Chapter Twenty-Five:

He left no time to regret, kept his lips wet
With his same old safe bet
Me and my head high and my tears dry
Get on without my guy

You went back to what you knew so far removed
From all that we went through
And I tread a troubled track, my odds are stacked
Ill go back to black

             "I have HIV."

 The words kept ringing in his head over and over like an obnoxious siren, even when Kurt strode out onto the fire escape and let the bitter, frosty wind numb his nerves. He perched on the edge of the steel railing, letting his feet dangle over the side as he recalled sitting in the same position just a few weeks ago. He had changed so much since then.

            New York City had stayed the same, as if the emotional hurricane hed experienced had been nothing but a sweet tropical breeze. The buildings still stretched up into the stony grey sky, the constant stream of busy pedestrians still scurried along the sidewalk like ants, the steady beat of honking cars and blaring ambulances still pulsed in time of the rhythm of Kurts beating heart.

            One way or another, everyone was drawn to this city. Opportunity, romance, the fulfillment of dreams; they were all reasons people left the comfort of their tiny towns to take on the ever-changing adventure of New York. Somehow, dozens of people Kurt had known in shitty little McKinley High School had wandered their way here, attracted like moths to a flickering lamp. If that wasnt fate, he didnt know what was.

            Kurt inhaled the cool air, letting it burn his lungs as he replayed the afternoon in his head. Dave had seemed so casual, so nonchalant, when the words had tumbled out of his lips that Kurt didnt even process what he said for a couple seconds. Kurt knew about AIDS. Hell, hed even been tested for it a couple times, but itd always been a fictional threat held back by the thin screen of a television.

            "If you keep your mouth open like that for too long, somebody might think its an invitation," Dave had remarked with a soft chuckle, taking a slow sip of the ginger ale the waitress had brought.

            Kurt stuttered, positive his eyes were the size of golf balls. "How can-How can you joke like that?" he cried. "How can you act like what you have is-is nothing when its clearly not!"

            Dave set down his drink and watched the ice swirl in the cup before taking a deep breath. "Ive known about it for a while. Ive had my chance to express my anger at the universe, to research and discover my more than probable death. I know what I can do to stay alive for as long as possible and Im taking all the measures I can."

            "Thats not enough." Kurt shook his head furiously. "Thats not enough. You have to find something. Isnt there a cure?" He knew the answer to his question and he saw the confirmation reflected in Davids pitying gaze.

            "Theres nothing I can do, Kurt, except make the most of what I got. What are you going to get to eat? I was thinking a meatball sub, but god knows what the meatballs are actually made of."

            Tears stung at the corners of Kurts eyes and he pinched the bridge of his nose in a desperate effort to calm himself. "Im sorry," he whispered, immediately regretting it when Daves attention snapped up from the fingerprint-stained plastic of the menu.

            "Dont say that. ‘Im sorry is what you tell the parents of someone whos dead," David said, bristling.

            Kurts back ached and his fingers were swollen from the biting cold. A flurry of glistening snow drifted down languidly, dusting Kurts shoulders and sticking to the tips of his shoes. It hurt to think too hard about what Dave was and who he couldve been. It hurt to think what Kurt couldve done to help him, to educate him. Maybe if hed just called him on one of those rainy nights when his mind was plagued with sickening memories of his past. If hed just...

            "Alright, I know youre dying to ask me questions," Dave declared between bites of his sandwich.

            Kurt picked at his garden salad, gnawing at his bottom lip as if it was a barrier to hold back the questions he was indeed dying to ask. "How did it happen? I mean...How did you get it?"

            "It?"He wiped his mouth with a napkin and folded his hands daintily across the table. "First things first, Im not a baby. Its called HIV. It was my first night in New York and some asshole decided to take advantage of me. Id never been with another guy and I was desperate to try it. I guess part of me wanted to know for sure that I didnt just toss my future and my family away. He didnt use protection and...thats that."

            Kurts throat worked in an attempt to swallow but his tongue felt like a heavy lead weight. "He was an asshole."

            David smiled. "Yeah. He was."

            The balcony door closed behind him with a soft click. Nysa mewled from her perch on the couch armchair and bowed her back as he rubbed her snow white fur tenderly. "Hows my baby girl?" He scooped the no-longer kitten into his lap, her pleasured purr a soothing soundtrack to his labored breathing.

            They stood awkwardly, not quite sure if the heart-to-heart theyd just undergone qualified for a hug. David shoved his hands into his pockets, producing a worn wallet and tossing several bills onto the check.

            "Oh, no, no, no," Kurt protested. "Let me pay. After all, it was I who lured you here."

            "Ah, but it was I who just unloaded my entire sob story on you," he chuckled. "Please, let me cover this. Ill let you get the next one, alright?"

            Next one? Kurt wasnt sure he was even ready for a ‘next one, but he agreed reluctantly. "Thank you, David."

            David winked at him as they passed underneath the tinkling entrance bell and onto the frostbitten streets. "Id better go. Ive got a lonely apartment and a couple of dogs to tend to. It was really great seeing you again, Kurt." He gave Kurts shoulder a firm pat before turning and striding down the street. "Oh, and Kurt, if you and Blaine ever break up...Call me."

            Though Davids come on had been quite flattering, Kurt was overwhelmed with everything hed just told him. Did Blaine have HIV? When was the last time hed been tested? Kurt wasnt even sure he was ready to be intimate, not so soon after Aaron. God, what the hell was wrong with him?

            A loud round of knocking at his door shook him out of the black hole he felt himself sinker further and further into. Rachel swept past him the moment he swung it open, planting herself stark center on the living room carpet.

            "Well, hello to you, too," he mumbled

            "Kurt, Im freaking out. Im freaking the fuck out, Kurt!" she cried, pacing back and forth and dragging her fingers through dark hair which looked like it hadnt been washed in several days.

            "Okay, okay, calm down. Just breathe. Tell me what happened," Kurt told her in a soothing tone, retrieving a couple packets of tea from the cupboard. Rachel had daily freak-outs, usually over not having enough honey or a raspy voice or what impression shed left on the most recent talent scout for her productions at NYADA.

            Rachel released a pinched scream. "I cant believe I was this stupid. I knew that taking a chance was an idiotic move, but I mean-what are the odds, right? Like one in every thirty people? Well, it worked for Quinn and Puck, but thats not the point. God, what am I going to do?"

            Kurt set down a cat-decorated mug carefully, turning to face the frazzled Rachel. "Rachel, whats going on? Youre not making any sense."

            Rachel shook her head, brown eyes brimming with tears as she dug into her robe pocket and produced a single white stick. "I think Im pregnant."

            For half a second, Kurt considered laughing. Rachel, who planned out every second of her life perfectly and took drastic measures to ensure the success of her long-standing dreams, had slipped up. "Youre kidding," Kurt said. Rachels skin turned a pasty white as she slowly nodded. "Is it Christians?"

            Rachel threw up her hands, clearly exasperated. "Of course its Christians. Who do you think I am? Santana?"

            "Alright, alright. Did you use...protection? I mean, you are on birth control, arent you?" This was not something he had ever wanted to discuss with his best friend; especially not on a day like this. He sat down on the couch, watching as Rachel began to cross the perimeter of the room once more.

            "I-I went off of it because it was making me gain weight and if I gain weight, then I cant fit into my costumes and you know how expensive those are to get re-hemmed."
            "Fuck, Rach, you do realize that you wont be able to fit into anything now that youre pregnant," Kurt hissed.

            "I get it, I get it, okay? I didnt come here to be scolded. I just...What the hell do I do, Kurt?" She took a seat beside him, defeated. "This wasnt how it was supposed to work out."

            He rubbed her back gently, wracking his mind for the right thing to say. "Are you even sure? Have you been to the doctor?"

            "No. Im too scared. I dont want to know the truth." She dropped her head into her hands, body trembling with broken-hearted sobs.

            "Hey, hey, itll be alright. Im here for you, honey, Im always here for you. Ill go with you and Ill be there every step of the way."

The waiting room of the corner clinic was entirely too small. Walls painted a blinding turquoise supported tacky floral vases and portraits of scrub-clad doctors. Rachels steady squeezing of his hand almost distracted him from the horrid decorations. Almost.

"Rachel Berry."

Neither of them moved from the uncomfortable plastic chairs. The nurse cleared her throat. "Rachel Berry."

Rachel stood up, clutching her purse to her stomach and tossing a terrified look over her shoulder. Kurt nodded encouragingly, motioning for her to go. "Ill wait out here," he called after her. Hearing about Rachels vagina was enough.

Kurt picked up his cell phone which hed neglected due to his busy-and stressful-afternoon. He had four messages from Rachel and a missed call with a matching voicemail from Blaine. He couldnt help the grin that slipped across his lips. Hed missed Blaine. Blaine his boyfriend. Blaine could fix anything and everything with one of his charming smiles.

"Heyyyy, Kurt. Hey, its Blaine." Kurt snorted. "Wow, my name sounds funny. Did you know it sounded funny? Your name doesnt sound funny. Its just like...Kurt. Whatever, anyways, I just wanted to tell you how amazing you are and Im not drunk at all, just a little tiny bit tipsy probably. I dont know. Youre just the best; youre so strong all of the time and you look after people and you look after me even if Im kind of an asshole. My mom showed up today and I dont know what she wants from me." Wait, what? "She looks almost the same as when she left and I dont know what she wants. I wish you were here. Youre so smart and youd know what to do. You always know what to do. I loooooooooove you, Kurt. I love you so much and I just want to tell you that all the time."

            Kurts heart froze in his chest. Blaines mother had shown up at his doorstep, resulting in Blaine drinking an unhealthy amount and drunk dialing him. This wasnt good. No, this wasnt good at all. Fingers shaking, he hurried to call Blaine back. The line rang once before he caught sight of a horrified Rachel stumbling through the exit.

            "Im pregnant."

            The phone slipped from his palm and clattered to the floor. "Shit."