Mother Goose flung open the door and stepped out onto the porch.  Looking down at the feet protruding from under the house, she frowned.  “Uh oh.  I think we may have landed on somebody.”

There was a great puff of smoke.  When it cleared, an irate-looking woman with green skin was standing directly in front of Mother Goose.  “You!” she shrieked.  “You killed my sister!”

Without giving Mother Goose a chance to explain, the Witch waved her wand, shooting out ropes that wrapped the other woman from head to toe.  Then she grabbed Mother Goose's immobilized body and hauled her onto her broomstick.

Kurt lunged forward, sai swords drawn, but it was too late.  The Witch, with Mother Goose as her prisoner, flew quickly out of sight.

“What just happened?” Blaine asked, dazed.

“That was the Wicked Witch of the West.  She's a character from the book.  This house just landed on her sister, and now she's seeking revenge.  We've got to save Mother Goose!”

“I wouldn't worry too much,” Kurt said.  “She's a tough old bird.  And she's had plenty of experience dealing with witches.  I'm sure she'll be fine.”

“Well, whether she's fine or not, she's the one with the potion and the rest of the books.  So unless we want to be stranded here forever, we'd better find her,” Chris insisted.

“I don't know about forever,” Blaine said, gazing around in wonder, “but I sure wouldn't mind spending a good chunk of our honeymoon here.  This place looks amazing!”

Chris sighed.  “How about you two go enjoy the sights, and I'll stay here and try to contact Darren.  Just be back in an hour, okay?”

Kurt and Blaine headed off, hand-in-hand, and Chris tapped his magic mirror.  He'd been wondering whether he'd be able to use it here, so he was relieved to see Darren's face come shimmering into focus.

“Chris!  Did it work?  Are you in Kansas?”

“Yes and no.  The potion worked, and we were in Kansas, but we're not there anymore.”

“Did you already get a flight home?  Are you in L.A.?  Do you need me to pick you up at the airport?”

“Not exactly.  We're in Oz.”

“Oh my god!  What happened?”

Chris filled Darren in.  He ended by saying, “And now Kurt and Blaine are delighted with their magical honeymoon, and I'm left feeling like the fuddy-duddy old third wheel who just wants to do boring stuff like rescuing Mother Goose.” 

“Aw, baby, I'm sorry.  But you can't blame them for being excited.  I just wish I was there, so you and I could go exploring together, too.  I mean, seriously, you're in Oz.  You have to admit that's pretty cool.”

Chris smiled.  “You're right.  It is cool.  I guess I just have to rearrange my expectations a little bit.  I had my heart set on getting back to you.”

“And you will.  You and Kurt and Blaine will go find Mother Goose, who's probably drinking the Wicked Witch of the West under the table as we speak.  And then, this time, you'll use the potion on Peter Pan, like I suggested in the first place.  Joey's taking a red-eye to London tonight, and he's been trying to talk me into tagging along.  I'll bet I can score a last-minute seat on his flight, and then we can meet up there.  How does that sound?”

“That sounds like a good plan.  But I wish you were here.”

“Oh, me too.  Totally.  Maybe, once you get home, we can ask Mother Goose to leave some of the potion with us, and we can go back there together.”  

“Yeah.  I'd like that.”

“Gimme a kiss,” Darren said impulsively.

“What — through the mirror?”

“Yeah.  I know it's silly, but I really want to kiss you right now.”

Chris pressed his lips against the image of Darren's in the mirror.  The glass was cool, hard, and smooth, rather than warm, soft, and supple, but still, in some small way, it helped him feel more connected to his boyfriend.  

…

Kurt and Blaine returned to the house with sparkling eyes and flushed cheeks.

“This place is incredible,” Blaine gushed.  “The colors are so vibrant, and there are people and creatures like we've never seen before.”

“We met a bunch of little folk called Munchkins,” Kurt said.  “They kept thanking us for killing the Wicked Witch of the East.  We tried to explain that it was an accident, but they still treated us like heroes.”

“We really appreciate you letting us come along on this adventure,” Blaine added.  “We couldn't have asked for a better honeymoon.”

“I'm glad you're here with me,” Chris told them sincerely.  “And if it's adventure you're after, I think that rescuing Mother Goose will provide plenty of that.  It's a long trek to the Witch's castle, and we're sure to find lots of excitement along the way.”

“Well, then, what are we waiting for?  Let's go!”

The three set off along the yellow brick road.  Chris couldn't resist doing a little hop-skipping step-ball-change, which Kurt and Blaine soon picked up.  The three of them linked arms, grinning like fools, as they sang, “Follow the yellow brick road, follow the yellow brick road…”   

A few miles (and a lot of giggles) later, they came across a Scarecrow hanging on a post at a fork in the road.

“Which way do we go?” Kurt asked.

“That way,” the Scarecrow said, nearly tying himself in knots as he pointed in four different directions with his hands and his feet.

Blaine gasped.  “Are you alive?”

“Of course I'm alive.  But I can't really tell you which road to take.  You see, I don't know much of anything, because I don't have a brain.”

“Oh, how sad.”

“I know.  It's truly tragic,” the Scarecrow agreed.  Then he began to sing:

I could wile away the hours 

Conferrin with the flowers 

Consultin with the rain

And my head Id be scratchin

While my thoughts were busy hatchin

If I only had a brain

Id unravel any riddle

For any individle

In trouble or in pain

Chris chimed in with Dorothy's part:

With the thoughts youd be thinkin

You could be another Lincoln 

If you only had a brain

The Scarecrow's voice rose as he launched into the bridge:

Oh, I would tell you why

The oceans near the shore

I could think of things I never thunk before

And then Id sit and think some more

I would not be just a nuffin

My head all full of stuffin

My heart all full of pain

I would dance and be merry

Life would be a ding-a-derry

If I only had a brain

When the Scarecrow finished singing, Kurt and Blaine applauded.  “You know,” Kurt told him, “we're on our way to rescue our friend, Mother Goose.  She knows how to do magic.  I'll bet if you come with us, she could give you a brain.”

“Oh, that would be wonderful!  If you help me down from this post, I'd love to join you on your quest.”

Kurt and Blaine carefully helped detach the Scarecrow from his post.  His legs were a bit wobbly at first, but soon he was kicking up his heels with joy at being free.

“Come on,” Chris said.  “I'm pretty sure we need to head this way.”

A few miles further along, they spotted a Tin Woodman standing stiffly by the side of the road.  He was holding up an ax in what looked to be a very uncomfortable position.  Chris found an oil can on a nearby tree stump, and quickly lubricated the Tin Woodman's joints.

“Oh, thank you!  I got caught out in the rain and rusted solid.  I've been standing there for ages, waiting for someone to come along and help me.  No one ever seems to take this road.  Where are you all heading?”

“We're on a quest to rescue the magical Mother Goose,” the Scarecrow said importantly.  “And she's going to reward me by giving me a brain.”

“Oh, can I come with you?  If I help save Mother Goose, do you think she would reward me, too?  You see, I really want a heart.”

With that wistful pronouncement, the Tin Woodman began to sing:

When a mans an empty kettle 

He should be on his mettle 

And yet Im torn apart

Just because Im presumin

That I could be a human

If I only had a heart

Id be tender, Id be gentle

And awful sentimental

Regarding love and art

Id be friends with the sparrows 

And the boy that shoots the arrows

If I only had a heart

Just to register emotion, jealousy, devotion

And really feel the part

I could stay young and chipper

And Id lock it with a zipper

If I only had a heart

“Of course you can join us,” Chris told the Tin Woodman.  “Come on.”

It wasn't long before the five of them heard a sniffling sound coming from the side of the path.

“What's that?” Blaine asked.  “It sounds like somebody crying.”

Looking up into a nearby tree, Chris spotted a lion cowering on a branch.

“Hello,” he called up.  “Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay?  I'm stuck.  I climbed up this tree, and now I'm afraid to come down.”

“I could chop the tree down for you,” the Tin Woodman offered.

“Oh, no!  Please don't!  If you chop down the tree, I'll fall!”

“I could stand under the tree, and you could jump down on me,” the Scarecrow suggested.  “I'm filled with straw, so it would be a soft landing.”

“No, I'm too scared to move.”

“Well, how about we climb up there and carry you down, then,” Kurt said.

“I guess that would be okay.  Just be very careful not to drop me.”

Kurt and Blaine shinnied up the tree.  (Kurt added a little shimmy, for good measure.)  They each used one arm to support the Cowardly Lion, and he clung to them tightly as they climbed back down to the ground.

“I'm so embarrassed.  It's really dreadful to be a lion without any courage.”  

In a deep, growly voice, he began to sing:

Yeah, its sad, believe me Missy 

When youre born to be a sissy 

Without the vim and verve

But I could show my prowess

Be a lion, not a mou-ess

If I only had the nerve

Im afraid theres no denyin

Im just a dandylion

A fate I dont deserve

Id be brave as a blizzard

As a lizard or a wizard

If I only had the nerve

“I know how important courage is,” Blaine told him kindly.  “Come with us.  We're on our way to rescue Mother Goose.  And when we do, she'll use her magic to give you all the courage you need.”

“And she'll give me a brain,” the Scarecrow said.

“And me a heart,” said the Tin Woodman.

“And she'll help me get home,” Chris added.

Taking both of Blaine's hands in his own, Kurt declared, “Mother Goose doesn't have to give me a single thing, because I've already got everything I'll ever need, right here.”

“So do I,” Blaine said, gazing adoringly at his husband.  “Until the end of time.”