Oct. 6, 2012, 10:39 p.m.
Take these broken wings and learn to fly: Chapter 14
K - Words: 1,667 - Last Updated: Oct 06, 2012 Story: Complete - Chapters: 33/33 - Created: Jun 13, 2012 - Updated: Oct 06, 2012 951 0 2 0 0
Blaine was rather nervous when he left the Hummel-Hudson’s house that Sunday. He had to assure Kurt that everything was okay and that Burt hadn’t threatened him. Before he started driving, he sent texts to David and Wes, knowing, that it was his last chance to see them, before they would move away from Ohio to college.
He drove straight to the Lima Bean. It’s not like he could come up with any better place to meet. Blaine knew, that he would be early, but he didn’t care. He ordered a coffee and sat down, drowning into his thoughts.
“Hey hobbit,” Wes called when they arrived. Blaine couldn’t help but smile. The company of his friends always made things lighter.
“Will you ever stop calling me a hobbit?” he asked.
“Maybe when you find a boyfriend who is shorter than you,” David laughed, somehow making it awkward.
“That’s the thing. It won’t happen,” Blaine uttered, almost whispering.
“We’ll.. order a coffee, and then we can talk,” Wes signed then and dragged David to the coffee line. They returned a few minutes later.
“You okay?” David asked as they sat down. Blaine wasn’t sure how to answer that, so he just decided to burst it out loud:
“I want to transfer to McKinley.”
Silence. Only silence and weird faces followed. Wes took a sip of his drink. “And that’s because I think I love him.” Wes started to choke but neither of them still didn’t say anything. They all knew, who Blaine was talking about. He looked at his friends and tried to read out some kind of reaction, but both boys stayed still, probably holding themselves back.
“Sorry,” Blaine signed then and fell into shame. “I just needed to get that out, if it’s too weird for you guys, we don’t have to talk about that..”
“No, no,” Wes stopped him. “It’s not weird to talk about your relationship with Kurt, it’s just.. weird is what you are talking about.”
“Yeah,” David nodded with agreement. “Don’t give us wrong, but you two have known each other for what.. two months? And you’ve been dating only for a few weeks and now you want to change your experience of senior year just because of him.. It just seems a little rushed and naïve.”
Blaine didn’t interrupt them and didn’t try to say something when they stopped talking for a second, probably trying to find any kind of emotion from Blaine this time, but Blaine knew how to hide his feelings and hold them back.
“We like Kurt,” David continued. “He’s great and good for you and you two make a lovely couple. Your intension to transfer would make sense, if you two were together for more than just few weeks, but as it for now, it seems like you’re just a little blinded of your first boyfriend.”
Blaine listened, ignoring looking into their eyes. Sometimes he hated, how much they knew him. It made him feel exposed.
“Besides, Dalton is a great place for you,” Wes shrugged a few seconds later.
“Because I’m gay?!” Blaine exhaled, not trying to hold himself back.
“Don’t try to make me feel bad here,” Wes answered quickly. “We all know why you transferred to Dalton in the first place. It’s safe for you.”
“Well there’s the other reason, why I should transfer then,” Blaine spoke then but Wes and David looked confused. “After this year, the real world will come and McKinley would be a great practice. I will always stay gay and I probably will always be mocked, it’s something I just have to be prepared for. “
“Woah, you did not just say that,” Wes breathed after another silence that followed to Blaine’s words.
Blaine sighed heavily, dropping his head to his arms before continuing talking. “Look, the actual reason why I wanted to talk with you guys is that I feel that if I transfer, I will somehow betray the Warblers because obviously I would join the New Directions..”
Wes and David obviously felt awkward, Blaine could easily tell.
“Well.. that shouldn’t be a problem,” David swallowed carefully. “I mean, you aren’t betraying them. That is your life and this is just one of your choices.”
Blaine should’ve felt better and relieved but somehow he didn’t even care about that. He started to wonder, if David had his point with what he had said before. Blaine’s heart felt heavy and his relationship with Kurt so much more difficult and David and Wes understood that.
“Blaine,” Wes said after another silence. “We both want the best for you, you know that and we don’t want to stop you for doing what makes you happy, but we just want you to be.. careful and sure. It’s just kind of a big decision.”
“The way I see it,” David uttered as he finished his coffee. “If.. Kurt feels the same way you do, then go for it. If he doesn’t.. just hold it back for a while.”
With that, Blaine felt even worse. It was obvious that he couldn’t be honest with Kurt about his feelings: it would be awkward and probably very uncomfortable for Kurt, who was still getting used with their relationship.
But Blaine couldn’t talk about that anymore. Enough was said so he just decided to change the subject:
“So when can I see you guys again or are you going to ditch me for college parties?” he asked with a lustful tone, trying to forget about him and Kurt for a while.
“Don’t be ridiculous,” Wes laughed. “We will take you with us.”
Kurt and Blaine didn’t meet again that Sunday, but as usually, Blaine picked Kurt up on Monday morning and they drove to Lima Bean and then to garage.
“I thought that I would be happy once my obligations in garage end, but right now, I wish it didn’t,” Kurt said when they were standing in the coffee line.
Blaine bit his lip. “I know what you feel,” he smiled lightly, wanting to say so much more than that. So instead of that, he put his arm around Kurt and pulled him closer and felt the scent of Kurt’s shampoo.
“It still scares me, you know,” Kurt signed.
“I know, it scares me too,” Blaine answered. It frustrated him. He had a solution and god knew, how much he wanted to transfer to be closer to Kurt, but he couldn’t. He couldn’t rush, because that could end up badly and Kurt could run away. “But I promised, we’ll figure something out.”
Kurt looked pale as they shared their glances. Blaine took Kurt’s face between his hands and stroke his cheek. God he was beautiful, even though he was pale and sharp and sad, but he was still truly beautiful.
“Yesterday morning when we fell asleep in my bed.. you said something about an idea..”
Blaine froze. Damn it, Blaine knew that he couldn’t lie.
“Yeah, I have to think about that. I don’t want to talk about it though..”
For a second it seemed that Kurt let it go, but Blaine could see how restless it made him. Kurt wanted to know, what Blaine was talking about and seeing Kurt struggle in his thoughts made Blaine feel guilty.
“I am thinking about transferring to McKinley,” Blaine mumbled then quietly, feeling a little nervous, like confessing it was some kind of risk. Kurt pulled away from Blaine’s embrace suddenly and looked into Blaine’s eyes. Maybe it was a risk, Blaine wondered then.
“Wait what?! Since when have you been thinking about it?” Kurt stuttered with shock.
“Since Saturday evening, but clearly, I have to think about it..”
“That’s ridiculous,” Kurt spurted out then and Blaine felt his heart sinking. “Do you even know what you are talking about here? McKinley isn’t safe! You would probably be pushed around just as much as I am and god, they throw slushies at your face and it’s horrible and I can’t let you do that.”
Blaine felt confused and.. disappointed?
“Wait, you don’t want me do transfer?!”
Kurt shook his head. “I want to be with you every second of my life, but I don’t want you to have to go through this hell for that.”
Blaine smiled and pulled Kurt closer again. The warmth of Kurt’s body was too comfortable and nice.
“I believe it would be worth it. Don’t you?” Blaine breathed and felt Kurt stiffening.
“Blaine..” Kurt almost groaned and that’s when Blaine understood, that it was too much for the other boy.
“Okay, no, don’t say a word anymore, I can’t stand another fight right now,” Blaine said. “Kurt, I want to be with you and neither way, outside of our houses it won’t be just as safe. Just like here,” Blaine gestured to the coffee shop. “It’s not even safe here, although right now it feels so, but we can’t help it. So yes, I think that you are worth it. And I understand, if you don’t feel the same way right now, you shouldn’t say anything, that you don’t believe.”
Kurt looked at Blaine for a second and shook his head again.
“You are right,” Kurt sighed then and tried pulling closer as well. “We can’t help it and it is worth it. You’re worth it. I want my senior year to be magical and you can make it magical. I won’t ask you to transfer but I’ll welcome you, if you do. I just don’t understand yet how am I worth it.”
Blaine smiled and although it was good to know how easily they could talk about things that weren’t easy, Blaine was still nervous. Now would be a perfect time to say it, confess the true feelings he had for Kurt, he thought, except .. it wasn’t.
“You are worth so much more,” Blaine said instead and leaned closer to share a little kiss with his boyfriend, although they had silently agreed on minor intimacy in public. “And like a I said, I still have to think about it. I can’t just bail on Warblers.”
“Yeah, I know the feeling..” Kurt uttered when it was finally their turn to order a coffee.
Comments
I will be sitting here, patiently waiting for them to say 'I love you'... <3
it's not so far away ;)