“So, I guess we're heading to London to find a way for you to meet back up with lover-boy, huh?” Joey teased.

“He's not my ‘lover-boy' yet, which totally sucks,” Darren complained.  “Since we've been together, we've barely even kissed, let alone done anything else.”

“Seriously?  I may be straight(ish) but even I can see he's hot as fuck.  How have you managed to resist tapping that?”

“The day after we got together, he had to fly off on his book tour, and as soon as he got back we ended up in the fairytale world again, where there was this whole crazy curse thing that made people fall asleep forever if they kissed, and then once the curse was lifted I came back here and he got trapped in the Land of Stories.”

“You do realize that you sound completely insane, right?  It would be much more plausible if you'd just admit that Chris decided he wasn't really into hobbits.”

With a mock-ferocious roar, Darren launched himself at Joey and tackled him to the floor.  It was a good thing they were the only ones in their train compartment, because any onlookers would have been quite alarmed by the way they were rolling around in the tight space, trying to pin each other down.  Joey had the advantage of both height and weight, but Darren was strong, and he fought dirty.  The battle could have gone on indefinitely if they hadn't both been seized by fits of incapacitating giggles.

Once they'd caught their breath and dragged themselves back up onto their seats, Darren gave Joey an uncharacteristically serious look.  “You know, I really appreciate you coming with me, man.”

“Well, you certainly can't be trusted to go wandering about on your own, now can you?”

“No, seriously, Joey.  I'm really glad that you're here.”

“Of course.  What are friends for?”

“And you know you're still my best friend, even though I'm with Chris now, right?”

“I know,” Joey said, pulling Darren into a hug, “but it's still nice to hear it.”

“I love you, man,” Darren said, hugging him back.

“Yeah, yeah, I love you, too,” Joey said, giving him one more squeeze.  Then he pushed Darren away and teased, “But you'd better get off of me before you accidentally butt-dial your boyfriend on that magic mirror and make him jealous.”

…

It was 3:00 AM, and Darren and Joey were staring up at the South Bank Lion with their mouths hanging open.  

When they'd visited the statue the previous afternoon, they'd been unable to find any clues that might lead them into the fairytale world.  Darren had suggested that they return in the wee hours of the morning, when there wouldn't be many people around, and try to talk to the massive stone lion.  Joey had gone along with the plan just to humor him, never dreaming that they'd be having an actual conversation with the statue.

Now, the lion looked down at them with a bemused expression.  “You said that Mother Goose sent you, and that you knew I could talk.  So why do you seem so surprised?  I wouldn't have answered you if I thought you were going to freak out on me.”

Darren — having had more experience with talking animals than Joey — was the first to pull himself together.  “Oh, no, don't worry, we're not freaking out.  We're just thrilled to meet you.”

“The pleasure is all mine,” the lion rumbled.  

Darren couldn't tell whether or not he was being sarcastic, but decided not to take offense.  “Mother Goose mentioned that you might know of some sort of magical gateway between the worlds.  Can you tell us how to get there?”

“Go to Kings Cross Station, platform nine and three-quarters.”

Darren laughed.  “We're not trying to get to Hogwarts — we're trying to get to the Land of Stories.”

“Magic is magic.  Whether you're heading to the Land of Stories or to Mars, you have to start by going back to Hogwarts.”

“Are you messing with us?” Darren demanded.

“No.  I swear it's true, or my name's not Rumbleroar.”

“Get out!  Your name's Rumbleroar?!?”

“As I live and breathe.”

“But you're a stone statue.  You don't live or breathe.”

“Do you want my help, or not?”

“Yeah.”

“Well, then you'd better head to Kings Cross.  That's the first step you have to take.  The rest is up to you.”

And that was the last word they could get from the statue.

…

Darren and Joey caught a few hours sleep before heading to Kings Cross Station.  They arrived around quarter to eleven, which seemed to be an auspicious time.

As they stood on the edge of platform nine, Joey grinned at Darren and said, “Well, come on, friend.  Let's go to Hogwarts.  Just gotta go through that brick wall.”

Darren knew his next line.  “That sounds kinda scary.”

“Hey, it's okay.  We can do it together.  Wanna hold hands?”

“I'd love that.”

Joey held out his hand and Darren took it.  Then he said, “On the count of three — one, two, three!”

The two of them yelled and raced toward the wall, each expecting the other to pull up and stop.  Instead, they passed right through the barrier. 

They stared around in wonder.  Somehow, they seemed to have found themselves on platform nine and three-quarters.  Or, not actually on platform nine and three-quarters, but on the version of it they'd created on the set of A Very Potter Sequel.  They were surrounded by their friends from the University of Michigan, all dressed up for the musical.

Brian Rosenthal pointed at Darren, jumping up and yelling, “Bloody hell!  It's Harry Potter!”

Joey couldn't pass up this opportunity.  He began to sing:

Youre Harry Freakin Potter!

You dont understand

Youre a legend, man,

To us all!

Every son and daughter 

Safe!

From You-Know-Who,

All because of you!

You were small,

But I wonder if you can recall...

Long story short,

This guy,

[whispering] "Voldemort"

Was super cruel...

Darren had to chime in with his line: "Voldemort?"

Everyone on the platform gasped.  "SHHH!!!"

Joey continued:

Tried to kill you and your parents,

And this is where it gets intensely cool...

Even though you were a tiny little boy,

You should'a died but you survived and then destroyed

This evil guy and its a story we enjoy to tell....

Everyone joined in on the chorus:

Youre Harry Freakin Potter!

We dont prefer 

Gandalf, Merlin, or Oz,

Youre a whole lot hotter!

With that lighting scar,

Youre a superstar 

To us all!

If were in trouble we know who to call!

Jamie Lyn Beatty stepped up as Rita Skeeter:

Youre Harry Freakin Potter!

I wouldnt wince at all,

Youre invincible to all harm!

Like Betty Crocker —

I wanna eat you up!

No onell beat you up

With that charm!

Remember, Harry, kid,

Youre the Boss,

Youre the King,

Youre the Bomb!

Even though he was notorious for forgetting the words to his own songs, in this context there was no way Darren could miss his next lines:

But this is all so sad,

I mean, my Mom and Dad

Were killed, long ago...

(Long ago they died! the chorus agreed.)

I wanna be psyched,

But being unliked

Is all I know...

(All he knows, thats why —)

I never thought Id be a part of such a fate,

An opportunity eleven years late...

I guess its time for me step up to the plate

And show em that Im something great!

Im Harry Freakin Potter!

Ill do what I can

If what you say I am 

Is true!

I cant be bothered

By my awful past,

Ive found at last

Something I can do,

So its time I knew

Exactly who I am...

Im Harry Freakin Potter!

Everyone echoed: You're Harry Freakin Potter!

Im Harry Freakin Potter--

And Im the man!