Saturday, August 18 – Sunday, August 19

Kurt awoke in the night with a full bladder.  He carefully unwound himself from Blaine, trying not to wake his sleeping boyfriend.  As he rolled over, though, Blaine rolled with him, wrapping Kurt in his arms.  

Kurt tried to wriggle free, but Blaine held fast, mumbling sleepily, “Don't go.”

Kurt brought Blaine's hand to his lips for a kiss.  “I just need to go to the bathroom.  I'll be right back.”

“Mmm.  I'll come with you.”

Blaine held onto Kurt's hand as they made their way across the moonlit bunkhouse to the bathroom.  He didn't release it until they were back in bed, where he lay on his back and held his arms out to Kurt.  

Kurt snuggled down against Blaine's chest, reaching up to stroke his hair.  “Are you okay, honey?” he asked quietly.

“Yeah.  I just don't want to let go of you.”

“Well, good, ‘cause I'm perfectly happy right here.”

Kurt continued to run his fingers through Blaine's soft curls until he felt his boyfriend's arms relax around him as he drifted back to sleep.

When Kurt awoke the next morning, Blaine was already out of bed and fully dressed.  Kurt smiled sleepily up at him.

“Good morning.  You're up early.”

“Yeah.  I'm going to grab some breakfast, and then I want to take a long walk.”

“Okay.  Just give me a sec to get dressed.”

Blaine held up a hand to stop him.  “No, you go back to sleep.  I need a little alone time.”

Kurt was instantly alarmed.  “Honey, what's wrong?”

“Nothing's wrong.  I just need to spend some time by myself this morning.  I'll meet you for lunch, okay?”

Inside, Kurt was screaming “No!  No!  Not okay!” but he forced himself to say calmly, “Okay.  I'll see you at lunch.”

As the door of the bunkhouse closed behind his boyfriend, Kurt told himself there was no reason to panic.  He told himself that Blaine was entitled to some time alone.  He told himself that it didn't have to mean anything bad.  But no matter how many times he told himself that everything was okay, he just didn't believe it.

Kurt tried to go back to sleep, but he soon gave it up as a lost cause.  His mind kept spinning with questions.  Was Blaine mad at him?  Had he said something wrong?  Done something wrong?  He didn't think that he'd hurt Blaine the previous night, but what if he had?  Kurt racked his brain, but he couldn't come up with any answers, only more questions.

Kurt finally dragged himself out of bed and into a long, hot shower.  He got dressed and made his solitary way toward the dining hall.  

Sunday morning breakfasts were always “fend for yourself,” since Brad and Ian had the time off.  Kurt wasn't sure whether he wanted to run into any of the other staff members or not.  On the one hand, he could use the distraction of having some company.  But on the other hand, anyone who saw him without Blaine would be sure to ask questions.  Questions for which Kurt had no answers.

He was somewhat relieved, therefore, to find the dining hall empty when he arrived.  He went into the kitchen and helped himself to a bagel with cream cheese.  It felt strange to be sitting down to eat alone.  Kurt realized that it had been months since he'd had a meal without Blaine.  The thought made his heart clench painfully.  He set his bagel aside, no longer hungry.

Deciding that the best thing to do would be to keep himself busy, Kurt went back to the bunkhouse to get his laundry.  After a moment's hesitation, he gathered up Blaine's dirty clothes, as well, and stripped the sheets off of both bunks.  As he picked up his pillow to remove the pillowcase, Kurt couldn't help burying his face in it, breathing in his boyfriend's scent.  

Forcing himself not to dwell on thoughts of Blaine, Kurt stuffed everything into a large duffle bag and hauled it to the laundry room.  There were six washers and six dryers, used by the staff as well as any campers who stayed for multiple weeks.  The place was deserted when Kurt arrived, though, so he didn't feel guilty about taking up three machines at once.  As soon as he'd gotten all of his loads started, he wandered outside and sat down under a tree.

Glancing down at his watch, Kurt was shocked to discover that it was barely nine o'clock.  The morning seemed to stretch ahead of him endlessly, with lunchtime, and the promise of seeing Blaine again, far, far off in the distance.  

Kurt realized with a jolt that there was no set lunch time on Sundays, since Brad and Ian were still off duty.  How was he supposed to know what time to meet Blaine for lunch?  The boys had never needed to make Sunday meal plans before – they were always together, and just ate when they got hungry.  Now, stomach twisted with worry, Kurt felt as though he'd never be hungry again.          

After transferring all of his laundry into the dryers, Kurt went back to sit disconsolately under his tree.  He closed his eyes, and tried to relax, but all he could think about was Blaine.  

Kurt replayed the previous night in his head, searching for any clues as to what could be wrong.  But he could find nothing.  The entire experience had been perfect, from start to finish.  Except that, this morning, Blaine had left him.  With no explanation other than that he needed some time alone.  

Kurt gave himself a mental shake.  He realized that he was doing exactly the same thing that had pissed Blaine off a week and a half earlier – he was refusing to believe his boyfriend's assurances that he was okay.  What if what Blaine had told him that morning was actually true – that nothing was wrong, and he just needed a little alone time?  Kurt grasped at that thought like a lifeline.

Blaine was not only his lover; he was Kurt's best friend, as well.  Kurt knew that he had to trust him.  They would talk about this, just like they talked about everything.  And it would all be okay.  Because it had to be okay.   

Kurt removed his laundry from the dryers, folding it carefully and bringing it back to the bunkhouse.  He placed their clothes in their dressers, then re-made the beds.  By the time he'd finished, he was feeling a little bit calmer. 

It was only a quarter after eleven, and Kurt didn't want to sit around waiting for lunchtime (whatever time that might turn out to be) so he headed out to the corral to visit the horses.  Their softly nickered greetings, and warm, solid presence, soothed him.  He leaned against the fence, willing himself to relax.

Kurt didn't know how long he'd been there, silently communing with the horses, when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  Blaine's voice came from behind him.  “When you weren't in the bunkhouse, I thought I'd find you here.”

Kurt turned to face him, searching Blaine's eyes for any hint of trouble.  His boyfriend's expression was open and loving, though, and Kurt sagged back against the fence in relief.  Taking Blaine's hands in his own, Kurt said, “I missed you.”

Blaine returned the pressure of his fingers.  “Well, I'm here now.  Do you want to go for a ride before lunch?  We wouldn't even need to tack up – we could just hop on Robin Hood and ride double.”

Kurt could tell that his boyfriend wasn't quite ready to talk yet.  “Okay,” he said, releasing Blaine's hands and getting a scoop of grain for the stocky pinto gelding.  It only took a couple of minutes for the boys to give him a quick once-over with the brush, check his feet, and put on his bridle.

Robin Hood was the perfect horse to ride bareback, with smooth gaits and a wide, flat back.  Kurt led him to the mounting block, Blaine swung up onto his back, and Kurt followed.  

It was the first time they'd ridden double together since they were kids.  Kurt didn't need to hold onto Blaine for balance, but he wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend anyway, burying his face in Blaine's curls.  Blaine's body felt so good pressed against his own, and the ache Kurt had been carrying in his heart all morning began to ease.

They rode in silence, feeling each other and the horse beneath them.  Blaine guided Robin Hood to the secluded meadow where he had first confessed his feelings for Kurt.  The boys slid down and ground-tied their horse.  

Taking Kurt's hands in his, Blaine said, “I'm sorry I left this morning without really talking to you about what was going on, but I felt like I needed some time alone to think about it first.  I hope you weren't too worried.”

“I was,” Kurt admitted.  “But I trust you.  And I knew that we'd talk about it when you were ready.”

“Thank you,” Blaine said, squeezing Kurt's hands.  “I think I just scared myself, last night, with how much I opened myself up to you – not physically, but emotionally.  My heart was just lying there, naked, and I just needed you so badly.  God, I couldn't even bear to let you get up to go to the bathroom without me.  How pathetic is that?”

Kurt smiled.  “I found that kind of adorable, actually.”

“Well, it bothered me.  I don't want to be so clingy and dependent.  I want to be with you because I love you, not because I'm too weak to survive on my own.”

“Blaine, honey, you're not weak.  You're one of the strongest people I know.  Allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and opening your heart up to another person, takes courage.  I know, because it scares me, too.  But I trust you with my heart, and you can trust me with yours.”

“I know I can trust you.  And I do.  But I needed to spend a little time alone this morning to make sure that I could still trust myself, too.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you know that idea about love, where two half-people come together to make one whole person?  I've never felt comfortable with that.  I've always wanted to think of it as one whole person plus another whole person equaling one mathematically impossible but totally awesome super-person.”

Kurt laughed.  “Blaine, you're a totally awesome ‘super-person' all by yourself.”

Blaine kissed him.  “Well, thanks.  I think you're totally awesome and super, too.  But do you know what I mean, about not wanting to feel like I'm completely dependent on you?”

“Yeah.  I think it's good to know that we can survive without each other.  But I think it's even better knowing that we don't have to.  Because whether I need you or not, I'm always going to want you in my life.”

“Me too.”