Just the notion of saying goodbye,
It breaks my heart, it tears me up inside,
And I try to walk away, but I keep telling myself she's the one for me,
'Cause her love is so contagious it keeps pulling me in,
We were meant to be and I can't leave her.

Chapter 17:

"I need to talk to you."

Kurt heard the panic in his voice before he had even turned around to look at him. When he did turn around, he saw that not only did Blaine sound like he was in distress, he looked it, too. His eyes were filled with worry and concern and his breathing was laboured.

"What? What is it?" Kurt asked.

"I just.." Blaine's eyes darted around the crowded halls. "Can we go some place else?"

"Blaine, class starts in—"

"Kurt," Blaine said and he reached out and placed a hand on both of Kurt's shoulders. He looked right into his eyes and spoke, voice breaking. "You said you would always be someone I could come to. I'm coming to you now. I know I don't deserve your kindness, or your friendship, or just you in general, but I need you, Kurt. Please."

Kurt studied him. He looked as if it was the end of the world, like part of him had broken.

"Okay," Kurt nodded.

They were in Kurt's room and Blaine was pacing back and forth. Kurt sat down on the edge of the bed and watched him. He was whispering to himself, frantically, too quietly for Kurt to be able to make out what he was saying. It didn't look as if he was blinking, either, his bright eyes wide and dilated. Kurt sighed.

"Blaine," he said. "Blaine, sit down. I didn't skip school so that you could parade back and forth looking pretty in my room."

Blaine didn't respond, he simply kept on pacing, as if Kurt hadn't even spoken. Kurt groaned and stood up. He went to Blaine and grabbed him by the shoulders, then pushed him to sit on the bed. Blaine was looking up at him, a stunned expression on his face. Kurt wondered if he should slap him, or throw water over him, but instead, he just sat down next to him.

"Okay, breathe and tell me what's wrong."

Kurt waited, while Blaine took slow, deep breaths. He kept raising his hands to his head, like the end was near. Finally, he met Kurt's eyes and opened his mouth to speak.

"Quinn's pregnant," he said, very quietly.

Kurt's heart stilled in his chest and then it seemed to plummet down to somewhere around his ankles and then back up again. He stared at Blaine for a few seconds.

"She's.. Seriously?"

Blaine nodded, just nodded.

"Well, this can't go well," Kurt muttered. He couldn't really explain what he was feeling. The only word that came to mind was shock, but that was a huge understatement, an even bigger understatement than Quinn and Puck's performance of Islands in the Stream being weird. His mind was flooded with these thoughts that said he had to face reality, that this was over, that it couldn't and wouldn't go on, that Blaine had a responsibility and he couldn't expect him to go on with their relationship and how long did he think it was going to last anyway?

"I can't.. Kurt, I can't have a baby," Blaine said, sounding dazed.

Kurt felt like pointing out that he didn't really have much of a choice, but he thought that would be a little insensitive, so he didn't. Instead, he reached out and laid a hand on Blaine's shoulder, hoping it came across as a supportive gesture.

"Does she know what she wants to do?"

Blaine looked up and shrugged, looking helpless.

"I only spoke to her for about two minutes. She told me, then when I didn't react in the way she'd expected me to, she stormed off and then I went to find you."

Kurt wondered if Quinn had expected Blaine to do a celebration dance on hearing the news. He really disliked that girl, even more so now.

"I mean, I've known for a long time that I would end up stuck with her forever, probably, but.." Blaine trailed off, shaking his head. "I guess I didn't ever really and truly believe it, you know?"

"This isn't the Stone Age, Blaine," Kurt said, though he knew using the Stone Age as an example was inaccurate, but thinking was difficult right now. "Getting a girl pregnant doesn't necessarily mean you're tied to her forever."

"You obviously haven't met my dad," Blaine said.

"I don't think I'd want to meet him, anyway," Kurt muttered. "You know, you should probably talk to her, find out the details. Things might not be as.."

Things might not be as bad as they seem, he'd been going to say, but stopped, because things were pretty bad.

"Okay, look," Kurt began, with a sigh. "You need to consider everything here, okay? For one, you have to take responsibility for this kid. Secondly, you don't have to stay with her, you know? I mean, if you don't want to be with her, that's your own decision. You're eighteen soon, you're an adult, you make your own decisions. If your dad doesn't like it, that's his problem. He's not the one who has to spend the rest of his life tied to someone like Quinn. And above all of that, Blaine, we—me and you—we need to stop this entire thing."

Blaine looked up then, his eyes wide. He looked as if that hadn't crossed his mind yet. Kurt watched as he stood up and crossed the room, breathing heavily.

"I can't," Blaine uttered.

"Well, you have to," Kurt told him. "You can't go and commit to having a kid with your girlfriend and still meet me in fields for sex."

"No," Blaine said, adamantly. "I know. I know, I can't. But I can't.. Kurt. I can't not be with you."

"Blaine—"

"How can you be so calm about it?" Blaine demanded. "How can you just tell me we can't do this any more with just a shrug, like it's nothing to you?"

Kurt shut his eyes tight. He didn't know how else to say it, because he didn't like being the pity party, didn't want Blaine to know how badly it hurt. In reality, he felt as if his heart was ripping into millions of pieces.

"We'll still talk and all that, if you want," Kurt shrugged, ignoring the question.

"You feel nothing?"

"Blaine," Kurt sighed again. "How long did you think this could go on?"

Kurt had asked himself the same question and couldn't come up with an answer. He didn't know, he just knew that he didn't want to stop. He didn't want to be away from Blaine.

"I don't know!" Blaine said, sounding a little hysterical. "I don't know anything! I let everything build up and it's all back fired."

"Blaine—"

"I know how wrong it is, Kurt, I know, okay?" Blaine went on. "I know that it's selfish and wrong, but I can't lose you! I don't know how!"

"Blaine, calm dow—"

"I can't calm down!" Blaine said, loudly. "How can I calm down when you clearly don't care?"

Kurt's frustration rose like mercury in a thermometer held next to a fire. He jumped to his feet and looked at Blaine, right at him, into those copper penny eyes.

"I don't care?" he said, voice high pitched. "All I've been doing is caring! In fact, Blaine, I think I'm probably the only person in your lie of a life that gives a damn! Don't tell me I don't care, when I've been the only one fucking caring from day one!"

"Well, you don't act like you care!" Blaine retorted. "You're standing there telling me it's over, like the closing credits of a movie are rolling! I know that it's over, okay? I can see the stupid credits! You don't have to state the God damned obvious! I know! But unlike you, I clearly have a bigger problem with that happening, with this ending. So, what was it, Kurt? Was this just all one big joke? You decided you'd just sleep with me and tell me you'd be here for me, just for the fun of it? Because that's how it looks. It looks like you have absolutely no problem with this being over."

Kurt laughed, cruelly. "Are you serious?" he shouted. "You have a bigger problem with this being over? Really? You make it sound as if I'm not emotionally attached to this-this-whatever this is! Like I'm the one who's afraid to admit that I like another guy! Like I'm kissing you and giving you bracelets and texting you and then going back to my girlfriend and slushying you in the school hallways! Maybe you should sit down and rethink that, Blaine, because I'm pretty sure that was all you!"

"If you're so 'emotionally attached'," Blaine said, forming air quotes with his fingers. "Then why are you so laid back about this? Why are you acting as if I'm just another name you can cross off a list of people you've slept with?"

"I haven't slept with anyone but you and you know that," Kurt pointed out. "You on the other hand—"

"Don't even tell me there hasn't been anyone else," Blaine shook his head. "I'm not saying you lied about being a virgin, but as if you went to an all-boys school and none of them wanted to touch you. Who in their right mind wouldn't want to? Don't make out like I've been with more than one person and you haven't."

Kurt took a deep breath and then groaned with frustration. Blaine was going to send him to an early grave.

"Do you want to know about the one other guy that you speak of, Blaine?" Kurt asked. "Do you want to know what it's like to be with someone who just wants you for sex? Oh, wait, apparently you already know what that's like, since I've been using you for all this sex. Like I'm the one who got drunk and stuck my hand down your pants."

Kurt hadn't told Blaine about Evan, the last guy he'd been with—the only other guy he'd ever been with. He didn't class him as a boyfriend, because they never actually dated. It mostly consisted of them ending up in one another's room and then Evan trying to get Kurt's jeans off. It hadn't ended well and Kurt hadn't ever told anyone about it.

"Well," Blaine said, looking a little defeated. "That doesn't explain why you claim to be so attached to this—us—yet you stand there looking like ending it will have no impact on your life at all."

"No impact on my life?" Kurt asked. "Blaine, do you know what it's like to have someone act like they like you, like they want you and they do all these things with you, to you, for you, yet you never know how they feel, because they never tell you? Do you know what that's like for me? Do you know how frustrating and confusing that is? To want someone so bad, someone you can never truly have, but you keep on letting things happen, because it means you still get to be close to them? Now you know what it's like for me, but me? I have no idea how you feel? Want to know why? Because you never fucking tell me without it coming out of your mouth as some sort of cryptic, mysterious riddle that I can't understand!"

Blaine crossed the room quickly and Kurt thought he was going to leave. He wouldn't follow him, he would let him walk right on out of his room, out of his life. But Blaine didn't leave, he stopped right in front of Kurt and looked right at him.

"You want to know how I feel?" Blaine said. "I'll tell you exactly how I feel! I'll tell you exactly why I can't understand you being so perfectly fine with this being over! I'll tell you why it hurts that you seem to feel nothing! I'll tell you why I know this has to end, but I can't let go so easily! It's because I love you, okay?" Blaine shouted. "I love you and it terrifies me both that I love you and that you might not love me back. Are you happy now? Did I help you understand how I feel, Kurt?"

Kurt stared at him, mouth hanging open. His heart was racing in his chest and his skin was shivering all over. This simply could not be happening. Blaine couldn't love him now, when it all had to come to an end. It wasn't possible, it wasn't fair.

"No," Kurt shook his head. "No, no. You don't. You don't love me."

"Yes, I do!" Blaine told him. "I do. I love you and I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry that it's like this, but I love you and there's nothing I can do about that." Blaine's face fell and he looked like he might cry, but he didn't. He simply moved forward and pressed his mouth down over Kurt's. "I'm sorry," he whispered against his lips. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

Blaine's fingers were fumbling with the small buttons on Kurt's shirt. His heart was hammering away against his ribcage and he was breathing heavily into Kurt's mouth. He could feel Kurt's heart beating hard and fast beneath his touch as his fingers continued to push the small, white buttons out through the little loop holes.

Finally, he had it completely unbuttoned. He pushed it down past Kurt's arms and flung it off to the side. It landed in a pile on the floor. Blaine bent to kiss Kurt again, his hands finding Kurt's chest, his fingers following the contours of his skin. He knew he shouldn't do this, not with everything that was going on, but he couldn't bring himself to care right now. All he wanted was Kurt, even if it would be their last time ever, which he was not happy about, he just wanted to be with him, wanted to be close to him, wanted to feel his heart beating against his chest, just once more.

Kurt's hands were pushing Blaine's jacket off. He moved back a little, to allow him room to push it away and within seconds, it was on the floor next to Kurt's shirt. Before Blaine could breathe, Kurt was tugging him back on top of him, crashing his mouth against his hungrily. Every other time they'd had sex, it hadn't been like this. It had been calm, careful, their movements very contrived, but now, it was hungry, frantic, they were clinging to one another like tomorrow was their final day.

"Will you stop saying you're sorry?" Kurt muttered against his lips and Blaine hadn't realised he was still apologising out loud. He didn't get a chance to reply, because Kurt's hands were pushing his shirt up his chest and then he was tugging it up over his arms and over his head and then they were both topless.

Blaine made a small sound when he felt Kurt tugging him back down, their bare skin touching. He wanted him more than he could bring himself to admit, even now after having confessed to loving him. He did love him, he couldn't deny that to himself any more.

Blaine's hands flitted lower until they found the top button on Kurt's tight pants. He went to work on that, while Kurt's lips found his neck, his kisses soft, but still sloppy and fast. Kurt's mouth found Blaine's pulse and he placed small kisses there for a long time, before sucking his skin into his mouth. Blaine groaned and began pushing Kurt's pants south. Finally, he kicked them off of Kurt's body, leaving him in just his briefs, his porcelain skin almost translucent beneath Blaine.

He could only look at him for a second, because Kurt's mouth found his again and he gasped against his lips when Kurt's hands had moved lower and found the crotch of his jeans. He moaned when Kurt's fingers squeezed his erection through his jeans, before unzipping him. Blaine hummed in relief when Kurt had the zipper all the way down. His cock was still straining against his underwear, but at least the hard material of his jeans was gone.

Blaine wasted no time, he hooked his fingers into the top of Kurt's underwear and tugged them down, freeing his hard-on. This time, he sat back a little, to look at him in the light of the day. He had never really properly just looked at Kurt. He was the most flawless thing he had ever seen in his life. Kurt blushed while Blaine watched him, the skin around his neck and in his cheeks flushing a bright pink.

"You're beautiful," Blaine whispered. He figured he had nothing left to lose now, he could just say these things, he didn't care now, Kurt already knew. He didn't wait for Kurt to reply, he simply bent down again and covered Kurt's swelled mouth with his own, their tongues falling together and finding a steady rhythm.

Blaine pushed his hand downwards and wrapped his fingers around Kurt's cock, sending a low moan from his mouth. They were still kissing like it was the end of the world and then Kurt was pushing Blaine's boxers off and within seconds, they were both completely naked and pressed against one another.

Blaine's hand let Kurt's cock go and Kurt moaned at the loss. He moved his hand lower again, his fingers finding Kurt's opening.

"Oh," Kurt breathed, when Blaine rubbed a finger over his tight hole. Blaine loved the noises Kurt made when he had his fingers inside him, he could have listened to him all day, just knowing he was doing that to him. He lifted his fingers to Kurt's mouth and Kurt sucked on them.

"Fuck," Blaine uttered. He had never seen anything like this. Kurt was literally the hottest thing he had ever seen.

He pulled his fingers out and Kurt let go with a small popping sound, then Blaine lowered his hand to find Kurt's entrance again. He lowered his mouth to kiss Kurt as he pressed a finger to his asshole and worked it in slowly. Kurt pulled his mouth off of Blaine's in an instant and cried out, his head flinging backwards.

Blaine extended his finger slowly, then pushed it back in and Kurt made the same sound again. After a few more pushed, Kurt was moving, pushing himself down over Blaine's fingers and Blaine could have come, simply from watching him. But he didn't want to come yet, he wanted more, wanted to take his time, because this was probably going to be their last time.

Blaine pulled his finger out and Kurt tried to push himself down over it again, but Blaine's hand was gone. Kurt whined, but Blaine caught the sound with his mouth and instead, used his hand to pump back and forth along the base of Kurt's dick. Kurt's hand came down to Blaine's erection and his fingers danced gently along the underside, until they found his balls. Kurt's touch against his sensitive skin made him cry out against his mouth and God, he was perfect.

"Side table drawer," Kurt said, voice thick and uneven.

"What?" Blaine breathed, his hand moving faster along Kurt's cock, sending small moans from his mouth. Kurt's hand had moved up to close around Blaine's cock and Blaine wasn't going to last long at this rate.

"Side table drawer, Blaine," Kurt emphasised.

"Oh," Blaine said, realising. "Not yet."

He let go of Kurt and began moving lower until his head was in line with Kurt's hard-on, which was already shining with pre-come at the head. Blaine cursed at the sight, before flicking his tongue over it. Kurt was making small guttural sounds and Blaine moved so that his head was angled in a way that he could just slide his mouth down over Kurt's cock.

"God, Blaine," Kurt said, when Blaine began to suck up and down, his lips stretched around him. Blaine remembered the first night he had done this, how afterwards, he had wanted more than anything for it to go away, for Kurt to just disappear out of his life. Now, all he wanted was to have Kurt forever and he could never have that.

Kurt's hand were in his hair, tugging lightly on the curls which had escaped the gel. He continued to suck on Kurt, until Kurt's fingers tugged hard on his hair and he kept on pulling until Blaine had moved his mouth off entirely.

"What?" Blaine asked, breathlessly. "What's wrong?"

"Not gonna l-last if you keep d-doing th-that," Kurt told him.

He knew how he felt. Blaine glanced down at his own cock against his stomach. His insides were knotting and he just wanted more, wanted all of Kurt. He kissed him again and their pace hadn't slowed at all. There was a want, a yearning as they crashed their tongues together. Blaine tore his mouth off Kurt's then and looked right into those sea-blue, shining eyes.

"I want you inside me," he said and Kurt seemed to choke.

"You-you—oh. Okay," Kurt said, sounding flustered.

Blaine had never been so blunt about what he wanted when it came to intimacy with Kurt, with anyone actually. Now, he just wanted to feel close to him, to have him in every possible way, because he couldn't have him in the way he wanted, the way that mattered most. He couldn't have him to call his own.

"Side table drawer," Kurt told him again.

"Okay," Blaine said and leaned across to the drawer. He pulled it open and reached inside for the small bottle of lube. He handed it to Kurt.

"The condoms are—"

"Can we not?" Blaine asked, blushing. "I just—I just want to—to feel you."

Kurt stared up at him for a couple of heartbeats and Blaine couldn't read anything from his expression. Then he nodded.

"I—Okay."

"You don't have to if you're uncomfortable with tha—"

"No," Kurt shook his head, his fingers tracing patterns over Blaine's thigh, sending small shivers all along his skin. "No, I want to."

Blaine nodded and Kurt sat up. He pushed Blaine back against the pillows and kissed him again, as he opened the cap on the bottle of lube with a snapping sound. Blaine heart was beating hard as he felt Kurt shifting his leg into a position that allowed his easy access to his opening. He hadn't bottomed since their first time, but for some reason he was more nervous now about it than he had been then.

Kurt pressed a single kiss to Blaine's lips, then sat back on his knees and pressed on the bottle of lube until the cool liquid was in the palm of his hand. Blaine swallowed hard.

"Are you all right?" Kurt asked, looking down at him with a concerned look in his eyes.

"Yes," Blaine said. "Yes, just—I'm fine. Do it."

Kurt nodded and then spread some of the lube over his first finger. Blaine had to look away, because he was going to come. He gasped at the first touch of Kurt's cool finger against his opening. It flicked over it once, then twice, then began pressing against his tight hole. He continued to press against it, until the tip of his finger slid in easily. Blaine arched his hips and Kurt pushed them back down with the hand that didn't have its finger inside him.

Kurt pushed his finger all the way in, slowly, then moved it back out and Blaine was breathing faster now. He watched as Kurt spread lube over a second finger and then went to work at stretching him open enough to fit in both. Soon, he was covering his a third finger with the sticky liquid and then he was moving to fit three inside him.

Blaine's ankles were thrashing a little and Kurt pressed a hand back to hold one still.

"Relax," he whispered, as he pushed in and out of him with his fingers, now moving freely. Blaine groaned every time Kurt's fingers hit that spot and God, he was so, so close. He watched as Kurt began to pump back and forth on his own cock, with the hand that had the pool of lube in its palm. Blaine moaned when he saw Kurt's cock, now shining with the lube.

"Still okay?" Kurt asked, as he pushed himself back on his knees.

"More than okay," Blaine told him, truthfully.

Kurt moved his legs up and Blaine took a deep breath as Kurt lined himself up with his opening. He pressed the head of his cock against Blaine's hole then began to push slowly in and Blaine's eyes fluttered closed, his head pushing back hard against the pillows.

"God," Kurt breathed, pausing with just the head of his cock buried inside Blaine. "How can you still be this tight?"

Blaine couldn't reply, couldn't form coherent words. He watched as Kurt took another few long inhales, his pale chest rising and falling quickly, then he pushed slowly forward again, past the second ring of muscle inside Blaine. This time, he didn't pause to give him time to adjust, he simply kept on inching further in, until he was buried all the way inside.

"Jesus," Blaine managed to choke out, his hard cock still pressing against his stomach.

Kurt moved down to catch Blaine's mouth with his own, which meant his body shifted a little, which in turn, caused his cock to slide backwards a little inside Blaine. Blaine moaned into Kurt's kiss and then Kurt's hand was reaching down to entwine his fingers around his cock. Blaine's stomach tightened at his touch. He was going to come very soon.

Kurt continued to kiss him and pump away at his erection and then he was retracting his hips and then immersing himself back inside and Blaine was crying out against his lips. He wrapped his legs around his waist and Kurt was still kissing him, lazily and his hips were moving back and forth at a more rapid pace now, his cock hitting Blaine's spot every time he plunged himself forward. Soon, Blaine was moving his hips in a rhythm with Kurt's so that he was meeting Kurt every time he moved back in.

Kurt's hand was still moving back and forth on Blaine's cock between them and Blaine had never felt as close to anyone in his entire life. He could feel Kurt's heart thumping against his chest and Kurt's chest was rising and falling as quickly as his own. He felt hot and cold and dizzy and happy and he just never wanted to let this boy go.

Blaine moaned high and long when he came, his come hitting Kurt's chest and his own, leaving pearly streaks on their skin. He closed his eyes as Kurt's hand continued to pump on his dick until he had come completely, pleasure still racking his body from the feeling of Kurt's cock moving in and out inside of him. Kurt moved back again to make it easier to move. He clutched Blaine's hips and began to push in and out harder and faster and Blaine knew he was going to come, he knew he was close, because his thrusts were more erratic and his head was thrown back, eyes closed, mouth open.

Small sounds escaped his throat and Blaine couldn't take his eyes off him. He was perfect, so, so perfect and Blaine just had to tell him that, he would make sure to tell him later, because he needed to know. He needed to know that he was perfect and that there was no one else like him and that there never, ever would be, at least not for Blaine.

Soon, Kurt was coming inside Blaine and they were both crying out. Blaine reached up and tugged Kurt back town to kiss him and Kurt continued to move in and out, riding out the orgasm, before collapsing on top of Blaine and kissing him senseless.

"I can't—I can't lose you," Blaine whispered into his mouth.

"We don't have a choice, Blaine," Kurt told him and Blaine could see the sadness in his cyan eyes. "We just don't have a choice."

Kurt had never seen Blaine like this in all the times they had been together. Never had he ever lay with his head rested on Kurt's chest, one arm curled around his waist, the other tracing invisible designs over his arm with his fingers. Not that Kurt was complaining. They wouldn't be able to do anything like this ever again, it was sort of a final day for them, they would enjoy it.

Kurt was stroking Blaine's hair back absently, as they just stared at one another in complete silence. He could feel Blaine's warm breath on his chest, near his heart and Kurt couldn't tell if he wanted to cry or scream. Maybe both.

They were both sweaty and Kurt had wiped them off with a shirt, but they were still sticky and disgusting. He could feel his skin cooling off from the cool air that was sifting through the small slit of his open window.

Blaine's eyes were sad and tired looking. Neither of them had spoken in at least fifteen minutes. Kurt decided he should break the silence, because they would have to at some point.

"Are you scared?" he asked.

"Terrified," Blaine told him.

"What of?"

"What of?" Blaine asked. "Um, everything."

Kurt shook his head, his fingers still smoothening over Blaine's dark hair. "I mean—well. You can still talk to me, you know? I told you once that I'll always be someone you can come to, no matter the situation. I meant it. So, talk to me. What are you thinking?"

Blaine sighed and closed his eyes for a few seconds, then opened them again.

"I figure that being stuck with Quinn for possibly the rest of my life is something I'll have to accept, you know? I know you said having a—a baby doesn't mean we have to, like, get married, or whatever, but it sort of does. I mean, not right now, but eventually. Because Quinn's parents are just like my parents. Everything has to be a certain way, or it's wrong, there's no question about it. So, I'll accept that, you know? I mean, I won't be happy about it, but that's just how it has to go, but the thing that gets me most—aside from, you know, not being able to kiss you whenever the fuck I want to—what gets me most is the idea of a baby."

"Don't think you're cut out to be a daddy?" Kurt asked, smiling sadly. God, he just really hated Quinn. He sort of felt sorry for her, because babies weren't an easy fete, but he mostly just hated her for how she had managed to trap Blaine for good.

"Not now, anyway," Blaine said. "I hadn't ever really given it much thought. But.."

Blaine trailed off and began chewing on his bottom lip. His eyes dropped and he was taking long inhales.

"What?" Kurt asked, softly, using his fingers to tilt Blaine's head back to face him.

Blaine was silent for a moment, then he exhaled and looked into Kurt's eyes.

"I'm scared I'm going to turn out like my dad."

"Blaine, you're nothing like your—"

"You've never even met him," Blaine pointed out.

"Yeah, but I've seen what he's capable of, remember?" Kurt reminded him. "And I know you, Blaine. You're not like that. Beneath this shield you've put up around you, you're a good person—a really good person. You don't deserve anything that's happening to you, Blaine."

"I never deserved you," Blaine said, looking up at him. "That's why I don't get to have you."

"That and the fact that you're not gay, right?" Kurt smirked.

Blaine sighed, tiredly. "I don't know."

Kurt didn't say anything, because there wasn't really any point now.

"Do you remember that day in the bathroom? When you told me I would wind up with Quinn and that I'd end up cheating on her with some guy I met at my kid's football game?"

"Oh, wow," Kurt said. He had forgotten about that. "That's pretty uncanny."

"Yeah," Blaine said. "Why are you always so right?"

"I wish I wasn't," Kurt told him. "At least about this."

"If you are," Blaine said. "I hope you're at my kid's football game, Kurt. In fact, you should come to all of them just to heighten the chances."

Kurt chuckled and Blaine smiled slightly. They didn't say anything for a little while, then, just listened to the sound of the other breathing.

"You know earlier when I said all that stuff? When I said you were just in this for the—the sex and when I called you out on the whole previous relationships thing," Blaine said. "I didn't mean any of that. I know you weren't just in this for that reason. This—us—it was never just about sex. Not for me, either. It was always more, even if I was never able to admit that. And the whole past boyfriends thing, I—that was just me being stupid and angry and jealous, I guess."

"Jealous?" Kurt asked with intrigue. "You're jealous of my one past relationship? In fact, I don't even class that as a relationship. You have no reason to be jealous."

"What'd he do?" Blaine asked and Kurt thought he sounded sort of defensive about it.

"Nothing, really," Kurt shrugged. "He spent large amounts of his time trying to take my pants off, but never really succeeded. Well. Maybe he got them off once, but we never—I wasn't lying when I said I was a virgin."

"I know," Blaine nodded against Kurt's chest. "Did that end badly? You know, the thing with the other guy?"

"I guess," Kurt said, thoughtfully. "Most things in my life seem to end badly."

Blaine frowned and pressed the lightest of kisses to Kurt's chest.

"I'm sorry, Kurt."

"You said that about six million times already," Kurt smiled. "But it's okay. I guess you can't be solely blamed for this. I could have said no at any time, I just didn't really want to."

Kurt wanted to ask him if he had meant it when he said he loved him, but he couldn't bring himself to do it, because if Blaine said yes, that he meant it, it would only make the entire thing more painful. Blaine had been a mess when he had said he loved him. It had probably been a mistake, a slip up, something said on a whim. He had to believe that, because believing that made thing easier.

"Will you still come to my party?"

"You're still having it?"

"I can't tell my parents, yet," Blaine informed him. "So, yes, they'll expect me to have a party. They've already made plans to disappear for the weekend."

"Then, yeah, I'll go," Kurt nodded. "Still going to ask the glee club?"

"Of course."

"Cool," Kurt said, because he didn't really know what else to say. "Should I get you anything in particular?"

"You're the only person in my life who's even remotely interested in my life, do you know that?"

"That doesn't help me with gift ideas, Anderson," Kurt smiled a little.

"You've already given me far more than I deserve," Blaine told him. "I don't need anything else."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "I'll come up with something, I guess."

"You don't have to."

"I want to."

"Okay."

Kurt looked at him lying there, looking like he was on death row awaiting execution. It was awful to watch. Sure, Blaine could have prevented this from happening if he had just been truthful about who he was from the beginning, but he'd been afraid and that was acceptable, Kurt guessed. He was human and everyone got scared sometimes.

"Come here," Kurt said and he moved to kiss Blaine's lips. They made out for a long time and then Kurt pulled back. "We have to go to school, you know."

"What? Why?"

"Because if you're going to keep up the pretence, then it's not going to look good if we're both missing, is it?"

"Oh."

"Yeah," Kurt said. "Or I could just go, if you're not up to it."

"No," Blaine sighed. "I'll be okay. I should probably talk to her anyway."

"Yeah, seeing as how you found out no details, you probably should," Kurt said. "Good luck with that."

"Don't wish me luck, though I do need all the luck I can get," Blaine apprised him. "Kiss me one more time, because I guess this is it for us."

Kurt's smile fell and he nodded. "Guess so."

Blaine pressed his mouth down over Kurt's and he kissed him slowly, gently and for a long time.

"I'm going to miss kissing you," Blaine whispered once they'd stopped.

"Me, too," Kurt told him. "I'm still your friend, though. You know that?"

Blaine nodded. "Yeah," he said. "Yeah, me, too."

"We should get dressed."

"We should."

"You should get off of me, then," Kurt smiled.

"I know," Blaine told him. He frowned then. "I wish things were different."

"Me, too."

"This is it, then."

"Yep," Kurt sighed. "Maybe it's for the best."

Maybe it was, but if it was, why did he feel so heart broken?

"Maybe," Blaine said. "But I doubt it, because it doesn't feel that way."

"I know."

"You can't tell anyone," Quinn informed him.

"I didn't plan on telling anyone," Blaine said. Kurt didn't count, he had conceded, because Kurt was Kurt and he could talk to Kurt without having to worry about the entire world finding out.

"Just so you know," Quinn began. "I'm going to keep this a secret for as long as I can. I'm eight weeks now and I'm hoping it doesn't show for a long time."

This all felt very surreal and Blaine felt dizzy. A baby. It all felt like some kind of crazy dream and he wished he could just wake up.

"Okay," he said, in a bit of a daze.

"So," Quinn said. "Your party. Who's going?"

Blaine shrugged. How could she worry about something like a part at a time like this?

"Um, everyone I'm assuming," he told her. "I'm inviting the glee club."

Quinn gave him this look, a look that seemed to question his very existence.

"What?"

"You're inviting those losers?" she asked. "Why?"

"Well, because I'm in glee club with them," Blaine provided. "I mean, why did you even join if you're just going to be rude to them? And I have a better question, why the hell did Puckerman join?"

Quinn rolled her eyes and groaned. "Who cares?" she said. "You don't have to invite them, you know? I mean, it's not like you're obliged to invite them."

"I want to invite them," Blaine said. "And I'm going to, later on at glee club."

Quinn's face was a mask of disapproval. "Fine, Blaine, you do that."

If they were going to be together forever (he cringed every time he thought of it), he figured it was time he stopped being the push over in this relationship.

"I will."

"Wait, is this a trick?" Rachel demanded. "Because if you plan on setting us on fire, or something equally as illegal, I think you should rethink that, Blaine Anderson, I'll have you know that my—"

"It's not a trick," Blaine said. "I just thought you guys could, you know, come. If you wanted to. You don't even have to get me anything."

"You think we're not going to go because we don't want to buy you a gift?" Santana asked. "No way, Anderson. If we're not going it is not because we can't afford you a stupid present. It'll be because a) we don't like you and b) we don't like you."

"Santana," Kurt said, with a warning tone.

"Are you sure this isn't some kind of trick, Blaine?" Tina asked from her seat at the back.

"I wish it was," Quinn rolled her eyes. Everyone looked at her. "What? I'm just saying you guys don't really belong at Blaine's party, do you?"

Blaine sighed. Why was she even in glee club, anyway?

"Quinn, are you trying to say you don't want us there?" Kurt asked, sweetly.

Blaine couldn't ignore that sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach every time he looked at or thought of Kurt. He wanted so desperately for things to be different, but they never could be and that made him feel sick.

"Oh, what ever gave you that idea?" Quinn asked, voice dripping with sarcasm.

Kurt looked at Blaine, right at him, those cerulean blues bright and shining.

"In that case," he said, firmly. "We'll be there."

Blaine smiled.