Oct. 25, 2012, 8:37 a.m.
The Kurt Project: Chapter 5
E - Words: 4,794 - Last Updated: Oct 25, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 14/14 - Created: Oct 07, 2012 - Updated: Oct 25, 2012 1,267 0 0 0 0
They pulled into the hospital parking lot, Blaine pulling on the parking brake and sitting still for a few minutes to collect himself.
“Are you ready, Kurt?”
“Yeah. I'm kind of scared. He's been so sick for so long, and I just had to imagine my life without him...and all I could see was me, alone.” Kurt turned his head, blinking back tears and resolving to be stronger.
“I'll be there, Kurt. I'll hold your hand if you need me to.”
“Thank you, Blaine. Right now that means the world to me,” Kurt said softly. He put out his hand and brushed Blaine's cheek. Then he took a deep breath and opened the car door.
In the hospital room, Blaine saw a man in the bed. He recognized him from the photograph he'd brought Kurt, the same blue eyes, the same laugh-wrinkled face. And when the man opened his eyes and saw Kurt, it was the exact same love shining out of his whole face as he held up trembling arms to invite his son to hug him. Kurt didn't hesitate for a second – he ran across the room, skidding to a stop as he realized he couldn't just jump on his dad. Very gently he held out his own arms and embraced his dad, resting his face against Burt's shoulder.
“Oh, Dad, I love you,” Kurt said into his dad's ear, Blaine could hear him across the room. Blaine came in and sat in a chair in the corner, not wanting to disturb this bonding between father and son.
“I love you, too, kiddo. Hey, have you been eating? You're skinny. I want you to eat,” his dad looked concerned. “And you've got a fever! What the hell, Kurt? Aren't you taking care of yourself?” Burt looked worried.
“I've just got a chill. I'm fine. I'm staying with a friend, Dad. This is Blaine Anderson,” he said, standing up and motioning to Blaine.
“Nice to meet you, sir, although I wish it was under different circumstances,” Blaine said, putting out his hand and shaking Burt's very gently.
“Nice to meet you, too,” Burt said, but looked at Kurt with raised eyebrows. “How long have I been asleep, Kurt? I don't remember you mentioning Blaine to me before.”
“Sir, Kurt and I met at a community volunteer project,” Blaine said. “We don't go to the same school, I attend Dalton Academy. Kurt and I got to be friends and when my brother and I found out he was staying alone, we asked him to stay at our house while you recovered. I hope that was alright.”
“Yes, of course. I'm happy he has friends that care about him,” Burt looked bewildered.
“I think I'll go get some coffee. Can I bring back anything?” Blaine asked, thinking Kurt might want to be alone with his dad for a while.
“No, Blaine, but could you stay for a few minutes, please?” Kurt said, his eyes begging.
“Of course,” Blaine said, moving a little closer to Kurt.
“Dad. I know you're tired and I want you to rest, but I have to tell you something. Is that okay?” Kurt asked, his lip beginning to tremble. Blaine's hand twitched, he wanted to hold Kurt's hand, he wanted to pull him into a tight embrace and kiss his cheek and tell him it was okay. But he couldn't. Kurt had to make the move if he needed him, and Blaine would have to just stand there and wait, ready if he was needed.
“What's up, kiddo? Is everything okay?” Burt was looking worried.
Kurt reached behind himself and took Blaine's hand in his, gripping tightly.
“Dad. I need to tell you......I'm....” he closed his eyes. The thought went through his head that they were in a hospital and if his dad reacted badly at least there were doctors. “I'm gay.”
Burt looked at him for a moment, as though trying to puzzle something out.
“I know, Kurt. I've known since you were three and asked for sensible heels for your birthday.”
Kurt stared at him. “What?”
“Kurt, I love you. If gay is who you are, then it's still you and I love you. What else is there to say?”
Kurt just stood there, stunned. He thought his dad would be upset, even angry. But he was just his dad, loving him like he always had and always would.
“I love you, too, dad.”
Blaine smiled at Kurt, so happy it went well, kind of wishing in the back of his mind that his own coming out to his parents had gone so well.
“So, is Blaine here your boyfriend? Is that why you're telling me this?” Burt was scrutinizing Blaine now, a much harder look than when he was first introduced and for a moment, Blaine was very glad he wasn't Kurt's boyfriend.
“Oh, no. Dad. No. I don't have a boyfriend. I have just wanted to tell you for such a long time, and when you got sick, and I thought it might be too late, and I wanted you to know..” Blaine squeezed Kurt's hand to remind him he was there for him, but he didn't want to bring any more attention on himself.
“Kurt, Kurt. Everything is okay. I love you, kid, so quit worrying. So, you and Blaine are just friends?” Burt was staring at their hands. Blaine let go of Kurt's hand.
“I was just offering some support, Mr Hummel. Yes, we are just friends. Now, I'm going to go get that coffee. I'll be back in a few minutes, Kurt,” Blaine said, “I'm glad you're feeling better, Mr Hummel.”
After Blaine left, Kurt sat in a chair close to his dad, telling him how things were going at the shop and at school. Of course he never mentioned the night before by the river. After a short time, the doctor came in to do a check on Burt and spoke to Kurt about Burt's care. He would probably be in the hospital several more weeks, but things were looking good.
Blaine came back in about half an hour, knocking first and slipping into the room. Kurt could see his dad needed rest and he wasn't feeling very well himself, so he got ready to say goodbye.
“Are you going to stay with Blaine tonight?” Burt asked, again looking at Blaine very sharply.
“My family has insisted he stay with us until you're able to come home, Mr Hummel,” Blaine reassured Burt. “He is most welcome.”
“I'm glad he has a place with you, Blaine. Thank you, and I will repay you for your kindness,” Burt said.
“No payment necessary, we are happy to be of service,” Blaine said, reaching out his hand to shake Burt's goodbye.
“Bye, Dad. I'll take care of myself and I'll be here tomorrow to visit you again. Do what the doctors say,” Kurt grinned.
“Bye, Kiddo,” Burt closed his eyes. He was happy to have Kurt there, but he was still very tired.
Out in the car, Kurt was sitting still, not quite shaking, but so relieved he didn't know what to say. It was a very quiet ride back to Blaine's house.
~*~*~*~*
Back in Blaine's bedroom, Kurt was hanging up the last of his clothes. He had only brought a few, and most of those needed to be hung up. Blaine had cleared out a drawer for him to use while he was there and his skin products and toiletries were in a basket on a shelf in the bathroom.
They had eaten lunch at a small restaurant in town and then gone to the phone store to get Kurt a new phone. Lucky for him, his phone had insurance, so he got a new one right away. Blaine took it and added his number to the contact list, calling his own phone to add Kurt's to his. He also put in Cooper's, just in case. By the time they got home, Kurt was falling asleep where he sat – so Blaine had taken him up to his bedroom and got him to take off some of the layers and climb into bed. Kurt's fever was up by then and the coughing had started in earnest. He got a pitcher of apple juice and glass, gave him cold medicine, set them by Kurt on the table and told Kurt he had to go check on the phone lines at the Help Center, but that he'd be back soon. Kurt lay down to get some sleep.
With Blaine gone, Kurt was able to just fall asleep.
~*~*~*~*
“Kurt, are you hungry?” Cooper knocked on the door frame of Blaine's room. Kurt had been asleep for several hours.
Kurt opened his eyes, shook the sleep from his head and sat up.
“Cooper? Oh, yeah, I am. Can I help with anything? Where's Blaine?” he mumbled, trying to wake up all the way, but feeling groggy.
“He just called. He's on his way home and will be here soon. I thought you might want to wash up before he got here,” Coop said, studying Kurt's face, which looked as though he might be in pain. “Hey, are you okay?”
“I think so, I just have some sort of cold. Must have been being out in the weather yesterday.”
“Well, I know you were talking to Blaine about it, but if you need anything, all you have to do is ask me. I've got strong shoulders if you need one to lean on, I don't know the details, but I get the idea you've had a hard few days. My brother thinks of you as his friend, so that's all I need to know,” Cooper said, smiling at Kurt.
“I'm okay for now. But thank you, I appreciate it. Oh, and thanks for taking me to get my Navigator. She's my baby and I was worried leaving her out on the road like that.”
“No problem. Wash up and Blaine should be home in a few and we'll have dinner. I cooked, so it should be good,” Coop said, laughing.
Kurt got up, swaying a bit on his feet, and went in the bathroom to wash his face and get ready for dinner. He was wearing sweats, but changed into jeans and a nice shirt for dinner. He wanted the Andersons to think he had some manners after yesterday, and he was very grateful they were allowing him to stay. It would have been hard to stay at home alone after last night. He sighed, touched his hair one last time to be sure it was in place, and went down to the kitchen.
“Kurt!” Blaine greeted him as he entered the kitchen, throwing his arms in a quick hug around Kurt's shoulders. “How are you feeling? Did you get a good nap?”
“Yeah, I'm okay.” Kurt answered, but Blaine felt his forehead and frowned.
“You still have a fever. How is your chest?” Blaine asked.
“Fine.” Blaine thumped him on the back, which broke loose a coughing fit that lasted for several minutes.
“You are not fine, Kurt. You're sick. Now, I want you to call your doctor in the morning so we can get you in for some medication. I don't think you can get near your dad if you're contagious,” Blaine told him.
“Okay. Otherwise I wouldn't go, but I don't want my dad to catch this,” Kurt conceded. He turned to Cooper. “What smells so delicious? Now I'm really hungry.”
Cooper smiled. “Chicken Parmesan with polenta and olives. I hope that's not too heavy if you're not feeling well.”
“No, it sounds fine. Can I help?”
Blaine finished removing his coat, gloves, hat and boots, slipping into loafers that sat by the door.
“Here, let's set the table,” he said, guiding Kurt to the dish cupboard. They put the plates and such on the table while Cooper served the Chicken Parmesan and everyone sat down. Kurt only ate half of his portion, coughing so much he had trouble swallowing. His chest ached and he was still chilled and now his joints were starting to hurt. Even his head hurt a bit.
“Blaine? I think Kurt is maybe sicker than he realizes. I want you to run him over to the urgent care clinic when you finish eating. Best get this looked at, don't you think?” Cooper glared at Kurt.
“Sure, I'm done now. Just leave the dishes, I'll do them when we get back. Thanks for cooking, brother.”
Kurt didn't want to go to the clinic, but he was feeling worse. And he didn't want his dad to catch anything, so he put on the coat he'd borrowed from Cooper and left with Blaine for the clinic.
Once there, they didn't have to wait long before they were seen. The doctor came in and took Kurt's vitals and asked about how he felt. Blaine was sitting with him and told her how he had been out in the blizzard with no socks or coat and how tired he had been all day. He also told her about Kurt's dad and their concern about giving the cold to him. The doctor took notes and told them to wait.
An orderly came to take Kurt to the X-ray department. When he got back, the nurse came and took a throat culture. It seemed they were there forever, but it was only a few hours before the doctor returned.
“You have a fine case of pneumonia, son. I'm going to write you a prescription for antibiotics, a cough syrup that contains codeine, and an inhaler to help you breathe for a few days. Lucky for you we caught it so soon, the antibiotics should start to work by this time tomorrow. Don't visit your dad unless you're wearing a mask for 24 hours, then you won't be contagious. Now, have your friend here take you home and put you to bed. Stay in bed for the rest of the week and if you get worse, come back. Do you have any questions?” the doctor asked, patting Kurt on the knee as she looked at him over her glasses. “You need to be seen by your own physician or back here in five days, just to be sure you're getting better. Pneumonia is nothing to mess around with.”
Kurt agreed to all of it and let Blaine lead him back to the waiting room while he went to the hospital pharmacy to get his prescriptions.
“Blaine? As long as we're here, can you go up and check on my dad? I don't want him to worry when I don't come tomorrow. I can wait for you here,” Kurt asked, pleading with his eyes.
“Of course, Kurt. Just wait here and I'll be back soon,” he agreed, putting a warm hand on Kurt's shoulder.
~*~*~*~
“Mr Hummel?” Blaine knocked on the door frame.
“Huh? Oh, Blaine is it? Hello, kid,” Burt said, looking up.
“Hi.” Blaine said, a little shy about talking to Kurt's dad.
“Hey, where's Kurt?” Burt looked past Blaine, expecting to see his son.
“Ah, he asked me to come see you. He's downstairs in the urgent care clinic. He's okay, though,” Blaine hurried to say, not wanting to worry Burt.
“If he's okay, then why is he in urgent care and why are you the one here? Not that I mind seeing you, but...” Burt gave Blaine a stare, daring him to dodge the question.
“Sir, Kurt got caught in the blizzard. He got really chilled and now he had a mild case of pneumonia. They are treating him with antibiotics and an inhaler, but advised him not to visit you until he'd been on them 24 hours. They don't want you to catch it,” Blaine told him, knowing he had to tell him everything about that, but not elaborating on why Kurt was in the blizzard. But Burt caught it and gave Blaine an I'm-not-putting-up-with-this glare.
“Why was he out in a blizzard?”
“He ran out of gas. I picked him up and took him to my house to feed him some warm stew and get him warm clothes, then the next day my brother and I took him to get his SUV. He got wet walking in the snow and he wasn't dressed for bad weather, and although I gave him warm socks, a hat, and a space blanket, as soon as I picked him up, he was pretty cold by then,” Blaine explained. He wasn't going to let Mr Hummel intimidate him.
“That was kind of you, kid. I'm grateful Kurt has such friends. Now, why were you holding my son's hand when you were in here earlier today? As far as I know, casual friends don't hold hands. Don't try to pull the wool over my eyes, Blaine. I didn't fall off the turnip truck yesterday. I could see the way you looked at him. I may be sick, kid, but I need to know what's going on with my son,” Burt barked out. But Blaine could see the deep concern in his eyes, he could see how worried he was about Kurt. He wondered how much Burt knew about Kurt's depression. And how much he, as Kurt's friend, should tell. It wasn't his place to discuss Kurt's suicide attempt.
“Sir,..” Blaine started, but Burt interrupted.
“The name is Burt. Don't 'sir' me, kid. Call me 'Burt'.
“Okay, Burt. I am Kurt's friend, but we are not a couple, not romantic or anything. He was so scared about your health, and about coming out. I had a similar experience with my own parents, so I offered to come with him to tell you, to offer support if need be. I was just holding his hand for support, in case you had ….ah....reacted differently,” Blaine said.
“Reacted differently? Kurt is my son. How could I not accept everything about him? It's his job to be himself, it's my job to love him no matter what,” Burt said, his eyes open in wonder as though he could not possibly imagine how a parent could react any differently, as though that was just the way the universe worked. Blaine was amazed that someone would have that mind set – and he wished with everything he had that his parents had reacted in a similar fashion.
“Sir..Burt..surely you know that not every parent is like that. My parents didn't do anything like throw me out or anything drastic, but they weren't very...ah...supportive. Kurt is a lucky one, Burt. You're a great dad, no wonder he loves you so much,” Blaine said, a hitch in his voice.
“Well, he's a good kid. Thank you for stopping by to see me, Blaine. I appreciate all you've done for Kurt. Can you leave me your number? I tried to call Kurt this morning, but his phone was off,” Burt said.
“Oh, it's back on now. But I'll write my number down for you,” Blaine said. He wrote it on a pad by the bed and put out his hand to shake Burt's as he got ready to leave. “Kurt will be here the day after tomorrow when he isn't contagious. I know he'll miss seeing you, but he'll call you tonight. Goodnight, Burt.”
“Goodnight, Blaine. Take care of Kurt for me, okay?” Burt said.
“I will.”
Blaine walked out, pulling the big door closed behind him and turned to find himself wrapped in Kurt's arms, tears on his shoulder.
“Hey, now, Kurt. Everything's okay. Your dad is doing fine,” Blaine tried to reassure him, hugging back and brushing the tears from Kurt's cheeks.
“Oh, Blaine. I don't know how to repay you. What if you hadn't been in the help center yesterday? I'd have jumped. And my dad would have woken up alone, and no explanation to soothe him even a little. Nobody knows I'm depressed...no one would be able to tell him. I am so grateful for you, Blaine,” Kurt said into Blaine's neck, continuing to sob.
Blaine directed him down the hall, trying to get as far from Burt's door as possible so he didn't hear Kurt. He knew part of it was that Kurt was really sick, and perhaps it affected his emotions. He tugged him into the elevator and pushed the button for the ground floor.
“Kurt, I don't believe you would have jumped. I know you felt it was the only thing you could do, but I sincerely believe you would have changed your mind. You would have saved yourself and been there for your dad. Now, don't dwell on it anymore tonight. We need to get you home and into bed, okay?” Blaine asked.
The drive home was quiet, and Kurt held Blaine's hand on the console, tight like it was a lifeline. Blaine let him, thinking if it gave him some support or comfort - it was a good thing. He could tell Kurt wanted to ask him something, but was content to wait until the boy was ready.
At home, Blaine took Kurt up to his room, handing him a clean pair of pajamas – forgetting Kurt probably had his own – and left to get some juice and things for bedtime. When he returned, Kurt was sitting on the side of the bed, Cooper's old flannel pajamas on and socks over his feet.
“Blaine? I know you said there is a guest room, but is it okay if I stay in here with you? I had a terrible nightmare this afternoon and.....well....” Kurt didn't want to say it.
“If it would help you sleep, Kurt, I'm fine with it. We are friends, and I want you to be comfortable. A snuggle from a friend is something we all need now and then -don't be embarrassed to ask it of me, okay?”
“Okay. Thanks, Blaine,” Kurt said, smiling a little in relief.
Blaine gave Kurt his medication and slipped out to change his clothes, coming back in the batman pajamas Cooper had gotten him for Christmas last year. Kurt smiled when he saw them, giggling into his hand, Blaine strutting over and twirling as though he were on a catwalk in a fashion show.
Blaine put a glass of water on the bedside table in case Kurt needed it during the night and they shut off the lights and climbed under the covers. Blaine tugged Kurt close and they put their arms around each other in a loose embrace, comfortable as though they had been sleeping like that all their lives.
It didn't take long for them to fall asleep, but around 2 a.m. Kurt was tossing and turning in his sleep, whimpering and his fever was up. Blaine gently woke him up, brushing his fingers over Kurt's cheek and calling his name softly until he opened his eyes.
“Kurt, I think you were having a nightmare. Are you okay?” Blaine asked.
“Yeah..I think so. I was dreaming about the storm. It was so cold, and I was falling -looking down at the swirling water, knowing I was going to die in it. Then it was too late, I'd jumped, and my dad started calling my name. He needed me, but I couldn't get back up on the bridge. I was scratching at the freezing posts, trying to climb but slipping..” Kurt was trembling, his heart racing in his chest. Blaine rubbed the muscles in the back of his neck down to his shoulders. He massaged them, working the tense knots out one by one, humming a tune. He had turned on the bedside lamp, and the soft, warm light highlighted Kurt's beautiful face as he closed his eyes and relaxed into Blaine's tender touch. They stayed like that for a while, Blaine massaging until Kurt was relaxed enough to lie down.
“Here, it's time for your cough syrup. It has codeine in it, so it will also help you sleep. You just need some rest.” Blaine spooned it out and gave Kurt the glass of water to chase it down with.
“Can we – can we leave the light on for a little while, Blaine? If it won't bother you. I'm kind of scared from the nightmare. I guess that sounds lame, but it's true,” Kurt blushed.
“No, it's fine. I don't mind at all. I used to have nightmares, all the time. I slept with the light on for a couple of years. I still do sometimes. I would turn it on and try to sleep, but a lot of the time I would end up creeping down the hall to Cooper's room and crawling in bed with him. I can't tell you how many times he woke up to find me with my arms wrapped around him. I still do it once in a while,” Blaine confessed.
“What are yours about?” Kurt asked.
“The kid that carved me.” Blaine said, burying his face in Kurt's neck. He hated to talk about.
“Hey, Blaine. Does it still bother you so much? I'm sorry. You know they can't hurt you anymore. I would be here for you if anyone tried. You know, I'll stand by you, too, Blaine. You're my friend and I'll stand by you,” he sort of sang the last few words, eliciting a smile from Blaine.
Kurt reached down to the hem on Blaine's pajama top. He looked at Blaine's face and said, “May I?”
Blaine nodded, even though he really didn't want anyone to see. He closed his eyes as Kurt gently lifted the fabric of the shirt, exposing Blaine's belly. He moved the waistband of his pajama pants down past the scars, just enough to see the edges. Blaine closed his eyes tighter, wrapping the sheet in his hands to keep from trembling.
Kurt moved over Blaine's body, so he could see the lines of the twisted, thick scars. He put out one finger and traced the distorted skin along each line. Blaine let him, feeling each raised scar as Kurt's finger was drawn along it. When the kid cut him, another one of the kids had taken dirt and smeared it into the cuts, telling Blaine how dirty he was. The scars were cleaned out in the hospital, but they remained dark, like a tattoo, which made the word “FAGGOT” stand out. Kurt could see that along with the scars from the knife, there were tiny dots, no doubt where the needle for the stitches pierced the skin. He wondered how many stitches it took to close the open wounds, how long Blaine laid in the sand under the dock before someone came and saved him. Tears stung his eyes as the anger welled up inside of him, thinking of the injustice of it all. Had the kids that had done this paid for what they did? He hoped so with all of his heart. And he cried inside for Blaine.
“Blaine, you know these scars don't define you, don't you?” Kurt asked. Blaine shrugged, too undone with emotion to speak. He wanted to grab his clothes and pull them over him, to crawl under the blankets and force Kurt to go away. He wanted to hide the repulsive scars from Kurt, so he wouldn't know about Blaine's ugly past. But he also knew that he was the one that showed them to Kurt in the first place – so Kurt would know he wasn't alone, he didn't have to kill himself because there was another person in this world like him. He couldn't speak, but the tears began to fall down his face, unchecked as he twisted his hands more tightly in the blanket.
“It's okay, Blaine. I have scars, too. Mine might not be so visible on my skin, but they're there just the same. You have someone that understands, Blaine. Me. I understand and you're not alone.” Kurt leaned forward and started to kiss the scars, starting at one end, he moved his lips along the scars as they twisted along Blaine's belly. It wasn't a sensual kiss, not at all. It was a kiss of recognition, to let Blaine know that Kurt saw them and they didn't make any difference. They weren't repugnant to Kurt because they were part of Blaine. Kurt recognized that the world sometimes left scars on you – and it became a part of you, whether it was on your skin or in your heart.
“Blaine, scars are a good thing. They are proof you lived through the bad times, that you were strong in the face of the worst. Scars don't form on a dead body, Blaine, they are there to prove you were stronger than what happened to you. You survived.”
He ended by kissing Blaine, a chaste kiss on the lips, but again, it was not a sensual kiss, it was one of recognition and of thanks. Blaine let go of the sheets with his cramping fists and tried to relax. Kurt pulled his pajamas back where they belonged and then pulled Blaine close to him, wrapping his arms around Blaine, and Blaine held him tightly for a moment.
“Thank you, Kurt. I think we can heal each other, maybe. We can try.” And both boys went to sleep with a renewed hope in their hearts.