Sept. 11, 2012, 2:38 p.m.
Hearts
You're In My Heart : Chapter 29 - Dragged Backward Through the Gates of Hell
E - Words: 6,965 - Last Updated: Sep 11, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 36/36 - Created: Jul 07, 2012 - Updated: Sep 11, 2012 487 0 4 0 0
It was cold. Blaine was cold. He shivered, trying to get enough strength to move, he had to get up and get out of the snow before he froze. They always said that if you fell asleep in the snow, you'd freeze, by falling asleep. Sleep. That sounded good, so good. But Kurt....where was Kurt? Kurt never left him, he told him over and over he would never leave him behind, So, where was he? What was that? A wolf howling? Hmm...maybe he should be frightened, but he wasn't. He knew the wolf, but he didn't know why. Blaine walked a little way, but it got darker, colder, and Blaine knew he was freezing. He'd stopped shivering now – but he was no warmer, so he knew it meant his body was giving up, was slowing down, would be gone soon. Blaine couldn't find it in himself to care. He closed his eyes, wrapping his arms around himself and just waited for the end.
It was a long wait, and towards the end he began to think over his life. His parents were not really a big part of that life. Oh, now he wondered if he would meet his father where he was going. Hmmm, he wondered what that meeting would be like? But so many people were dead, everyone from the beginning of time until now; he wasn't sure his father could even find him. He wanted to stay, not sure why for a moment, then Cooper's face came to mind. Cooper. His brother, almost a generation older, more like a father than their own father had been to him. He could feel Cooper's arms around him sometimes, even when his brother was gone away for a while. But Cooper wasn't the one Blaine's muscles wanted to hold right now. It was Kurt. His Kurt.
There was one thing he would regret by leaving his life behind. He had promised Kurt he wouldn't. It was a time similar to this, he thought, but he couldn't remember the details – just that he had made a promise to Kurt. That neither one of them would leave the other behind. So, which way was this going? - was he leaving Kurt, or had Kurt left him? He better find out before he left. Damn, he was shivering again. He forced himself to get up, every muscle, tendon, ligament, every organ and bone, all throbbing in a symphony of pain. He shied away from all the pain, blinding him with its intensity. But as much as it hurt, as much as he was cold and numb and wanted to go to sleep to get away from the pain creeping up his back to make his head explode, he forced himself to stay: forced his heart to keep beating, forced his lungs to fill and empty, forced his blood to keep moving, forced his mind to stay awake. It was the hardest thing he had ever done, but he did it for Kurt. For one last touch of Kurt's lips to his. Just one more minute with kitten......
He might have fallen asleep for a while, he wasn't sure. But the cold was gone. The shivering was still here, but now it was hot. Not just hot, but swampy, damp, searing hot with heavy, body-draining life-sucking humidity. His head still hurt, radiating down his back and out through his body, into his limbs to throb in burning streams running in rivers under his skin. He needed...he needed...water. He needed water. Kurt would bring him water if he asked.
“Kurt?” Blaine opened his eyes.
“Blaine...oh, Blaine. Stay with me, baby. I think you have meningitis again, maybe. Don't try to leave me again, I'm here, Blaine, I won't leave you...” Kurt's eyes were filled to overflowing with tears, running down his face, his eyes a clear royal blue. The color of water.
“Water?” Blaine really wanted water. He was hot, sizzling inside. He tried to sit up and the pain went from the bottom of his spine like a rocket, searing his back as it exploded in his head. He couldn't even take a breath for a minute, the pain was so bad, then he turned his head and vomit came spewing out, but he couldn't even move to clear his mouth.
Kurt jumped to miss the splatter, but came close and placed his ice cold hand on Blaine's forehead. He cleared Blaine's mouth to make sure he could breathe.
“It's okay, baby. I'll get you some water. Just don't leave me, sweetheart. Please don't leave me.” Blaine could hear the desperate pleading in his voice, and it made him hurt more, but in a different way. He could live with the exploding pain in his head, but not with hurting Kurt. He took a deep breath, choking on the vomit in his mouth – but he struggled to breathe and knew he would stay here, not fall asleep to die in the cold of his dream. Kurt was back and was clearing his mouth again with a cool cloth, then his hands were back with a small glass of water to drip cool drops slowly into Blaine's mouth. He reached out and tangled his fingers in Kurt's cool hand.
Earlier that night
Kurt woke up to hear Aramis howling. It was an eerie, scary sound, and loud – Aramis was at the foot of the bed. Kurt was hot, really hot. He must have gotten Blaine's flu and now he had a fever. He turned over, and the heat immediately cooled. Kurt sat up, shaking the sleep from his brain, trying to make sense of what just happened. He turned and started to cover Blaine up again, but felt the heat rolling off of him in waves. He touched his forehead to find it sizzling.
“Blaine?” He gasped. “Blaine?” But Blaine was unconscious. He shook him a little, but no response. Kurt reached into the bedside table and took out the instant read thermometer. He put it up to Blaine's ear and it beeped. Kurt turned cold with fear as he read it: 104.6 degrees.
He wanted to scream, to have someone else come and save Blaine, to tell him Blaine was fine, it was just a dream...but it wasn't and there was nobody else. He straightened his spine and calmed himself down.
He picked up his phone, dialing 911.
“What is your emergency?”
“My fiancé is unconscious and has a temperature of 104. I need an ambulance immediately.”
The operator read his address off of her computer screen.
“Yes, that's the address. How soon can they get here?”
“Sir, the city is completely snowed in. Your address indicates you live in a rural area and the roads out there aren't plowed. I will relay your emergency to the ambulance service, but I don't know how long until they can get there, if they can.”
“Oh, my god....” Kurt whimpered. This couldn't be happening.
“Stay calm. What's your name?”
“Kurt. I'm here alone with him, and we're definitely snowed in. Oh, my god....””
“Okay, Kurt. I need to ask you some questions. Can you stay calm and answer them for me, honey?” The operator was trained to keep people calm in an emergency and her voice turned to calm assertiveness to get the information she needed as quickly as possible.
“What's your fiancé's name?”
“Blaine.”
“Is he near to you right now?”
“Yes, we're in our bed, he's right next to me.”
“I want you to check and see if he's breathing, can you do that?”
“Yes.” Kurt put his hand on Blaine's chest, feeling the strong heart pumping, the lungs fill with air and push it out again. “He is breathing, and I can feel his heart pumping, too.” Kurt felt relieved.
“Okay. You took his temperature, right?”
“Yes, it's 104.6.”
“That's high, but you need to know that it isn't dangerous until it is over 106, so keep calm for now. If he is unconscious, don't try to give him pills.”
“He...he isn't responding. He was awake for a short time, but he vomited. I gave him just a few sips of water, but he vomited again. Now he's shivering.”
“Has he ever had symptoms like this before?”
“Yes, he had meningitis...bacterial meningitis last June. Oh, my god, I think it's happening again...”
“Kurt. Stay with me, honey. You need to stay with me to help Blaine. You need to keep a level head. It's important. Are you with me?”
“Yes.” Kurt swallowed, shook his head a little and looked at Blaine. He was pale, but not scary pale. He would be okay, if Kurt kept his head clear.
“I have the ambulance service on the other line. They have snow cats, and they are going to try to get to your house. It might take a while, but I will remain on the line with you the whole time if you need me. My name is Rusty, and I will stay with you. Okay?”
“Okay. Thank you, Rusty.”
“Kurt. Calm down. I am going to connect you with the emergency room of the hospital now, so hold on. If something happens to break the connection, I will call you back. Hold on.”
Kurt's entire body slumped. He was really afraid. Last time they were able to get Blaine to the hospital very quickly, Kurt did not know what to do. He knew that if they didn't start antibiotics right away, Blaine could die. The nurse came on, got the information and a doctor came on. He directed Kurt to remove the blankets and try to keep him cool. Kurt was really frustrated, he didn't think this doctor was much help. He ended the call, telling the doctor he would call back if anything changed.
Kurt put a kiss on Blaine's cheek as he hung up the phone. He dialed Cooper's cell.
“Kurt? It's 3 in the mor...”
“Cooper! I need your help, but ...oh, I don't know what you can do. Blaine has a fever over 104, he's unconscious, I called an ambulance, but they can't come because the roads are not plowed. Oh, Cooper, help me. Help me help Blaine.....,” Kurt let his panic show through in his voice a little.
“Okay, give me five minutes. Get dressed and ready to go. Go out back and get the torches from the shed at the side of the patio, you know, the tiki torches for summer parties. Put them in a circle in the snow and light them all. Lock Aramis inside the mudroom with three bowls of water and three of food, and wait.” Unlike his brother, once awake, Cooper hit the ground running, thinking on his feet is what kept his company afloat.
“What?” Kurt asked, it made no sense.
“No time to explain. Just wait, help is on the way. I have to go. Take care of my baby brother, Kurt. I know you will. And don't leave his side, no matter what.”
“Okay, Coop.”
Kurt pulled on several layers of clothes and his boots, when the phone rang again.
“Hello?”
“Kurt, honey, this is Rusty at emergency services. I'm checking back. Are you doing okay?”
“Yes. Thank you for calling back. I got hold of Blaine's brother, he's working on getting us some help.”
“Okay. The ambulance service is headed toward your house in a truck, when they can't move in the snow anymore, they will use the snow cats. It looks like maybe two hours before they can get there. I can stay with you on the phone if you want me to. Or I can call back in a few minutes.”
“I have to do a few things, so I'm going to hang up. Yes, call me back in ten minutes, okay?”
“Of course, Kurt. I'm here for you.”
He slid on his jacket and stepped across the patio to the shed to extract the torches, moving through the drifts of snow to place them in a circle and lit them. If he was thinking, he would have figured out why these were necessary, but he was only thinking of Blaine. That task done, he took care of Aramis and finally he went back in to sit by Blaine. Blaine felt hotter, but taking his temperature again, it was down a few tenths of a degree.
Blaine was moving in his sleep, flailing his arms and mumbling.
“Easy, baby, I'm here. I won't leave, Help is on the way, Blaine. Cooper is sending help. Don't leave me, baby...don't leave. Stay here with me.” He tried to keep the desperation out of his voice, telling himself that Cooper would send help, that Blaine had lived through this before, so he would again.
Blaine was thrashing in his sleep, calling for Kurt not to leave him. All Kurt could do was hold him, promising not to leave him ever, begging Blaine to come back. Then he woke up a little, asking for water and Kurt brought him a small cup of warm water before he threw up again. He was thinking about ways to bring the fever down, maybe putting him in a lukewarm bath? Only about 20 minutes had gone by, though it felt like a week when he heard a loud noise. A really loud noise, coming from the backyard. His cell rang.
“Kurt, it's Cooper. The company helicopter should be there any minute. Help them get my brother in and go with him, I'm trying to find a way to get to the hospital. They are ready and waiting for you, and you can stay with him, it's all been arranged. Take care of him, Kurt.”
“Okay, it's here. Thank you, Cooper. I think you saved his life.”
He called Rusty back.
“Blaine's brother sent his company helicopter, so you can call off the ambulance. And thank you, Rusty. Thank you.” He hung up.
The French door to the bedroom opened and the helicopter pilot came in, Kurt helped him bundle Blaine in blankets for the flight to the hospital. It was like a movie, nothing seemed real as he sat in the loud helicopter and they took off. Blaine was awake, but groggy and stiff with trying not to move his head or neck, crying in pain whenever the helicopter dipped. It was scary to be up in the wind, but he was assured that since the snow had stopped, the wind had died down and it was safe. They landed on the roof of the hospital, and the pilot told Kurt he was going to try to find a way to get to Cooper. While the Anderson house had a huge space to land, the Jones' house was in a more suburban area, with closer houses and trees, but they would try to set down in the street.
The ER staff was there, strapping Blaine down on a gurney to take him directly to ICU. The halls were empty this time of the morning, a clock he passed said it was 4:17. Kurt held Blaine's hand in a death grip, almost running beside them as they whisked him into a room. The nurses were ready with IVs and a doctor, giving orders while Kurt stood beside Blaine, pleading with his lover not to leave him. Two hours later, Blaine was in ICU with machines and IVs when his brother came in, out of breath from his run through the hospital after being flown there by the same helicopter. He threw his arms around Kurt, kissing his cheek before gently placing his hand on Blaine's chest.
“Oh, Blainey, why are you doing this again? Please hold on.” He had tears in his eyes. Blaine moved his hand to Cooper's, taking it and looking up into his brother's eyes.
“I'll be okay, Coop. I need to meet my nephew, after all. I can't have you raising him without me.” He smiled a tiny smile, then turned his eyes back to Kurt, the lovelight shining as he murmured to his lover, “Kurt, I'm not going anywhere, as long as you're here with me.”
The next few hours were a nightmare. Hospital staff came and went, doctors explained each procedure to Kurt. They first got fluid into Blaine, feeding it into him with IVs. They gave him broad-spectrum antibiotics until the cultures came back, telling them exactly what bacteria was causing this. He got fever reducers, antiemitics to stop him from vomiting, a seditive to keep him calm and strong narcotics to stop the pain. But Kurt knew the pain was still there, Blaine mumbling and crying in pain, even when he slept. They came and did a spinal tap. Kurt almost never let go of his hand, telling him how much he loved him, that he would never leave him, begging Blaine not to leave him. All that time, the staff moved around Kurt, never asking him to let go of Blaine's hand. They all saw how it saved Blaine last time, and most took it for the miracle it was, including the doctor.
Blaine was sleeping and Cooper was taking his turn to hold Blaine's hand while Kurt went to the restroom. Coming out, he took out his cell phone to call his father. After a few minutes, spent finding the phone number of the hotel in New York, connecting to his dad's room, he heard someone answer.
“Hello?” a groggy voice said.
“Dad?...no..Finn?” Kurt asked. They must have connected him to the wrong room.
“Kurt? It's early, what's up? We're all still asleep, late night since we saw Wicked last night. It was...”
“Finn! “
“Kurt?”
“Where's my dad? I need to talk to him right away. Now, Finn.”
“Okay, he's in the other bed, just a minute..what's wrong?”
“It's Blaine. I'm at the hospital. He has meningitis again, and it looks bad. We were snowed in and Cooper had to get his company helicopter to get us. Oh, Finn...get my dad,” Kurt was almost crying.
“He's here, Kurt. I'm praying for Blaine right now,” Finn said.
There was some clunking and banging as Finn walked to the other bed, apparently shaking Burt awake. “Praying? What, Finn..who is this?” Kurt could hear his father speaking to Finn, who was probably handing the phone to him.
He could hear Finn's voice in the background. “Burt, it's Kurt. He's at the hospital with Blaine, he sounds like he's breaking down, you better talk to him “ Then:
“Kurt? It's Dad. What's going on there?” Burt spoke into the phone.
“Dad?” Kurt dissolved in tears, unable to speak, but Cooper came over and put a steadying arm around Kurt – they were taking Blaine out of the room on the gurney now – and Kurt handed the phone to him.
Cooper took the cell and spoke into it. “This is Cooper Anderson, to whom am I speaking?”
“This is Burt...what is going on there?”
“Oh, Burt. Hold a second and I'll explain it all to you,” he turned to Kurt. “They got the results of the spinal tap, is it meningitis. He's gone for a Cat Scan, we have to wait here. Sit here, okay?” Kurt nodded and sank back into the chair.
“Okay, I had to get Kurt sat down. Blaine is back in the hospital, he has meningitis again. We're snowed in, but I had the company chopper go get him and Kurt. We don't know a lot yet, but there is nothing you can do if you come early – the whole city is snowed in and the airport is closed. I'll keep you informed, though.”
“How long before they clear the runways?” Burt asked, making mental calculations.
“It's stopped snowing. I imagine it won't be more than two days..”
“We'll be home as soon as the airport opens. In the mean time, I don't need to ask you to take care of our boys. God, haven't they had enough in their young lives?”
“You know it, Burt. But you know I'll do anything in my power to help. You know Kurt isn't going to leave Blaine's side, I made it okay with the hospital, but I'll be here to make sure he eats and rests.”
“I better go tell Carole and Rachel. Call if you hear anything.”
“I will, Burt.”
Kurt looked up at Cooper. “Is it as bad as last time, Cooper?” he asked.
“I don't know. But you know I won't keep any information from you, Kurt. We're in this together. Now, I need to call Mercedes, so you rest for a few minutes until he comes back.” Kurt nodded.
They were soon back with Blaine, Kurt following him into the room. The nurse came in behind him, going to speak to Kurt, "He keeps asking for his kitten. I told him I was sure it was fine at home, but that seemed to confuse him."
"Ah...." Kurt blushed. "Kitten is what he...um... calls me."
The nurse actually giggled. Kurt gave her a frown,but it didn't last long, he really liked this nurse.
"That is just between you and me, okay?"
"Sure, Kurt," she agreed, smiling at how, even in the midst of crisis, these two were adorable.
He sat beside the bed, reaching to take Blaine's hand. Blaine opened his eyes. “I'm cold, Kurt. Cold.”
Kurt asked the nurse to get several heated blankets. Blaine's fever was down and the shivering had started again. The nurse returned with the blankets and Kurt helped her tuck them around Blaine. He looked up through half-opened eyes, “Thank you. Hold my hand?”
“Always,” Kurt said, holding the hand close to him, kissing Blaine's palm and folding it back around his own hand.
Hours later, Kurt was dozing in the chair beside Blaine's bed, having had to calm Blaine several times when he began to thrash in a nightmare, promising he would never leave over and over. Cooper was asleep in the cot they had brought in. Coop had offered it to Kurt so he could rest, but he refused. But Coop made him eat.
Blaine hadn't woken up in those hours and the doctor came in, asking Kurt and Cooper to step down the hall to his office. They followed, Kurt kissing Blaine's cheek before he left.
“We got the results back from the CAT Scan, and it doesn't look good. I won't beat around the bush, you know I'll tell you everything,” he sighed. He hated this part of his job. But he knew Kurt from the last time and had met Cooper a few times as well.
“There is infection in the fluid surrounding Blaine's brain. He is on the best antibiotics, and we've added steroids, but this is serious. I can wait until this afternoon to see if he gets better, but that increases the risk he will have brain damage. If we operate right now, inserting a shunt to drain off the fluid, we can prevent any more damage. But the surgery in itself is a risk. Blaine is not in good health, but the anesthesiologist is confident he can bring him safely out of the surgery. What we are worried about is the risk of damaging his brain from the operation itself.”
Kurt was white, but steady, He looked at Cooper. “Well?” he asked.
“Kurt, I am Blaine's guardian, and his brother. I love him, have raised him. But you are his husband in all but name, and you need to make this decision. You know he would have it that way.”
Kurt turned to the doctor. “Do it.” And he got up and walked back down the hall to Blaine's room.
He approached Blaine's bed, taking his hand, “Baby, wake up. Blaine. Wake up for me, please.”
Blaine opened his eyes, but was unable to focus on Kurt's face. He made a humming noise, but no words. Kurt patiently explained what the doctor had told him, not knowing if Blaine understood or not. The eyes didn't focus, but Kurt wasn't sure if that was because of the meningitis or the drugs.
“If you understand, squeeze my hand.” Blaine tightened his grip a little. “Okay, do you want the surgery?”
Blaine tried one more time to focus his eyes, but he couldn't. He looked a little panicked, but Kurt put his hand out, cupping his chin and looking in his eyes.
“You decide. I trust you, Kurt.” Blaine mumbled before closing his eyes.
“Okay, Blaine. Then we'll do it,” Blaine squeezed his hand.
“I love you, baby, come back to me, I'll always be right here, Blaine. I'll never leave you.” And Blaine opened his eyes one more time, a tear in one, drifting down his cheek.
He closed his eyes and said, “Love you, kitten,” before drifting back to sleep.
It was late that evening when the orderly came to the surgery waiting room to get Kurt and Cooper.
“He is still out, but the doctor thought hearing your voice might help to keep him calm and maybe bring him back to the surface. We usually don't allow family back here, but in this case, you may come. Don't be alarmed about all the machines, they are keeping him safe, okay?”
Kurt stepped into the room, but his first look at Blaine brought forth a gasp. He stepped back, but Cooper was there to catch him and pulled Kurt to his side, holding him close as they went to Blaine's bed. Blaine was so pale, so small in the bed. They had shaved off all of Blaine's beautiful curls and there was a huge bandage wrapped around his head. There were IVs and monitors and a tube going down Blaine's throat.
Kurt closed his eyes, leaning on Cooper. He finally turned and buried his face in Cooper's chest, letting the tears run down his face. Cooper held him, rubbing comforting circles into his back, trying to check his own tears and stay strong for Kurt, for Blaine.
Kurt straightened his spine and turned back. He put his hand on Cooper's arm and squeezed, then stepped close to Blaine. He leaned down and kissed his cheek.
“Oh, baby, I'm here. I'm here and I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Cooper went to the other side of the bed, taking Blaine's hand, “I'm here, Squirt. You know we'll never leave you. Never. I love you, too, Blainey.”
The doctor came in, motioning for them to follow him, and they moved into the hall.
“The surgery went very well. We were able to place the shunt so the fluid will drain off in the next few hours. He's stable, the antibiotics are doing their work, but we have given him drugs to keep him in an induced coma so he can't feel the pain and he can heal. I don't want you to be afraid when he doesn't wake up, it's the best thing for him right now. You can stay with him.”
Cooper turned to the doctor, all business now, “How long?”
“Probably two days, maybe three, depending on how he does. We'll be monitoring the pressure in his skull, and his white count to see how the antibiotics work.”
“Is there danger of brain damage?”
“There is. We won't know until he wakes up, but I think getting him here so fast, operating so swiftly, we may have time on our side.”
“One more thing. I know we can stay in the room, but Blaine has slept with Kurt holding him through the last bout of this, and you told us it probably gave him the will to live. That won't be a problem, will it?”
“No, Cooper, it won't. It isn't exactly hospital policy, but you're right. I remember,” he turned to Kurt. “Just stay out of the way when they need to do anything, okay, Kurt? And keep talking to him. Sometimes people can hear when they're in a coma, and he is just barely under, so keep talking to him. “
He turned back to Cooper. “You, too. Keep talking. And make sure Kurt rests and eats. We'll be taking Blaine back to his room now, and I can order a larger bed.”
“Thank you, doctor,' Kurt said, shaking his hand and returning to Blaine's side.
Cooper shook his hand, too. “Thank you.”
“You can thank me by taking care of Carole's son. We love her here, and want the best for her family. Don't worry too much, you need to rest, too. He's going to be okay if Kurt's devotion has anything to say about it. The doctor smiled at the open door, still amazed at the bond that saved Blaine last time.
It had been two days. Blaine was still asleep, but he was cooler to the touch. He still moaned a little if he moved in his sleep, but Kurt was there to talk to him and brush his fingers over Blaine's forehead. He wanted to run his fingers through Blaine's silky curls, but they were gone. The doctor came and changed the bandage, letting Kurt see the line from the incision, surrounded by bruises and crusted blood. The doctor cleaned it and reapplied the bandages.
Kurt had lost rack of time, hardly knowing if it were night or day. Cooper never left, they took turns sleeping in the cot and sitting beside Blaine, holding his hand and speaking to him. Kurt sang him lullabies and love songs, ballads and pop songs. He was surprised the first day when Cooper joined in, his tenor clear and strong. All they had to hang on to was that Blaine was not worse. He didn't seem better, but not worse.
Cooper had gone out in the hall to make a phone call. He'd been keeping in contact with the family, with Mercedes and her folks, with his office. The streets were being cleared, the city cleaning up from the devastating blizzard. Kurt was curled up next to Blaine, finally asleep after the heartbreak of Blaine having yet another nightmare. He would thrash, crying in his sleep, but Kurt couldn't wake him up, so he tried to calm him as well as he could, speaking to him, softly rubbing and stroking his forehead or his arm, kissing his face. Blaine was finally resting and Kurt had fallen asleep, legs tangled in Blaine's, arms gently around him in between where the tubes and wires were connected.
Kurt awoke to a hand brushing his own hair out of his eyes, a gentle kiss to his cheek. He blinked awake, trying to see who it was, but he smelled his dad's cologne and felt an instant relaxation throughout his body.
“Dad....” he breathed.
Burt's arms helped him untangle from Blaine's body and lifted him over the railing, pulling him close to the man he loved to snuggle into. He wrapped his arms around his dad, burying his face in the flannel chest, and burst into tears. Burt held him tighter, sitting down in the large easy chair beside the hospital bed and settling Kurt on his lap as if he were still that eight year old boy.
“I'm here, Kurt. I'm sorry it took so long, but I'm here.”
Kurt had never heard such wonderful words in his life. He laid his head on Burt's chest, never releasing his grip around his dad's middle, and sighed. He somehow knew that if Burt was here, everything would be okay again.
“I spoke with the doctor, so I have all the updates. I saw Cooper in the hall. We're all back home...I sent Carole and Finn to take Rachel home and go back to our house. The streets are mostly clear now, and I came straight here from the airport.”
Kurt nodded, still to emotional to speak.
They sat like that, just holding each other, for more than an hour, until Kurt was ready to talk.
“They stopped giving Blaine the coma drug this morning, but it takes hours to get out of his system. He should start to wake up late this afternoon, and we will be able to tell if there was brain damage. He hasn't had any seizures, so that's a good sign.”
“Good. Can we do anything?” Burt asked. Though he knew there wasn't much he could do but be there for the boys.
“No, just...maybe hold his hand and speak to him while I go use the restroom?”
“Sure, Kurt.” Burt moved closer to the bed, taking Blaine's hand and speaking very softly to his son's fiancé.
A few minutes and Kurt was back, walking in with Cooper. They took seats and talked to Burt about the trip, the flight, the weather. Kurt suddenly looked up. He'd felt a muscle in Blaine's hand move.
“Blaine? Are you waking up, baby? We're here, wake up and talk to us.” He babbled as he pushed the nurse call button. She appeared almost instantly.
“Squirt, come say hello to us, we've been waiting for you,” Coop said, holding his other hand.
Blaine slowly opened his eyes, and the first thing he saw was Kurt's face, smiling down at him.
“Kurt? Coop?” he said, closing his tired eyes again.
“Oh, baby, Yes, it's us. We love you, Blaine.”
Blaine smiled and squeezed their hands.
Blaine was in the hospital for two more weeks. It was a bad scare when he couldn't see for a while at first, but that resolved itself in a few days. He had intermittent fevers, bouts of nausea, and moody bursts of anger. But he never let go of Kurt's hand as long as Kurt was close enough for him to grab it. Kurt continued to sleep in Blaine's hospital bed, his fiancé curling his body close and tangling their legs and arms together in sleep.
Day by day, the tubes and IVs were removed and a tiny dusting of hair started to grow on Blaine's bald head. He kept brushing his hand over it, the feeling so weird to him, like a plush rabbit he'd had as a child. Cooper was there almost all the time. He conducted business from his cell phone, assuring Blaine that he had it all under control. Mercedes and Finn came to see him and Carole and Burt were there almost as much as Kurt and Cooper.
Blaine was moved out of ICU when his white cell count was nearing normal, the bacteria succumbing to the powerful antibiotics. He was clear headed and the headache had finally stopped. He had another surgery, this time to put in a new shunt – a smaller one that would stay there for the next few months to keep fluid from building up around his brain. The tests were coming out with positive results...except for one. Blaine couldn't move his legs at all.
Kurt woke up late that night. Cooper had gone home to get Mercedes and take her home now that the roads were cleared. He was going to spend the night at the house and return in the morning. Kurt was snuggled flush against Blaine, his head under Blaine's chin, his nose buried in Blaine's neck. Their arms were tangled together, their legs interlaced. The nurse that was on duty that night was talking to Carole in the hallway outside their room:
“Carole, isn't it funny how they always sleep so close. I mean, they look like an octopus all wrapped together like that. I don't think I could be comfortable like that,” she giggled.
“Oh, they've always slept like that. Just pasted together. And just try to pry them apart, they whine and fuss like babies, grasping and clutching to get back together even if they're dead asleep. I have never seen two people so bonded in my life.”
In the room, Kurt felt Blaine turn over. He was fussing in his sleep.
“Hey, baby, wake up. It's okay,” Kurt said in a soothing voice.
Blaine opened his eyes, blinking and rubbing at his face. “Oh, Kurt...there you are. I guess I was dreaming. I was looking for you...”
“And here I am. You know I'll never leave you.” Kurt kissed his neck, humming a little.
“I know. But, it feels so good when you say it again, Kurt. I wonder sometimes if you wouldn't be happier with someone that isn't so broken. Then I feel so bad, like I'm dragging you down with me. If I had the strength, I might leave on those days. But I'd never have the strength to go,” he leaned on Kurt, wrapping his arms tighter.
Kurt patted his back, kissing his cheek, kissing his lips. “You could never leave me, Blaine. You know we could never do that. We're in this together, aren't we?” He knew Blaine didn't really mean that he would go, he just didn't know how to handle the anxiety sometimes.
“Partir ce'st mouir en peu”, Kurt said, almost to himself.
“Pardon?” Blaine looked at him. “Was that...French?”
“Ah..yeah. A piece of a French poem. It means 'To part from you is to die a little'.
“Oh. I guess it is, isn't it?” Blaine said and leaned over to kiss Kurt on his lips, soft and warm, stroking his face. “I love you, Kurt, and we'll never part.”
“No, we won't,” Kurt said back, kissing Blaine again.
A little while later they still hadn't fallen back asleep.
“Blaine?” Kurt asked in a soft voice.
“Yeah?”
“Did you know, that night you got sick, did you know it was coming on again?”
“You mean the meningitis?”
“Yes.”
Blaine looked away for a minute, but he knew Kurt was like a dog with a bone when he wanted to know the answer to something, and Kurt also knew Blaine could never lie to him.
Kurt waited.
“Yes, Kurt, I did. I hadn't been feeling very well for a few days. The fever was getting a little higher and I could feel the headache coming on.”
“Then why the HELL didn't you tell me?”
“Kurt, we were snowed in. I had no idea how we could shovel out. I wasn't thinking clearly at all,” he said, raising his voice a bit.
Kurt waited again. He had a thought about that night, but was almost afraid to ask Blaine. Afraid of what his answer might be. But now he was almost afraid of what it might not be.
“Blaine?” he asked, kissing his neck just to calm himself for the answer. “Why did you want us to make love that night? We had said we would wait until the wedding night, and I'm not angry because I agreed, and because it was wonderful, but ….why?”
Blaine hid his face, but Kurt gently put his hand under Blaine's chin and lifted his head so he could look in Blaine's eyes.
“You have to tell me,” he said.
“I know,” Blaine said, closing his eyes in shame. “I, I ...thought if I was going to be sick again, this time it may not be just my legs that wouldn't work. I was afraid it would be....that I couldn't....Kurt, I didn't want to miss my only opportunity to make love to you. I would have regretted it the rest of my life,” Blaine stammered, then buried his head in the pillow, afraid to look at those huge blue eyes judging him.
“Oh, baby...we would have been okay. We would. Oh, if that made you get sicker...” Kurt said in a broken voice.
“Or,' Blaine said from the depths of the pillow, his head turned away because he didn't want to see how Kurt would take this, 'if I ...if I....” but he was too weak to say that to Kurt, so he shut his mouth.
“Oh, my god...Blaine? Are you saying you made love with me because you thought you were going to DIE?” Kurt burst into tears, clutching Blaine close to him and covering him with kisses. “Oh, my poor baby...you thought that, but you never breathed a word to me? I should be angry, but I'm not. Oh, Blaine..” Kurt was just undone at this, falling to pieces after days of holding himself together. He just had no more strength and he was so weak, after fighting to be by Blaine's side, worrying for him, not knowing if he was going to live. This was too much.
Blaine held Kurt close to his chest. He moved him so his ear was over Blaine's heart. He had done this a few times, when Kurt was inconsolable over missing his mother, once after Blaine was sick the first time.
“Kurt, I wasn't in my right mind. I should have told you, Cooper could have done something sooner maybe, but I didn't think of it, I was only thinking of us...that it would give you something to hold onto if I was really and truly gone. It would give me that memory if I died, something to take with me. I should be sorry, but Kurt, I can't lie to you. I'm not sorry, and I'd do it again.” Kurt was shuddering a the thoughts going through his head. Crying and grabbing at Blaine, trying to calm himself. “Kurt, my heart....don't cry anymore. I'm here. Just listen to my heart, it's beating for you.”
And Kurt listened to it, felt it strong and steady, and closed his eyes, knowing that heart was beating for him and would never leave him behind.
Comments
Oh my god. Crying at this! But I LOVE IT! It's sooo good!
Thank you, sweetheart. Makes me feel great! I'm working hard on the next chapter......
You are lucky that I know this story will end well otherwise I would be screaming by now. My poor boys :-( They really are going through it aren't they?!! Great chapter Lory xxxx
Well, I did briefly consider flying to Tahiti for vacation and staying there a year or so, thus abandoning the story at it's saddest point....but lucky for you I'm poor folk, so I have to stay here and remain chained to my laptop, writing into the night......<giggle> And, hey, how would you know the best parts of life it you didn't have bad times to compare it to?