If Blaine was being completely honest with himself, he had to admit that he was nervous. He was nervous because he had applied to NYADA for Kurt. With Rachel’s help he had figured out how to fill the blanks on the application and copied Kurt’s signature like Tina had done with Mike’s college applications. He hated that he had to do something like this behind his boyfriend’s back but like Rachel assured: it was a right thing to do.

He didn’t talk with Kurt about their future, neither of them mentioned it. He didn’t ask if Kurt still wanted to go to New York, if he was planning to apply to some other colleges. He probably should’ve had and Blaine was actually worried more about Kurt’s future than his own. 

He had his doubts about his own future, not sure what exactly he wanted to do. A part of him really did want to go to Los Angeles and sing his way to Hollywood. Another part of him wanted to be with Kurt in New York because he knew that this was the place where Kurt belonged. The idea of being in New York seemed more and more appealing, not only because of Kurt but also because of the city itself. After seeing Kurt’s and Rachel’s love to New York he had started to see what they saw: the magic that Los Angeles didn’t have.  Sure, LA was a powerful city with palms and sun, but now when Blaine compared it with New York, it seemed fake.

Blaine didn’t know yet which city or which school his heart belonged to, but he knew that it belonged with Kurt Hummel.

Blaine wasn’t sure how, but somehow he found himself texting with Sebastian again. It was fun, Sebastian was an interesting guy and he couldn’t stop himself. It started out with Sebastian’s random texts about Warblers and Dalton and turned into stories about Sebastian’s life in Paris. They chatted on Facebook sometimes, even called but never something more.

He didn’t tell about it to Kurt, he couldn’t. Blaine knew how Sebastian could affect Kurt and to be honest, he didn’t feel like he was doing something wrong, or at least that’s what he kept saying to himself. Sebastian was a friend, a gay friend, sure, but maybe that was something he needed: a different kind of friend but still someone, who understood him the way that his straight friends didn’t. In the back of his mind, he did feel a little guilty but the guilt was already there before Sebastian’s texts.

The weeks after winter break flew by rapidly. Things were tensed between Sam and Mercedes and Kurt didn’t stop talking about them, meanwhile Mr. Schuester planned proposing to Ms. Pillsbury. Things with Sebastian got out of hands in the end of the January when Blaine accidentally talks with Sebastian about New Direction’s plans with Michael Jackson music.

“How often do you talk?” Kurt’s snarky and mad voice asked when Sebastian appeared to Lima Bean. It wasn’t the question that made Blaine’s heart sank; it was the tone how Kurt asked it.

He didn’t really care if other members of New Direction were mad at him, he only cared about Kurt, who seemed to be ignoring him. Blaine almost missed the part where Sebastian announces that he is the Captain of the Warblers and no longer wants to play nice. This is where Blaine realizes how stupid he has been with believing that Sebastian could actually be his friend.

“Kurt, can we talk about it?” Blaine asked when they left the coffee shop.

“Well, you can go and talk to Sebastian, I’m going to have to rethink a lot of things,” Kurt answered, clearly mad as he sat in Rachel’s car. Guilt flushed through every part of Blaine’s body, he hadn’t felt crappier ever before.

Next days were torture. Puck slipped out that he didn’t feel comfortable with Blaine in New Directions and Blaine understood. He even thought about quitting for a second but Finn’s always opportunistic and fighting mood saved him.

“Kurt, can you please at least let me explain?” Blaine begged after the glee club meeting when they walked over to the parking lot. “It’s not what you think, I love you.”

“It’s not what I think, huh?” Kurt’s voice is still snarky and sarcastic. “Do you want to know what I actually think?” He paused and stopped talking, looking around before continuing with sharp hurting tone. “I absolutely hate the fact that you didn’t tell me you’re still talking with him. It hurts to know, that even if you know, how insecure Sebastian made me feel about us, you still don’t bother to tell me that you two are friends. It hurts to know that even if we can talk about everything, we can’t talk about Sebastian.”

“Really, Kurt, can we really talk about everything? Because for some reason I don’t feel safe with asking about your future!” He almost told Kurt, he really wanted to say that he had sent Kurt’s application to NYADA, but he didn’t. Words came out of Blaine’s mouth before he could even understand the true meaning.

Kurt turned blank, blinking a few times before he could say anything again.

“Well, if you want to know so badly: I have no future. I’ll probably end up taking over my father’s auto shop, alone, while you’re dancing on the background on MTV.”

Kurt voice was almost a whisper now, creaking and weak, his eyes were close to tears as he turned around to walk over to his car.

“Kurt, wait!” Blaine yelled, feeling a weird weakness in his bones as well. “I’m sorry.”

Kurt ignored that, sat into his car and turned to engine on to drive away from the parking lot.

--

So Blaine had fucked it really up. He hated to put it like this, but this was how it was. He was in pain with quilt, trying to call to Kurt but he didn’t answer the phone. Blaine sent apologizes through text but hated it. He wanted to talk to Kurt; he wanted to see him or at least heard him.

He remembered how he had ignored Kurt’s calls and texts in the summer, when he had misunderstood Kurt’s conversation with Burt. Now Blaine understood why Kurt didn’t want to explain it through texts back then, why he had wanted to talk about it, not just type. This made his heart clench even tighter with guilt and it ached.

Blaine hoped that once Kurt had calmed down a little, he would eventually talk with him. But he didn’t. The next two days Kurt ignored him completely, not even looking into his eyes and pretending like he didn’t hear Blaine’s voice. He felt hopeless and didn’t know what to do. He was becoming worried and even checked if Kurt had changed his Facebook relationship status. It killed Blaine. Not only because he couldn’t find a way to express his regret but also because he really missed the warmth of Kurt’s body and his company. He would’ve sang to Kurt, in Glee club, but the rest of the club was busy with preparing for the Warbler meeting to have time for that.

The Warbler meeting didn’t make it even better. Blaine did want to fight with Sebastian, god knew he wanted but he was out of strength. He studied Sebastian smirking face and observed his every move. Blaine didn’t miss the slushie cup that was suddenly in Sebastian’s hands and reached out in Kurt’s direction. Without even thinking he jumped, trying to push Kurt away and feeling the wet smack in his skin and burning ache in his eyes.

What happened next was a bit blurry. There was wailing and.. crying? Somebody pulled Blaine up, he didn’t really see who, and dragged him to someone’s car. He heard Kurt sobbing and Quinn demanding for silence.

“Blaine, tell me, what’s wrong?” she asked when the car started moving.

“It hurts, ah, burns,” Blaine tried to answer through the pain, rubbing his eyes, holding them closed.

“Okay, don’t worry, we get you to the hospital,” Quinn said then.

Another sob came from the first seat again. Kurt’s, Blaine could tell even if he was in panic.

“Oh, god, Blaine, I’m so sorry,” Kurt cried. “I don’t know what happened, this was meant for mean, oh god..”

Blaine wanted to say that it wasn’t his fault, that it was okay even if it didn’t feel okay but he couldn’t get the words out of himself.

“Hummel, it’s not your fault,” Puck muttered and Blaine was thankful. “It’s Sebastian’s fault, not yours.”

When they arrived to the hospital, Quinn guided Blaine out of the car and inside of the building because Blaine still couldn’t open his eyes. There were doctors and rushing and before Blaine couldn’t really understood what happened, he was shifted to some kind of bed while doctors and nurses run around him, asking questions and asking him to open his eyes.

It was painful and he felt scared. Kurt and Quinn weren’t there anymore although Blaine was sure that they both came into the building with him. He guessed they were somewhere outside and weren’t allowed to come inside but he couldn’t help but feel lonely and cold without them, especially when he couldn’t see anything.

It felt like hours, before everything calmed down a little. There was some kind of fabric on his eyes and he couldn’t open his eyes. Not his left eye at least. Somebody mentioned something about operation, which drove Blaine into the panic again. They decided to talk about that when his parents arrive and left Blaine into the silence. He knew that he wasn’t alone in the room; he could hear someone moving and dealing with some kind of machines.

“Your parents should be here soon,” a woman’s voice, probably one of the nurse’s, said quietly. “That boy who has been waiting outside for the whole time, called them. I think that the girl left at some point, but the boy stayed here.”

“Kurt?” Blaine swallowed. He remembered the quilt he had with hearing this name.

“Yeah, I think so. He’s been asking to see you but only relatives are allowed in.”

“Are you- Can you please? He’s my boyfriend,” Blaine found himself begging.

“I’m sorry, but no. It’s against the hospital rules.”

Blaine breathed heavily, a hopeless and miserable feeling sinking in again. For a second he wondered if they would’ve let his girlfriend in but he was too tired to worry about homophobic people.

“Can you at least.. tell him that I’m fine?” he asked then.

“I think the doctor already talked with him and told him everything. You should stop worrying, you should get some rest.”

Blaine nodded, knowing that he won’t get any rest tonight.

“Do you want me to send him home maybe? He looked quite a wreck himself.”

Blaine nodded again. “Yeah, that would be nice, thanks.”

Blaine could open his right eye the next morning but the left one needed a surgery. He was glad to hear that he was allowed home then. He held his phone and watched the screen blankly. He wanted to text or call to Kurt but he didn’t know how. Blaine wasn’t sure what to say.

He planned to get to home and figure it out then but it turned out that it wasn’t necessary. As soon as mother turned the car to their street, Blaine noticed a black navigator standing there by the driveway.

“Kurt,” Blaine whimpered when he quickly crawled out of the car. Navigator’s door opened as well and Kurt stood for second, before running towards Blaine and falling into his arms.

“I’m so sorry Blaine, I don’t know how to make it up to you, I can’t believe you did it,” he sputtered against Blaine’s chest. “I’m so sorry, I’ve been like this, I’m so sorry I said those things and blamed you, oh god, I’m so sorry.”

Wait, Kurt was sorry? Blaine couldn’t really figure out why.

“Kurt, shut up,” Blaine mumbled and pulled away. “It’s okay, it’s not your fault. I’m sorry.”

Kurt didn’t say anything anymore but still looked worried and.. tired. His eyes were red and swollen.

“Come on, boys,” Blaine heard his mom calling then. “Let’s get you inside. You can talk then.”

Kurt sobbed and Blaine just tugged him into the hug again, hushing him and trying to convince that everything is fine.

“Let’s go inside,” Blaine said then. “You look like you could use some rest and to be perfectly honest, so could I.”

Kurt nodded and pulled away from Blaine’s arms as they walked to the house.