Chris still hadn't found what he was ultimately looking for — one Darren Everett Criss — but he and Kurt and Blaine were successful in fulfilling the quest King Arthur had set before them.  They tracked Mother Goose and Merlin to a hidden clearing, where they found the pair sitting on a stump with their arms around each other, laughing uproariously.  

As soon as Mother Goose caught sight of them, she leapt to her feet in greeting.  “Oh, there you are!” she cried, throwing her arms wide and sloshing a dark liquid out of the silver chalice she was holding.  “I knew you couldn't be far.  Look!  We've found the Holy Grail.  It's the perfect cup for drinking my ale.”

Chris didn't know whether to be amused or horrified — a predicament he found himself in quite frequently when it came to Mother Goose.  He decided not to comment on her desecration of a holy relic, and instead focused on his primary objective.  “Do you still have the potion and the book of fairy tales?”

She patted her satchel.  “I have them right here, with my wine and my beer.” 

Blaine stepped forward.  “Kurt and I have had a better honeymoon than we could have possibly imagined.  But I think it's time that we all headed home.”

Merlin frowned.  “You want April to leave so soon?  We were just getting to know each other.  Maybe I should come with you.”

“King Arthur has been worried about you, Merlin,” Kurt said.  “And I'm sure he'll be thrilled to see the Holy Grail.  You need to bring it to him.”

“You're right, of course,” Merlin acknowledged.  Then turning to Mother Goose, he asked, “May I kiss you goodbye?”

“One last smooch, and one last swig of hooch,” she agreed, giving Merlin a resounding kiss before tossing back the rest of the ale and then handing him the chalice.

As Merlin looked on, Mother Goose removed A Treasury of Fairy Tales from her bag and opened it to the final page.  She allowed a drop of the potion to fall on the words “And they lived happily ever after.”  Chris stepped eagerly into the beam of light that emerged.  He was more than ready to return to the Land of Stories, and he hoped with all his heart that he'd soon be experiencing his own happily — or gleefully — ever after.

…

Meanwhile, Darren and Joey were settling into their roles as Harry and Ron at Hogwarts.  They'd quickly given up their attempts at figuring out which story they were in, since A Very Potter Musical and A Very Potter Sequel had each borrowed from several different books, and they'd already experienced scenes from both of those plays.  Fortunately, both Darren and Joey were skilled at improv, so they were happy to just go with the flow.

They'd also come to accept that while the people around them might look and sound just like their friends from StarKid, for all intents and purposes they really were their characters.  Nowhere was this more amusing than in the case of Joe Walker, whose body was now performing double duty as both Lord Voldemort and Professor Umbridge. 

Darren and Joey found themselves giggling like the schoolchildren they supposedly were as they spied on Quirrel and Voldemort singing their duet of “Different as Can Be.”

You wont sleep on your tummy Quirrel complained.

You wont sleep on your back Voldemort retorted.

Together they sang:

We're quite a kooky couple youll agree 

We share some hands and fingers 

And yet the feeling lingers 

Were just about as different as anyone could be 

They continued, alternating lines:

You like plotting a garden, and I like plotting to kill 

You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill! 

Sipping tea by the fire's swell 

Pushing people in is fun as well 

I like folding all my ties 

And you have no friends, hey that's a surprise 

They joined together for the chorus:

I guess it's plain to see 

When you look at you and me 

We're different 

Different as can be 

They went back to trading insults:

You're a sissy, a twat a girl! I'm the darkest of lords! 

I'm the brightest professor here, I've won several awards 

My new world is about to unfold 

You got beat by a two year 

I'll kill him this time through and through 

Or you might just give him another tattoo 

Then back to the chorus: 

You really must agree 

When you look at you and me 

We're different 

Different as can — 

Voldemort started the bridge:

I'll rise again and I'll rule the world 

But you must help me renew 

For when our plan succeeds 

(Prevails! Quirrel chimed in)

Part of that world goes to you 

Quirrel sweetly sang: 

When I rule the world I'll plant flowers

While Voldemort rasped: 

When I rule the world I'll have snakes 

(And Jane Austin novels Quirrel suggested)

And goblins, and werewolves, and giants, and thestrals, 

A fleet of dementors, and all my Death Eaters! 

They ended together:

When I rule the world!! Hahahaha!!!!

“They do say that opposites attract,” Joey whispered, nudging Darren.

“You know I've always shipped them.” 

“Yep - Quirrelmort, all the way!  And Brian and Joe make a lovely couple, don't they?”

“Yeah.  Although I find Joe a little creepy in the Voldy makeup.  I liked him better as Umbridge.”

“True.  And he showed some nice leg in that pink dress…”  

Darren and Joey soon had the opportunity to see the dress — and the legs — in question.  They came upon Umbridge and Dumbledore having a spat.  

“Dumbledore,” Umbridge demanded, in Joe Walker's sassiest style, “did you get my texts?” 

“Yes, I got your texts — I got all 900 of them!  You've been clogging my inbox for long enough!”

“Well, you didn't text me back.”

“Umbridge, I've tried to be nice.  But it's time for you to leave and never come back.”

“Dumbledore, this is just our first fight.”

“And it'll be our last.”

“Oh my god, Dumbledore, why you being such a lousy boyfriend?”

“Don't you get it, you crazy bitch?  I'm gay!”

Umbridge bellowed “NO!” in a voice that echoed throughout the castle.  Then she burst into a furious song:

Remember that time

When you wouldnt talk to me?

No you wouldnt talk to me

Yesterday

We were gettin along

We had a little dance-y thing

Well heres a song I sing

My way

We were gonna be fine

But you didnt wanna be

Be the man whod be with me

No way

But now you sayin its time

Why you gotta be like that?

I dont like the way you act

Around me

So baby come on, come on...

Well dont you tell me to go

Say Im the one

D-d-do you think Im dumb?

Sorry — did I just stutter?

Wont tell you what you know

But this is the end

You were never my friend

You were never my —

You were never my lover!

Remember that night

When I saw you tremblin there?

I remembered I dont care

About you

Im rememberin how

You thought you were at the top

Well I think were better off

Without you!

And I got your number

And I dont mean on my phone

Wouldve already just thrown it out

If Id known about

The way youd bitch and moan

You remember the way

How you were way outta line?

Well now youre way outta time

So tell me what you want on your tombstone!

Come on, come on...

Well dont you tell me to go

Say Im the one

D-d-do you think Im dumb?

Sorry — did I just stutter?

Wont tell you what you know

But this is the end

You were never my friend

You were never my —

You were never my lover!

Its too bad you a loser

Too bad you waste my time

Good thing that Im around

To keep your ass in line!

... You were never my —

You were never my lover!

Before Dumbledore could respond, Umbridge caught sight of Darren and Joey lurking in the shadows.  She came bounding over.

“Oh my god — everybody look — it's Harry Freakin' Potter!  Oh my god — he's so dreamy — and he's so rich and famous!  Mister Potter!  Mister Potter!  Will you sign my boob?”

Joey winked at Darren and handed him a Sharpie.  Grinning, Darren took the black permanent marker and, with a flourish, scrawled Harry Freakin' Potter across Joe Walker's chest.