It started on Christmas Eve.

The New Directions had commandeered Breadstix for the night thanks to Sugar Motta, and the small restaurant was bubbling with the voices of old friends reuniting to share the joy of the holidays.  The whole place was decorated with cutout snowflakes and Christmas tree lights lining the walls, and fake snow was draped over the furniture.  Something about everyone being together made it feel like they were in high school again, with less stress and more spare time just to sing together.  Kurt was sitting in a booth across from Rachel and Mercedes, the three sharing the stories about their times apart.

"You too living together?  I don't even wanna hear how you too manage to share bathroom time."  Mercedes mused, smiling as she took a sip of her water.

"Oh, Kurt and I don't worry about that.  My classes don't start until about two hours after Kurt has to go to work, so I have plenty of time to do my routine in privacy.  The real problem is in storing all our products; they don't quite fit properly on the makeshift vanity, but we're planning on getting a shelf for Kurt's stuff soon."  Rachel explained.

"You're not getting a shelf too?"

"The only place in the bathroom where a shelf would fit is about five inches too high for her."  Kurt deadpanned, and Rachel nodded in resigned agreement.

"Still, you guys got a pretty sweet deal going on.  I live in a flat with three other girls who've got recording contracts with the same company as me.  They're nice, maybe a little crazy.  Lately they've been into a cappella, harmonizing all around the apartment."

For the next several minutes, Mercedes shared silly tales of her roommates, and Rachel would with some embarrassing story about Kurt.  It took them a while to realize Kurt was no longer talking, but instead staring distractedly beyond Mercedes, his eyes locked on the table two booths behind her.

"Kurt!"

His eyes snapped back to the table.  "What were you saying?"

Mercedes rolled her eyes at him.  "What the hell?  I've haven't seen you in weeks, and you're not even listening to me." 

"Sorry, I just…” His eyes drifted away again, ignorant to his friends' growing frustration.  "Have either of you talked to him since you got back?"

No response.

"Blaine."

Sighing, both girls turned around, and sure enough, Blaine was sitting at a table, in a chair brought up next to the booth, immersed in an animated conversation with Sam, Mike, and Joe, oblivious to Kurt's attention.  He looked happy, and Kurt couldn't help it when his own lips twitched into just the slightest smile before his heart broke again.

"Have you talked to him, Kurt?"

Kurt hadn't talked to Blaine since they broke up.  He remembered that last conversation; it had been over the phone because Blaine had to go back to school.  It wasn't a long talk, but Kurt remembered hanging up the phone feeling like he had left half his soul on the other end of the broken line.

"I don't think my heart is ready for that."  He mumbled.

After that, no one brought up Blaine again, but that didn't stop Kurt from stealing glances at the boy throughout the night.  While they danced, while they sang, while they ate stale breadsticks and oily pasta, Kurt couldn't stop looking over to Blaine, hoping that he would get a glance in return. 

Still, despite his wistful leering, Kurt did manage to enjoy the night.  He laughed alongside his old friends, lazily singing along in the groups' impromptu rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock," and he danced around the room with Tina and Brittany, from Beyoncé to Michael Jackson, occasionally convincing others to join in.

As the night drew to a close and everyone went his or her separate ways, Kurt found himself one of the last remaining in Breadstix.  The music was quiet, the decorations were beginning to fall apart, and only two other people remained in the establishment: Sugar was walking aimlessly around the dance floor, and Blaine was talking to the band.

"Have you talked to him yet?"  Kurt jumped in his seat when he heard Sugar's soft voice against his ear.  

"What are talking about?"  He asked, not looking her in the eye.

"I'm not stupid, Kurt.  I've seen you watching him all night.  You should hit that.  He's super hot, and I know he misses you." 

Kurt released a breathy sigh and mumbled, "It's not that simple."

"I can tell by your soft hands that you're not athletic, Kurt, but it's actually very simple to walk right over there."  She said, pointing at the spot across the room where Blaine was sitting, nursing a soda and swaying his head to the beat of the song.  Kurt wondered why he wasn't leaving.

"Why do you even care, Sugar?"  He snapped, but he regretted it when he looked over and saw the sorry look in her eyes.

"Whatever, Kurt, do what you want.  But you're not helping anyone by staring longingly at your ex from across an empty room because it's just too complicated to go over and talk to him."  She gave him an infuriated glare, and then spun around, her flat-ironed hair flaring into his face as she stomped away.

He's right over there, Kurt thought. Talking can't hurt.

Ignoring the little voice in his head warning him that he was making a mistake, Kurt walked over to Blaine, pulling up a chair beside him.

"Why haven't you left already?"  Kurt asked.

Blaine shrugged.  "I don't have anywhere to be, and I like the music here.  The band guys are nice."  A beat of silence.  "Also, I, uh, I was hoping you would talk to me."

So they talked.  It was strange, really, talking to Blaine, pretending that this wasn't the boy that held his heart and that this wasn't the boy that broke his heart to pieces.  They chatted about McKinley, Glee Club, New York, or anything but the giant elephant in the room. They chatted like they were friends, like they were never anything else.  Still, with every passing word, Kurt was reminding himself of everything that made him never want to speak to Blaine again.

"You know it killed me, what you did."  He blurted out, interrupting Blaine's story about Kitty and Marley.

Blaine dropped his eyes in resignation and nodded.  "Yeah, I know."  Kurt was silent for a moment, watching Blaine bite his lip out of nerves.  He chided himself for being just a little turned on by the action.

Shaking the thought from his mind, Kurt continued.  "No, you don't know.  But it's okay, I don't need you to."

That seemed to strike a wrong chord in Blaine, and suddenly he was angry.  "You think it didn't kill me too?  It destroyed me, Kurt.  For weeks, I couldn't eat; I couldn't sleep; I couldn't function.  I hated myself for what I did, and you know what?  I still hate myself, and I hate that there's nothing that I can do, and I hate that I know that this is my fault, and I hate that I was so much of an idiot that I ruined everything."

Kurt nodded.  "I hate that it ruined everything, too." He paused and thought for a moment.  "You know what really did it for me, though?  It's that when you told me what you did, I knew that this wasn't just about being lonely.  If it were about being lonely, Blaine, you could have just talked to me.  I've replayed that conversation in my head a thousand times, and you didn't do it just because you were lonely.  You did it because you hated me, if only for a minute, but you hated me, so you gave a gigantic 'fuck you' from Lima, Ohio, while you were grinding against some whore.  Maybe you didn't hate me after you did it, Blaine, but I know you hated me while you did because I put myself in your shoes and that was the only way I could imagine hurting you like that."  He wasn't sure when he started yelling, but now the room was silent and Blaine was staring at him like he had transformed into a monster.   Maybe he had.  He had never yelled at Blaine like that before.

Their faces were inches apart, and Kurt could feel the harsh breaths forced past Blaine's lips.

"I never hated you."  Blaine whispered, staring at Kurt with glistening eyes.

"Yeah, well, it doesn't matter anymore."

Kurt's eyes flickered from Blaine's, tracing the curve of his cheek, lingering on the stubble that peppered his skin.  He privately admired the little imperfections of Blaine's face, focusing on his lips, a little bit chapped and trembling just the slightest bit,  trying to hold back a waterfall of unstable emotions so unpredictable that Blaine himself couldn't test to see what would pass.

Maybe it was a moment, maybe it was a minute, maybe it was days that Kurt spent watching those lips, fully aware that Blaine in turn was watching him.  Maybe Kurt should have been concerned at how little space there was between him and a horrible mistake, but like he said,

It doesn't matter anymore.

Their lips came together, and when they joined it was like they had never been apart.  They forgot about the past and the future and the fact that they were sitting in Breadstix, and they just kissed.  They fell together, their bodies somehow becoming entangled even while they remained in separate seats.  It was desperate, as though from each moment together they were trying to make up for the months of agonizing separation.

Eager to be closer, they stood from their chairs so that their bodies were aligned against each other.  Kurt's hands trailed down Blaine's sides and played with the fabric at bunched around waist while Blaine's lips moved down his neck. Despite the months apart, the two fell into an easy pattern, recalling lost memories as though they floated on the surface, moving in accordance with each other.

Kurt wasn't sure how long they stayed like that, pretending that nothing had gone wrong, but eventually he remembered that they were in a restaurant, and that there were people in the establishment who were probably not very happy with them.

"Blaine, stop."  He tapped Blaine's cheek to get his attention, releasing a stifled whine when Blaine's mouth left his skin.  Kurt scanned the room, and it seemed like everyone had left without their noticing, but he didn't want to push his luck.  "We should go."

Blaine nodded.  "Where do you want to…"

"My parents are out picking up family for tomorrow."  Kurt answered in a rushed tone.  Technically, he knew that Finn would still be at home, but Kurt couldn't be bothered by details at the moment.

"Okay."

Kurt had arrived with Finn, so they took Blaine's car.  The drive to Kurt's house was short, but not nearly short enough, and by the time they pulled up in the driveway both boys were practically vibrating in their seats.  The moment the engine stopped, they jumped out of the car, not bothering to get to the front door before pulling each other into a deep kiss, tongues playing in each other's mouths for just a moment before they hurried inside.  When they reached the house, Kurt grabbed Blaine's hand and pulled him into his room, shutting the door behind them before pressing Blaine against the wall and attaching his mouth to Blaine's skin.  He worked his tongue against the area behind Blaine's ear and down his neck to the line of his collar while unbuttoning the shirt to access his collarbone.  Meanwhile, Blaine curled his fingers into Kurt's hair, holding him in place and rutted his erection against Kurt's hips.

Then, with hasty fingers, Kurt unbuttoned the rest of Blaine's shirt and pushed the fabric off his shoulders, then he let Blaine do the same for him.  Desperate, he didn't take a moment to admire Blaine's form.  Instead let his fingers remember the surface as he pulled Blaine in for another kiss, this one a mess of teeth and tongues that was only a way of occupying both their mouths while hands explored their bodies.  They stumbled across the room and onto the bed, and Blaine pushed Kurt into the sheets and began to kiss his way down his chest, receiving moans from the boy below him.  His lips moved down until he reached Kurt's waistline, at which point he slipped his fingers beneath his pants and boxer-briefs and slid the clothing down Kurt's legs and tossed it aside before also removing his own.  Kurt gave a quiet gasp as the cool air hit his skin, but  settled quickly when Blaine's body covered his.

Before moving, Blaine whispered into Kurt's ear, "Do you have any. . . ."  Before Blaine finished the sentence, Kurt nodded toward his nightstand, thankful that he had restocked it upon his return home.

Blaine opened the drawer and pulled out the lube tucked within it, and after a moment's thought, pulled out one of the condoms as well.  Neither of them mentioned that they had never used one before because they both knew that this wasn't the same.

Setting the items aside, he then ground his cock against Kurt's, so Kurt's hips bucked in response, and they both moaned from the friction, trying to keep their noises down but not quite succeeding as they both lost control of their voices.  Soon they had fallen back in sync, hips moving rhythmically against each other, sweaty hands clenched together, and high-pitched gasps filling their ears.  Kurt's skin tingled at the feeling of the friction of Blaine's skin against his, his own skin against the bed, his nerves growing more sensitive with each passing moment.  As they neared the edge, Blaine peeled himself away, grabbing the lube and spreading some on his fingers before leaning back down, tracing his fingers down behind Kurt's cock until he reached his hole.  Kurt shuddered when he traced a finger around his rim, then let out a breathy moan when he pressed a finger in his entrance.  When he felt Kurt relax around him, Blaine began to thrust the finger into him and brushing it against Kurt's prostate, making the boy below him arch off the bed.  As he took time to work his fingers inside Kurt's ass, he latched his mouth onto Kurt's neck, working his tongue across the sensitive flesh.

After prepping Kurt, Blaine eased his fingers out of him and grabbed the condom he had set aside, tearing the wrapper and flicking it aside, then rolling the rubber over his cock.  Kurt watched him do it and can't help but wonder if he'd been doing it a lot over the last couple months.  Before he could chastise himself for his thoughts, however, they are pushed aside as Blaine presses himself into Kurt.  They both moaned louder than they should, overwhelmed by the familiar sensation of the motion between their sweaty, slippery skin.

The bed shook below them as Blaine rolled his hips against Kurt's, but slow movements turned desperate as their breaths grew short and their skin grew hot.  Kurt shuddered as Blaine's hands rubbed against his torso and his fingers trailed against his ribs.  Kurt then raked his fingers through Blaine's sweaty hair and wrapped his legs around Blaine's waist as a pair of lips sucked a hickey onto his shoulder.  He let out a whine when Blaine's cock pushed against his prostate, and Blaine moaned when Kurt cinched his legs tighter around Blaine's waist to pull Blaine deeper into him.  In the months that had passed, Kurt haad nearly forgotten what it was like to be with someone who knew his body so unfortunately well.  With every thrust, Kurt's hole clenched around Blaine's cock until his thighs were trembling and Blaine's hips were moving impossibly fast, so he brought a hand down to stroke himself while Blaine still pressed harder inside him.  There were no words, just a low shout from Kurt as his body tensed and he came across his hand and onto both his and Blaine's chest.  Blaine followed in suit, and Kurt felt the boy's wrinkled brow against his neck and a tight grip on his arm as Blaine came inside him.  For a moment, they laid still, limp against each other, until their sweat began to chill and Blaine pulled himself out of Kurt, pulled off his condom, and tossed it in a nearby waste bin.   

Blaine collapsed on top of Kurt, then quickly flipped to the side so that the two were lying shoulder-to-shoulder on the bed.  Kurt fought the near instinctual urge to wrap himself around Blaine again; his body twitched as he laid in his lonesome company.  Still, he didn't feel any new emotion or rekindled love.  Neither one knew what came next, so for a minute there was nothing but the sound of both of them trying to regain their breath, gasping in the cool air of the room.  The same room where they had done this countless times before, but had never quite done this.

Not taking his eyes off the ceiling, Kurt was the first to speak.  "You know, I used to like doing this with you because I thought it would bring us closer together, like somehow it would make our love stronger, more resilient or something."

After a moment's pause, Blaine prompted him.  "And now?"

Kurt shrugged.  "When we kissed, I thought I felt that.  It felt familiar, it reminded me of that."  Blaine nodded, but Kurt kept speaking.  "But now, I think it feels like it's just sex."

"And what does just sex feel like?"

"It feels good."  He conceded.  "But I don't think I'm close enough to you now for it to feel like anything more than just…really good."  He felt the urge to spoon Blaine fade as he talked through his own thoughts.  He still wasn't ready to cuddle with the boy who broke his heart.

"Okay."  Blaine sighed.  Even if he disagreed with what Kurt was saying, he wasn't going to say anything.  He was just thankful that Kurt was with him in the first place, after what he did.  "So what happens now?"

Kurt sat up at this point and turned to face Blaine.  "First, you should know that I forgive you for cheating on me."  Blaine perked up.  "But I don't want to date you again."

"Why?"  The word escaped Blaine's mouth before he could think to stop it.

"Because, Blaine, two months ago I couldn't imagine being single.  I wasn't Kurt Hummel; I was Blaine's Kurt, and I loved that.  I loved being your Kurt.  But after we broke up and I finally stopped crying all the time, I realized that for the first time in like two years, I was just Kurt Hummel again, and I don't think I'm ready to give that up yet."

Blaine nodded.  "I get it.  So should we just, like, pretend this never happened?"  He grimaced at the cliché.

"Why should we?  We didn't do anything wrong, and I'm not going to act like we did."

There was a moment of silence, and Kurt's own words rang in his head, and he tried to keep himself believing them before Blaine interrupted his thoughts.  "We could keep doing this."  He mumbled.  Kurt shot him a look of confusion, causing Blaine to stutter.  "I mean, if, like, since you said sex feels good, and you don't want to date, I mean, never mind.  Sorry, that was weird."

Kurt stared at him with a look that was somewhere between disbelief and intrigue.  "You mean like friends with benefits?"  A mocking smile played on his lips.

The boy shrugged.  "It can't hurt."

"Of course it can!  We could, I mean . . .." Kurt fumbled with his words, realizing that he couldn't really pinpoint a reason that it was a bad idea.  "Everyone knows that friends with benefits never works."

With renewed drive, Blaine wasn't ready to let go of his idea just yet.  "Why couldn't it work?  It worked just now.  Look, dating is obviously off the table, and I think we've both grown a bit too far apart over the last couple months to do that.  I mean, if we were dating, there would be no way that we were sitting this far apart on a bed right after sex.  We'd be in some creepy human cuddle pretzel.  And I think I speak for both of us when I say that we aren't up for that."  Kurt nodded in agreement.  "But I know how to have sex with you than with anyone else, so why let this opportunity go to waste?"   Blaine finished his speech with a deep breath and watched as Kurt pondered the idea.  

Kurt gave Blaine a concerned look.  "And you're sure you can do this?  I mean, not get into it, like, emotionally?"

Blaine forced a smile.  "Of course."

Kurt accepted the response, and then played with words that had been rolling in his head since the beginning of the night.

It can't hurt.