Helpless Angel

It seemed like the entire earth was in utter darkness except for Kurt's bedroom. No sound came from anywhere else in the school and the window framed only black and a faint reflection of two figures struggling in a corner. Kurt realised with a sick feeling in his stomach that one of those figures was him. The one that was losing.

'B-Blaine, please…I'm begging you…stop!' He pleaded with Blaine, gripping onto his t shirt as if trying to repel him through desperation. It was useless, though; if anything, Blaine was encouraged to push him further into the wall, grinding himself into Kurt's slighter body like a dog on heat. His hands seemed to be everywhere at once. His rear, his face, his neck, his crotch… Kurt whimpered and tried to close himself off by wrapping his arms around himself and crouching forward. Blaine was having none of it. He grabbed Kurt's neck roughly and pinned him back to the wall as his other hand finished undoing Kurt's jeans. Kurt let out a choking sound when he felt his jeans crumbling to the floor, leaving most of his lower body bare. A soft hand caressed his hip, where his leg met the hem of his underwear, and what felt like a thumb pressed into his inner thigh and roamed upwards until it was met with yet another choked gasp. Kurt heard a soft chuckle near his ear, and the hand on his neck slowly slid down to the top button of his shirt. He struggled again, but mostly out of fear rather than any form of belief that it would make any difference. He was rewarded by being shoved into the wall once more. In his several moments of pain and dizziness, Kurt lost his shirt. The first he knew about it was when he felt Blaine's cool fingers dragging down his chest to his navel. He had never felt more naked in his life.

Blaine smirked at him, his eyes hungry with desire. Kurt watched him through his tears and almost fell apart when those beautiful brown eyes focused on his underwear. No, no, no no…please just leave me… He squeezed his eyes shut, unable to watch anymore. To make matters worse, Blaine seemed to take pleasure in drawing out the process by forcing a kiss on the shaking boy's lips. Kurt could taste traces of alcohol, making him think how much Blaine could have drank in order to be able to do what he's doing now. The fact Blaine now didn't even seem tipsy now made him think perhaps he would be doing it anyway. The thought pained him through his heart. Blaine's tongue found its way to Kurt's and mercilessly tackled it to the point of Kurt's defeat. He moaned into his mouth as his hands circled his hips and finally slipped under the waistband of his briefs. Kurt made a pitiful sound of refusal but no amount of squirming was enough to stop those hands exploring him shamelessly. He felt his legs be lifted and the soft sound of his underwear hitting the floor soon followed. 

'Blaine-please…st-stop…' His voice couldn't last beyond a whisper, and part of him hoped Blaine wouldn't hear how defeated he was. But he did.

'Baby, just relax and go with it,' Blaine licked around his ear, his smirk evident in his voice. 'You'll enjoy it. I'll fuck that sweet little halo off your head, don't you worry, angel…' He laughed at his own joke as he pressed his fully-clothed body against Kurt's now entirely naked one, and, as a hardness pressed into his leg, Kurt felt a sharp pain in his chest knowing Blaine was getting off on the power he had over him. Until then, he still held on desperately to the idea that maybe some little part of Blaine, no matter how tiny, still cared for him, still loved him like he used to, but as Kurt was pulled and shoved back on his bed, all hope in that was lost.

He tried to scramble backwards on the bed before Blaine could reach him again yet his legs were shaking so badly he just looked ridiculous. Blaine laughed at his attempts as he slowly strode over to him, like a cat towards a trapped mouse. At the foot of the bed he began to remove his t shirt and kick off his shoes. Not once did his gaze leave Kurt's, and not once did he look anything less than excited at their predicament. Kurt pushed himself up against his headboard with only one thought reeling in his head.

Once he gets on the bed, I make for the door. Run and don't look back. Kick, scratch-anything to salvage enough time to unlock the door….

He didn't have to wait long until Blaine tossed aside his own clothes, leaving on his own briefs, and put one knee up on the bed. Kurt prepared himself to leap off the bed but then something caught his eye which made his stomach twist even more. Blaine was so hard. Kurt had seen him turned on before and had felt the firmness of his full-on erection, but never before had he seen it so prominent and desperately staining against clothing to be released, and never before had he ever been utterly terrified of it. With a muffled cry, he got to his feet and jumped to the floor. His legs crumbled beneath him at the impact on their unsteady state, but he didn't let that stop him from clambering towards the door. Behind him, he heard Blaine swear in a growling fashion. Less than two feet away from the oak frame, Kurt felt Blaine's strong grip around his ankle and he was then easily dragged back along the floor. He turned his body to kick out at him but as he flipped onto his back he was met with a single blow to his stomach. He almost lost consciousness right there and then from the pain, and he wished he had, but part of him was still aware enough to know he was being picked up and dumped back on his bed.

'You little shit…' He couldn't see through a haze of red and black, but Blaine's angered voice was as clear as day. Kurt immediately felt like a fool for trying to run. He never stood a chance in hell and all he succeeded in doing was increasing the level of pain he was going to receive. He wept into his sheets, his fingers clawing at them until Blaine took both his wrists in his hand and pinned them above his head. 'You ever-' He hit Kurt across the face with his free hand, '-ever-' Another hit, 'try to run from me again, you'll find yourself unable to fucking walk! Understand?' After yet another hand across the face, Kurt felt his neck being pushed down as if a clamp was around him. He found himself nodding weakly, but knew it wasn't his own doing. After a few moments, Blaine's grip seemed to leave him and he could hear him huff faintly as he took off his underwear. When his sight returned to him, Kurt was met with a fully naked Blaine kneeling above him. The little escape attempt didn't seem to have disturbed his arousal at all. Blaine stroked himself calmly and lifted Kurt's almost lifeless legs up onto his shoulders.

Kurt watched him, unable to accept what was happening until he felt the other shift under him and position himself at his rear. Panic returned to him and he struggled weakly to move his body away. 'Blaine…' He breathed, 'Blaine, please-!'

Blaine stared down at him, his gaze hard resolved. 'What?' He leaned forward, deliberately pushing himself into Kurt's entrance just enough to feel the beginnings of pleasure. 'You told me you loved me, Kurt. You should want this. You should want to feel me inside you. And you do.' He smirked, 'You just don't know it yet.'

His mouth found Kurt's just in time to stop the other boy from talking back. He couldn't, however, stop the scream that erupted from Kurt when Blaine shoved himself deep inside him. Blaine's face lit up at the tightness that now surrounded his shaft. He groaned and pulled out just enough before slamming himself back in without a second thought. Kurt cried out and struggled in utter anguish. He felt like he was being ripped from the inside. Blaine was too big. His legs tried to spread as wide as they could, but it didn't stop the agony or the tearing sensation deep inside him.

Blaine had grabbed hold of his waist and was beginning to rock into him faster and harder using his grip to keep Kurt steady. 'Fuck, Kurt-Oh, holy shhh-!' He panted as his eyes roamed Kurt's sweaty body. His pleasured expression was only increased when he noticed how strained Kurt was and how desperately he was clinging to the bed sheets. He leaned down wrapped his arms around him, grinding himself against Kurt's own member. He angled himself so he was able to push himself in to his very base, his moans becoming more and more intense and louder.

Kurt squeezed his eyes shut. W-Why won't he stop? He's going too fast-I can't-! Stop, please, pl-

Kurt wasn't sure when he lost consciousness. Part of him had hoped that it was early on, but he couldn't lie to himself. Moments before everything went black, he felt two sensations. The first was of Blaine's red-hot release spilling into him, filling him to the point of him leaking. The second sensation shamed him more than he had ever thought possible. Right before he passed out, he felt himself shiver in unmistakable lustful pleasure.

Kurt wasn't sure when he actually woke up. It had seemed his eyes had always been open, staring out of the window at the rising sun as he lay on his side, and it was simply his consciousness which slowly came to. Whatever the time, he could tell it must have been mid-morning. The birds had been singing for quite a few hours now but the grounds and halls were too quiet for it to be after ten. What day was it anyway? Saturday. It has to be Saturday, because yesterday was Friday. Although it wouldn't be the first time I was wrong about something, or someone, I believed I understood… Kurt squeezed his eyes shut, finding they stung badly from either the excessive staring or the fact his eyes had shed so many tears in just one night. Other than that, he didn't move. Behind him, he could feel Blaine's warm body pressed up against his. A hand was resting on his hip, the fingers curling into his skin gently. Kurt guessed he was still asleep and did not want to change that. Blaine wasn't a light sleeper but it would be a risk to even try moving an inch. Kurt swallowed heavily, wishing he could just curl up into a ball. His whole body felt cold and damp despite the warm gaze of the sun warming up his entire room. It was a miracle he wasn’t shaking. His blanket which normally gave comfort from its cosy thickness just seemed heavy on his skinny frame and acted as a second reason he believed he couldn't move. He bit his bottom lip as he realised that even after….last night, this was the most he ever felt trapped in his own room. Last night. No, don't think about that. Last night when Blaine did that to him. Stop it! Just stop, you'll just make things worse! But he found he couldn't even lie to himself. How could he make things worse now? The worst has already been done.

Kurt couldn't stop a shuddering breath from escaping him at that thought. His blood ran cold immediately after when the hand on his hip tightened its hold on him and pulled so he was lying on his back.

'You're awake,' Blaine smiled down at him, his voice a little scratchy from sleep but still pleased and content. 'I've been watching you, thinking you were fast asleep.' He leaned down and kissed Kurt's forehead slowly. Kurt didn't move. He couldn't look him in the eye, so he just stared straight up at the ceiling. 'You're so beautiful when you sleep…' Kurt swallowed again, wondering why he didn't just leave when he had the chance. His own voice was gone, and Blaine's words just made him feel sick to his stomach. How could he say these things? How could he be beautiful? His body was riddled with utter shame and self-contempt. Where is the beauty in that? Kurt's stomach turned, and he moved himself around to face the window again. 'Kurt, baby, what's wrong?'

Kurt folded his hands between his pillow and his cheek as he tried to focus on a little robin perched on his windowsill. He realised than any sane person would be demanding-no, pleading-for an explanation for what he did. The way he defiled him. Yet Kurt knew from Blaine's last words that such a reaction would be fruitless. Blaine doesn't think he has done anything wrong… A gentle finger caressed his cheek, followed by a kiss just under his ear. Blaine's lips hovered just there as he took in the morning scent of his boyfriend.

'Last night…' Kurt's voice broke through the silence so unexpectedly he even caught himself off guard. His voice was weak and feeble, like someone who was on the verge of tears despite the fact he had no more to cry. Blaine didn't say anything so he continued. 'Last night-why did you…Blaine, th-that was r-….' He tried hard to finish that sentence, but he found he couldn't and instead pulled his blanket up to his mouth after letting out a choked sound. It was obvious what that last word was.

Blaine still didn't say a word. His face still rested on Kurt's, and his breathing was calm and steady. He was thinking about Kurt's question, or his answer. Kurt began to wonder if he had even heard him. Then, Blaine's light and soothing response came. 'Baby, it wasn't.' He gave him a patronising smile which Kurt had only ever seen on the faces of parents when their child was upset about something silly. 'Don't you remember? You wanted it.' His arms gently pulled him closer, something which used to give Kurt unbelievable comfort. 'You were so beautiful, so sexy. Kurt, you're mine and I'm yours. That is what lovers do.'

Kurt tried to pull away from him, but the arms didn't let up so all he accomplished was an unceremonious turn after which he was face to face with the dark haired beauty. 'I didn't want it-!'

'You did, Kurt,' Blaine interrupted firmly but his tone was still caring. 'Your body wanted it but you struggled with the intensity of it all.' His fingers softly curved around his cheekbones. 'Baby, baby, that happens. The best thing to do is to just push through it, like we did. Don't you remember how amazing it was? You screamed my name and we came together. Then you fell asleep in my arms.' Blaine's eyes glazed over and his smile grew, as if he was thinking of the memory and basking in its apparent glory. Kurt, however, did not have such a memory. All he could recall was the pain, the humiliation and the overwhelming sense of betrayal and self-disgust. That and…that moment of pleasure before he figured he passed out. Suddenly nauseous, Kurt closed his eyes and lowered his face between them. He had felt it. It had begun to feel so good and had managed to overshadow the hurt.

Blaine looked at him carefully, sensing Kurt's mental weakness. 'Baby…' He whispered in his ear. 'I'm sorry you got scared. I'm sorry if I read you wrong. I thought you were just playing, I didn't know because you sounded like you liked it.' Kurt shook his head slowly but heavily. He was beginning to get a headache trying to remember the night before since most of the morning he had been trying to scrape it from his memories. Every time he stumbled upon a recollection, his head pounded hard as if punishing him. Eventually he just stopped trying. It was too painful now. He knew the truth, and he knew what the truth told him about himself and Blaine. Deep down, he knew. But admitting it to himself was too painful. If only what Blaine said was true…

'I didn't…'

'Kurt, baby, you did.'

'I…did…'

'That's right, shh…c'mere,'

Blaine's strong arms wrapped around Kurt. They both knew it was all pretence but it made them feel better.

Kurt let himself be pulled in.

An hour later, Kurt found himself staring once again. This time his eyes were gazing, unfocused, on the steamed up glass door of his shower. He had been in there for about ten minutes just standing doing nothing. Part of him had forgotten why he was there in the first place. His eyes slowly fell to the soap in his hand and he gradually began washing his now thoroughly wet body. His skin felt different, more…numb than usual and he vaguely wondered if he was coming down with something. I should be so luck-ow! He gasped in pain as his shoulder began to throb where his hand had been rubbing. Kurt looked around to see if there were any visible signs of injury and was met with bruises running up his arm. He glanced to his other arm and it was like a mirrored image. How-?

Knock-knock 'Kurt, are you alright? Will you be much longer?'

Kurt's eyes flew to the closed door. Of course: Blaine. For the first time that morning, Kurt actually looked at himself. Dark marks of various colours littered his skin and stood out like shiny black stones in a patch of pure white snow - all left over from last night. Kurt swallowed hard at the hazy recollections of Blaine's vice-like hands gripping and pulling him. No wonder he was in this state. He didn't want to think about this. He especially didn't want to think about Blaine forcing himself inside him or the fact that he was rapidly becoming aware of the tearing pain which was making him lean heavily on the shower walls.

'Y-yeah, fine. I'll be out in a minute.' He called back. He tried to keep his voice as steady as he could and he could make out the sound of Blaine walking away from the door. Without putting much thought into his actions, Kurt tried to clean himself off as quickly as possible. The sooner he covered himself up, the better. Stepping out the shower Kurt caught sight of himself in the semi-steamed up mirror and immediately felt like throwing up and crying at the same time. He knew he'd been losing weight, and he had discovered his 'roughing up' marks only minutes before but yet coming face to face, so to speak, with both factors at once…

His hand reached out and nervously touched the glass. His skin was colourless despite having just come out of a hot shower. I look like death…

'You look beautiful.'

Kurt almost slipped as he jumped in fearful surprise at the voice. Blaine caught his elbow and upper arm and steadied him on the damp tiled floor.

'Wh-what?' Kurt found himself asking, deciding there was no point in wondering how Blaine could just enter locked rooms without a sound.

Blaine looked him in the eye. 'You don't look like death, baby. You look beautiful. Like a doll.' He smiled and took a step forward to hug his wet frame from behind. 'My little porcelain doll that only I can touch.'

Kurt hadn't realised he had spoken his thoughts aloud. Together with Blaine, he stared at his reflection in the mirror. Blaine looked blissful, as if what he said was true. If Kurt had believed he was telling the truth, he would have been even more scared. But all Kurt saw was a shadow of his past self. A mutilated form of the person he used to be. And the sight killed him. 'I've got so many…P-people are going to see-'

'Just wear long sleeved shirts.' Blaine smiled and kissed his bare neck. 'Don't worry, baby, you hardly notice it under the uniform. Only I'll see. I promise.'