The Beach House - Chapter Eleven – Reinventing the Wheel

“Come in, Mr. Kurt-Angel,” Danny said, his eyes red and puffy. Kurt felt terrible.

“Thank you,” Kurt said, standing just inside the room. He didnt want to get in Blaines way.

“Come sit on the bed with Daddy,” Daniel coaxed. Kurt walked over, sitting on the very edge, trying not to touch Blaine.

“Can you tell me a story?” Daniel asked.

“I think its Daddys turn, isnt it?” Kurt deferred.

“I can tell you a story, Daniel. Its about a lovely princess with long hair that was in love with a handsome prince, and she was locked in a very tall tower...” Blaine started. Daniel was into the story immediately and gave his father his rapt attention. Blaine told the story of Rapunzel with humor and excitement, but the small boy was sound asleep before it was done. The two men left the room, giving each other glances and walking to their bedroom.

“Kurt, can you go lock up the house? You can make yourself some supper if youre hungry,” Blaine said, no inflection in his voice. “Im tired but I want to take a shower before I get into bed.”

“Sure, Ill be sure everything is secure. Take your time,” Kurt started to say.

He saw tears brimming in Blaines eyes and moved to touch him, but Blaine crossed his arms in front of his chest and took a step back.

“Okay, Ill go check the house,” Kurt said and left the room, his face sad but resigned.

Blaine took off his clothes, placing them in the hamper and stepping into the shower. He let the water run until it was hot, then turned the sprayer on and stood up. He reached for the shampoo, but found only Kurts bottle and he didnt want to get out to rummage through his luggage for his own. With a sigh, he squeezed some of the herbal scented soap into his hand and rubbed it through the curls. He took his time, dreading the talk he was going to have with Kurt. After the shameful way he spoke to him earlier, he was convinced that nothing was going to go well again. Well, he was alone when he made the decision to have Danny and he could do it, be the best father the boy could ever want. He closed his eyes and started to rinse out the shampoo.

A warm hand reached up to help and Blaine could feel Kurts body in back of him. Kurt shifted his weight forward to touch Blaine from neck to thighs, his arm coming around Blaines waist to pull him close. Kurt helped rinse the shampoo out, then turned Blaine around and leaned down a bit to kiss him. It started with a soft touching of lips, but became much more. Kurt was kissing Blaine with all the passion that was in him, holding him too close and overpowering all of Blaines doubts.

“Blaine, theres something I dont understand - I dont know why you are still questioning my motives. Is it that you dont think I deserve to have a son I didnt help to conceive? Do you think I will be bad for him? Blaine, please, please, just give me a chance to prove it. I think I love him already – he is so like you, how could I not love him?” Kurt asked, desperate. He wanted this to work so badly he would do anything to make it so. Blaine looked up, seeing the want and need in Kurts eyes. He also saw the desperation.

“Have I messed it up too much already?” Kurt questioned himself, “I didnt think when I left that it would upset Daniel. I need help in learning to be a parent...I had the best mentor in the world growing up, so if I try to think of what my dad would do in these circumstances, I can improve. Ill take parenting classes, just give me a chance, please, Blaine...” Kurt cried.

“No, Kurt...you dont understand,” Blaine started to say and Kurt interrupted him.

“Then tell me – Ill do anything,” Kurt begged, falling to his knees. He felt as if all hope was gone now, that Blaine was indeed kicking him to the curb and he cursed the day he didnt just hand the child over to the police before he found out he was Blaines son.

Blaine went down on his knees, too, placing his arms around Kurt.

“Listen, okay? Just be quiet and listen to me,” Blaine said with determination. Kurt nodded, his face buried in his hands.

“I am not questioning your ability to be a good parent. Im not. I was questioning my ability to be a good husband. I have to put Daniel first, I was thinking, that he was my sole responsibility. Kurt, Ive been worried that you will feel like Im leaving you out. Like you will believe I love him more. I wasnt thinking is the point. If we get married, youll be his father, too. We can work together on it, lean on each other when we need it...” Blaine spoke quickly, afraid Kurt would stop listening – he had to try to convince Kurt to stay.

Kurt stopped, raising his head in spite of the water still raining down from the shower head.

“And me running away was what made you come up with all of that?” Kurt asked, incredulous.

“Ah...no. I made a phone call,” Blaine confessed.

“To 1-800-Save a Relationship?” Kurt tried to joke, but he was not confident and the joke fell flat.

“Better than that...I called the best father I knew for the answers,” Blaine said, not looking at Kurt in the eyes anymore. He cringed, anticipating what Kurt might say.

“You didnt...I havent even told him we found each other yet! You called Burt Hummel, didnt you? You called my dad?”

Blaine nodded.

“He gave me some really sage advice. Kurt, he was right. I was so scared and wrapped up in my own worries that I lost sight of my goal. He told me to sit still and make myself let go of all the worries I was making up in my head, things that might not come to pass. He said to stop borrowing trouble. I took his advice and had a little discussion with myself,” Blaine said, hanging his head.

“Aw, baby...tell me what I can do and together we can make this work. I promise to give it everything, Blaine, I love you and you are worth everything to me,” Kurt said, trying to stop the tears.

“I...I want you, Kurt, and I want to live the rest of my life with you – please, my angel. We can be a family if you let us...”

“Yes, yes....Blaine, you are all Ive ever wanted.”

They sat under the water, just holding on to each other until it got cold, then they dried off and climbed into their bed.

No words were needed as Blaine kissed Kurt, the soft and gentle coming together of two men so deeply in love and finally on the same page.

“I want to worship your body, Kurt,” Blaine whispered, his words a breath of warm air in Kurts ear, sending shivers down his spine. He began at Kurts ear, blowing warm air into it as he bit down lightly on his earlobe. Kurt whined, not wanting to waste time with this gentle foreplay – so he pushed Blaine off of his chest and sat up, shifting around in the bed to lay on top of Blaine.

“Oh...” Kurt froze suddenly, stiffening as a thought crossed his mind. “Blaine...we didnt use a condom last time...”

“I...Im sorry. I didnt even think about it, angel. I havent been with anyone in years. Ive dated...” Blaine blurted, then regretted saying it. Well, he wouldnt lie to Kurt about it, he just wasnt prepared to have this conversation right now.

“You -dated?” Kurt asked, his voice squeaking. He hadnt even thought...but Blaine was not tied down, he wasnt engaged or anything. There was nothing wrong in Blaine having other men, of course he had dated other men.

“Yes...” Blaine admitted, pulling back to look into Kurts eyes so his lover could see Blaines sincerity.

“After I moved back to New York and Id given up looking for you, I wanted to be a dad and I was dating a few men to see if I could find the right one. But I never ...ah...there was no... Kurt, the truth is that none of them were you. I never even got to the sex part, Kurt. The last man I had sex with was you,” Blaine said very softly, cupping Kurts jaw in his hand as he leaned close to kiss him again.

Kurt sighed, surprised at the relief he felt.

“The same with me, Blaine. There has never been anyone but you for me, baby,” Kurt whispered back. He dipped his head down, suddenly afraid to look at Blaine.

“Dont hide from me, angel. Let me see those big blue eyes.”

Kurt laughed and looked up. He locked eyes with Blaine for a moment, seeing the love reflected in that smokey-amber gaze. He closed his eyes and kissed Blaine again, deep and long before his hands wandered down the tan skin to stroke Blaines hips.

“Blaine...I want you. Can we...?” Kurt asked, his voice betraying his desperation.

“I want to, angel, but I dont want you to think you need to prove anything to me. Okay? I love you no matter what.”

“I know....I love you, too,” Kurt whispered, pulling Blaine closer. Their lips met in a soft kiss and both sighed.

“Blaine, you were born to fit in my mouth – come here to me,” Kurt whispered, then kissed down Blaines body, nipping at his skin, rubbing his muscles as he shifted positions and reached his goal. He took the hard shaft in his hand and licked across the head, running his tongue around the ridge before taking Blaine into his mouth. Blaine moaned, not having felt this sensation in way too long. He tried not to buck his hips, but they had a mind of their own and Kurt pulled back, coughing, before he tried again.

It had been a long time, but like riding a bicycle it was only moments before Kurts muscle memory was guiding him and he didnt have to think of each separate movement. He let himself go, sucking hard then easing up to run his tongue up the vein on the underside just to hear a symphony of moans from Blaine.

“Kurt...oh, my love, my angel...” Blaine chanted, his entire mind on just letting this happen. He wanted to let everything fall into place now, without the anxiety and worry. Burt hadnt mentioned sex, but his words fit this, too.

Kurt was at Blaines side, leaning over him to suck lightly while he reached for the little bottle beside the bed. He set it next to him on the mattress and tugged Blaines foot over so his knee was bent and his thigh canted out to the side. Kurt squeezed lube onto his fingers and introduced them to Blaines exposed entrance, making the man keen in a shrill voice. Hed been concentrating so hard on where Kurts mouth was, he didnt realize what else he was doing.

“Kurt...yes, yes...” he whispered, cupping Kurts jaw with his hand for a moment so Kurt looked up at him. “I love you, angel...”

Kurt hummed his agreement and ran his finger gently around the rim before slowly pressing into his lover. Blaines knees fell apart, giving him more access and Kurt pressed in further. With sensations coming from two sources now, Blaine closed his eyes and tried to maintain his determination to make this last. It was when Kurts other hand reached over to pinch a nipple that Blaine really fell apart. He was moaning and whining, with no real coherent thoughts – just allowing the feelings to surround him.

Kurt pulled back for a moment, resting his jaw by kissing Blaines tight abs. He touched the inside of Blaines thigh, stroking softly as he added a second finger and began scissoring to stretch his lover.

It didnt take long, just a few more minutes before Blaine was begging Kurt to enter him.

“We need to move position, babe. I think the way we did it the other night would be best. I dont want to hurt you,” Kurt said, sliding in behind Blaine and holding his leg up to make entry easier.

“Kurt, I missed this so much,” Blaine murmured, trying to calm his breathing.

Kurt pressed forward, slipping in slowly as he stroked Blaines erection to keep the sting from hurting too much.

“Kurt...oh....”

“You okay, baby?” Kurt asked.

“Yes...its been so long, yes....oh, this is so right,” Blaine said, though he wasnt aware too much of what he was saying. His mind was on the heat and pressure that hadnt been felt in that way since he was with Kurt in their loft. It all came back to him, all the nights he spent in Kurts arms, all the times they made love. Yes, they were back on the right path and Blaine was determined to stay.

Kurt pulled back out, not wanting to come too soon but wanting at the same time to just fuck Blaine until they exploded. It was a double-edged sword and Kurt was looking to Blaine to guide them.

“Harder now, yes...”

“Blaine, baby, oh.......ahhhhhh!”

They lost track of where or when they were until Kurt grew frustrated with the confines of being on his side and he pulled out.

“Kurt!” Blaine groaned, shocked at having him stop so suddenly.

Kurt lay back for a moment, gathering strength. He was using muscles that had laid dormant for years and it was hard to maintain. Adrenaline could only take him so far.

Blaine sat up, pressing Kurt to the mattress and straddled him, taking time to administer helpful kisses and strokes as he adjusted. He remembered the excitement of the old times back in the loft when he would ride Kurt.

“This okay?” he asked, looking into Kurts beautiful blue eyes.

“Oh, yes...”

Blaine slid down slowly, enjoying each and every inch entering him. He pressed down in spite of the burn, down until Kurt was all the way in. Blaine was amazed he could take so much after being practically celibate for so long.

“Blaine...so good, babe...oh, my god youre tight...” Kurt gasped, unable to get his mind around it until Blaine lifted up and then came down again hard. Kurt was speechless, only making moaning sounds as the heat gathered and he held his breath.

“Yes...Kurt...there, my angel...there, right there,” Blaine moaned, feeling the stimulation that he knew would lead to the end very quickly. With Kurt holding him by the waist and helping the movement, Blaine knew he was going to come very soon. It was building when Kurt let go with one hand, and began stroking him with his just-lubricated fist.

As Kurt bucked up to greet Blaines thrusting down, his hand urging Blaine faster and faster, it was no surprise when his orgasm burst with pearly jets spraying up to Kurts chin. Just a few more thrusts and Kurt was coming deep within his lover.

They both lay back after a bit of dabbing and wiping with a towel. Kurts head was on Blaines chest, his ear on Blaines heart as he listened to it beating slow and steady, still so faithful.

“Ready for round two?” Kurt asked.

“Oh....Kurt, Im not seventeen any more, honey. Why, are you ready?” Blaine laughed.

“Well, maybe not just yet...” Kurt laughed, too.

“Angelface, were going to make it, arent we?” Blaine asked.

“Yeah. We will. Im hoping those lines of communication get better and better with time. Im willing to do whatever I need to do to make this last forever,” Kurt reassured Blaine. He wanted to get past this lack of faith as soon as possible, so he kept trying to assure Blaine over and over again of his loyalty, his deep commitment to this union.

Blaine sat up, scooting over to kiss Kurt once again.

“I think if we take this one day at a time, it will all fall into place. We do need to do some planning, though. How about we get our pajamas on and go down to talk in the kitchen. I can make some chamomile tea?”

“Best idea youve had in...say, the last five minutes,” Kurt grinned. He got up and found the flannel jammies hed taken off earlier before hed invaded Blaines shower.

Bundled in flannels and warm robes, slippers on their feet, Blaine and Kurt walked down the steep staircase to the kitchen. While Blaine set about making tea, Kurt found pencil and paper to make notes. He reached in his pocket to run his fingers over the pink heart-rock that Danny had given him earlier that day. He smiled to himself, remembering the heart rocks hed collected with Blaines help that magical summer.

Kurt was walking down the beach, barefoot with Bermuda shorts and a Hawaiian shirt that Blaine had given him for his birthday back in May. Blaine had shown up at breakfast with short cut-offs and a striped sailor shirt that showed off Blaines collar bones and made Kurts mouth water. It was a warm day, but a bit cloudy and the boys had planned to go visit the museum at West Quoddy Head Lighthouse later after the tide came in.

Kurt had spoken to his dad just a short time ago and although Burt had tried to sound upbeat, Kurt could hear the melancholy in his voice.

Kurt had campaigned hard to get to go with Blaine to the seashore. Burt had been against it at first, but Kurt had been working hard at the tire shop after school for months to have the money to pay his own way.

It wasnt that Burt had anything against Blaine – they got along just fine – but Kurt thought that Burt didnt trust them to be chaste. The middle-aged man knew about seventeen-year-old boys and their raging hormones. Kurt had to reassure him that he was not going to just throw himself at the first boy that showed him any interest; that the sex talk that Burt had given him had the impact he was hoping for. It was a hard-won battle when Burt finally agreed to let Kurt join the Andersons in Maine.

Now Kurt was rethinking the reasons his father was so reluctant. He should have recognized sooner that Burt hadnt stopped him from going places with Blaine before. Hed encouraged them to go camping together – and there was a lot less supervision on those weekends than there would be at the Beach House with Blaines grandparents.

No, after speaking to his dad on the phone that morning, Kurt thought he realized that it was the time involved that was the issue. Burt missed having Kurt there with him. While they didnt do things like watch football together or go to musicals put on by the community theatre, they did see each other every day. And now Burt was alone for the whole summer.

As Kurt rolled this new thought over, todays date came to mind. Oh. Today was June 1st, the anniversary of his mothers death. He stopped as if hed been struck. He and his father had gone to the cemetery on this day every year since Elizabeth had died. Hand in hand theyd walk from the entrance gates along the path to her grave to sit on the bench and talk to her.

They never mentioned it other than on that date. It was a rite they had just known was something they both needed – the ritual of it as they cut pink roses, deep purple iris and white calla lilies from the back garden for the bouquet, then got dressed in their best clothes to drive to the cemetery. A few years ago, Kurt had been moved to sing to his mother and Burt seemed to take great comfort in that, so Kurt had prepared a song each year since.

Now here he was, so far away from his father. He felt as if hed betrayed the one person in the world he loved more than anything. He loved Blaine, of course, but it wasnt the same. Blaine was his boyfriend, but Burt was his father.

Kurt sat down on a large rock, his head in his hands as gave in to his emotions. He felt like a failure to both his father and his mother. The hot tears started, slowly running over his cheeks to drip into his lap. He felt awful.

Closing his eyes to try to stop the tears, Kurt had a vision of his mother. She was dressed in capri denims, a crisp white shirt tucked to her slim waist and her heavy chestnut hair pulled back into a pony tail. She was kneeling on a pad in front of her garden, digging holes to plant iris bulbs and smiling up at his eight-year-old self as he presented her with a glass of cool lemonade.

Then the scene switched to him, sitting on the staircase, watching as his father took her into his arms and danced with her across the hardwood floor, music coming from the small portable record player. Burt kissed Elizabeths neck and she giggled, turning to find his lips and kiss him back.

Lost to his memories, Kurt didnt hear Blaine come up behind him. The boy sat down on the boulder and wrapped his arms around Kurts waist, kissing his neck. Just like in the memory, Kurt turned to find Blaines lips and kissed his boyfriend softly.

“Are you okay, angel?” Blaine asked, his voice low and full of concern.

“Yes,” Kurt said, not sure how to explain what was going on in his head.

“Are you...are you sorry you came with me for the summer?” Blaine asked, the fear louder this time.

“Oh, no, baby! No! I love being with you. What made you think that?”

“You were talking to your dad this morning, and youve seemed sad ever since. I can find a way to get you home if you need to be with your father, Kurt. I understand, you havent ever been away from him for this long, have you?” Blaine asked. He was a little jealous that Kurt had such a great relationship with his father. Blaines dad was very loving and had worked hard to accept Blaine for who he was, and now after a few missteps they got along fine – but it was nothing like the love that showed between Burt and his son.

“Blaine...” Kurt tried to speak, but his pain got stuck in his throat and he knew if he tried to say anything he would choke. Instead, he put his arms around Blaine and his head in the place he loved: the notch between neck and shoulder, the place he felt closest to Blaine. He tried to stop the tears, sniffling so his nose wouldnt run.

“Angel, dont worry. Go ahead and cry, Ill hold you until you can tell me, okay?” Blaine offered, his strong arms curling around Kurts shoulders as the pale boy let go and cried his heart out.

Blaine just sat quietly, holding Kurt close and whispering loving things into his ear. He massaged Kurts back, keeping him close as he cried. The sobs finally stopped and Blaine took Kurts jaw in his hand, bringing his face up so he could look into his eyes.

“Better?” he asked, bringing his lips to Kurts in a soft kiss.

“Yes, better. Im so sorry...I want to be here with you, Blaine. I do, but...its just that today...” Kurt tried to tell him, but it just wasnt coming out.

“You dont have to say anything, Kurt. You dont owe me any explanations. Just be here with me now, and well find the answers later,” Blaine offered. Kurt sighed in relief.

“Thank you, babe. What did I ever do to deserve you?” he asked rhetorically and Blaine laughed.

“Come here, let me kiss you again,” Blaine said, deliberately missing Kurts mouth and kissing his nose instead. He smiled when that made his boyfriend giggle, and he tried to kiss his neck, but blew a raspberry instead.

“Oh, Blaine. I do feel better, but I also want to tell you whats wrong. Today is the anniversary of my mothers death,” Kurt got out before the tears threatened again. Blaine lost his smile immediately.

“Oh, my God, Kurt. Im so sorry. No wonder youre so upset. I had no idea...is there anything I can do to make you feel better?” he asked.

“No...its just that my dad and I...every year...we go to sit by her grave. We go out to the garden and gather a bouquet of the flowers she planted, then we get dressed and walk through the cemetery...” Kurt couldnt say anything else, but he knew Blaine understood.”...and every year I find a song to sing to her...but I forgot. This year I forgot, and my dad didnt say anything, but I could hear it in his voice...he was so sad and I left him alone,” Kurt said. His body just crumpled as he slid down the rock to rest on the warm sand.

Blaine slid down next to him, trying to think of something to do when it came to him. He could sing for Kurts mother.

“Sha-la-la-la-la, sha-la-la-la-la
You used to call me your angel
Said I was sent straight down from heaven
Youd hold me close in your arms

I loved the way you felt so strong
I never wanted you to leave
I wanted you to stay here holding me”

Kurt joined in, his clear sweet voice strong in the silence of the beach. Blaine reached out a hand and they sat, looking at the horizon. Tears were welling in Kurts eyes – but this time it was for the joy of remembering his mother.

“I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though its different now
Youre still here somehow
My heart wont let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you

You used to call me your dreamer
And now Im living out my dream
Oh how I wish you could see
Everything thats happening for me
Im thinking back on the past
Its true that time is flying by too fast

I know youre in a better place, yeah
But I wish that I could see your face, oh
I know youre where you need to be
Even though its not here with me

I miss you
I miss your smile
And I still shed a tear
Every once in a while
And even though its different now
Youre still here somehow
My heart wont let you go
And I need you to know
I miss you, sha la la la la
I miss you”

“Thank you, Blaine, thank you so much. I love you. You made me feel so much better,” Kurt tried to smile, but it failed miserably. He tried again to smile, he wanted in the worst way to show Blaine how much he appreciated the song, but his heart was broken and he didnt know how to fix it.

“Lets go look for sea glass,” Kurt suggested, getting back on his feet and holding out a hand to Blaine. They got up, brushing the sand off their clothes and gathering the net bags to hold whatever treasure they found.

Kurt hadnt taken more than a step or two when Blaine came back, a hand gliding around his waist to pull him close.

“Look what I found,” Blaine said, handing Kurt a rock. Kurt took it, not sure why Blaine had picked up the reddish misshapen rock to show him. “No, hold it this way – see?”

Kurt studied it for a moment, then it hit him.

“Its a heart!” he said, surprised. “Ive never seen a heart-shaped rock before.”

“Oh, Kurt, it must be from your mother. You were missing her and she left you this...” Blaine said with wonder, believing it.

Kurt looked at the heart-rock again, holding it up to study. He walked over to the edge of the shore and squatted down, washing the rock in the water. He held it up again, smiling. He felt the warmth that had been gone for too long, as if his mother had just wrapped him safe in her arms.

He and Blaine walked back up the beach towards the wooden stairs that led to the house. Now that his mind was open to seeing the gift of heart-rocks from his mother, he saw them everywhere. He and Blaine collected a bag of them on their way back to the house as the tide came in.

Later that night, Kurt called his dad, telling him about his day and about Blaine finding the heart rocks. Burt sounded better, as if his heart was somehow lighter. He told Kurt about going to the cemetery and leaving Elizabeth a bouquet of pink roses from the garden.

“Good night, Dad. I love you,” Kurt said, vowing to call his dad several times a week for the rest of the summer.

“I love you, too, kiddo. Be safe. Good night.”

“Penny for your thoughts,” Blaine said, seeing that Kurt was back from his daydream.

“I was just remembering that summer. It was the best summer of my whole life, Blaine, and that was all because of you. You took my heart that was broken in a million pieces and you put it all back together, babe. I owe you so much – for making me face my problems instead of running from them, for showing me that I might actually be lovable. Before you, I never thought that was possible. I just want to say thank you,” Kurt told him, pulling him closer to give him a hug.

“Aw, Kurt, we saved each other, you know that. All those talks we had – when I was so sure my father hated me and you showed me that if he didnt care, he wouldnt have tried so hard. Like the car he helped me restore – yes, it was not going to make me straight, but he was trying to help me in the only way he understood.

“After that summer I was able to see that and we talked about being gay and that it is not a choice but who you are born to be. He tried so hard to understand. I dont know if he understands everything even now, but our relationship is good. And that is all thanks to you, angel.”

Kurt blushed. He remembered being so angry with Blaines father, not speaking to him on the long drive to Maine from Ohio that summer. He also remembered finally calling his own father in frustration and having Burt tell him that he thought Mr. Anderson needed more understanding and less hostility. He thought if Kurt put himself in the mans shoes that he might be able to explain instead of make an enemy of the man.

Kurt took his dads advice and talked it over with Blaine, and it turned out that Mr. Anderson was more than willing to listen to his son and to try to understand. Blaines parents left after a week to go back to Ohio, but when they came to get the boys at the end of summer, things were much better between Blaine and his father.

Kurt absently took the heart-rock out of his pocket and sat rubbing the edge of it while they talked. Plans were made for the rest of the week, things Danny might enjoy. Then the talk came to what going back to New York was going to look like. Blaine had no real attachment to the apartment he was living in and neither did Kurt. They agreed to look for a bigger place that would accommodate them all. By the time they finished that discussion, both men were yawning and looking at the clock.

“Its half past midnight, babe. I think we better get to bed if were going to keep up with Danny tomorrow,” Kurt said, a smile on his face thinking about the small boy he was quickly learning to love.

Blaine got up and set the cups in the sink, then came back to take Kurts hand. They made their way up the stairs and into bed, falling asleep immediately as they cuddled together under the blankets.