 6.32 P.M.
Kurt, have you seen Blaine? He left at around 8AM and I haven't seen him since. Mike.

"Hummel"

"Why are you at my house, Puckerman?" Kurt demanded to know. "How do you even know where I live?"

"Jacob Ben Israel told me," he explained. He was wearing his football kit and holding his helmet under his arm. "I need a favour."

"I don't do favour for people I dislike."

Puck groaned and looked as if he wanted to punch something. Kurt watched him through bored eyes. "Look," Puck said, patiently. "I need to know where Anderson is, okay? This game depends on everything. We need him, so where is he?"

"I have no idea," Kurt said. "No one has seen him since 8AM, so if you don't mind, I'm sort of busy trying to fi—"

"Hummel, it's 6.45 now, the game starts at 8," Puck said. "We need him."

"He hates you," Kurt exploded. "He's hardly going to do you a favour after everything you've done! Now get the hell away from my house!"

Kurt didn't give Puck a chance to speak, he simply slammed the door and went back into the kitchen and re-read Mike's text. He couldn't control the fast paced beating of his heart. He was worried something had happened to him. Blaine didn't have a lot to live for. Kurt shook his head. He didn't want to think about anything like that.

He dialled Blaine's number and waited. He never picked up.

"Jesus, Blaine," Kurt said, breathlessly. "You couldn't pick up your phone?"

Kurt went and sat down in the grass next to him. He had come to the field after having called Blaine at least sixty times. He'd had a feeling he would be here, but he had still been scared.

"What are you doing here?" Blaine asked.

"Looking for you."

"I'm fine."

"You could have picked up your phone and told me, then," Kurt said, catching his breath again. "I was worried sick."

Blaine sighed and buried his face in his hands. His hair was a mess and he looked tired, worn, like he hadn't slept in months.

"Noah Puckerman showed up at my house," Kurt said.

Blaine's head shot up quickly and his bright eyes were wide. "Did he do anyth—"

"He was looking for you, actually," Kurt shook his head. "I don't suppose you have any intention in going to the game?"

"Screw them and their game."

"Well," Kurt said. "I think you should let them know you're not going."

"What? Why?"

"Because it's the right thing to do."

"The right thing to do," Blaine laughed a bit. "The right thing to do always sucks."

Kurt nodded. He wished he could fix this, wished he could help Blaine get through it, wished he could help himself, but he didn't know how. Blaine flung his phone at Kurt.

"You do it."

Kurt did and then gave Blaine his phone back. "Come back to my house," Kurt said. "I just want you to be safe."

"Look, I'm surviving, okay? I don't know what else to do!"

Kurt reached down and grabbed Blaine's hand, even though he tried to pull away. "Regardless of what happened," Kurt said. "I still love you and I still want you alive and well, so please. I'm asking you, please just come back to my house."

"I can't," Blaine stressed. "I'm fine here, really, I am."

"Fine," Kurt said and he lay back. "I'm staying with you."

"No," Blaine breathed. "No, go home, Kurt. Don't do this for me, it's freezing out here."

Kurt was adamant. He wasn't going to leave Blaine in danger. He needed him to be safe. He loved him and he wanted him to be okay, even if okay was the last thing Blaine was.

"I'm staying right here."

"Why?"

"Because I love you."

Blaine looked down at him and he smiled and Kurt smiled, too, because Blaine's smile was infectious. "You're an idiot."

"Maybe," Kurt said and he sat up a little. "But I still love you and I still want you safe, so I'm staying with you, no matter what."

"I love you, too," Blaine told him.

They kept their eyes locked for a long time, golden discs and blue orbs just gazing into one another and Kurt couldn't help what he did next. He moved slowly forward and closed the gap between them, catching Blaine's mouth with his own. He felt Blaine gasping into the kiss and then he was whispering against his lips.

"This doesn't mean anything," he exhaled. "I'm—I'm letting you go. It's j-just a kiss. It means n-nothing."

Kurt pulled back a little and looked into Blaine's eyes, his lips still tingling from the kiss.

"A kiss between us will never mean nothing."

And he pressed his lips to his again and they fell back in the grass, their shadows entwining and they became one in the faint opalescent glow of the rising moon.