The Land of Stories: A Very Gleeful Threequel
ChrisCalledMeSweetie
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The Land of Stories: A Very Gleeful Threequel: Peter Pan


T - Words: 1,820 - Last Updated: Aug 23, 2016
Story: Complete - Chapters: 19/? - Created: Aug 15, 2015 - Updated: Aug 15, 2015
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Author's Notes:

Never Smile at a Crocodilehttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZGkdcpTY1QI


You'll never guess where I'm going tomorrow…




The Wicked Witch of the West — who insisted, to Chris's amusement, that everyone call her Elphaba — invited them all to stay for dinner.  Since the travelers hadn't had anything to eat that day other than a few apples they'd picked along the road, they readily agreed.


Chris felt a little trepidation as a flock of winged monkeys flew down bearing serving trays, but he needn't have worried.  The Witch's kitchen staff had provided them with a sumptuous feast.  Chris, Kurt, Blaine, the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, and the Lion tucked in gratefully, while Mother Goose and the Witch picked at their food and drank deeply from their goblets.


It was well past dark by the time they'd finished dessert.  Chris didn't want to be rude, but he was growing more and more impatient to finally see Darren.


“Thank you so much for your hospitality, Elphaba,” he said.  “Dinner was wonderful, but we really do need to get going.”


“Yes, yes, I suppose we do,” Mother Goose acknowledged.  “Although I promise someday to come back and see you,” she added, giving the Witch a hug.


Chris opened Peter Pan, and Mother Goose allowed a drop of the potion to fall onto the first page.  The residents of Oz gasped as a beam of light shot from the book.  Chris hugged the Scarecrow, the Tin Woodman, and the Lion in turn before bidding them a fond farewell and stepping into the light.


This time, when the swirling words in the book resolved themselves into a recognizable landscape, Chris found himself on a street in London.  He turned and grinned widely at Kurt, Blaine, and Mother Goose as they appeared behind him.


“We made it!  And don't worry, there are no tornadoes in this story.”


Chris took out his magic mirror, eager to contact Darren.  Before he could even tap it, however, a boy swooped down and snatched it out of his hand.


Chris grabbed for the mirror, but the boy — who Chris now recognized as Peter Pan — rose into the air, just out of reach.  “Nyah-nyah nyah-nyah-nyah,” he taunted, “you can't catch me!”


“Peter, please give that back.”


“No.  If you want it, you have to chase me,” Peter said, showing off his aerial maneuvers. 


“Well, that's going to be pretty difficult, since I can't fly.”


“Oh, I know how to fix that,” Peter said.  “Hey, Tink!  Hit these guys with some pixie dust!”


Despite his annoyance with Peter, Chris was excited to see Tinker Bell.  The tiny fairy sprinkled him and his companions with a sparkly powder that made them tingle all over.  Chris felt a strange weightlessness come over his body.  He looked down to realize that he was floating a few feet above the ground.


“Come on!” Peter called, rising higher and higher.


“Wait!” Chris cried, but it was no use.  


Peter zipped away, with Chris, Kurt, Blaine, and Mother Goose in hot pursuit.  Whenever they fell behind, Peter slowed down, but as soon as they got close, he put on a burst of speed.  He led them on a merry chase, past Big Ben, then high over London.  Soon the city was nothing but a faint glow beneath them.


“Stop!” Chris cried.  “Where are you going?”


“Second star to the right, and straight on ‘til morning!”


Chris hesitated.  He desperately wanted to get the magic mirror back, but he wasn't willing to go to Neverland to do it.  “Forget it,” he told Peter.  “We're not coming with you.”


Tinker Bell made a high, musical sound that Mother Goose could apparently interpret.  “She says to stay with Peter and fly, if you don't want to crash to the earth and die.”


Chris gulped, suddenly realizing just how far away the ground really was.  He supposed he had no choice but to follow Peter to Neverland.


As they neared the magical island in the sky, Tinker Bell's musical voice sounded again, and Mother Goose smiled.  “She says the pirates have the best rum.  I'm gonna go with her and get me some!”


With that, Mother Goose and Tinker Bell peeled away from the main group and quickly disappeared.  


Chris, Kurt, and Blaine followed Peter as he landed on the island.  A troop of young boys rushed out to greet him.


“Peter!  Peter!” the Lost Boys cried, swarming all over him.  “What have you brought us?”


The littlest boy snatched the mirror from Peter's hand and held it up.  “Oooh,” he marveled.  “Shiny!


Kurt stepped forward, sai swords drawn.  “I'll take that.”


Wide-eyed, the boy handed over the mirror.  “Your swords are shiny, too.  Can you use them to kill pirates?”


“If I have to,” Kurt said, passing the mirror to Chris.  


“Show us!  Show us!  Show us!” chanted the Lost Boys.


They pointed Kurt toward an animal hide strung between two trees.  On it, a crude figure of a pirate had been sketched out in charcoal.  With a flourish, Kurt twirled his swords, cutting two neat circles out of the hide.  As he stepped back, his audience could see a small hole where the pirate's heart would have been, and a larger one in place of his head.


The Lost Boys clapped and cheered.


“You have to teach us how to do that!  Then we can fight the pirates!”


“Alright.  But only if you help us rescue Mother Goose.”


“A mother!” the littlest boy cried.  “I want a mother.  Even if she is a goose…”


Blaine picked the boy up and spun him around.  “She's not really a goose.  That's just her nickname, silly.”


The little boy squealed with delight.  


“Okay, gather ‘round,” Blaine said, placing the boy back on the ground.  “Kurt and I will teach you everything you need to know about fighting pirates.”


Chris couldn't help smiling at the looks of hero-worship on all of the Lost Boys' faces.  Even Peter appeared to be caught up in the spell.  In fact, if the puppy-dog eyes he was giving Kurt were any indication, he seemed to be developing a bit of a crush…  


Leaving Kurt and Blaine to deal with the youngsters, Chris decided to take this opportunity to contact Darren.  He walked a few yards away from the others, sat down behind a tree, and tapped the magic mirror.


“Chris!  Finally!  I was starting to get worried.  Is everything okay?”


“Well, if by ‘okay' you mean ‘is everybody in one piece,' then the answer is yes.  But if you mean ‘are we in London,' then the answer is no.”


“What happened?  Are you still in Oz?”


Chris filled Darren in on their impromptu trip to Neverland.  He ended by saying, “Now Kurt and Blaine are teaching the Lost Boys how to fight the pirates, so we can go rescue Mother Goose.  Again.  I swear, if that woman didn't have the books and the potion I need to get back home, I'd let her rot in their brig.”


“Oh, come on.  I know you secretly get a kick out of what a wacky old booze-hound of a character she's turned out to be.”


“It's true,” Chris admitted.  “She certainly livens things up.  And I'll bet she doesn't really need to be rescued.  She's probably having a grand old time, drinking rum with Captain Hook.”


“So, once you do find her, and the books, what's your next stop going to be?”


“I think we'll try Alice's Adventures in Wonderland.  I'm not sure exactly where that one started out, but I don't think it was too far from London.”


“Hang on — let me look it up…  Oh, here it is…  According to Wikipedia, the story began along the bank of the River Isis, between Oxford and Godstow.  I can catch a train and meet you there.”


“Sounds good.  I can't wait to see you.”



It was a motley crew that approached Pirates' Cove that afternoon.  Kurt had his sai swords, and Blaine carried his ax, while Peter and the Lost Boys clutched an assortment of makeshift weapons.  Chris held tightly to his own sai swords, fashioned by Kurt from a couple of rapiers they'd found.  He fervently hoped that the youtube videos he'd studied as a teenager would prove as useful in battle as they had when he'd just been twirling sai swords for fun.


As they neared the pirate ship, Chris held out his hand to stop the others.  “Wait — we haven't discussed our strategy.  What's the plan?”


“Kill the pirates!” yelled the Lost Boys.


“Stab them!”


“Bash them!”


“Slice them!”


“Smash them!”


“Cook them in a stew!”


“Feed them to the crocodile!”


Chris couldn't help himself.  He burst out laughing at the bloodthirsty expressions on the little boys' faces.  


“I think maybe we'd better stay away from the crocodile,” he warned.  Then he began to sing:


Never smile at a crocodile

No, you cant get friendly with a crocodile

Dont be taken in by his welcome grin

Hes imagining how well youd fit within his skin


Never smile at a crocodile

Never tip your hat and stop to talk awhile

Never run, walk away, say good-night, not good-day

Clear the aisle, but never smile at Mister Crocodile


The Lost Boys cheered as Chris finished his song.  “Sing another!  Sing another!”


“Maybe later.  Right now, we need to figure out how we're going to rescue Mother Goose from the pirates.”


“I think we should send out a scout,” Kurt suggested.  “We need to know where she's being held, and how many men are guarding her.”


“I'll go!” Peter volunteered.


Kurt smiled at him, and Peter blushed.  Yep, definitely infatuated, Chris thought.


Peter flew off toward the Jolly Roger.  The others waited with bated breath for him to return.  When he did, he was grinning broadly.


“It looks like they've been having a drinking contest.  There are empty bottles of rum all over the deck, and the pirates are all passed out cold.  Mother Goose and Captain Hook are the only ones left standing, and they're not too steady on their feet.”


“Perfect!” Chris said.  “You and the Lost Boys can take on Captain Hook, while Kurt, Blaine, and I grab Mother Goose.”


“Attack!” the Lost Boys shouted, racing toward the ship.  The others followed right on their heels.  


As he stepped on deck, Chris realized that things had taken a turn for the worse.  Apparently, Captain Hook was a mean drunk.  He and Mother Goose were standing on a wooden plank that extended over the side of the ship, and he was forcing her closer and closer to the edge with a wicked-looking cutlass.


“You take that back!” Captain Hook roared.  “Just because I don't want to go skinny-dipping with you in crocodile-infested waters does not make me a sissy!”


Mother Goose gave him a cheeky grin.  “Oh, don't be such a party-pooper.  I bet a swim would be just super.”


“Charge!” Peter ordered, and he and the Lost Boys surged forward.


Captain Hook turned to face the oncoming children.  Mother Goose took advantage of his momentary distraction to pinch him sharply on the ass.  He let out an undignified squeak, overbalanced, and pitched off the side of the plank into the waves below.


Peter and the Lost Boys whooped and hollered as they performed a boisterous victory dance. 

 

Mother Goose gazed down into the water.  “Too bad Captain Hook's now swimming with the fishes.  That old boy's rum was quite delicious…”

 


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