“Not that Robert Downey Jr. isn’t delightful, but when do we get to the muscular blonde with the star-spangled ass?”

Blaine gasped, his hand shooting up to clutch at his heart in mock horror. “Are you seriously asking me to skip forward just because you have a boner for Chris Evans?”

“Are you complaining because that would mean skipping over your boner for Chris Hemsworth?” Kurt countered.

“I do not have a boner for Thor!” Blaine insisted. “I just really relate to his journey of suddenly being unsure of his place in the universe,” he hedged.

Kurt turned on the couch, propping his arm up on the back of the couch and watching his boyfriend. “You’re a suddenly displaced Asgardian prince stuck on Earth without your magical hammer, is that what you’re trying to tell me?”

“I thought you said you hadn’t seen the movie,” Blaine said.

Kurt just shrugged. “I haven’t. But I have heard Sam’s 20 minute lunchroom rendition of the movie. Along with other such classics as Avatar, Superman -- like, three of those, I think -- not to mention at least eight Batman movies both with and without rubber nipples..’.”

“George Clooney should never have to wear rubber nipples,” Blaine insisted. “He is too good looking to ever wear rubber nipples.”

“You’re just itching for some silver fox to be your sugar daddy, aren’t you?” Kurt teased.

“I don’t need a sugar daddy -- I already have you,” Blaine tossed back. “Besides, you spoil me. I get my oil changed,” he murmured, leaning in to Kurt and pressing his lips against Kurt’s ear, “for free.”

“That’s cause I’m a high roller, baby,” Kurt chuckled. “Besides, Mr. Private School, wouldn’t you technically be my sugar daddy?”

“You went to Dalton too,” Blaine pointed out.

“Yes, and apparently during that time, Dad and Carole bought store brand 1-ply toilet paper,” Kurt said.

Blaine’s eyes went wide. “There’s something other than 2-ply?” he asked, slightly horrified. “Like, you’re telling me that there is a version of toilet paper that’s like the tissues they have at the doctor’s office. The ones you can see through?” When Kurt nodded, Blaine shook his head. “No. That’s terrible. It would be like… the paper’s not even soft. Your nose ends up redder and more sore than the cold made it. It’s inhumane. I can only imagine what it would do to… well…”

“That’s what Finn said,” Kurt sighed. “Well, not in so many words. His exact words were ‘it’s terrible -- it makes the, you know, the place where you pee, you know, ouch’.”

“Yeah... that sounds like Finn.”

“Rachel insists that he does sexy talk in private,” Kurt said, “but if the only thing he calls it is ‘you know, the place where you pee’ either he completely shifts gears in private or she has very low standards.”

They looked at each other for a moment. “She has very low standards,” they said in unison, causing them both to laugh.

“You know,” Blaine pointed out, “he may just not want to call it his penis in front of you.”

“I don’t know why,” Kurt said. “I mean, okay, there was this one time where I decorated the basement as our own personal pied-à-terre…”

“According to Puck, you chased him for years,” Blaine chuckled. “Big burly football player. That was the entire reason you got your dad and his mom together in the first place, according to Mercedes.”

Kurt waved that off. “Details.”

“I’m not sure how I should feel about your apparent hard-on for big, muscular, athletic guys,” Blaine said. He turned and leaned back on the couch, glancing up at the ceiling. “Finn… Steve Rogers… both way bigger than me…”

“Aw, sweetie,” Kurt cooed, letting his hand fall on Blaine’s thigh and smiling as he watched Blaine try valiantly not to grin. “Are you jealous? You think that I don’t love my pocket-sized boyfriend just because I like Captain America?”

“Pocket-sized?” Blaine asked lightly. “That’s not making me feel very heroic.”

“Well… not all of you is pocket-sized,” Kurt pointed out. “Your ass could give any star-spangled superhero a run for the money.”

Blaine placed a finger against his lips. “Shh, my dad is upstairs,” he chuckled quietly.

“Oh, really, now you’re concerned?” Kurt said, attempting to keep his voice down.

“I just know where the conversation usually heads after you talk about my ass.”

“Wow, someone’s confident,” Kurt murmured. He looked away from Blaine and leaned back against the couch. They watched a drunk Tony Stark ruin a perfectly good birthday party. “There is something we could do,” he suggested.

“Hmm?”

Kurt leaned forward and grabbed the remote from the coffee table in front of them. He turned up the volume a couple of notches, just as Rhodey came out in one of the Iron Man suits. “Kurt, it’s a little loud,” Blaine said, but he stopped talking as soon as Kurt leaned back… and his hand slid back on to Blaine’s thigh. “What are…”

“Shhh,” Kurt murmured, his hand nudging Blaine’s shorts up a little higher. “Remember, your dad is upstairs.”

“Wait, what are you think-” Blaine sucked in a sharp breath as Kurt’s hand cupped his dick. “But… my dad…”

“Are you telling me to stop?” Kurt murmured. “I could stop.”

“Nooo,” Blaine breathed, his head falling back against the couch. “We can’t… I mean…”

“If we’re quiet, no one will know,” Kurt promised. “Your dad’s in his study, we’re in the family room.”

“But… anyone could walk in…” Blaine tried.

Kurt leaned over and placed a light kiss on his cheek. “Exciting, huh?”

Blaine smiled, his breath catching again as Kurt’s fingers rubbed his tip through his shorts. “Yeah,” he he agreed. “Yeah, it is.” He swallowed. “What are you going to do?”

“Well, it takes a while to get my hands all the way from the top,” Kurt murmured, his thumb making circles around the tip before flattening his hand and sliding his palm down between Blaine’s legs, “all the way to the bottom. And then all the way back to the top.” He repeated the motion, slowly. “Like I said, not all of you is pocket-sized. And it’s so hard.”

“What do you expect,” Blaine breathed. “You’re trying to get me to come in my pants while sitting on my parents’ couch and watching a movie.”

“Mmm, true,” Kurt conceded. “But I like that I can do this to you. Makes up for how much you like to watch Chris Hemsworth.”

“This is better,” Blaine answered quickly. He shifted his hips up, pressing his erection harder into Kurt’s hand. “Please.”

“We should just watch the movie,” Kurt said, although his hand dared not stop it’s long, methodical stroke. “I mean, I’ve never seen it. Wouldn’t you rather-”

“Movies are dumb, and so are superheroes, and please don’t stop,” Blaine hissed, struggling desperately to keep his voice softer than the movie’s dialogue.

“We should talk about the movie,” Kurt continued. “This is obviously something that’s very near and dear to your heart. I know how much of a fan you are. So, explain to me, why is Rhodey in a suit now? I thought there was only one Iron Man.”

Blaine swallowed hard. “You can’t be serious?” he whimpered.

Kurt leaned closer and pressed his lips against Blaine’s ear. “You don’t want anyone to get suspicious, do you?” he murmured. “Just think… you told me Cooper was never allowed to be alone with a girl. If we do this, you’ve done something he never got to do.” Blaine nodded. “And just think how much trouble you’d be in if your dad got suspicious and came in here right now and saw you flushed, and my hand rubbing your lap, and your dick trying desperately to peek out from under your shorts.”

“It’s not…” Blaine breathed as he tugged the hem of his shirt down just in case.

“You look positively vulgar,” Kurt continued, his lips brushing against Blaine’s ear as he spoke. “You lick your lips when you’re turned on, you know?”

“Cause I’ve been practicing and I’d love to get some more practice in,” Blaine whispered.

Kurt leaned back. “Practicing what?”

Blaine opened his eyes and turned to smile at Kurt. “You know,” he murmured.

Now it was Kurt’s turn to blush. “Later,” he murmured. “Your parents have to leave eventually. For now… tell me about the movie.”

“War Machine,” he answered, not bothering to turn and look at the movie again. “He becomes War Machine and… oh… Kurt...” he gasped.

“Quiet,” Kurt chided. Blaine bit his lip, nodding. “Don’t say another word.”

This wasn’t how he originally planned for the movie to go, but Kurt wasn’t going to complain about Blaine’s dick in his hand, even if it was through his shorts. Blaine was doing his best to stay silent -- really, they would be in so much trouble if Mr. Anderson came downstairs. He’d opened the front door to them kissing a couple months ago and the look of disapproval he gave could’ve frightened Coach Sylvester. Blaine said he was coming around on the whole ‘hey, I have a serious boyfriend’ thing, but if that was the look they got for kissing on the front porch, god only knew what would happen if he walked in on this.

But wasn’t that what made it exciting? They could get in so much trouble. And neither of them ever broke that many rules. Sure, there was that time he tried to cause a ruckus in the library, but that didn’t cause as much of a stir as he’d hoped. And that was at McKinley -- doing things in the library at Dalton seemed to be part of the Warblers modus operandi and didn’t even cause the librarian to blink. And here they were, just daring someone to walk in on them. And not just anyone -- Blaine’s dad would be the least amused of either of their parents.

They just needed to Blaine to stay quiet.

… the whimpering each time Kurt gave his dick a squeeze wasn’t helping.

“So tell me about War Machine,” Kurt murmured.

“I’m close,” Blaine breathed.

“... to explaining who War Machine is?” Kurt added. “How helpful.”

“You’re going to make me come in my pants,” Blaine gasped. “Please…”

“Please stop or please go?” Kurt whispered.

Blaine’s mouth opened and his head fell back. “Please…”

His dick was all but jumping against Kurt’s hand, and his balls were pulled tight. It wouldn’t take much now. If Kurt stopped now… no, he wouldn’t stop now. He wanted to see Blaine come. He hadn’t even kissed him. It was quick, and dirty, and secret, and sure he’d given Blaine a hand job before, but that had been in private and he’d actually touched skin. This was… Kurt felt powerful. He was making Blaine look absolutely wrecked even though he was fully dressed. This was because of him. His boyfriend looked like a from the shoulders up porn scene because of him and his hands, and if he could do this...

Blaine gasped, his hips pressing up into Kurt’s hand, and jerking once.. twice… and a third before he leaned back and released the breath his was holding. “I…” he swallowed. “Wow.”

“That was… wow,” Kurt chuckled. He pulled his hand back -- the short were thick enough that he didn’t see any tell-tale wet spot. “That was good.”

Blaine nodded. “I… um… I need to…”

Kurt nodded too. “Yeah, you should hit the restroom,” he agreed. Blaine’s expression was blank, but that could just be because of what they’d done. “You… um, you liked that, right?”

“I’ll be right back,” Blaine murmured, hopping up from the couch and ducking around the corner.

Kurt watched his disappear reluctantly. Had he done something wrong? Did Blaine not enjoy that? Was it too far? He’d looked so happy right until he came. It was supposed to be something new and exciting and a little dangerous, but what if Blaine was embarrassed? “Shit,” Kurt murmured. They’d had sex, but they were always alone in a house, or in the car, so maybe Blaine didn’t like the idea of someone being able to catch them. What if he was angry? He didn’t want to make Blaine angry.

Blaine returned a few minutes later, and crossed over to the tv. “Blaine,” Kurt said as his boyfriend turned off the movie and ejected the disc. “Blaine, I’m sorry. I didn’t know you wouldn’t like that. I was just trying to be fun and spontaneous and exciting.” Blaine put in a new movie and neither of them said anything until the menu for Captain America came up on the screen. “But… we having finished the last one,” Kurt said.

Blaine pressed the play button on the remote before sitting back down next to Kurt. He turned to look at Kurt, biting his lip absently as he slid his hand into Kurt’s lap. “I figured we’d skip ahead,” he murmured.

“Blaine,” Kurt gasped as Blaine cupped his hand around his balls. “But, I thought-”

Blaine leaned over to kiss Kurt’s cheek. “Your turn, now.”