June 18, 2012, 3:25 p.m.
Coffee Shop Soundtrack: Chapter 20 - I Was Scared and I'm Sorry
E - Words: 2,945 - Last Updated: Jun 18, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 21/21 - Created: Mar 29, 2012 - Updated: Jun 18, 2012 962 0 1 0 0
He knew Blaine probably wouldn't forgive him as easily as he had before, but he knew what he needed to do. Kurt was prepared to beg on his knees for another chance if that was what it took. He didn't really have a speech planned out because the thought of talking to Blaine absolutely terrified him, but he trusted himself enough to spill his heart out if need be.
When he rounded the corner to the coffee shop, his head was spinning and he had to stop for a moment and take a few deep breaths to keep himself from passing out. Finally, he was opening the door and stepping inside like he had a million times before, only this time was the most important one of his life.
Kurt immediately locked eyes with Blaine when he walked in. Though he wasn't surprised by his actions, it didn't stop his heart from sinking when Blaine immediately threw his apron off and mumbled something about taking his break to Melissa, who was standing next to him.
Kurt's step faltered and he had to take another couple of deep breaths before approaching Melissa. He cleared his throat, "Hey."
"What can I get you, Kurt?" Melissa asked, her tone harsh. Blaine had obviously told her what had happened, and she looked like she really didn't want to be talking to him either.
"I uh…" Kurt looked down, nervous, "I actually came here to talk to Blaine."
"Well he just went on his break," She spat, trying to get rid of him.
Kurt was persistent though, "Please, Melissa… I really need to talk to him."
"If you haven't noticed, he obviously doesn't want to talk to you," She countered.
"I know, but I-"
"Why can't you get it through your thick fucking head?" She hissed, trying to keep quiet so the few customers who were sipping their coffee didn't hear, "You screwed it up. He doesn't want to see you."
Kurt glanced over her shoulder where he could see Blaine, standing in the back room and watching the altercation, a pained look on his face. "I need to see him, Melissa…" Kurt pleaded one last time.
"And I need you to get out of my store," She said, her voice raising, "Now." Her hand gripped the phone as if she were about to call the cops, which Kurt found a little over the top, but he obeyed and reluctantly turned away.
Kurt wanted to die if that was how things were going to end. If he didn't get the chance to try to explain himself to Blaine, he didn't know what to do. He felt like he had lost everything – felt like he had screwed it all up – for nothing.
He was out the door and almost halfway down the block when someone called his name. When he turned around, he was surprised to see Blaine standing on the sidewalk outside of the coffee shop. Kurt contemplated walking back to him, but Blaine seemed to beat him to it. It only took a few long strides before they were face to face, and Kurt quickly realized that he hadn't come outside to profess his love for him or kiss him like in some cheesy romantic comedy. He looked furious.
"You know what the worst part about all of this is?" Blaine asked, struggling to keep himself from yelling. He didn't wait for Kurt to try to explain himself. He didn't want to hear yet another excuse.
Kurt opened his mouth to speak, but Blaine cut him off.
"It's not that you didn't have the decency to even call me when you chose Hayden over me," Blaine started, "And it's not that you left my house after we had sex without so much as an explanation. No, Kurt. The worst part about all of this is that I actually let myself believe for one second that you were different than everyone else. That you understood me. That you weren't going to take advantage of me."
When Kurt stood there, speechless, Blaine spoke again, "That's the worst part, Kurt."
A few people stared at the two of them as they passed by and even some of the customers in the coffee shop were watching as Blaine yelled at Kurt. He gulped, "Blaine, please… if you let me explain-"
"You shouldn't have to, Kurt," Blaine interrupted, "Look… I'm finally taking everyone's advice. I'm taking your advice. I'm not letting people push me around anymore."
Though Kurt was proud of him, his heart sunk at the words.
When he was just silent, Blaine cleared his throat, "I'll see you around, Kurt."
"Cooper?" Blaine said shakily into the phone when his brother picked up. Melissa had let him go home early, and the second he walked in the door of his apartment, he broke down.
"What's wrong?" Cooper's voice was worried. It only took one word for him to realize that his little brother was upset.
"I don't know what I'm doing, Coop," Blaine choked out, trying to keep the tears back.
"What happened?"
"He came crawling back, just like you said he would, but he didn't stay for long…" Blaine took a few deep breaths to calm himself, "He stayed the night and then he left the next morning."
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Cooper growled out, immediately furious that anyone would have the balls to hurt his brother like that.
"And he uh… he came to apologize to me at work today. But I didn't let him. I took your advice, Coop, I didn't let him push me around. But it didn't feel right. God, you should have seen the look on his face. I feel like shit and I don't know what I'm doing anymore…" Blaine finally broke down and started crying as he tried to explain things to his brother.
"Hey… Calm down," Cooper soothed into the phone, "You did the right thing."
"Then why don't I feel good about it?" Blaine whined.
"I-" He stopped, unsure of what to say, "I know it doesn't feel good, B, but trust me, you did the right thing. You can't let him push you around. I know you want to be with him but you can't set aside your own happiness to do so. Okay?"
Blaine sniffled, "Okay…"
"I'm not going to lie to you, it's going to be hard," Cooper continued, "But you'll get through it, okay? You've got me, and you've got a good friend in Trent. And that girl you work with. You'll get through it."
He nodded, even though Cooper couldn't see him, "Okay…"
"I know you're doubting it," Cooper said, "But trust me, it'll get easier, okay?"
To an extent, it did get a little easier.
It took a while, like Cooper had said, but it did get easier. By the time the school year was over, a lot of things had changed. Blaine had quit his job at the coffee shop. Mostly because it reminded him too much of Kurt, but also because he knew it was time to move on. He started working at a local venue instead, which he ended up liking a lot. Not only was he able to get into concerts for free, it made it easy for him to book shows and get his name out there.
Trent rarely brought up Rachel, and Blaine never asked about her. He knew the two of them were friends because they'd hang out every once in a while, but she never came over and he never asked about her. At first it was hard, but he liked it that way. He figured it was for the best if he wasn't constantly reminded of Kurt.
Trent wanted to go home and see his family for the summer and Blaine decided that maybe it would be good for him to get out of town and go back home for a few months, too. Thankfully, his work understood and told him that his spot would be open when he came back in the fall.
He wouldn't admit it to himself much, but sometimes he really did miss Kurt. They had a lot in common, and sometimes when Blaine wanted to have a discussion about music or movies or little fashion tidbits that he learned about, he wished that Kurt was still around. Though he knew he could talk to Trent, it wasn't the same. He missed the spark between them.
Though Blaine had met a couple of guys after he and Kurt stopped talking, he didn't pursue anything. He didn't want to rely on anyone else to be happy and he knew he needed to work on himself. That, and they were no Kurt. He would shove that thought down as soon as it crossed his mind, but it didn't stop him from thinking it every once in a while.
Being back in Ohio was good, though. It was the kind of change he needed.
Blaine's phone rang late one afternoon in July and he crossed his room and picked it up to find Trent's name on his screen. "Hey, Trent," He answered after a few rings, sitting back on his bed.
"What are you doing?" Was Trent's greeting, and from what Blaine could tell, he was in a car with someone else.
"Uh… Just sitting at my house. Why?"
"Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?" He asked, rushed.
"Sure…" Blaine said, suspicious, "Why?"
"Because Wes and I are on our way there and we wanted you to come get coffee with us."
Though Blaine thought it was an odd spontaneous thing to do, he missed seeing Wes and was ready within five minutes. Trent and Wes showed up shortly after to pick him up and then they started heading out of Westerville. "Wait where exactly are we going?" Blaine asked, wondering why they were leaving town. There were plenty of coffee shops decently close to his house.
"There's this one in Lima I've been going to recently," Wes explained, "It puts anywhere else to shame."
Though Blaine wanted to argue because it was far away and he knew Kurt lived in Lima, he kept his mouth shut. Even if Kurt was home for the summer, what were the chances that they would run into eachother?
It didn't take long before the three of them were pulling up to The Lima Bean and walking inside. They ordered their drinks then sat together next to the window, talking and watching people walk by. Wes hadn't been lying – the coffee was really good – and as they sat there, his nervousness about being in Lima started to disappear. He knew he had just been paranoid.
They had been there for about fifteen minutes when Trent glanced out the window and immediately started fidgeting like he was nervous. Blaine glanced out the window, but apparently whatever he saw had disappeared because he didn't see anything out of the ordinary. "You okay?" Blaine asked, glancing back at him.
"Yeah," He answered quickly, "I uh… I think I forgot to lock my car. I'm going to go do that."
"Trent, we're in Lima," Blaine teased, "I don't think-"
And then he immediately stopped talking because suddenly he saw what Trent had seen and they were walking in the door. He glanced nervously back at him as he stood up. "We'll be right back, Blaine," Trent said, half smiling and before Blaine could protest, Trent and Wes were standing and walking out the door.
Blaine wanted to kick himself. Of course Trent had alternative motives. And he had even gotten Wes to play along.
He glanced nervously back toward the front of the store where Kurt just so happened to be standing, staring right back at him and frozen in place. It seemed like he was weighing out his options – trying to decide whether or not to come say hi – until finally, he took a few nervous steps in Blaine's direction.
Blaine sat at his table, taking a couple of nervous deep breaths as Kurt walked up to him, prepared for that wall that he had put up to come crashing down. He had tried so hard over the past few months not to think about anything relating to Kurt, but he knew that was all about to change.
"Hey…" Kurt said nervously when he was finally next to Blaine's table.
Blaine cleared his throat, "Hi."
"I swear, I'm not stalking you," Kurt said quickly, "Rachel told me to meet her here…"
"Of course," Blaine said rolling his eyes, "And Trent dragged me here. Well, that makes sense now…"
Kurt stood there for a moment, unsure of what to do or say until Blaine finally sighed and motioned for him to sit in the chair across from him, "Have a seat, Kurt."
"Are you sure?" Kurt's eyes were wide, surprised. With the way their last conversation went, he was shocked that Blaine was even acknowledging him. "I mean, I don't have to stay. This was obviously some plot that Rach-"
"Sit, Kurt," Blaine insisted, nodding toward the chair again.
Kurt obeyed and sat down, his hands folded neatly on the table. He stared down at them instead of Blaine because he was terrified to see his face again. Things hadn't ended well, and he didn't want to screw it up again.
"How have you been?" Blaine asked, forced. He could feel Trent's eyes on him from outside the coffee shop and it took everything he had not to shoot his friend a pissed off look. He stopped himself because maybe Trent was just trying to do what was best for him. He gave him the benefit of the doubt as he talked to Kurt.
Kurt glanced up, "Good. I uh… I've been good."
It was silent between the two of them again, both boys unsure of what to say.
"I tried going by your work a while ago…" Kurt started, then immediately trailed off because he thought it sounded creepy.
"Yeah, I quit there," Blaine mumbled, "I uh… I actually work at a venue now."
"Oh," Kurt said, eyebrows raised, "That's cool."
Blaine hummed and nodded in response but didn't say anything else.
"Blaine?" Kurt finally asked, nervous.
He glanced up, "Yes?"
Kurt took a deep breath, "Look, our friends obviously wanted us to see eachother… Or something… I mean, I don't know if you want me here or not and I can leave, but as long as we're talking I just really want to apologize for how things ended between us."
Blaine didn't know what to say. In fact, he had expected Kurt to avoid the subject all together, so he was at a loss for words. He hadn't really expected to ever run into Kurt again, so he didn't have any speech planned out for the next time he saw him. He was caught completely off guard, which was probably what Trent wanted.
"I- I fucked up," Kurt started, taking Blaine's silence as a cue to continue, "I shouldn't have played with your emotions. I shouldn't have walked out that morning. And I shouldn't have taken advantage of you. I'm so so sorry about all of that, Blaine. And if there was any way I could take it back, I swear I would."
Kurt cleared his throat, "I uh… I walked out that morning because I was absolutely terrified. Things were going so great between us and it scared me. You were- you are just such an amazing person, and I knew I hadn't treated you right and I thought it was too good to be true so I left. And I know now how stupid of me that was. I swear, I'd give anything for another chance. I know I'll never get one and that's okay but I-"
"Kurt," Blaine cut him off, and he realized that he had been rambling and immediately felt stupid. He shut his mouth, which had been hanging open, and stared at Blaine, waiting for him to continue.
Though Blaine had told himself a million times that if he ever saw Kurt again, he wouldn't listen to him, he was suddenly glad he did. Anyone else – besides Rachel and Trent, of course – would tell him not to give Kurt the time of day, but he suddenly understood why their friends had set the meeting up.
They knew that Kurt and Blaine needed eachother. And not in a bad, overly dependent way. But they knew that Kurt and Blaine were perfect for eachother. They always had been, and Blaine finally got it.
"It's okay," He finally managed to get out, to Kurt's surprise. He had half expected Blaine to yell at him, to get up and leave or basically anything else than say that it was okay.
"It- it is?" Kurt asked.
Blaine nodded, "Our friends are obviously trying to tell us something…" He glanced out the window where Trent and Wes were standing by the car, now joined by Rachel. "I'm sorry that we didn't talk about this sooner. We should have had this talk months ago, but I was being stubborn."
"You had every right to be," Kurt interjected, "Besides, it gave me time to think about things."
"And?"
"And…" Kurt started, his heart racing, "I still want to be with you. That hasn't changed."
Blaine couldn't help but smile, "As much as I've tried to tell myself that I don't, I think I want that too."
They sat, smiling at eachother for a moment before Kurt broke the silence, "So… What now?"
Blaine shrugged, "We start over? I mean… we didn't get the best beginning… I think we deserve it."
Kurt grinned at the idea, turned around for a moment to glance out the window at their friends, then turned back to Blaine. "Hi," He said, smiling, "I know this may be a little forward, but I saw you sitting over here, and I just needed to come introduce myself because you are absolutely gorgeous."
Blaine smiled back at Kurt before playing along and reaching his hand out, "Blaine Anderson."
Kurt shook his hand, "Kurt Hummel."