(i) Hopelessness.

He never said it was okay, 

but that wasn't news to me.

He said it didn't matter,

but I knew that wasn't true.

But I smiled, because that meant he didn't hate me,

it meant he wasn't turning me away.

Two weeks later,

we were building a car

and he was telling me 

that girls love guys with cars, son.

I realised then that he hadn't accepted it,

he'd disregarded it.

He wasn't turning me away,

but he was trying to turn me.

And that hurt more than anything else.

I threw in the wrench,

threw in the dirty, oil-stained towel,

told him he didn't need to build a new car,

he already had the car he wanted,

he already had the son he wanted.

He didn't need another car.

He didn't need another son.

But that didn't mean that 

I didn't need him.

(ii) Blindness.

I was never

blind,

I simply

chose

not to

see.

(iii) Seeing.

The bird opened its wings

and flew into the heavens.

I opened my eyes

and flew into love.

His lips against mine

made my heart swell and my blood race

in my veins.

I reached out,

searching,

needing to find,

reaching,

reaching,

looking

frantically,

until,

Oh, there you are.

I've been looking for you

forever.

(iv) Forever.

How does one define 'Forever'?

Neverending?

(But everything comes to an end.)

Infinite?

(Doesn't everything have a limit?)

My Forever

starts with a K

and ends in a T

and U R in between.

You are 

everything,

anything,

all things,

but ultimately,

You are 

my

Forever.

There was a 

time

when I would scribble

Your name

on my school books,

on the back of my hand,

across my wrist

where the veins

are a direct link

to my heart.

I would etch Your name

into tables,

into leather book coverings,

into my heart.

There was a 

time

when I might have 

etched 

across my wrist

in a different

direction,

but after You,

I never did.

I didn't want to.

I didn't have to.

You are already etched

across every part of me.

(v) Betrayal.

Rock salt damaged my eye

but betrayal damaged my heart.

I was one of you once,

we both were.

It was meant for him,

but he was one of you,

just as I was.

Did you forget?

How was I supposed to

stand

back

when I could

prevent him from being hurt again?

How could you all

stand 

there

and watch it happen?

How could you all

walk

away

without a word

while he held me as I writhed in

pain.

It's true, my eye was hurt that night,

but surgery could fix that.

There is no surgery to mend

a broken heart.

All there is is

time

and 

love

and luckily,

I have that in

abundance.

(vi) Redemption.

You all redeemed yourselves,

and I forgave you,

but it still hurt.

(vii) Flowers.

I didn't know

so I looked it up.

Red for 

love,

courage,

beauty,

respect,

passion,

sincerity.

Yellow for

joy,

friendship,

"I care".

Yellow with red tips for

falling

in 

love.

I asked You about it afterwards,

asked You why 

falling in love 

and You told me

falling in love

with me

was something that 

happened

every

single

day.

I laughed, told You that was

absurd,

but it isn't.

I know,

because I feel the same.

Once, before I met You,

I felt like I was falling

every

single

day,

and I 

wondered

hoped

didn't care

if some day I would

fall too far and

too fast

and never be able to 

stand back up again.

But now I fall

and I 

fall

and I

fall

and I know that I'm just going to keep on

falling,

but this time,

I'm unafraid,

because I know 

you're 

falling

with

me.