ooooo

When Kurt woke up, the first thing he noticed was that he was so delightfully warm, which was strange because it was notoriously freezing in his and Blaine’s dorm.

The second thing he noticed - or remembered, that is - was the previous night: Blaine. Who he had taken back to their dorm and preceded to suck off and then…fall asleep with.

Kurt opened his eyes and stared across the pillow, the little space between them, that is, at Blaine. He was sleeping peacefully. He didn’t know how much Kurt was freaking out right now.

This wasn’t what he did. This, waking up next to another person in the morning, wasn’t what he did. Not at all. This feeling that was welling up in his stomach wasn’t right. It was too much.

Kurt was trying to figure out how he should get up without waking Blaine, (his arm was actually wrapped around Kurt’s waist and no, he would not think about how much he wanted it there) when Blaine actually turned, his arm leaving (he was not sad about that at all) and reaching over for a sip of water.

Blaine turned back over, shifting to get more comfortable in the bed when his leg brushed against Kurt’s. He froze, Kurt could feel it, then he was pushing out of the bed. Kurt caught a glimpse of his bare ass as he ran across the room and into their private bath.

When Blaine was in there, the sound of retching almost a welcomed relief, Kurt sat up and rested his head in his hands for a few minutes, trying to catch his breath. This was obviously a mistake. Or maybe it was just him…escalating. Kurt was still technically a virgin, after all. One day he’d have to bring a guy home to actually have full on sex, but that probably wouldn’t be until college when he had his own place, or saw a guy that wasn’t too skeevy to go home with. This was bound to happen soon, right? Maybe it was better to do this now and get used to the too personal feeling of waking up next to someone.

Kurt made a note to wake up long before his partner, or maybe wait till the other was asleep before sneaking out. That would make things a lot less awkward in the long run.

Kurt stood and grabbed a bottle of water from his fridge, not bothering to put on the pants he walked over on the way, then going back to sit down at the edge of Blaine’s bed. He was feeling the effects of his drinking last night a bit.

When Blaine came out Kurt snapped something at him, god, Kurt didn’t even remember, but then Blaine was asking him what last night meant and he brought up that they were friends and Kurt just didn’t want that. He didn’t want that responsibility. He was stupid to think that he could ever handle this.

When Kurt came out from the bathroom from a long, hot shower, Blaine was gone.

Part of Kurt was glad, the other oddly disappointed that he hadn’t stuck around.

After a moment, Kurt went to his bed, pulling out his suitcase from under it and packing enough outfits for the weekend. He was back home within an hour, greeting his dad shortly and going down to his room. He left his room only to grab some food and make one appearance for his dad, who was worried he was sick. He sat up in the living room and watched some television with him before going back downstairs.

Around eleven he heard his dad go to bed, which meant he’d be passed out in half an hour. Which is when Kurt left for the gay bar ten minutes outside of town.

As Kurt usually did when there, he grabbed a drink and sipped on it slowly until a guy approached him (this one at least ten years older than Kurt, but still attractive) and offered to buy him another drink. After that drink was done, Kurt pulled the man onto the dance floor.

Usually, this chase was everything for Kurt. It gave him a spike of adrenaline and excitement.

Tonight, Kurt was numb. The man’s hands worked up his shirt as they danced, and that should feel good, but instead it was nothing.

Why was it nothing?

When the man began to kiss down Kurt’s neck, it made him feel uncomfortable, rather than turned on. Which lead to Kurt pushing the man away. “No,” he said. “Just…no.”

The man was yelling after him as he walked out of the bar, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack, but Kurt didn’t listen.

00000

Back at school that Monday, Kurt avoided Blaine as best he could. He didn’t answer texts and wasn’t in his presence if he didn’t have to be. He’d almost gotten through the day when he’d snuck out for a smoke and Blaine suddenly appeared around the corner, looking furious.

Kurt was just a little annoyed when he pulled the cigarette out of his hand, then he wanted to put his fingers in his ear when he started talking.

Because Kurt was smart enough to know that he was scared. He was scared of getting close to someone. It was easier to not get attached, because when you got attached, you got hurt.

He resented that someone was calling him out on that. No one had done that before.

One thing Kurt didn’t expect out of Blaine’s mouth was that he loved him.

“I’m here telling you that I’m in love with you, and I think I’ve loved you since I first sat down in that class room and you shared your sandwich with me,” Blaine said passionately.

Kurt remembered that day too well. He remembered how beautiful Blaine looked, how glad he was to finally have someone to be a friend with. He thought back to how much he liked Blaine; how big of a crush he had on the other boy, but didn’t seem to care about him in the same way at all.

Now, here he was, saying he loved him, and Kurt really didn’t know how to react.

Then Blaine was pulling him forward and into a kiss that made Kurt’s toes curl. Blaine’s hands, so firm were on the sides of his cheeks, cradling him gently and with so much care that Kurt’s heart hurt. Their lips mashed together in the perfect way and Kurt felt something he didn’t feel with the guys at the bar; that he hadn’t felt since the last time he had kissed Blaine.

They parted with a faint smack, Blaine still cradling his cheeks, a look of adoration in his eyes. It made Kurt feel completely naked when completely clothed.

For a long moment, there was nothing but the sound of their breath between them.

Then Kurt reached forward and slapped Blaine with all the strength he could muster which, admittedly wasn’t much, and so Blaine wasn’t so much hurt as he was stunned.

“Wh-” he said, reaching up to rub his cheek.

“Why now?” asked Kurt, the tears already welling up in his eyes. “God, Blaine, I was in love with you back when we first met and you never even looked at me. Why now?”

Blaine stared back at him with wide eyes. “I…I guess I was just young. I liked you but I just - I don’t know. I was barely out of the closet, Kurt. I was worried about how I could be myself, not getting a boyfriend…but seeing you that first day….I knew there had always been something there. You have to believe - if I had known then what I know now I wouldn’t have wasted a second.”

Blaine had stepped forward, taking Kurt’s hands in his. Kurt let him, because he hated to admit to himself how good it felt.

“You left Blaine. You left me all alone. If my dad hadn’t offered home schooling - my life would have been hell without you, Blaine,” said Kurt. He reached up with a free hand to wipe some tears away - the floodgates had started, despite how much he hated to cry.

“I doubt that, Kurt,” said Blaine, a weak smile. “You’d have found a way out. Maybe a transfer to another public school. But I don’t doubt that at some point…you’d have found your way. Found people who appreciated you like I do.”

“But you still left me, Blaine. You didn’t say a word to me until I came here,” said Kurt, almost hysterical. “You had to be there on that stupid stairway, staring up at me with those eyes that I always loved, and made me fall in love with you all over again - made me feel things for the first time in - in years.”

Kurt sniffled. “I was just fine, not feeling anything, you know? I didn’t realize what I was doing most of the time. It was just better that way - but now you’re here in my life and I can’t even have a simple hook up without wanting to feel something and I hate it.”

“Kurt,” said Blaine, with a sad tone. He reached up from Kurt’s hand and rested a hand on Kurt’s cheek. “Being intimate with some…it’s not something that should happen like the way you’ve been doing it. I mean, people do that, but it doesn’t mean anything. It’s…it’s better when you feel something for the other person. That’s why…I broke up with my boyfriend, a while before you came to Dalton. We had started doing some physical stuff and I knew that I didn’t love him. So I ended it. But with you…” Blaine let out a shaky breath.

He looked Kurt straight in the eye. “Kurt, look at me and tell me that kissing me doesn’t mean more than those other guys? That…last night…” Blaine actually blushed here. “That last night didn’t mean something more - that it wasn’t better than all those other guys?”

Kurt knew what Blaine was referring to. To put bluntly, Friday night’s orgasm was better than he’d experienced maybe ever. No, definitely. And kissing Blaine…it was everything he’d dreamed of as a young teenager. His actual first kiss had been when drunk and he’d barely remembered it.

Kissing Blaine was what he’d always wanted a first kiss to be like.

“If you don’t feel the same way, as you did back then,” said Blaine after giving him a moment to think about what he’s said. “Then I’ll understand. I’ll back off and let you be…as long as you promise not to come to me to fool around, because I won’t do it, Kurt. When I’m having sex with someone, I want a relationship with it. Most of all…I want a relationship with you.”

Kurt’s heart was pounding in his ears because, god, did he want that with Blaine. He’d always wanted that with Blaine.

He thought back to all the nights he’d been at a gay bar since Blaine had left him. He thought about leaving that all behind. No longer having to hook up in bathrooms, sneak back into his house before his dad woke up, kissing guys and fooling around just because.

Kurt realized that he wouldn’t miss any of that at all. Not if he had Blaine to do that stuff with - the kissing and fooling around, that is.

“Blaine Anderson, you are one of the bluntest boys I’ve ever met,” began Kurt slowly. “You’re short, use too much gel, and I think you hog solos in the Warblers way too much, even if you are ridiculously talented.” Blaine looked affronted by this, but Kurt continued. “You make me so angry sometimes, Blaine. You make me angry because you’re the one person in my life that makes me feel guilty for the things I’ve been doing, even more than my father. And despite all this…I’m in love with you.” Kurt looked into Blaine’s eyes, filled with shock and awe. “And that scares me so much. So please just…be patient with me? Because I want a relationship with you, too,” he said softly. “But I’ve never done that before.”

“That’s ok,” breathed Blaine, looking ecstatic. “I know how hard it will be, but I don’t care, because I love you and I’ll wait as long as I have to for you.”

Kurt nodded slowly and Blaine reached out, pulling him into his chest in a hug that took Kurt’s breath away. He clutched at Blaine’s uniform, never wanting to move from his arms. Kurt had never had this sort of physical closeness with another man before that was so…simple. Just his dad when they hugged, and he supposed he could count his and Blaine’s dance together a few years previous.

It was nice, how simple it was.

“Blaine,” said Kurt after a moment. “Please kiss me? I….like kissing you. I could do it all day. Just that,” he said, getting quieter as he continued. Was that stupid?

But Blaine obviously didn’t think so, because he leaned forward and kissed Kurt without another word. Kurt felt like he was on top of the world. This was what Kurt had been wanting for so long. He felt…full. Complete.