Jeff Sterling: Nick and I just witnessed a fight between Kurt and Sebastian. Guess who won?

Blaine Anderson: Kurt?

Jeff Sterling: Yep, and not a scratch on him.

Blaine Anderson: That's my boy.

Nick Duval: Seb's in pretty bad shape. He's limping down the hall right now.

Jeff Sterling: Then he shouldn't have tried to use his tie as a weapon.

Joel Richardson: Wait a minute, you're telling me that Kurt beat the shit out of Sebastian?

Nick Duval: Exactly.

Joel Richardson: That's fucking awesome!

Sebastian Smythe: Fuck you, Joel.

Joel Richardson: It's always "fuck this, fuck that, fuck you, fuck them" with you. Why don't take a word of advice and do yourself in?

Kurt Hummel: That's what I said!

Sebastian Smythe: But if I killed myself, there'd be no one to make the rest of you miserable. It's so much fun making you all miserable.

Kurt Hummel: How about I shove that tie down your throat again?

Sebastian Smythe: You'd like that, wouldn't you?

Kurt Hummel: If it shuts you up, then yes.

Joel Richardson: Okay, seriously, Kurt, Sebastian, shut the hell up. You're clogging up my notifications!

Kurt Hummel: Sorry, Joel.

!

Kurt Hummel is in a relationship with Blaine Anderson.

~253 people like this.

!

Sam Evans is in a relationship with Mercedes Jones.

~206 people like this.

!

Tina Cohen-Chang is in a relationship with Mike Chang.

~192 people like this.

!

Rory Flanagan is in a relationship with Dean Easton.

~235 people like this.

!

Finn Hudson is engaged to Rachel Berry.

~12 people like this.

Rachel Berry: What the hell? You people suck!

Quinn Fabray: Gee, love you too, Rachel.

Rachel Berry: I'm not mad at you, you liked the status. Some people, however…

Kurt Hummel: What? I liked it too.

Dean Easton: How old are you guys? 18?

Finn Hudson: Yep.

Dean Easton: Don't you think that's a little young to get married?

Kurt Hummel: Don't bother trying, Dean. We all tried to talk them out of it, but they won't listen.

!

Morgan Steinberg: Oh, Netflix, what would I do without you?

Kurt Hummel: Find another "great movie" to watch?

Morgan Steinberg: Yes, as a matter of fact, I did. It's called Ticked-Off Trannies with Knives, how does that sound?

Joel Richardson: Sounds intriguing. Are the trannies ticked off and have knives?

Blaine Anderson: I watched that, it was crap. It was like the time my dad made me watch Showgirls in an attempt to make me straight.

Kurt Hummel: WHAT?

Artie Abrams: What happened? What set Kurt off now?

Kurt Hummel: ARTIE!

Sebastian Smythe: Oh boy, Super-Bitch is at it again.

Kurt Hummel: Fuck you, Sebastian!

Blaine Anderson: Okay, Kurt, I think it's time to log off and come cuddle with me.

~Kurt Hummel and Blaine Anderson have logged off.

Joel Richardson: Of course they go cuddle. Who knows, they might just have sex.

Finn Hudson: They already did that…on my bed.

~3 people like this.

!

Kurt Hummel: I think Facebook has gone under, what with this stupid timeline thing.

~20 people like this.

Mark Zuckerberg: You know we're trying to update the site to fit the age we're in.

Kurt Hummel: Lies! You're just trying to make more money!

Blaine Anderson: Kurt, don't argue with the site creator.

Kurt Hummel: Blaine, baby, would you be a dear and let me fight my own battles?

Blaine Anderson: I let you fight Sebastian. Did I stop you? Well, you wouldn't let me, but still.

Mark Zuckerberg: Uh-oh, trouble in paradise.

Stacee Jaxx: You watch the show too?

Mark Zuckerberg: Yeah.

Stacee Jaxx: Things can't be perfect, can they?

~Mark Zuckerberg likes this.

!

Emma Pillsbury: Will, honey, why did you deactivate your account?

Will Schuester: I really don't remember.

Sue Sylvester: I've been talking with that Jaxx guy and he said all of you deserved it.

Emma Pillsbury: Sue, your account was deactivated too.

Sue Sylvester: I'm going to have to have a talk with that guy.

Will Schuester: I don't think we should tell the kids.

Shannon Beiste: Agreed.

~Emma Pillsbury and 2 others like this.

!

Sam Evans: I miss you guys already.

Kurt Hummel: Miss you too.

Finn Hudson: You sure your parents won't let you come live with us again?

Sam Evans: My dad wants all of us together for the summer. Besides, how am I going to go to McKinley next year? Finn's going to the army, Rachel's already in New York, and Kurt's going there.

Artie Abrams: You can stay with me, Sam.

Sam Evans: Really?

Artie Abrams: Yep.

~Sam Evans and 3 others like this.