Dec. 20, 2012, 4:44 a.m.
Rooms
Room for Two Hearts - (Sequel to Room in the Attic): Why Didn't You Want Me?
E - Words: 3,922 - Last Updated: Dec 20, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 17/17 - Created: Nov 15, 2012 - Updated: Dec 20, 2012 322 0 2 0 0
Classes at McKinley lasted forever, and by the time history was over, Blaine was a nervous mess. He didn't happen to have history with Kurt, so he sat close to Santana. She could see he was not doing well, and held his hand, cuddling him close to her side before the end of class. Normally this would not have been tolerated in a classroom, but all the teachers knew about Blaine and his PTSD, so it was overlooked by most of them. Most of the students had come to accept it, too, and nobody wanted to cross Santana Lopez on a bet.
After class, she walked with Blaine to Kurt's locker, not sure why he was so upset but not willing to leave him alone.
“I'm going to meet my mother today, Tana. I'm just a little nervous I guess,” he said in a soft voice.
“Oh, Blaine! I am so happy for you. Please call me later and tell me about it, okay?” she said in her nicest voice, one she usually saved for Brittany.
Kurt walked up and Santana turned to him, her haughty face back in place. “Okay, Pretty Pony, take care of the Prince in the Tower for me. I'll catch up with you tomorrow.” And she leaned forward, kissing Blaine on the lips and turning on her heel, gone before Blaine or Kurt could get over their shock to speak. They just looked at each other, shrugging their shoulders. Kurt was the first to laugh, but Blaine joined in and they laughed for a while before Blaine's phone rang, it was Cooper calling to see what was taking them so long.
The drive to Columbus was quiet, each of them filled with their own thoughts. Kurt sat in the back seat, Blaine's head cradled against his shoulder as close as they could be with seat belts on. His hand was tangled with Blaine's, too, and Kurt played with Blaine's fingers absently as he wondered if he should stay in the car while Blaine went in with Cooper to meet Sasha.
Cooper was busy watching the road, tired from too little sleep the past few days and all the stress on top of it. He wasn't too stressed about his law practice, that was going well, the other senior partners and the new junior partners were keeping things going even with Cooper's absence. He had asked one of them to find out the legalities of Blaine's birth certificate. He had never signed anything giving up his parental rights to his son, so it was quite likely that whatever his parents had done to get the certificate reissued in their names, it was not legal. That was just another question he'd have to ask Sasha. Blaine had actually been born in Florida, but his birth certificate said he was born in Ohio, so it was obviously a fake.
Blaine was trying to concentrate on the songs coming out of his iPod. He had so many questions, so many hopes, he was so very, very confused. He didn't want to let the anxiety take over, He was afraid he might have a spell in front of Sasha, and she would see what a mess he was and not want to be near him ever again. This scenario had played over and over in his head all night and most of the day.
His friends had helped, first Puck then Santana holding his hand during classes, both of them pulling Blaine into their sides to offer him comfort. Puck had excused them in the middle of science class to go to the bathroom in spite of all the looks they got, and once there he had just held Blaine close, cheek to cheek as Puck told him everything would be okay. He had offered to get Kurt for him, but Blaine was feeling better after the closeness and support, so he was able to go back to class and finish the hour before Santana picked him up to walk him to history. He was so blessed to have such good friends to take care of him.
He closed his eyes, but the awful feeling was getting worse. He'd taken an anti-anxiety pill before they started out, and that usually worked, but not this time and he began to tremble, knowing a spell was coming on, but in the confines of the car, he couldn't do anything about it. Kurt noticed and looked into his eyes, asking silently if he was okay, and Blaine shook his head, 'no'.
“Cooper? Can you find a place to pull over?” Kurt asked.
Cooper glanced around and saw the panic in Blaine's eyes and took the next exit, parking on the shoulder of the road next to a pasture. There was nobody in sight, just some cows in the field and a grove of trees. Kurt got out right away, sprinting around to open the door and unbuckle Blaine, offering his hand to help him out.
Blaine got out on shaky legs, trying in vain not to cry as he looked around to see if anyone was watching him. By this time, Cooper had joined them and threw his arm around Blaine for support. They walked slowly down the road for a while, talking quietly to Blaine, trying to see what the exact problem was so they could address it in some way. But both Kurt and Cooper thought it was because he was going to meet his mother.
“Bee, you don't have to do it today. We can go back to Lima and you can go to bed. You might just need some sleep. We can do it another day, or I can ask her to come to Lima and meet you there?” Cooper suggested. He wanted to see Sasha again, but nothing was going to come before Blaine right now.
“No, I was just nervous and the car was too small all of a sudden. We're closer to Columbus than we are to Lima, aren't we?” Blaine asked.
“Yes. We're only about ten minutes from her house. But I don't mind going back if you don't feel up to this,” Cooper told his son. “It is all about how you feel, Bee. Tell me what you want to do.”
“I don't know. Kurt? What should I do?” Blaine asked.
“First, just clear your mind. Look at the cows...let's think up names for them like we used to, okay?” Kurt suggested. He had come up with this game a year ago when any drive in the car had made Blaine upset. Blaine closed his eyes for a minute, then opened them to look at the cows.
“Dolly, that's the fat one with the dragging udder,” he said, looking at Kurt.
“Okay, then the little one with a black patch over her eye? Angelina, after Miss Jolie when she played on 'Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow',' Kurt said, getting a smile out of Blaine. They looked at Cooper. “Your turn,” Kurt told him.
“The almost all white one: Pippi because she was long reddish stockings,” Cooper contributed.
They named all the cows in the field before Blaine stopped trembling, but he was feeling much better.
“You okay to go now?” Kurt asked.
“Yes, thank you. Let's be on our way,” Blaine agreed, hugging Cooper and planting a kiss on Kurt's cheek before walking back to the car.
The rest of the ride was better, although his grip on Kurt's hand was tighter than it had been for a long time. They pulled into the drive of a white brick Arts-and-Crafts style house with a neat yard. It was January, so the snow covered everything, but Kurt could imagine the flowerbeds bright with colorful flowers come summer.
Kurt asked Blaine if he wanted him to wait in the car, if he wanted to meet his mother alone the first time, but the question wasn't even out of his mouth before Blaine had climbed into his lap, hugging tightly and burying his face in Kurt's neck.
“Oh, Blaine, I'll be there with you. Don't be afraid, it will be fine. Cooper wouldn't have brought you here if something bad was going to happen,” Kurt whispered to his boyfriend. He was a little scared himself, that Blaine might not be strong enough to take this, but he had to trust Cooper on this one. He tilted Blaine's chin up and kissed him on his soft lips, deepening the kiss just a little to reassure Blaine he would be there. Blaine sighed and got out of the car, taking Cooper's hand as they walked up the path. Cooper had text ahead that they might be a little late, but didn't explain why. He wanted Sasha to meet Blaine before discussing much more about him.
Kurt smiled as he took the old fashioned knocker and tapped on the oak door. It was in the shape of a lion and was very obviously original to the house. Fashion might be Kurt's forte, but an appreciation of architecture wasn't far behind. He was standing in front, Cooper holding Blaine close beside him to give him comfort.
A woman opened the door, looking up at Kurt with huge emerald green eyes and flowing golden-red hair in waves down her back. She looked a bit surprised as she surveyed Kurt from hair to boots, but the smile of recognition broke through and she said, “Kurt?”
Kurt did a double take, wondering how she knew him, but remembered Cooper mentioning he had shown her a picture of him with Blaine. He put out his hand and shook hers. She had a firm grip and Kurt wondered if it was from holding back fear.
“Cooper?” she said as Kurt moved inside at her direction. She pulled him into a gentle hug and he went inside, leaving a trembling Blaine on the porch to see his mother for the first time. She looked at him with curiosity, seeing how much he looked like the picture she had seen yesterday and how much more he was in person. His hair was curly, black with a small amount of gel to tame the wildness down. His golden skin was blushed a rosy pink in..what? Embarrassment? Fear? She couldn't quite put her finger on it. Then she looked into his golden hazel eyes, big with emotion and accented with long, thick lashes that fanned across his cheeks when he closed his eyes. He kept his hands behind him, his head down and she noticed the neat button down shirt with a bowtie and cardigan sweater under the wool overcoat.
“Oh....” was all she managed to say, quite overwhelmed at having her son standing before her. She forgot where she was, just standing there staring at him and making him more anxious than he already was. Cooper came to their rescue and took her arm, bringing her inside her house so Blaine could enter. They stood together in the foyer looking at each other until Kurt cleared his throat and asked Sasha if they could perhaps sit down? Sasha shook her head and remembered where she was.
“Please, come into the living room and have a seat. Can I get you anything to drink?” she asked. “I have iced tea, soda, lemonade?”
They all agreed on iced tea and Cooper offered to help her in the kitchen. Blaine and Kurt sat on the sofa, Blaine scooting over to Kurt and cuddling under his arm to get close. Kurt absentmindedly kissed his cheek and stroked his side.
“She's pretty, isn't she?” Blaine asked him.
“She is, baby. I can see her in you. Your eyes aren't the same color, but they have the same intensity,” Kurt said, cupping Blaine's cheek and kissing his lips softly. Blaine relaxed in Kurt's arms, letting out a sigh. “You'll be okay, sweetheart. I'll be here with you the whole time.”
“Thanks, Kurt. I'm …...I'm just a little scared. Don't leave me alone with her, okay?” Blaine asked.
“Never in life, Blaine. You know I'm always here for you.”
Cooper and Sasha came back in the room, sitting in the two chairs facing the sofa, handing the iced tea around. There was music playing in the background, but everyone was nervous and they just sat, no one saying much more than questions about the weather. Finally, Blaine blurted out, “Why didn't you want me?”
Shocked breaths were heard and he just sat, looking at Sasha for a moment, waiting for her to say something. She took a breath to speak and it came out as a squeak. She tried again, moving closer and taking Blaine's hand in hers. “Blaine, I never wanted to give you away. I was just seventeen and had no way to take care of you. I was going to try anyway, but Mrs Anderson told me if I didn't give you to her that they would call the police. You know Cooper was only twelve when you were born, only eleven when I got pregnant. They would have put me in juvenile detention and I would have lost you anyway. By giving you to them, I knew Cooper would be there. I thought having one parent was better than not having any.
“It's hard to believe, but I thought they would let me see you. That's what they told me. But when I tried to visit, they told me I had to leave, that they would give you up for adoption before they would let me see you. I couldn't take you away from Cooper, so I gave up. I finished college, went to graduate school, and started working. My folks never knew about you and when my father got a job offer in Australia, I went with them. I came home four years ago and asked to see you again. That's when Mrs Anderson told me you had died.
“Blaine, I died myself that day. I tried to tell myself it was meant to be, that it was just something that happened. But I blamed myself. I kept thinking that if I had kept you, you'd still be alive. I couldn't make myself go back to Australia, so I went to New York for a while. Then when my grandmother left me this house, I came here. But coming home wasn't a solution. Cooper called me, and he told me what happened to you. Oh, Blaine, I'm so sorry. This mess is all my fault -from the very beginning, it has all been my fault. I just want you to know one thing.” Sasha looked at Blaine, her heart breaking at the look on his face. “I always loved you, Blaine. I thought I did the best for you, giving you to your real father, giving you to Cooper. He was young, but I knew he would love you and protect you and the Andersons would be able to give you everything I couldn't. Do you understand? Do you hate me?” She said in a quiet voice, searching Blaine's golden hazel eyes for some bit of forgiveness.
Blaine just sat there, his hands in hers, wanting to cry and throw himself in her arms and tell her everything was okay, that he forgave her for seventeen years of neglect. But he couldn't do it. He couldn't forgive her for letting him go like he was a litter of unwanted kittens. He couldn't forgive her for taking advantage of an eleven year old child and saddling him with a baby that was then stolen from him. It was too much. He pulled back, turning into Kurt's shoulder and burying his face as he did when he was stressed, finding a little comfort in Kurt's immediate reaction as he held Blaine close, thumbing over his knuckles as he held Blaine's hand. He started to get worried as Blaine's breathing got ragged and fast.
“Blaine, Blaine, baby, calm down. I'm here. Nobody can hurt you with me here. Look at me, Blaine. Here, look up here at me,” Kurt said, cupping his chin and moving his head up so he could see his eyes. “You're fine, baby, I'm going to stay with you, nobody can hurt you now. You're strong, Blaine,” he said, locking his eyes on Blaine's.
Blaine looked into the beautiful blue gray eyes of the boy he loved and felt better. He knew Kurt would always be there for him. “Kurt,” he said in a whisper in Kurt's ear, “I need to leave. Please take me home. Please, now. I have to go.” Blaine ended in a sob and Kurt stood up, pulling Blaine with him.
“I'm sorry, Sasha, but Blaine has to leave. Cooper?” Kurt raised his eyebrows at the man, expecting him to come along.
“Go ahead, Kurt, take Bee to the car, I'll be right there,” Cooper said and Kurt turned to go.
“I'll....I will come back, but I don't know when. Thank you for seeing me, ah.....I don't know what to call you, but please give me some time and I will contact you. I'm sorry,” Blaine said to Sasha, still holding on to Kurt.
“It's okay, Blaine. I understand. It's a lot to take in. Call me when you're ready,” she said with tears in her eyes, not wanting him to leave, but feeling she had no choice. She turned to Kurt, “Thank you, Kurt, for coming with Blaine. I can see how much you mean to him and you are always welcome here. After meeting you, I can see why Blaine loves you,” Sasha said, taking Kurt's hand and shaking it. Kurt left, taking Blaine out to the car to wait for Cooper.
After they left, Cooper walked over to Sasha, putting his arms around her as she cried. “He hates me, Cooper. He'll never forgive me. I hurt him too much and he blames me for leaving him to be tortured by those people.”
“It's just too hard on him right now, Sasha. He's had a rough time of it, and finding out that I am his father was a shock. I think we should have waited to bring him to see you, but I was so anxious that he know you. I made the mistake, Sasha, not you. I may have been a child when he was born, but it doesn't look like I've grown up very much, does it?” Cooper laughed, but without much humor. He sighed. “Sasha, if you want to give me a ride to my office later, I can just let Kurt take Blaine home now and I can stay with you for a while. But only if you want me to, I don't want to intrude, but you look so sad. Would that help?” Cooper offered.
“Of course I can give you a ride, Cooper. Please stay for a while, if you think Blaine will be okay without you?”
“He has Kurt. We do have a good relationship, but it's Kurt that he needs when he's like this. Nobody else can calm him, not even me. Much to my regret, I was gone so much of the time when he was growing up, we don't have a father/son relationship. Because of my parents, it's more like a brother thing, and I don't think he's really forgiven me for all of that yet,” Cooper said ruefully. “I'll just go tell them to take the car and be right back in.”
Cooper was back in just a few minutes, having explained that he was going to sleep at the office and they could come get him tomorrow or he could have one of his assistants drive him to Lima. He hugged Blaine, kissing his cheek and making sure he would be okay and wasn't upset if Coop stayed. Blaine seemed fine with it, saying he understood and apologizing to Cooper for the way he'd acted inside. Cooper was quick to tell him it was fine, that he knew it was a hard thing for Blaine to wrap his mind around. Blaine threw his arms around his father, holding him very tightly and assuring him he would be fine, he just wanted to go home and go to bed. It would take time, but he felt he would be able to speak with Sasha one day.
Back inside, Cooper found Sasha on the sofa, crying into a pillow. He sat down, taking her into his arms and holding her tightly.
“Oh, Sasha, it will be okay. He is a damaged kid and it will take some time, but he told me out in the car that he was sorry and he would be able to talk with you one day. He is just overwhelmed. He had a panic attack on the way here, in spite of the medications. Don't blame yourself for something you couldn't help that happened so long ago,” Cooper told her in a soft voice, his heart hurting seeing her this distraught. It seemed like she was a different person, so much older than when he had first seen her yesterday, but now it was almost like no time had gone by at all, and she was still his Irish princess, his Sasha. Before he even thought about it, he had leaned closer to her and placed his lips on hers. She startled, but caught herself quickly and returned his kiss, letting out a whimper as she put her arms around his shoulders.
“Oh, Cooper, I've missed you,” she breathed into his neck, holding him close.
“Sasha, I'm not the naïve little twelve year old you remember from that summer long gone by. I'm twenty-nine and it's not the same. Not at all,” Cooper breathed into her hair, running his fingers through the silky locks just like he did that summer.
“I know. I don't expect you to be, Cooper. But I've never stopped missing you, never. Maybe we can't just take up where we left off, I wouldn't expect you to. Could we maybe start over again? Is there room in your heart for us to begin a new bond between us? Because I thought that we had was something special, something no one else had, Cooper,” Sasha blurted, not able to stop her voice once it started, trying to keep herself from begging the love of her life to give her another chance.
Her hands had wound themselves into the back of his shirt, tangled so tight she couldn't get them loose, not that she tried. Cooper put his lips on hers once again, closing his eyes to see if the feeling he'd left behind on that cold day when she had told his parents about Blaine could be rekindled. He'd dreamed about her a thousand times, ten times a thousand times, but never really believed it would actually happen.
“Oh, Sasha...maybe. We could try? Go slowly and see if it can be just us again? I'm willing to try if you are,” Cooper said, knowing he was treading on thin ice that could crack and break, plunging him into a cold and quiet hell if he took a wrong step. It was true that he was very afraid, but he knew his Sasha was worth the risk.
“Maybe we can find our way back to each other, At least I think we can,” she said and pulled him down on the sofa and into her waiting arms.
Comments
well damn! i haven't put this into my favorites yet! *clicks add story to favorites* there...all done :)
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