Chapter 21:

"No," Kurt said, with a shake of his head. "No, you're not."

Blaine stared at him for a couple of heartbeats, his lips parted. "Um," he uttered. "Yes, I am."

Blaine watched as Kurt shook his head again. He was taking deeper breaths and looking around the room as if he had no idea where he was.

"Why?"

"Why? Why what?"

"Why the sudden change? Why now?" Kurt clarified. "Why are you telling me?"

"Um, I thought about what you said, about her being pregnant not meaning we had to stay together forever. I can't be with her," Blaine informed him. "And as for why I'm telling you, I thought you would want to know."

"Be-because we're friends?" Kurt offered.

Blaine shook his head. He was bad at expressing his feelings, he hadn't done it much throughout his life. He cleared his throat and sat up straight, then looked Kurt right in those azure eyes.

"I don't want to be your friend, Kurt," Blaine told him. "And I know I've been an idiot and I've made terrible decisions and I haven't been sure about what I was doing, or where I'm going, but I've been completely sure about one thing throughout this whole thing," he said.

"What?" Kurt asked and his voice came out timidly.

Blaine took a deep breath, then exhaled for a long time. His heart was racing and he felt like he might fall over, but he had to do this.

"You," he uttered and his voice came out uneven and a little broken. "You and how I feel about you. In the beginning, I was scared, because I had never felt like this about anyone—not about Quinn, or anyone else. So, yeah, I was scared, probably more scared than I've ever been, so I shoved it away—or I tried to shove it away. I didn't want to feel what I was feeling, because that's not who I'm supposed to be," he paused, then corrected himself. "That's not who they think I'm supposed to be, I mean. But I'm done pushing my feelings away. I can't go on being with her when you're all I think about."

Kurt was staring at him, blue eyes wide and glistening. Blaine watched as he parted his lips to form words, but none came, he simply let out a shaky breath. His lips were that pale, fleshy pink nearest the inside of his mouth, but every other part of them were a vibrant shade of rose, as if he had bitten them repeatedly.

Blaine didn't stop himself when he leaned across to place a gentle kiss on those gasped a little as Blaine's mouth closed down over his and then he was kissing him with more passion and Blaine felt what he always felt when he was close to Kurt; He felt some kind of blue electricity soaring through his veins and he knew this was right, that everything about Kurt was right.

Blaine pressed the palm of his hand down on Kurt's shoulder and pushed him gently backwards, but Kurt winced and pulled away.

"Oh, God, I'm sorry," Blaine breathed. "I—I forgot. Shit. Are you okay?"

Kurt was clutching his stomach, his eyes closed. "Yeah," he choked out. "It's not your fault, don't worry."

Blaine cursed himself. The last thing he wanted to do was hurt Kurt again. He was about to apologise, but Kurt began talking.

"So, you're really leaving her?" he asked, letting go of his stomach. "I mean, have you thought this through?"

Oh, he had thought it through all right, it was all he could think about. Quinn meant nothing to him, it was sad, but true. He could not envision a life with her, he couldn't even envision another week with her. Hell, he didn't care, he'd visit the baby, still be its dad, but that didn't mean he had to be with Quinn.

"Definitely," he confirmed. "Does it make me a bad person if I dump her?"

Kurt shook his head and straightened his back a little. "No," he told him. "It just means you're finally coming into yourself. Told you you'd get there," Kurt grinned, but Blaine could still tell he was in pain.

Blaine sighed and fell back on the bed. "Still a long way to go," he muttered.

"Yeah," Kurt said, looking down at him with those incredible eyes. "But this is a huge step, so I have faith in you."

"Thanks," he murmured. He didn't even have faith in himself. He sat up, then and a couple of minutes of silence passed.

Kurt spoke first, "So, uh, what do you want to do?"

Blaine shrugged and said the first thing he could think of. "Wanna watch some TV?"

Kurt smiled, all-teeth and nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, okay. What's the last thing you watched?"

Blaine felt his cheeks tinting red and dropped his gaze from Kurt's blue eyes. "You'll laugh," he said.

"No, I won't!" Kurt protested. Then he was reaching for the remote control and Blaine tried to grab it, but Kurt held it close to him. "I'm badly bruised, remember? Tackle me for this and I might break."

Blaine glared at him, but he was smiling. "Fine," he said, moving back to sit with his back against the headboard. "There goes any chance of you ever taking me seriously again."

"What makes you think I ever took you seriously?" Kurt quipped, before moving to sit next to Blaine.

It took him a little while and Blaine offered to help, but he declined, said he could do it by himself, so Blaine let him. Finally, he sat up next to him and pointed the remote towards Blaine's widescreen. The screen came to life and Kurt pressed the play button and the last episode of Pokémon that Blaine had been watching started to play.

Kurt turned to look at him.

"Go ahead, laugh," Blaine urged.

"You," Kurt said, smiling, but not laughing. "Are full of surprises."

"I told you that on day one, remember?" Blaine reminded him. "Anyway, you can put whatever you want on, I'm easy."

"That so?" Kurt teased and Blaine blushed. "Let's watch this," Kurt said, hitting the volume button and the Pokémon theme song got louder.

"We don't have to."

"No, let's. I haven't seen this in forever," Kurt said, sitting back with a smile.

Blaine smiled at him and sat back, too, their arms brushing a little. It was hard for Blaine to concentrate on the show with Kurt so close by. He could feel his body heat and he had to stop himself from reaching across for his hand, because he didn't want to make it awkward.

Kurt would say something about the show every few minutes and Blaine would laugh and agree, but he didn't really know what was going on. It occurred to him then that they had never really done anything like this. Most of their time together had consisted of Blaine complaining and whining about his not-so-perfect life and then sex. This was nice, different, he just wished he wasn't feeling as nervous as he was.

A few minutes later, Kurt's hand was over his. He glanced sideways, but Kurt was staring straight ahead at the TV. Blaine looked down at their hands and hoped he couldn't feel the small shakes that were erupting through his body.

He wondered briefly what would happen if his dad came home and walked in to find them like this. It couldn't go well. He frowned, then, because thinking about his dad always made him frown. He couldn't help thinking about how his dad would react once he found out he had broken up with Quinn. And there was also the baby issue..

"What's wrong?" Kurt asked, knocking him out of his reverie.

Blaine looked up. "Um, nothing," he emitted. "I—nothing. It's cool."

Kurt looked less than convinced. His gaze lingered on Blaine for what seemed like a long time, then looked back at the TV. He kept glancing sideways at him, so Blaine tried to look ensconsed in the show.

He lost his composure about five minutes later, because his mind began to drift. He knew there was no way he was going to change his mind about leaving Quinn. He was definitely going to do this. He just wished there weren't consequences, which, again, made him a coward, but he couldn't help it. He was afraid and anxious and he felt like doing something that required a lot of energy, like running, or something, because he had a lot of building tension that he needed to get rid of.

Blaine came back down to earth when he felt a light pressure against the back of his hand. He turned to look at Kurt with a quizzical expression.

"You were shaking," Kurt apprised him.

"Oh," Blaine said, bewilderment laced in his voice.

"Are you sure you're all right?" Kurt enquired and Blaine gave him a nod and a smile.

Within minutes, they were watching the TV in silence again and Kurt's fingers were stroking Blaine's hand, sending little volts all along his skin. He swallowed hard and remembered how it had felt to have Kurt's fingers on other more intimate areas of his body. He groaned silently, because getting horny now would be a travesty. Kurt had been through a lot and they weren't even doing that any more.

Still, he couldn't help remembering the last time they had been together in an intimate way. He remembered how Kurt's touch had been so gentle that it made him feel like doing something crazy, because this boy could not be real. He thought about how he had stroked his hair afterwards, how he had smiled down at him, his smile visible in those shining eyes. He remembered how he had made love to him and how his heart had felt beating against his chest and how he had moaned into his mouth and how he had held him and made him feel like he was wanted for more than just his status.

Blaine felt his heart go still for a split second and his body went rigid. Then he was shaking and his stomach was turning and his jaw went slack. He didn't notice Kurt muting the TV and turning to look at him with concern in those cyan eyes. He didn't hear him asking if he was okay, because it had finally hit him. He'd already known, of course, but he couldn't ever bring himself to say it, or even give it deep thought, but now..

He felt it then, the warm, slow stream of tears slipping from the corners of his eyes and running down his cheeks and he did nothing to stop them. This was the first time he had cried since he was about fourteen and he felt his heart beat speeding up as he remembered he wasn't supposed to cry. However, there was nothing he could do to stop it now, plus, it felt sort of good to finally let it all out.

Nevertheless, there was still something heavy pressing down on his shoulders and he needed to get rid of that.

Kurt didn't know what to do. He thought about putting his arms around him, but he was scared that would make things worse.

"Blaine," he said, softly, as Blaine broke into large sobs. "Blaine, shh. What? What is it?"

"I—I just.." he trailed off and buried his head in his hands.

"Okay," Kurt said, placing a hand on his back and rubbing small circles over it. "Okay, calm down. Tell me what's wrong."

Blaine looked up at him, through his bright, glistening eyes, tears still spilling from them. Kurt remembered what Blaine had said to him when he had cried in front of him. You're one of those people who look really, really pretty when they cry. He hadn't really understood it at first, but now he knew, because despite the sniffling and the tear stained face, Blaine looked beautiful. When he cried, his eyes turned this almost jade green, but somehow, Kurt could still see shades of orange and brown and maybe even red. His eyes were red-rimmed and his chest was convulsing a little and his lips were swelled and a brighter red than Kurt had ever seen them.

"I'm gay, Kurt," Blaine choked out, voice breaking. "I—I'm gay."

Kurt felt his own heart speeding up at that and he nodded.

"I know," he said and he moved closer, ignoring the stabbing pain in his stomach. "I know you are," he whispered and then Blaine was moving towards him and sobbing into the crook of his neck, his arms going gently around him.

It took Kurt a few minutes to get used to the pressure against his ribs and then he simply wrapped Blaine up in his arms and stroked his hair back from where it had stuck to his forehead.

"Shh," Kurt said, softly. "It's okay, it'll be okay."

"I'm gay," Blaine wept into Kurt's neck. "I'm gay."

"I know," Kurt told him again. "I know and everything will be okay, I promise."

Blaine had no idea how one moment he had been slobbering into Kurt's neck (which smelled really good, by the way), and then the next, he was placing hungry kisses along his jaw until he reached his mouth. He was so scared hurting him, but he just wanted to be close to him.

Fortunately, Kurt began tugging Blaine forward and then Kurt was flat on his back and Blaine was trying to kiss him without hurting him, but Kurt pulled him so that he was on top of him. Blaine saw him flinch a little and he attempted to pull back, but Kurt wouldn't let him go.

"I'm okay," he assured him, kissing him once. "If we're just laying like this, I'll be okay."

Blaine wasn't convinced, but Kurt pulled him forward again and slipped his tongue through Blaine's teeth. Blaine allowed himself to get deeper into the kiss and then Kurt was slipping a knee between his legs and Blaine was moaning into his mouth.

"Ungh," Blaine pulled back a little. "I don't—I don't want to hurt you."

Kurt reached up and placed a warm hand on Blaine's cheek. "I'm okay," Kurt ensured him. "Honestly, I'm okay."

"It's just that I—"

He stopped talking because Kurt's mouth had caught his again and this time he sighed into the kiss, because Kurt really did seem okay. He tried not to make too many movements, which was difficult when Kurt's was slipping his knee back and forth between Blaine's thighs. Blaine felt Kurt's warm finger tips on the patch of skin on his lower back where his shirt had slid up.

"I don't thi—"

"Blaine," Kurt whispered against his lips and Blaine's whole body shivered. "It's okay."

Blaine didn't have a chance to protest, because Kurt's hands were trailing lower and pressing against his ass. He didn't have it in him to put a stop to it now. Blaine rucked Kurt's shirt up around his waist, along with the vest and eased them gently over his head. He stopped still, then and sat back a little.

"Kurt," he breathed looking down at the other boy's torso. It was covered in large purplish-red bruises and they stood out even more because of his milky-white skin.

"It looks bad, I know," Kurt told him, his hands resting on Blaine's hips. "But it doesn't hurt as much as you'd think."

Blaine couldn't bear it if he hurt him again. He began climbing off of Kurt. "Maybe we should st—"

"Blaine," Kurt groaned a little. "I don't want to stop."

Blaine stopped moving and looked down at him, his eyes dilated and filled with something Blaine could not place. "Are you sure?"

"More than sure," Kurt nodded and he slipped the top button on Blaine's jeans through the little loop.

"Okay," Blaine uttered and eased himself back down, gently, on top of Kurt.

Kurt sucked Blaine's bottom lip into his mouth, as he unzipped him and pushed his jeans as far down as he could from the angle he was in. Then he was sliding Blaine's shirt upwards and Blaine lifted his arms to help him. Soon, Blaine had removed Kurt's pants (after a bit of a struggle—they were just so tight) and Kurt was palming Blaine's erection through the thin material of his briefs.

"Kurt," Blaine almost hissed. "Kurt, how do we.. I don't want to hurt you, I—"

"It'll be okay," Kurt whispered against his lips again.

He kissed him and Blaine felt Kurt's hands slipping down past the waistband of his underwear and then this fingers were rubbing circles over his ass. Blaine moaned a little when Kurt's hands disappeared to push away the briefs. He arched himself up a little to allow him space and then he kicked them off and he was completely naked.

Blaine kissed Kurt once more before sliding down Kurt's body. He hooked his fingers into the elasticated band at the top and peeled them off revealing his hard cock. Blaine took it in his hands and Kurt tried to sit up a little.

"You don't have to move," Blaine said, kissing the inside of Kurt's thigh. "Just relax, okay?"

Kurt muttered something, but Blaine didn't hear him, he simply lowered his mouth down over Kurt's erection and sucked it once. He heard Kurt let out a moany gasp. Blaine licked a wet line all along the underside of Kurt's cock and then sucked the head into his mouth and Kurt was making those sounds again and God, he was gorgeous.

Blaine licked down the side very slowly, sending small whining sounds out of Kurt's mouth. Then he lowered his mouth down and stretched his lips around it and sucked on it for a while. Kurt's ankles were thrashing a little and Blaine had to place a hand on either of them to keep him from knocking his teeth out.

"Oh, God, Blaine," Kurt said, voice raspy.

Blaine pulled his mouth off and Kurt moaned at the loss. Blaine raised Kurt's hips a little with his hands, carefully, as not to hurt him, then he pulled his legs a little further apart to reveal his opening. Blaine had wanted to do this for the longest time. He took a deep breath, then lowered his lips down to the tight hole and ran his tongue over it once, an experimental taste.

It was strange, not bad, just strange, because he had his tongue on someone else asshole. He did it again and pulled back and Kurt was groaning every time he stopped. So, finally, he lowered his mouth back down and kept it there, flicking his tongue over it and then pushing the tip as far through as he could get it.

"Fuck," Kurt gasped out.

Blaine removed his mouth and instead, pushed the tip of his finger over Kurt's now wet hole. He worked it in, past the first ring of muscle and Kurt was wincing a little, because he wasn't nearly stretched open enough. Blaine used his mouth again, then repeated the action with his finger and after a while he was moving three fingers in and out freely and Kurt was pushing himself down over them, even though Blaine had told him not to move. He didn't want him to hurt himself.

"Kurt, I just don't want to hurt you," he told him, moving up so that he could see his face.

"You won't," Kurt said and he pushed himself up into a seated position. Blaine saw him grimace at the pain, but he didn't stay like that for long. He flipped himself over onto his stomach and arched his back so that his ass was a little higher than the rest of him.

"You sure?" Blaine asked, inching himself closer, his erection throbbing at the sight of Kurt spread out like that.

"Yeah, come on, I'm fine," Kurt said, his head in the pillows.

"Don't make any sudden moves, okay?" he said. "And for God's sake, don't lean on the sprained wrist."

"Fine," Kurt sighed, but Blaine could hear him smiling.

Blaine moved closer and wet his hand a little, before rubbing it on his cock a couple of times. He pressed the head of his hard-on to Kurt's stretched entrance and then pushed himself slowly inside. Kurt groaned into the pillows and Blaine stopped still.

"I'm fine! Keep going!" Kurt demanded, voice muffled.

Blaine wasn't sure, but he pushed forward anyway and then stopped when Kurt cried out again. He saw Kurt's head tilting around to give him a disapproving look. Blaine pushed in the rest of the way and then stopped again to give them both time to get used to the tightness.

"Ready," Kurt told him after a while.

Blaine grabbed onto Kurt's hips and pulled his own hips back a little. He groaned a little at the sensation, then pushed himself back in, quickly.

"God," Kurt muttered.

Blaine repeated that a few times and then Kurt was telling him to go faster.

"Stop acting like I'm going to break," he choked out.

Blaine apologised and started to push in and out of him faster, his body clammy with sweat and heat and then Kurt was trying to lift his hips and Blaine could tell it was hurting him, so he pushed them back down, gently and Kurt moaned a little and Blaine just wanted to listen to him making that sound over and over again.

"Close," Blaine muttered, because he wanted to give Kurt a heads up. Kurt didn't reply, just made some kind of sound that Blaine couldn't have put a name to.

Blaine felt the familiar tightening in his stomach and began pumping himself in and out harder and faster and Kurt's body was shaking with his movements and Blaine just didn't want to hurt him. He tried to make it happen quickly, so that it would be over and Kurt wouldn't have to endure the pain. It wasn't long before he was coming inside him and Kurt was whimpering and Blaine was crying out and he rode out the orgasm.

He pulled himself out and turned Kurt gently. Kurt's eyes were closed and his chest was rising and falling quickly and he was still sporting an erection. Blaine reached down and pumped his hand back and forth on Kurt's cock and Kurt was making little 'mm' sounds and soon, he was coming, too, his come covering Blaine's hand and his own chest. Blaine fell down next to him and they stayed like that, just breathing for a long time.

"Are—are you okay?" Blaine managed.

Kurt sighed, with exasperation and he eased himself over so that he could kiss Blaine again. "I'm fine," he said, once he had pulled back. "I'm covered in—well. I feel disgusting, but I'm fine."

Blaine chuckled and kissed him again, because he could do that now that he going to finish with Quinn.

"What about you?" Kurt asked, then. "Are you okay? I mean, after you kind of came out to me, to yourself?"

"I actually feel so much better," Blaine told him, truthfully. It felt as if a weight had been lifted. He still had a lot going on, but that had helped.

"Good," Kurt grinned and then he yawned. "Think i could just stay here tonight?"

"Up to you," Blaine told him.

"I'll go if you want me to—"

"I didn't mean that," Blaine told him. "I just meant—yeah. Yeah, stay. I want you to."

"Sure?"

"Yes," Blaine told him. "I've missed kissing you, talking to you, all that."

"Me, too," Kurt smiled, his eyes half-lidded. "I'll call my dad and tell him I'm staying, okay?"

"Okay, I'll go get a towel, or something," Blaine said, pushing himself up off the bed. He threw Kurt's phone to him. "You don't even have to move."

Kurt snorted. "I leave my own house because I'm getting treated like a dying man and then I come here and you don't let me move."

"Moving," Blaine informed him with a smirk. "Is overrated."

Kurt laughed and then clutched his ribs. "You weren't saying that ten minutes ago when you were moving above me."

"You've got a filthy mouth, Kurt Hummel," Blaine quipped back.

"It has its uses," Kurt told him as he started dialling his dad's number.

Blaine went into the bathroom and cleaned himself off, then walked back outside and threw a towel at Kurt.

"What'd you tell him?"

"That I had sex with you and now I'm exhausted," Kurt said, taking the towel and grimacing down at his chest.

Blaine stared at him open-mouthed.

"Oh, relax," Kurt said. "I told him we were watching a movie and it won't end until later, so I'm just going to stay. He was fine. Which side do you sleep on?"

Blaine went and took the towel from him. "Um, you can sleep whichever side you want."

"I know, but I'm just curious," Kurt informed him.

"Um, the right," Blaine provided.

"Okay," Kurt said and he climbed carefully into the bed and lay down on the right hand side. Blaine gave him a bewildered expression. "Are you going to stand there all night?"

Blaine shook his head, then went and switched off the light and the TV, then he went and climbed in next to Kurt. Kurt eased himself onto his side so that they faced one another.

"When are you going to do it?" Kurt asked and Blaine knew what he meant.

"Tomorrow," he said. "I'll talk to her after school."

"And you're sure?" Blaine gave him a look. "Okay, so you're sure," Kurt nodded in the light of the moon. "What about us?"

Blaine sighed, because he didn't know. He reached across and grabbed Kurt's hand. "Do you remember the day Quinn told me she was pregnant and we had that really angry, emotional sex?"

Kurt spluttered. "Quite vividly, actually."

Blaine nodded. "Do you remember before that I told you I love you?"

Kurt made no jokes this time, he simply nodded, smile fading.

"I meant it," Blaine informed him. "I do, I love you."

"Okay," Kurt said, slowly.

"And I'm going to ask you this because I'm still an idiot," Blaine began. "First of all, do you want to be with me?"

Kurt didn't miss a beat. "Yes."

"Okay," Blaine nodded, relief flooding his body. "Okay, good. Look, I'm still afraid, I don't know when I'll ever not be afraid. I don't know if I can face up to everyone and everything and my dad and all that. I don't know how to handle all that, I'm confused and scared and a bunch of other stupid things. So, I'm just going to ask you. Would you be willing to be with me without telling anyone else—"

"Blaine—"

"I'm not done," Blaine said, softly. "If you're not, okay. I'll do it. I'll come out, I'll tell everyone, because I want you, I do. I just—I know it'll be hard. I—it's not fair of me to ask you to do this. No. I'll just come out, screw it."

Kurt was quiet for a minute, then spoke. "Don't come out if you're not ready," he said. "I don't want you to come out just because of me."

"It's not right unless I do, Kurt."

"You're not ready," Kurt told him. "I can tell. I've been there, remember? I get it. And I know what your dad is like, so just.. Just don't. At least not now. Wait until you're ready, wait until the time is right for you. I'll still be here."

"Kurt, I don—"

"I refuse to be with you if you come out," Kurt said, firmly. "I'm not going to be the thing to force you out when you're not ready, so it's either in secret, or it's nothing."

"Why?"

Kurt sighed and inched closer. Blaine could feel his breath on his skin. "You broke down and cried when you told me. Blaine, you've only just come to terms with this yourself. You're not ready, I know you're not, you don't have to pretend with me, remember?"

Blaine nodded a little. He was right, but he didn't want him to commit to this with him if he wanted a full-on, public relationship.

"I'm fine with us just being like this," Kurt smiled. "More than fine, actually."

"Kurt, is there—"

"Please," Kurt said. "I'm asking you not to do this. I don't want to be the reason you felt like you had to come out because of. I don't want you to wind up hating me when you have to deal with all the crap. So, please, just wait a while. Until you're ready."

"I could never hate you," Blaine whispered.

"Let's not find out, okay?" Kurt said, pressing a hand to Blaine's chest, just above his heart. "I thought you said you missed kissing me."

"I do."

"Then quit talking and kiss me."

"I said I missed talking to you, too," Blaine pointed out and Kurt sighed and then he kissed him and Blaine didn't protest, he just went ahead and kissed him back.

He promised himself then, that some day, he would be brave enough to kiss him in public.