"Do you love him?"

Kurt looked up at Tash from the text he was reading.

"Pardon?"

"You heard me."

"I hardly think that has anything to do with the Sylph Wars, Tash."

"And I hardly think you had your King go to all the trouble of plucking me out of Z'auli and lifting my exile east of the Midlands just so I could help you with your history lessons, Kurt."

"I found your communication style to be very compatible with my learning style during our brief time together in Villalu," Kurt defended loftily.

Tash rolled his eyes. "Fine, then. The Sylph Wars. So what was Queen Surc's motivation in-"

"Which one?"

"Pardon?"

"Which one are you asking me about? Blaine or Firae?"

"Really, Kurt?"

Kurt raised an eyebrow at him.

"Well, I'm obviously not asking about Blaine. Pixies can see how much you love him. No, Firae. He obviously loves you if he let me into the Queendom even though they're going to throw a fit about the pardon in the Lower Midlands. And he's left Blaine alive, and comfortably situated no less."

"He's...a very kind and reasonable man," Kurt said uneasily.

"You're sleeping in a separate bedchamber."

"Well, yes, but he's-"

Tash snorted. "Nobody is that kind and reasonable, Kurt. He's completely in love with you. This isn't going to be a political marriage for him. This is a love match. Is it the same for you?"

Kurt sighed heavily. "I...it's complicated, Tash."

"It is complicated," Tash agreed softly. "But that's no excuse, Kurt. It's more than just Blaine's heart you're playing with here, and I think your King deserves to know how you really feel."

Kurt looked at Tash as if searching him desperately for answers.

"I don't know how I really feel."

"Well, Kurt," Tash replied, slowly closing the text in front of Kurt on the table, "right now both of the men in your life are suffering, and the Sylph Wars happened five thousand years ago. I think figuring out how you feel may take priority at the moment."

Kurt allowed Firae to kiss him.

It was a perplexing experience on a number of levels.

First, there was the fact that he had always loved kissing Firae. They had skipped lessons in order to kiss for hours when they had been younger. They had played games, chasing after one another so that the boy in pursuit could tackle the other one and kiss him breathless, gasping nervously when their bodies responded more actively than they really understood.

But now...he didn't love it. He didn't hate it, because Firae was a very good kisser, and he really did love Kurt, and Kurt felt safe with him, but he didn't love it. It didn't send a thrill down his spine. It didn't make him tingle all across and underneath his skin, so that all he could do was shiver and melt.

No, those things didn't happen.

Because those were things that only seemed to happen when he kissed Blaine.

The second issue was that he couldn't even concentrate on kissing Firae, because he was too busy trying not to think about kissing Blaine. It was tempting to pretend it was Blaine that was kissing him, but he couldn't do it because Blaine and Firae were very different kissers, and to pretend that it was Blaine right now, kissing in Firae's style, would only corrupt the memory of how it really felt to kiss Blaine. And Kurt was not going to allow anything to touch those memories. Those memories were for when he was alone and didn't have to pretend for everyone else. In those moments he could close his eyes and remember what it was like to completely lose himself while simultaneously just being himself in the most pure way possible.

Because that was how it felt to kiss Blaine.

The third issue was that he found himself disengaging from the kisses he and Firae were sharing.

When Kurt had been enslaved, he had been used in many different ways by many different men. To keep himself sane, to keep some part of himself free from their abuse and control, Kurt had disengaged. He had imagined that his body was one entity and his mind was another, and he had actively pushed himself into memories and daydreams. He had clung to them as tightly as possible. Often, especially in the early years, they had been memories of Firae.

And then Blaine had rescued him. And then Kurt had grown to trust him. And when he and Blaine had begun to kiss and touch each other, he found that it was different from being used in every way, and he didn't disengage at all. For the first time since being enslaved, Kurt had stayed fully in his body while being kissed and touched. He had assumed that it would be the same when Firae kissed him. After all, Firae was kissing him tenderly, and he had asked Kurt if it was all right first. And when they were younger he had never disengaged; when they were younger being with Firae was all he wanted to think about most of the time.

So why was this happening? Why, while Firae kissed him, did Kurt feel the familiar tug to follow his mind elsewhere, to think about songs from childhood and his mother's eyes and the sparkle of the moonlight on the baths of Cloudlen?

It was because he didn't want to be here. He didn't want to be doing this.

He wanted to be with Blaine.

"Do you love him?"

Kurt looked up from the flowers he was arranging on the table in front of him.

"Pardon?"

Sree never spoke to him unless it was absolutely necessary, and Kurt was pretty sure she wasn't even on duty at the moment.

"The human. Do you actually love it? Uh, him, I mean. Do you actually love him?"

Kurt quirked an eyebrow. "Why are you asking me that? Why do you even care?"

"I care because I care about Firae," Sree said firmly. "He was almost over you, you know. Less than a year before the grieving period would have ended, and he was already discussing possible suitors."

She searched Kurt's face for signs of anger or jealousy. Kurt did his best to approximate them, but he wasn't fast enough, and Sree was shrewd.

"You don't love him," she said pointedly.

"I...what? You just asked me-"

"Firae. You don't love him. You're using him because you want to be King."

"No."

"Really."

"Yes, really. I- I care about Firae very deeply. He's family, Sree. He's...I'm not using him. But I won't deny that I want to be King. There are important changes that need to happen, and I want to see them through."

Sree rolled her eyes. "So you had a few rough years, and now you want to be the next savior for the poor, exiled criminals in Villalu. Let's see how devoted you still are once you're used to proper baths and clean linens and pretty clothes and regular massages, Kurt."

"Sree, why are you such a-"

Kurt stopped himself and sighed.

I appreciate that you care about Firae, Sree," he said, keeping his tone as kind as possible. "But this really isn't any of your concern."

"This is completely my concern. You...well, I'm not the only one with some concerns about you being appointed King. There are many who are politically opposed to this union, and if there's someone else you love better, maybe you ought to just-"

"It's not that simple."

"Actually, I would argue that it is. It's precisely that simple. And you know that there's only one way out of a marriage to a royal once you've been mated." Sree walked a few paces closer to him. "And I know how fond you are of your pretty neck, Kurt," she added in a low voice.

Kurt simply glared at her, and went back to arranging the flowers.

"Just stop treating Firae like a pet," Sree admonished as she turned to leave the room. "That's what you've got your human on hand for, right?"

Kurt swore softly as his fingers faltered and he pricked his thumb on a thorn.

Firae pulled away from the kiss he was sharing with Kurt, frowning.

"Kurt, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Kurt said, trying to sound dreamy and breathless. But Firae knew him far too well.

"Please don't lie to me, Kurt," Firae said softly, sounding hurt.

Kurt sighed. "I'm sorry. I just...it's hard, Firae. You know what I've been through. It's hard to...I think the physical side of things is just...it might take some time. That's all."

Kurt willed Firae to simply accept his words, to squeeze his hand and say he understood, to do or say anything other than ask him-

"But what about him, Kurt? It didn't take very much time for you to become physical with him, did it?"

Firae still refused to refer to Blaine by his name. His tone was not harsh or accusatory, however. Just...sad.

Kurt felt like he was making everyone sad, himself included. Why did doing the right thing make him feel like such a horrible person?

"It's...different, Firae," Kurt offered lamely.

"How precisely is it different, Kurt?"

Kurt sighed deeply, trying to desperately come up with an answer that wouldn't be a lie and also wouldn't get Blaine killed.

"You were going to be my husband, Firae."

"Well, yes, Kurt, and I hope that I still will be."

"I...I wanted to wait until our wedding night. It was important to me. It still is. Isn't it important to you?"

"You didn't wait until the wedding to kiss me."

"I was just kissing you! Minutes ago!"

"Only in the strictest sense. You were a galaxy away, Kurt."

"I...no, I..."

"And you used to let me touch you," Firae added softly. "You used to like it when I touched you."

"I'm sorry," Kurt said sadly.

"I'm not looking for an apology, Kurt, I'm looking for an explanation."

Kurt chewed his lip nervously.

"It's him, isn't it?" Firae asked.

Kurt didn't answer.

"Do you love him?"

Kurt did not look up from Blaine's lute, which he was holding in his hands while absentmindedly stroking the strings. He had brought it to Blaine because he thought he might like to have it with him. It had also been an excuse to visit.

"I..." Kurt couldn't look at him. If he looked at him he would shatter into a million pieces. He continued to study the lute.

"He's family, Blaine," Kurt finally answered softly.

"So is that a yes or a no?"

"How can I not love my family?"

Blaine heaved a frustrated sigh.

"Kurt, you know what I'm asking. I think the least I deserve is an answer."

Kurt sat down, still not meeting Blaine's eyes.

"I love him," he admitted.

There was a moment of heavy silence that felt like it lasted years.

"Oh," Blaine finally said, his voice cracking slightly even on the single syllable, and Kurt forced himself to keep his eyes trained on the instrument he was holding because he could not endure the look on Blaine's face right now.

Kurt bit his lip to hold back all of the additional information that Blaine didn't need to hear, because really, how could it help the situation? Blaine didn't need to know that while Kurt loved Firae very much, it was only a fraction of the love he felt for Blaine. He didn't need to know how much Kurt wished he could marry Blaine instead, how much he wished that he could be selfish and have what he wanted and ignore the rest of the world.

Blaine didn't need to know that walking away from him was making Kurt die inside.

He didn't need to know because it would change absolutely nothing, and would only make Blaine cling harder to a possibility that had never really existed in the first place.

"I...I brought you your lute," Kurt whispered, almost too quietly for Blaine to hear, before setting the instrument down on the table and quickly heading out the door.

Blaine didn't reply.

"You're in love with him."

Kurt looked at Firae. Firae looked like he was waiting for an answer, even though he had not phrased it as a question.

"If I say yes, you'll kill him. Or have him killed."

"Then say no."

"Firae...I've never lied to you, have I?"

"Not to my knowledge, no."

"I haven't," Kurt confirmed. "So, why are you trying to...trap me like this?"

"I'm not trying to trap you, Kurt, I'm just trying to get the truth out of you."

"Why does it even matter how I feel about him, Firae? Shouldn't the only thing that matters be how I feel about you?"

"And how do you feel about me?"

"I love you," Kurt answered simply. "I've always loved you. Can't you see that?"

"It's different now."

Kurt sighed and looked out the window at the North tower in the distance. "Yes. It's different now."

"Couldn't you just let Blaine go?" Kurt continued softly, after silence had stretched between them for a bit longer than was strictly comfortable. "He's no threat to you, Firae. If you just let him go, we can...move on."

Firae joined Kurt at the window, frowning at the tower in the distance. "We can't move on anyhow? Right now? With him here?"

"It would be quite difficult," Kurt said honestly.

"And if I..."

Kurt looked him in the eye. "If any harm comes to him while he is in your care, Firae, no matter how 'accidental' it may appear, I will leave you. But if you let him go to Khryslee, then our problems are over and I am yours."

Firae leaned his elbows on the windowsill. "All right."

Kurt looked at him in surprise.

"Really?"

Firae sighed irritably. "Yes, really. As long as he stays in Khryslee. I make no promises about what I might do if he comes back for you."

Kurt turned his face away slightly so that Firae wouldn't see the tears in his eyes. "He won't," Kurt said softly.

"Well, then. Sooner rather than later, I suppose. I'll let Puck know that he and Kiiz can set out with the human in the morning."

Kurt furrowed his brow. "I don't think we'll need Puck and Kiiz to go with us, Firae."

Firae narrowed his eyes at Kurt.

"We? Us? I do not think so."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"Say your goodbyes here, Kurt. You are not accompanying him to Khryslee."

"What? Of course I am! I have to see him safely there, Firae. I have to!"

"And you don't trust Puck and Kiiz? I thought they were your friends. I thought that was why you have them watching him in the first place."

"I trust them. That isn't the point. I need to get him there. I need to see, with my own eyes, that he is safe. I can't completely be with you until that happens."

"Well, that is not happening before you marry me."

Kurt glanced at Firae, and then at the North tower in the distance.

"Well, then," he said. "I suppose we should go ahead and get married."

Firae smiled. "Yes. We should. I will speak to the priestesses about arranging soul-walks and a ceremony in the next week."

The next week? Kurt's head was spinning. He had been so good at holding off the inevitable, but here it was. Firae was going to waste no time. Also...Kurt didn't know if he could handle...

"Do we really need to soul-walk again? I mean, last time I definitely decided to marry you, Firae, and I imagine you came to the same conclusion, so-"

"Kurt. We need to soul-walk again." Firae said it firmly, leaving no room for argument. "It's tradition, it's been five years, and...well, things are more complicated now than they were last time. We need to know that this is still the right thing for both of us. This is forever, Kurt. We need to take it seriously."

Kurt drew a deep breath, but then nodded. "Of course. You're right."

"Now, who would you like to visit? The Mother again?"

"No," Kurt answered quickly. "No, I...uh...don't particularly care to travel through Villalu again."

"Of course not," Firae agreed, bowining his head slightly. "I'm sorry, I didn't think about-"

"Firae, it's fine. Just...tell the priestesses I'll be visiting the shrine of someone new this year."

"Any idea who?"

Kurt smiled in what he hoped was a nonchalant fashion.

"Yes," he answered. "The Blessed Guardian of the Sands that Carpet the World."