He loved being at his aunt’s farm. He loved it because it was an escape. He could escape from the busy, noisy city, from New York, and just sit still in the peace. He could look at the stars, the stars that almost never shone brightly enough to be seen from his apartment in New York. He had missed these quiet summers where he wasn’t to busy to just hang out and relax with his family. It had been too long.
Kurt thought of his fashion label, how hard he had worked to get where he was in the world today. Was it worth it? Was giving up love, friends and family worth it? He used to think it was, but lately he just didn’t know. His family had been won back easily, not that they even needed to be won back. They had always been there for him, his father, Carole, his aunt, Finn. They had always been there, even when he was so sure he didn’t need them. His friends on the other hand didn’t want to have him back that easily. Rachel needed a long, well prepared speech of an apology, but Kurt complied, and he was there for her Broadway debut. At twenty five Rachel had finally gotten the recognition she deserved, and Kurt couldn’t be prouder of her. Mercedes just needed a good talk. She needed to know why she had stopped being important and why he had run off without even checking in once in a while. It helped that her husband had been there with him, when they had their talk. He, Alexander as Kurt remembered his name was, had been taking good care of her and he seemed to love her over everything else on earth. Kurt was thankful Alexander had been there, was there now, because Mercedes deserved no less. Especially now that she was pregnant. Kurt smiled as he continued to gaze up at the stars. Mercedes pregnant. She had given up her dreams of being a famous singer when she met Alexander. From then on her only dream had been to be his. Kurt was happy she had gotten her dream. Tina had been sobbing into his arms since the moment she opened her door. At first Kurt thought it was because she was so happy to see him, but later he learned that her ex-boyfriend had left her, just some minutes ago. Kurt had been furious, because how could someone possibly leave someone like Tina? But then again, Mike had done it. Kurt never understood why he had, probably never would either, but it hurt him. He had been so certain that they would always be together.
Kurt didn’t really know where any of the others were, except for Quinn. He had been to see her at the same time as he saw Rachel. She was living in New York as well, still crushing on the beautiful brunette. He had encouraged her to just go ahead and tell Rachel already because it was getting ridiculous. He hoped she would take his advice soon. Rachel could really need someone like Quinn in her life. They all could. She had grown up so much since High School, left that vicious, but yet so sad, girl behind, and she was now one of the best people Kurt knew, just as Rachel had always known she was, or could be. Kurt was proud of her.
And then there was Blaine. He hadn’t spoken to Blaine in five years. The last time they had met, Kurt had been twenty. He remembered it well, because how could he forget? He had broken it off with the love of his life for something as stupid as a career. It had taken him years to realize just how much he needed Blaine in his life, but it was too late. He knew it was too late. So, when he had gone on his ”beg for forgiveness” tour, he hadn’t stopped by Blaine’s apartment. He was still in New York, Kurt knew that, but he just couldn’t do it. He was too scared of the sight he might be greeted with. Was Blaine married? Had he moved on? Or even worse, was he still grieving Kurt? Kurt knew he had been a fool not to even give his relationship with Blaine a try, while still going for his career. But now there was nothing he could do but move on. He just didn’t think he could.
Kurt closed his eyes, and imagined Blaine’s sweet face close to his own. He could almost smell him, feel the younger boy’s curls on his forehead. Kurt let out a choked sob, quickly opening his eyes. Oh, how he missed Blaine. Five years it had been, five years without Blaine. His Blaine. And still he remembered every single detail of his body, the exact colour of his eyes, the way he smelled, and the sound of his laugh. They were all there, stored inside his mind, something so unforgettable. It had been love, Kurt was certain of that.
He sighed, and stood up, ready to leave the field and go inside. Staying out here was messing up his mind too much. Stars had always been one of Blaine’s favourite things, and Kurt couldn’t look at them anymore without recalling Blaine’s beautiful face.
He heard something move inside the forest to this left, a rustling of leaves. For a second he was convinced that it was Blaine, that Blaine had found him.
”Blaine?” he called out, his voice shaking and breaking, even at the single word. His mouth curved around it, and he allowed himself to taste it. He hadn’t said the word out loud for years, hadn’t allowed himself, but doing it now broke his heart. It smashed it. It was almost as if someone was squeezing his heart, and they wouldn’t stop.
”No,” someone said, ”it’s me, Finn.” Kurt let out another strangled sob, and clutched his chest, which ached painfully.
”Are you okay?” Finn asked concerned. The sight that greeted him was not one he was used to. Kurt looked so sad, so utterly broken, that Finn didn’t know what to do. It almost looked as if he was dying a painful death, and Finn just had no idea what was going on. Kurt shook his head with visible effort, and fell to his knees.
”Blaine,” he choked out, and Finn realized. He didn’t know how exactly, but he just knew. He knew why Kurt was acting the way he was, because he had seen it before. He had been there when Mike had broken Tina’s heart, and the reaction had been similar, except for the fact that Tina had somehow made it even more dramatic than Kurt was at the moment. But there his brother was, sitting on his knees outside, on the ground, in his designer jeans, and Finn knew that he was broken. And that there was only one person who could heal him, and that person wasn’t Finn.
”Come on,” he said gently, helping Kurt to his feet, and keeping a hold of him as they went inside. The pair of them passed Burt in the hallway, but just as Burt was about to open his mouth, Finn shook his head. It was the sort of headshake that promised an explanation, but later, because right now Finn had to get Kurt up to his bedroom and allow him to cry himself to sleep. Yes, Kurt was twenty five, but he was also broken. And Finn knew that he needed it.
”Goodnight,” Finn whispered in to the dark bedroom, after he had helped Kurt out of his clothes and in to his pyjamas, and tucked him in. He didn’t get an answer. As he walked downstairs, he wondered how it had come to this. Kurt had seemed so fine just after the breakup, so strong, so fierce. What had happened to break him this way, and to make him so vulnerable?
”What’s wrong?” Burt asked concerned the moment Finn walked back downstairs. Finn sighed, before looking in to Burt’s eyes. Burt saw something there, something he couldn’t quite place.
”We need to call Blaine.” Burt’s eyes widened at the implication. He shook his head, because they couldn’t. It wasn’t fair to Blaine, calling him up when Kurt needed him. As much as Burt loved his son, he loved Blaine as well, and he knew how much Kurt had hurt him, and now that he was just starting to function again Finn wanted them to call him?
”Why?” he asked, even though he was sure he knew the answer. Kurt had always drowned his sorrows, or feelings at all, in his work, his sketches. Burt was certain he had done that during the breakup with Blaine.
”Because he is so broken, Burt,” Finn started, his arms reaching up to tear at his hair. ”I have never seen Kurt this way, not even when he spoke of his mother. It’s like-” Finn paused, not really knowing how to express just how bad it was, ”He thought that I was Blaine earlier, when he was out looking at the stars. He seemed so certain, even if he was just choking the name out. When he understood that I wasn’t Blaine he fell to the ground. I can’t – I can’t see him like this, I won’t allow it.” Burt smiled at his son, feeling so proud of him. Finn might not be Burt’s biologically, but over the years Burt had started to think of him as his own. He was in awe at how far the boy had come since High School.
Finally, but reluctantly, Burt nodded, giving Finn his approval. Finn swallowed before picking up his phone and calling Blaine. It needed to be done.