Chris, Darren, Kurt, and Blaine sat together on a sofa, dizzy from the effects of the pollen released by the Enchantress's aphrodisiac flowers.  At their feet sprawled the bodies of those who had been unable to resist the urge to kiss.  And in front of them stood the Enchantress herself, clutching her nearly-full jar of hearts.

“Well, well, well,” Sue intoned.  “It looks like the Dwarf Forest is the only territory I have left to conquer before I rule this world completely.  So, Mr. Hummelocks — and other, strangely dapper gay bandit — it seems that you two will have to be the next to kiss.”

“What do you mean?  We're not the kings of anything.”

“Oh, you may not be kings, but you're certainly the rulers of that lawless country.  Baddest of all of the badasses, and all that.”

Kurt looked the Enchantress boldly in the eye.  “As an outlaw, I have no country.  As an outlaw, I want no country.  As an outlaw, my country is the whole world.”

“Noble sentiment, but it doesn't change anything.”

“But it's called the Dwarf Forest,” Blaine pointed out.  “Surely the dwarves are the rightful rulers.”

“Ha!  Everyone knows those dwarves are too short and too horny and too busy running around naked all the time to be ruling over anything.  Please — the I'll Show You Mine?  No thank you!”

She gave Kurt a disturbingly knowing look.  “You're probably just about as randy as those little fuckers by now.  I'll bet you can't wait to climb Blaine's long, thick beanstalk, can you?”

Kurt glanced involuntarily at Blaine's crotch, then up at his full lips.  With a supreme act of will, he turned away and looked to Chris and Darren for help.

“This is killing me!  How are you two managing to stay so calm?” he demanded.

“Well, considering the fact that my entire relationship with Darren up until this point has been based on unresolved sexual tension, I've had a lot of practice dealing with it,” Chris said ruefully.

“And I've had my hand down my pants under cover of this decorative throw-pillow for the past twenty minutes,” Darren admitted.

Chris groaned.  “Not helping, Dare.”

“Speak for yourself.  It's helping me quite a bit.”

Blaine suddenly leapt off of the sofa and cast himself down on one knee in front of Kurt.  Taking his boyfriend's hands in his own, he began to sing:

I cant fight this feeling any longer

And yet Im still afraid to let it flow

What started out as friendship

Has grown stronger

I only wish I had the strength to let it show

I tell myself that I cant hold out forever

I said there is no reason for my fear

Cause I feel so secure when were together

You give my life direction

You make everything so clear

And even as I wander

Im keeping you in sight

Youre a candle in the window

On a cold, dark winters night

And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I cant fight this feeling anymore

Ive forgotten what I started fighting for

Its time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore

Ive forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crushing through your door

Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore

My life has been such a whirlwind since I saw you

Ive been running round in circles in my mind

And it always seems that Im following you, boy

Cause you take me to the places

That alone Id never find

And even as I wander

Im keeping you in sight

Youre a candle in the window

On a cold, dark winters night

And Im getting closer than I ever thought I might

And I cant fight this feeling anymore

Ive forgotten what I started fighting for

Its time to bring this ship into the shore

And throw away the oars, forever

Cause I cant fight this feeling anymore

Ive forgotten what I started fighting for

And if I have to crawl upon the floor

Come crashing through your door

Baby, I cant fight this feeling anymore

As the song ended, Kurt and Blaine stopped fighting the inexorable pull, and allowed themselves to sink into each other's lips.

Sue roared in triumph.  “My years-long quest for power has finally borne fruit!  This world is mine!  And soon, your world will be mine, too.  Every moment you spend breathing in the pollen from my enchanted flowers, your attraction toward each other grows stronger and stronger.  You're powerless against it.  I don't have to do a thing.  I can just sit back, relax, and bask in my own glory.”

Chris was finding it increasingly difficult to focus on anything other than his desire for Darren.  He looked around desperately for a way out.

“Don't even think about trying to escape.  These walls of vines are as impenetrable as your tight little ass.”

The Enchantress's words brought a rush of heat to Chris's face.

“Oh, don't worry, though.  Darren's been planning on letting you top.”

Chris glanced at his boyfriend.  He and Darren hadn't yet had a chance to discuss logistics.

Darren grinned at him.  “Whatever you want, baby.  I'm up for anything.”  

“Again, not helping, Dare.”

“I'll bet you've got something I could help you with, though.”

With a herculean effort, Chris forced his lust-addled brain into gear.  “Darren, we've gotta get the pants off,” he whispered.

“You're gonna let me take your pants off?  Oh, thank god — finally!”

“Not my pants!  Sue's pants.  The pants of her tracksuit, remember?  They're the final object we need to complete the Wand of Wonderment.”

Chris watched as his boyfriend made a valiant attempt to pull himself together.  “Okay, okay.  But how do we do it?”

“Come on, Darren.  You know you can charm the pants off of anyone.  Work your magic.”

Darren hesitated for a moment, and then nodded decisively.  Chris watched in awe as his boyfriend flipped some sort of internal switch and sauntered over to the Enchantress.

“You know, I've always found powerful women very attractive,” he purred.

Then, cranking up his charisma, uniqueness, nerve, and talent to eleven, Darren began to sing:

She sits alone, waiting for suggestions

Hes so nervous, avoiding all the questions

His lips are dry, his heart is gently pounding

Dont you just know exactly what he's thinking

If you want my body and you think Im sexy

Come on sugar let me know

If you really need me just reach out and touch me

Come on honey let me know

Hes acting shy, looking for an answer

Come on honey, lets spend the night together

Now hold on a minute, before we go much further

Give me a dime so I can phone my mother

They catch a cab to his high rise apartment

At last he can tell her exactly what his heart meant

Oooh, if you want my body and you think Im sexy

Come on sugar let me know

If you really need me just reach out and touch me

Come on honey tell me so

His hearts beating like a drum

Cause at last hes got his girl home

Relax, baby, now we're all alone

Oh, if you want my body and you think Im sexy

Come on sugar let me know

If you really need me just reach out and touch me

Come on darling tell me so

Tell me so…

If you want my body and you think Im sexy

Come on sugar let me know

If you really need me just reach out and touch me

Come on baby let me know

If you want my body…

As the final notes of the song faded away, the pants of Sue's tracksuit dropped to the floor.  Roary bounded over, latched on with his little teeth, and dragged them over to Chris.

Unique, who'd been standing silently beside the sofa this whole time, nearly forgotten, now spoke up.  “Quick — take the other magical objects out of the bag and bring them to me.”

Chris rushed to comply.  A thrumming energy surrounded them as the Snow Queen's scepter, the Wicked Stepmother's ring, the shards of glass from the Evil Queen's Mirror of True Love, and the Sea Witch's jewels fused together, and were then wrapped in swirls of gold and purple from the Magic Harp and the pants of the Enchantress's tracksuit.  The Wand of Wonderment had been activated.

Darren rushed to Chris's side, and together they gripped the wand.

The Enchantress blinked slowly, as if rousing herself from a trance.  She stared down at her naked legs, then lifted her eyes to Darren.  She reached out one shaking hand toward him.

“I want your body…”

“Sorry, Sue.  My body — and my heart — belong to Chris.”

The Enchantress's features contorted with rage.  “You think you can toy with me?!  Get ready for the ride of your life, boys.  You are about to board the Enchantress Express.  Destination… horror!

Chris faced her confidently.  “You have no power over us.  Now that we possess the Wand of Wonderment, we're invincible.”

Holding the wand tightly between them, Chris and Darren finally allowed themselves to kiss.