Chapter Thirty:

We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach,

 Got a motel and built a fort out of sheets.

I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece.

 Im complete.

            Kurts phone was ringing. Holy shit, why the hell was his phone ringing? Hed just laid down to sleep a mere hour ago. Groaning, Kurt rolled over and fumbled for his cell. He put the device to his ear, only half-awake, and silently cursed whoever had decided calling him was a great idea. "Hello?"

            "Hi, Kurt. Its, uh...Its Christian, if you didnt realize. You sound tired."

            Kurt rolled his eyes. "Thats because I was sleeping. It happens to be ten thirty at night, if you didnt notice." Kurt sat up groggily, clearing his throat as he massaged his aching temples with his free hand. "What is it? Did Rachel go into early labor or something because I am not in the mood to see her vagina right now."

            Christian didnt laugh. "Sorry. No, Rachels fine. I think. Kurt, that would be like eight months premature or something." He took a deep breath and Kurts nerves spiked. "Sorry. Anyways, I think you need to come to the hospital."

            Kurt tried to swallow, but his throat was so dry it felt like a massive wad of cotton. "If its not Rachel-oh, god, Blaine." With that, Kurt was stumbling out of his bed and crawling onto the floor. His ears were ringing, his mind blurred with horrific scenarios of what Blaine couldve done. Had he tried to...Had he tried to kill himself again?

            There was a deafening crash as he knocked the lamp from his nightstand and then a burn in his left calf as he realized the bulb had shattered across his leg. He could barely hear what Christian said next as he reached blindly for his bedroom doorknob. "Yeah. Something happened and I-I really dont know what to say." Christian sniffled and Kurts heart dropped into his stomach. "You should just, uh...come to the hospital."

            Kurt shook his head, bursting out of his room and bracing himself on the hallway walls as he barreled into the kitchen. "Please, please tell me hes okay. Please, oh, god. Did he hurt himself again? Fuck, fuck, Ill be right over. Shit."

            "Kurt-" Christian cried before Kurts phone clattered to the ground. His hair was mussed, his eyes drooping with exhaustion and he was wearing a tank top and sweat pants. He didnt have time to throw on something decent, so he dug his jacket out of the closet and looped one arm through before snatching his wallet off the counter and racing out of his apartment without stopping to lock it.

            The frigid night air of January stung his face and numbed his digits, but he pressed forward into the billowing winds. Blaine needed him. The image of Blaines broken body, bloodied wrists flopping uselessly as the stretched bumped through the hospital entrance. His chest seized as semi-frozen tears coated the flushed apples of his cheeks. He couldnt lose Blaine-not now, not after everything theyd been through.

            "B-Blaine Anderson, please," he choked out, struggling to catch his breath as he bent over the reception desk, sweat mingled with snow dripping down the sides of his neck. The nurse pointed him in the direction of the visitors unit and he breathed a slow sigh of relief. If Blaines injuries were severe, hed be in the intensive care unit.

            Blaine was a wreck. One of his eyes was circled by a swollen black bruise, his nose had been splinted with a blood-caked bandage, his left eyebrow has been crisscrossed with hasty stitches, and his bottom lip soaked his gown with a river of crimson. "Youre okay," Kurt whispered, his shoulders slumping. "Fuck, youre okay."

            Blaine jerked in surprise. "Kurt, whatre you doing here?"

            And then it all came crashing down. Maybe it was the lack of sleep, or maybe just an overflow of stress, but Kurt was done. "What the fuck do you mean what am I doing here? Christian fucking called me! Do you even realize how scared I was? I thought you tried to off yourself or something again. Fuck, Blaine, you fucking idiot!" he shouted. Kurt hadnt cursed like that in a long time.

            Blaines eyes widened as his brows furrowed in shock. "Can you keep your voice down before your yelling splits my fucking head in half? I told you I was going to try and be better for you. I told you! Did you really not believe me? Did you think that I would really try and do that again when I promised you and myself that I would be a better person? I get that Im an idiot, Ive been told it enough times that I dont need you to reiterate," he spat.

            Kurt was taken aback. Where the hell did that even come from? He shook his head back and forth, gnawing at the inside of his cheek. "Im done. Blaine, I am so done with your pity party. Of course I didnt believe you! How could I, after everything youve put me through? I cant keep dealing with this! I cant be fucking terrified every time I receive a phone call. I cant, Blaine. I cant. I need to be able to trust you and know that when you end up in the hospital, its not because youve gone and hurt yourself again! What the fuck did you do this time, anyways? Please tell me you didnt get into some stupid bar fight because I will come over there and break your fucking nose again." Part of Kurt wanted to reach over and pull the door shut so the other patients couldnt hear their sudden argument.

            "You can trust me, youre just refusing to try! I havent hurt myself since I was in the hospital; I havent gotten high because I wanted to be able to pull through my problems for you and youre standing here saying that you cant trust me when Im trying so fucking hard to give up what Ive been doing the past four years to be a better person to you!" Blaine yelled.

            Blaine didnt understand. No, he just didnt get what hed put Kurt through. "Look me in my eyes and tell me that you would be able to trust me if I was in your position. Look me in my fucking eyes!" Kurt cried. "You dont get it. I love you and thats exactly why I cant trust you. Anybody else would leave--" Kurt snapped his mouth shut, driving the heel of his hand over his eyes. "Im so exhausted, Blaine, dont you understand? Ive been trying to change for you, too and Im so tired."

            Blaines gaze fell to Kurts feet, where he stared at them as though they were the source of all of their problems. "Anybody else would leave me, I get it. Im a fucking idiot."

            Rage exploded like fireworks in the center of Kurts chest. "Stop it! Stop degrading yourself! Didnt you hear me, you dumbass? I know youre a fucking idiot and I still love you." Kurt sat down in the chair, threading his fingers through his snow-slick hair. "That wont ever be enough, will it? My love for you wont be enough."

            "I never said that."

            The fire fell from Kurts tone and he took a deep breath. "You didnt have to," he muttered wearily.

            "Well, its not true." Blaine sounded like he was trying to convince himself more than anything, and that stung.

            "What do I have to do? What do I have to do to prove to you that Im not going anywhere, that Im here to stay? Ive seen you in your lowest and your highest and fuck, Blaine, it only makes you love me more," he said, determined to make sure Blaine believed him this time.

            "Maybe Im scared to trust you, too!" Blaine retaliated, the venom lacing back through his voice as quickly as it had disappeared. "The first time I wasnt strong enough for you, you left.  You left me behind because I was too scared to turn in my fucking father for hitting me. Whos to say that Im not going to have another shitty low like that? Whos to say that you wont leave, then?"

            That hurt. Blaine knew what to say to make it burn the most, and hed certainly acquired his target. "See? This is what Im talking about. You wont let that go. That was four years ago, Blaine, four years and you still bring it up every time. Im done. Im done with trying to defend myself and done with trying to prove something, which you obviously dont believe exists. You were into drugs, you had sex with strangers every night and the first time I saw you, you were so drunk out of your mind that you couldnt even recognize me. And you have the audacity to say you cant trust me?"

            "Im allowed to be scared, too, Kurt! Im a fucking human being; I make mistakes, I fuck myself up, I ruin my own life one second at a time and I. Am. Scared! Are you saying that youre allowed to be worried what Im going to do but Im not allowed to be worried about what you might? Im not fucking invincible!"

            This was escalating much too quickly. Last night theyd been in love, sliding more and more into ecstasy with each heated kiss. But now... "Im not either. I cant deal with this forever."

            "Oh but I can? I can just go on forever fucking up my own life? I love you, you absolute moron. Why else would I be in here right now if it wasnt for that fucking asshole Ce--" Blaine stopped and Kurt felt his blood run cold. No. Please no.

            "What? What did you-please tell me you didnt. Blaine, please tell me he did not do this to you," Kurt begged desperately. He was such an idiot to think Cecil wouldnt find out about Blaine and drag him down too. Blaine didnt answer and that scared Kurt more than anything else. "If you dont tell me the truth, Im leaving. Blaine, I will walk out of that damn door and hunt Cecil down myself."

            Kurt watched as Blaine opened his mouth, and then thought better of himself and closed it. "Im sorry," he whispered.

            "Blaine, what. The fuck. Did he do to you?"

            "He looks worse."

            Kurts hands were trembling where he twisted them in his lap. "He mustve followed you home from Vapianos. Im so sorry, its all my fault. I shouldve gotten him arrested or something, Im so sorry," he said bitterly. Of course all of this had happened because of him.

            "No. Not exactly. Its not your fault; its mine. As per usual," Blaine piped up, his face just as blank as his tone.

            Kurt didnt even know how to react at this point. Every single nerve ached and his brain throbbed from fatigue. "What do you mean ‘not exactly?"

            "I mightve texted him and organized a little...meeting..." Blaine replied softly.

            Kurt stood up and began to pace across the bleached hospital tile. "No. You wouldnt do that. Youre not that-youre not that stupid."

            "Apparently Ive become more stupid, because yeah, I did," Blaine deadpanned.

            Kurt tipped his head back and squeezed his eyes shut in frustration. "Why? Just...why?"

            "I wanted to. I wanted to protect you. I saw what he did to you at Vapianos and I needed to do something. I couldnt just sit there and wait."

            "I can protect myself," Kurt snapped. He wasnt a baby penguin in high school anymore. "Did you really think going out there and getting yourself beat up was going to make a difference? Fuck, Blaine, now hes probably even more furious."

            "You sure didnt look like you could protect yourself when you were having panic attacks over his name. Like I said, hes worse off than I am," he scoffed sourly.

            Kurt collapsed back into the chair, drawing his knees up to his chest and burying his face into the damp fabric of his sweat pants. Hed never felt so numb in his life. "Whatever. Youre right. You win. I hope youre happy."

            "I was just trying to help..." Blaine croaked pitifully.

            "I know."

            "Im sorry."

            "Me too."

            "What were doing...what were trying to make happen..." Kurt bit back a sob. "Its not healthy, Blaine. Its just not."

            "We can fix this. We can," insisted Blaine, but Kurt wasnt so sure. It just felt like he was trying and trying and trying and it was only making everything worse.

            Kurt climbed to his feet again, eyes stinging. "I dont think we can."         

            There was a creak of the mattress and then a snap as Blaine stumbled towards him. "We can! We can fix this! We can make it work!" Blaine said.

            Kurts heart shattered in his chest as he turned away. "Im sorry."

            "Kurt. Dont go, please dont go. Please! I need you!" Blaine called after him, but he was already striding down the hallway with a waterfall of tears streaming down his cheeks. He was walking away, he was leaving his true love on the floor of a clinic, he was-

            "Before you met me, I was alright but things were kind of heavy. You brought me to life. Now every February, youll be my valentine. Valentine." Kurt covered his mouth with his hand.
"Lets go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love. We can dance until we die. You and I will be young forever." Kurt stepped back into the room, looking down at his boyfriend. He hated him, but at the same time-with every word, he felt himself falling harder and harder for Blaine. "You make me feel like Im living a teenage dream. The way you turn me on, I cant sleep. Lets run away and dont ever look back. Dont ever look back. My heart stops when you look at me. Just one touch, now baby I believe this is real. So take a chance and dont ever look back. Dont ever look back.."

            A beat passed between them, and Kurt saw uncertainty flash through his hazel eyes, but then he was opening his mouth and the words slipped from his tongue easily. Kurt wasnt sure he was ready to stay in a relationship with Blaine. He wasnt sure he was even ready to be out of a relationship with Blaine, but there was one thing he knew for sure. He loved Blaine. All of their work, and agony and sacrifice hadnt been for nothing. Even if they werent meant to be romantically, they were still made for each other and they would find a way to make it work, through thick and thin.

"We drove to Cali and got drunk on the beach. Got a motel and built a fort out of sheets. I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece. Im complete." He fell to the floor and cupped Blaines jaw. "Lets go all the way tonight, no regrets, just love. We can dance until we die. You and I, well be young forever. You make me feel like Im living a teenage dream, the way you turn me on. I cant sleep, lets run away and dont ever look back. Dont ever look back."