Sept. 11, 2013, 9:32 a.m.
Everything Will Fall To Pieces
Not The Same Without You: April.
K - Words: 3,015 - Last Updated: Sep 11, 2013 Story: Complete - Chapters: 12/12 - Created: Aug 25, 2013 - Updated: Apr 13, 2022 117 0 0 0 0
Blaine was having a terrible week. He was hardly sleeping, he was late for college every day and he'd almost succeeded in burning the apartment to a crisp when he forgot that he'd left something cooking due to his apparent insomnia. On top of all of that, he was going absolutely crazy missing Kurt. So far since he'd moved to New York, he'd been the strong one — even when he didn't feel so strong — and he was there for Kurt whenever he needed him but he felt as if the smallest thing could completely shatter everything. Blaine honestly didn't understand how Kurt survived half the time, he was missing him even more than usual and it was killing him.
Kurt could tell that something was wrong, even though Blaine would never admit it. Whenever they were skyping, he could see the bags under Blaine's eyes from where he hadn't been sleeping and there were several phonecalls that came to an abrupt end because everything was being blocked out by the noise of Blaine's yawning. He'd noticed that his boyfriend was less participant in their conversations and would mostly just listen to Kurt and respond at the appropriate times. Even when Kurt asked him how college was or how work was, he'd just mutter a few words before changing the subject back to something to do with Kurt.
All of the walls that Blaine had built up vanished, however, when the nineteen year old finally broke down over skype one night. They were having their regular skype date and everything was completely normal until Blaine suddenly just burst into tears. He couldn't seem to stop the sobs from escaping his body, even when Kurt was urgently asking him what was wrong repeatedly.
"I'm sorry." Blaine cried, sobs still completely wracking his body.
"Hey, it's okay," Kurt comforted as best he could through a computer screen. "Please tell me what's wrong?"
"I miss you," Blaine sobbed. "I'm having an awful week. I've hardly slept, I keep turning up late to college and work and I nearly set the apartment on fire yesterday because I fell asleep while something was cooking. I've never missed you this bad before, how do you deal with it? I feel like I'm going crazy and I just, I need you so badly right now."
"Blaine." Kurt said sadly, silent tears slipping down his own cheeks.
"I'm sorry, I just completely ruined our skype date. You were so excited about being accepted into the Warblers before and now I've made you cry. God, I'm just screwing everything up this week."
"Blaine, you didn't ruin our skype date. I've been able to tell that something was wrong all week but you wouldn't tell me what." Kurt would be lying if he said he wasn't freaking out a little. He'd never seen Blaine look so broken — except that one time when they were broken up and he thought Kurt would never forgive him — and he wasn't really sure how to help him. Blaine was usually the one picking up the pieces and he wasn't sure how to do it himself.
"Because I didn't want you to worry about me, but I've clearly done that anyway because you're practically crying your eyes out right now."
"Blaine, stop it. I was worrying about you anyway, I'd rather know than have you keep it hidden from me. You're always there for me when I need you, why won't you let me be there for you? Why is it that you're allowed to look after me but I'm not allowed to look after you?"
"You are allowed to look after me!" Blaine cried. "God, Kurt, of course you are. I'm just not very good at letting myself be looked after I guess. Whenever I'm upset or hurting I just push people away, I can't help it."
"Please don't push me away. I want to be there for you, Blaine, but I can't be there for you if you don't let me."
"I'm sorry." Blaine replied, crying even harder.
"It's okay. Look, I have to go...will you be okay for the rest of the night? I'll text you but it's lights out so I can't call or skype you until tomorrow."
"I'll be fine," Blaine said, attempting a smile. "I love you."
"I love you too." Kurt smiled but Blaine could still see the worry in his eyes, even through the pixelation caused by the camera.
Kurt couldn't seem to sleep the night either. He tossed and turned but he couldn't stop thinking about Blaine. He'd never seen his boyfriend look so heartbroken and it completely destroyed him. Kurt had no idea how to comfort his boyfriend, he'd never really needed to. He sort of hated that he'd never really had to be the strong one in their relationship, that it always seemed to be Blaine looking after him, because now that he needed to comfort Blaine he didn't know how to.
He wasn't entirely sure why Blaine always seemed to be the one looking after him, he assumed it was because he was younger and Blaine wanted to protect him but when he thought about it, Blaine had never been in the position where he needed to be looked after. Kurt had gone through a ton of bullying and moving schools, so of course Blaine was there for him through all of it — even when they were broken up — but Blaine had never really broken. He'd never been through anything, while he was dating Kurt at least, that meant Kurt needed to be there for him.
Kurt was in the midst of his thoughts when an idea popped into his head. He had the perfect idea to cheer Blaine up, well he was hoping it would cheer Blaine up at least. Being his impatient self, Kurt crawled out of bed and tip-toed across the room to Nick's bed, shaking the other teen into consciousness.
Kurt discussed his plan with a half awake, half extremely annoyed Nick — who agreed to help desipte being woken up at whatever time in the morning it was — before climbing back into bed and sleeping peacefully for the rest of the night.
Blaine, however, kept waking up. He'd managed to drift to sleep every now and then for about five minutes but it would always end in him waking up even more annoyed than the previous time. Blaine eventually gave up and dragged himself into the kitchen, where he proceeded to sit at the small table he and Rachel had bought and repeatedly hit his head against it.
"This has got to stop," Blaine heard Rachels groggy voice from behind him. "Not only are you on the brink of actually losing it, the walls in this apartment are ridiculously thin and you're driving me up the walls."
"I'm sorry." Blaine mumbled, never lifting his head up from the small white table.
"I'm gonna go get you some sleeping medication, you're gonna make yourself sick if this continues any longer."
"I can go myself." Blaine replied, sitting up properly.
"No you can't. You almost burned us alive because you fell asleep when you were cooking, do you really think I'm gonna let you drive?"
Blaine just groaned and dropped his head back to the table, letting out a tiny 'ow' when he hit it a little too hard.
"I'll be back in a little while, try not to kill yourself please." Rachel said, pressing a kiss to his cheek despite his head being smushed against the table and leaving the apartment, barely even caring that she was in her pyjamas.
When Rachel returned, Blaine was curled up under a blanket on the sofa looking through the scrapbook that Kurt gave him and crying. She let out a soft sigh, walking into the kitchen to fill a glass with water before returning to the living room and kneeling on the floor in front of Blaine. Rachel placed the glass of water and the sleeping pills on the table before gently prying the book out of Blaine's hands. Blaine started to whimper and mumble through his tears as if he was a baby, making lazy grabby hands when Rachel put the scrapbook out of reach.
"Blaine," Rachel said softly, running her fingers through Blaine's soft curls. She reached behind her, grabbing the glass and handing it to Blaine before taking two of the pills out of the packet and placing them in his other hand. "Take these, please."
Blaine whined in protest, making sniffling noises as his tears ran down his cheeks.
"I'm not leaving you until you fall asleep so we're going to be here for a very long time unless you take those."
Blaine finally gave in and took the sleeping medication. He also allowed himself to be led into his bedroom by Rachel, who sat next to him and carded her fingers through the nineteen year old's hair until he finally drifted asleep. Rachel pressed a kiss to her best friends forehead before silently leaving his room, stifling a yawn on the way out.
Blaine didn't wake up until about one in the afternoon the next day, but luckily Rachel had called his college and work telling them that he was sick, which was almost true. She also called in sick for herself as she knew that Blaine was a mess and didn't really trust him to be left alone in the apartment all day, she also just wanted to be there for him.
"Thank you," Blaine said as a substitute for 'hello' when he entered the kitchen to find Rachel sitting at the table, typing away at her laptop. "Last night is kind of a blur but I haven't slept that well in ages."
"All I did was buy you sleeping medication, but you're welcome." Rachel smiled.
"I really was a mess wasn't I?" Blaine asked, pouring himself a mug of coffee.
"Well considering you said that last night was kind of a blur, I'd say yeah, you kinda were." Rachel replied.
"Ugh," Blaine said, plopping down in his seat. "I miss him so much it physically hurts."
"I can see that," Rachel said sadly. "Are you okay, though?"
"No. It's never hit me this hard before. I mean, I miss him like crazy everyday but it's like I just got hit in the face with a train that says 'you're going to be living in a different state to your boyfriend for another two and a half years, buddy' on the side."
"Nice," Rachel laughed. "Haven't you talked to Kurt about it?"
"I spoke to him yesterday but I can't really remember what I said...I was an incoherent mess, in my head at least."
Rachel just looked at him sadly before standing up from her chair and walking around the table to envelope her best friend in a hug.
"Um..thanks?" Blaine said confusedly when she pulled back and went back to her seat.
"Sorry, you just looked like you could use a hug."
Blaine smiled at her. "I love you, Rach."
"I love you too, Blainers."
At Dalton, Kurt was putting his plan into action. He was annoying pretty much everyone, but he didn't really care as he wanted everything to be perfect. He was going to do whatever it took to make Blaine feel better, and to prove to himself that he could look after his boyfriend when he needed him to.
"Kurt, he'll love it." Nick assured Kurt as he made faces at the final product of his plan.
"But what if-"
"He. Will. Love. It." Nick repeated, punctuation each word with a shake of the fifteen year olds shoulders.
"But-"
Nick groaned, releasing Kurt's shoulders to turn around and find his boyfriend. "Jeff, come and deal with this idiot please, he's driving me crazy."
"What's up?" Jeff asked, walking towards the two teens with a little laugh.
"He's worried that it's not good enough." Nick explained.
"It's perfect, Kurt. As were the other five thousand versions we did before this one."
"Fine," Kurt huffed, crossing his arms over his chest defeatedly. "Thank you guys for helping by the way."
"You're welcome." Nick said with a smile. Kurt was frustrating as hell but he was still one of his best friends and he'd do pretty much anything for him.
"Could you thank the others for me please? I'm gonna go back to the dorm and finalise this before I send it to Blaine.
"Sure," Nick replied as Kurt began to walk away. "And Kurt?" He called out as Kurt turned around to face him. "He'll love it." Nick laughed as Kurt shook his head with a smile and left the room.
As soon as Kurt got back to his room, he sat on his bed with his laptop open on a skype chat with Blaine while he finalised his plan. He was sort of nervous about sending it to Blaine. It was unlike anything he'd ever done before and if Blaine didn't like it he'd probably curl himself into a ball and cry for the rest of his life. But Blaine would like it, Kurt convinced himself. He had to keep telling himself that or he'd chicken out and he would've wasted his and everyone else's time making it.
Kurt took a deep breath before typing out a message with a file attached to it.
So I couldn't sleep last night after out skype date because I wanted to cheer you up but I had absolutely no idea how until this idea popped into my head. I woke Nick up at like, a stupid time in the morning to ask him if he'd help me because I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep if I didn't know I had at least one person backing me up. I annoyed the hell out of everyone today. Nick, Jeff, the other Warblers...(I'm pretty sure they regret letting me join them now, oops.) but I'm pretty proud of this so I hope you like it and I hope that it cheers you up and yeah, I'm gonna shut up now. I love you.
Blaine smiled at the message. Although he wasn't physically with Kurt he could imagine the younger teen rambling nervously. He sort of loved it when Kurt did that. He loved that even though they'd been dating for over a year, Kurt would still get nervous and start blushing around Blaine.
Blaine opened the attachment, his face scrunching up in confusion when he realised it was a video file. He patiently waited for the file to download before opening it. Kurt, Nick and a bunch of other people Blaine had never seen in his life appeared on the screen, Kurt standing centre and smiling sort of nervously at the camera. He was expecting Kurt to start speaking, but instead he heard music begin to play in the background. Blaine's eyes filled with tears instantly when he realised what he was watching.
Kurt was serenading him. Even though he was in a completely different state, Kurt was serenading his boyfriend, there were no other words to describe it. Kurt's angellic voice began to pour from the speakers with who Blaine assumed to be the Warblers providing back-up. Tears began to spill from Blaine's eyes when he realised that song Kurt was singing.
He almost laughed when he thought about it and realised that his fifteen year old boyfriend had sent him a video of himself singing Don't Want To Miss A Thing by Aerosmith just to try and make him feel better. Sure, it was a fairly sad song but Blaine understood why Kurt had chosen that song. He realised that Kurt hadn't chosen it just to try and cheer Blaine up, he'd also chosen it to try and show Blaine that he wasn't the only one who was hurting, that Kurt missed him like crazy too.
When the song finished, Kurt stepped closer to the camera and started speaking, causing more tears to fall from Blaine's eyes.
"Hey," Kurt said with an adorable giggle. "So, um...I hope that was okay. I just wanted to do something to help you but I wasn't really sure what because I've never really been the 'strong' one in this relationship and I've never really felt that strong before so yeah...I just wanted to tell you that I miss you like crazy too and that it's okay for you to break down because of it every now and then. I mean, I've broken down enough times for the both of us. I'm not quite as good with words as you so I'm just gonna say the one thing that I will never tire of saying. I love you, Blaine Devon Anderson, so, so much."
As soon as the video was finished, Blaine sent Kurt a video chat request. After watching that video, a text, IM message or even a phonecall didn't feel appropriate. He needed to see Kurt's face, he needed to be able to speak to his boyfriend and see his beautiful face.
"You are strong, Kurt." Blaine said as soon as the video chat started.
"Really? That whole video and that's the only thing you picked up?"
"I mean it," Blaine said seriously. "You've been through losing your mum, dealing with those stupid bullies at McKinley, transferring to Dalton like one month before the end of the year, you've dealt with all the crap that I've put you through and you still go day to day, smiling and laughing. That makes you strong Kurt, even if you don't realise it."
Kurt blushed and looked down. "I belive you," He said quietly. "Now will you please tell me what you thought of the video?"
"I'll tell you what I thought of the video when I hear you say it."
"Blaine." Kurt groaned.
"I mean it Kurt. I'm not giving you my opinion on the video until I hear you say that you're strong."
Kurt huffed, pouting at the camera momentarily before finally speaking. "I'm strong." Kurt said, more confidently than he expected he would sound.
"Thank you," Blaine smiled. "I loved the video."
"It wasn't weird?"
"No," Blaine laughed. "It was sweet and it made me feel better."
"But you're crying." Kurt pointed out.
"Happy tears, Kurt. I'm crying happy tears because I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world."
"Now I know you're lying because I have the most amazing boyfriend in the world." Kurt teased with a smile.
"You dork," Blaine laughed. "I love you so much, goofball."
"I love you too."