Dec. 17, 2012, 12:15 p.m.
Masks: Chapter 3 - Pain
E - Words: 3,944 - Last Updated: Dec 17, 2012 Story: Closed - Chapters: 23/? - Created: Sep 19, 2012 - Updated: Dec 17, 2012 1,004 0 4 0 0
~*~*~*~
Kurt spent his grounding in his house working on the homework he'd gotten from his last two classes when he'd returned to school after skipping the afternoon the day before. It wasn't much but Kurt didn't have that much to do so he made sure it was perfect.
The rest of the time was spent cleaning his room, listening to music, singing, and watching some of his favorite musicals along with texting with some of his friends. Mercedes tried to get him to tell her why exactly he'd skipped but he refused to give her the truth, just telling her he'd been feeling really under the weather, but somehow she still didn't believe him.
He knew he should probably confide in someone... but he didn't want his friends getting all overprotective and smothering him. Besides, he was perfectly capable of taking care of himself. He wasn't a weakling and he refused to be treated like one. Maybe he was trying too hard be strong but everyone seemed to think he was this fragile breakable thing and he hated it so very much.
When Monday finally came Kurt was ready to get out of his house and see his friends. He got ready, taking his time to make sure he looked perfect, before he heading out and driving to school. He usually didn't like coming to school but he hadn't been able to spend time with his friends over the weekend so he really did miss them.
He slipped out of his car and headed inside and towards his locker. He was almost there when he visibly tensed the moment he spotted Karofski standing near his locker. A shiver ran down his spine as he turned on his heel and went the other way, going straight to his first class without his book.
Why... Why couldn't that jerk just leave him alone for once? It was almost like the other was stalking him or something. Whenever he turned the corner it was like that neandrathal was right there, waiting for him so he could torture him.
He finally slipped into his first period class, moving to his desk and sitting quietly, hands on the desk, no book in sight. The teacher wasn't pleased with him but thankfully he had a few Glee friends in his class and Tina offered to let him look on with her. The two of them sat together and started to read but Tina just couldn't help but finally pipe up, "Why didn't you bring your books, Kurt? You never forget your books..."
"My choices were kind of limited... Slushy facial and damp slushy covered books or no books at all and no facial..." he murmured, "Karofski was waiting for me by my locker," he explained, though in truth Karofski hadn't even had a slushy but it was the least threatening way Kurt was bullied and it wouldn't worry Tina as much as the truth would... After all, everyone in Glee had been slushied at least once.
Tina frowned a bit and sighed, giving a nod, "That makes sense... You ok?" she asked quietly and Kurt gave a bit of a nod to her, not wanting her to worry as he murmured out a quiet, "I'm fine..." as they returned to their reading.
When class was over the two of them headed off towards Glee together, all thoughts about Karofski gone from their minds as they talked. Tina smiled brightly and chuckled as she looked Kurt over, "I assume we have a whole lot of sweater trading to look forward to this year. I just love your clothes..."
Kurt was about to answer, mouth open and everything, but before anything could come out of his mouth he felt a large hand grab him by the shoulder and shove him harshly against the locker. He managed to stifle a cry of pain, his already bruised shoulder screaming with pain as he rested his head against the locker, trying to catch the breath he'd had knocked out of him.
Tina's eyes were wide as she watched Karofski walk off before she looked to Kurt, "Are you alright?" she asked, reaching out for him only to have Kurt shrug her away and pull away from the lockers with a deep breath as he spoke again, repeating his earlier words, "I'm fine..."
Tina frowned a bit at this as she looked at him again, murmuring a very quiet, "you don't look fine..." and Kurt refused to look at her, shaking his head a bit, "It's not like he hasn't done that before or to anyone else. I'm not a porcelain doll, Tina... Despite popular belief to the contrary."
Tina gave a bit of a nod and sighed, "Still doesn't mean that being shoved around like that doesn't hurt. You should tell someone Kurt... Tell Principle Figgins. Karofski shouldn't be allowed to continue doing stuff like that."
Kurt rolled his eyes as he looked to Tina, "look... I appreciate your concern... really I do... but I am perfectly capable of taking care of myself," he said, smiling the best fake smile he could as they walked into Glee and moved to sit down. He was pushing her away just like he pushed everyone who was worried about him away. He knew he shouldn't... but he did it anyway.
He was pulled from his thoughts as Mr. Schue spoke, "Alright guys... lets get this class underway. First order of business... Lets welcome back Noah Puckerman," he let out, Puck just having returned from Juvie after being stupid enough to drive his moms car through the wall of a convenience store and steal the cash register... or something like that. He'd tuned out the stupidity when Mr. Schue had told them about it two weeks before.
He was, once again, pulled from his thoughts as Mr. Schue piped up, "And now... Drum-roll please, Finn!" he beamed, holding up a paper, "can any of you guess what I've got here in my hand? Yes... yes... It's the names of your competition for sectionals coming up next month!" he announced.
Kurt shifted to sit up straighter in his seat, eager to hear the names of their opponents. He wanted so much for the group to win nationals this year... or at least get to nationals at the very least. If Glee club succeeded then maybe the school would respect them more... maybe Karofski would respect him... or at the very least... leave him alone.
He crossed his fingers at this point, praying that their competition wouldn't be too difficult... He liked a challenge but right now he was more worried about winning and getting to nationals then winning because they were really good.
"Alright... first up... We have the acapella choir from the all boys preparatory school in Westerville, the Dalton Academy Warblers!" Mr. Schue let out, getting a few 'woops' and claps from the group, most of them believing a group of preppy boys could never beat them.
"Ok... alright... I'm sorry but a whole slew of awesome gay jokes just popped into my head," Santana piped up and Kurt's head snapped towards her as he narrowed his eyes. He didn't like Santana to begin with. She had a big mouth and she tended to use it to treat others like trash and he didn't like it. This was going too far though.
"Watch your big predjudice mouth, Satan!" Kurt snapped to her, eyes narrowed before he looked away from her. Ya... he was getting snappy. He couldn't help it. He was tired of so many people taking potshots at him and the general gay community. Besides, the Glee club was suppose to be a 'family'. They were supposed to have each others backs... not be laughing at each others backs.
"Whoa... relax Porcelain," Santana let out, "It's just a joke... chill out," she said, shaking her head as she looked back to Mr. Schue, waiting for him to say the name of the next group they'd be competing against.
"Alright... moving on," Mr. Schue said, "the other team to beat... The Hipsters, a first year club from the Warren Township continuing education program. They are a club comprised completely of elderly people getting their High School GED's."
Rachel looked up at this point and lifted an eyebrow, "Is that even allowed? I mean... It's a little bit weird..." and Mercedes gave a nod in agreement, "ya... how are we supposed to go up against and beat a bunch of adorable old people? It seems a little bit cruel."
"Are you kidding me?" Puck piped up, "brittle bones... Gives one of those old laddies a nice good-luck pat on the rear and it'll shatter her pelvis," he said and Kurt narrowed his eyes some. That comment was just mean but he said nothing about it this time.
"Alright then... since it seemed to have gotten you jazzed about sectionals last year, I'm going to make this week our second annual boys versus girls competition. So, split up into your two groups and start deciding what songs you're going to sing," Mr. Schuester said with a nod as the students cheered.
Kurt frowned a bit at this and looked around as the girls headed to one side of the choir room and the boys came over to his side. He stood up at this point, watching Mr. Schuester as he headed towards the girls. He knew the other wouldn't allow it but he still wanted to be with the girls.
"Kurt... taking the risk of sounding like a broken record... I'm going to repeat..." Mr. Schue said, back to him still, "Boy's team... go..."
Kurt all but glared at the other, frustrated, but moved towards the boys anyway, sitting down and staring off at a random spot on the wall as the other boys started to talk about the songs they wanted to sing.
Yes, he was upset... but who wouldn't be. He knew that being paired up with the other boys meant he had no say in what they did or how they did it. The other boys wouldn't want his input. He had little to nothing in common with the rest of the boys in Glee club.
~*~*~*~
Once Glee was finally over Kurt sighed, heading off towards his locker to put his homework in there before heading to the lunch room. He was almost there when he spotted Karofski heading his way but took a deep breath and continued towards his locker anyway.
Karofski didn't look at him but the moment he got next to the other he turned, hands shooting out and slamming Kurt against the lockers hard enough to earn a yelp of pain from the other boy. He smirked at this and turned to walk off, pleased with himself.
"What is your problem, Karofski!" Kurt snapped out suddenly, angry with the jock and not caring anymore what would happen if he pissed the other boy off. He was tired of being tormented by him... tired of being afraid to roam the hallways of the school.
"Are you talking back to me, Hummel?" Dave asked as he turned back towards him, "You looking to earn yourself a piece of the Fury?" he added, bringing his fist up threateningly as Kurt tensed a bit, looking a little shaken but standing his ground.
"The fury?" the smaller boy asked and Karofski just rolled his eyes, "Ya... the Fury... It's what I named my fist..."
Kurt felt the confidence return to him at the other boys words, "Oh god... with that kind of creativity you could easily work in or even become an assistant manager at a rendering plant," he mumbled out, rolling his eyes at the bigger boy.
Dave glared at him at this point, "I'm not sure what that is... but if I find out it's something bad... The Fury is going to find you... and you're going to wish you'd never been born, lady boy," he said, slamming the other against the locker again before walking off.
Kurt clenched his eyes shut, the pain from his bruised flesh, once again, hitting the lockers, making it hard to breathe for a couple of seconds. He took a few deep breaths before he managed to compose himself about to pull off the lockers and head towards his own when he spotted Mr. Schuester coming up towards him.
"Hey... you alright?" he asked, looking the other over before looking back towards where Karofski had gone. He knew the other was bugging members of the Glee club but somehow he had a feeling Kurt was getting the brunt of the abuse from the football player.
He looked back at Kurt finally and sighed when the other didn't reply, "Come on..." he said, ushering the other towards an empty office where he could talk to the other privately, "I know Karofski's been bothering you, Kurt," he said after closing the door, motioning for the other to sit.
"I'm fine..." Kurt uttered out, suddenly feeling like a broken record, a very hard to believe broken record at that. He sighed softly as he leaned back on the chair a bit, closing his eyes as he took a deep breath, letting it out slowly.
"Is there anything I can do?" Mr. Schue asked after getting Kurt a glass of water from the water cooler. He felt bad. He could tell Kurt wasn't doing well. The harassment was getting bad from the looks of it but Kurt still wouldn't let anyone in.
"No... I'm fine... this is my hill to climb alone..." Kurt let out, taking the glass of water as it was offered to him, taking a sip as he heard Mr. Schue sigh softly. He knew the other worried about him and he appreciated it... but he could take care of himself. At least that's what he consistently told himself.
"Can I be honest with you, Kurt?" The older male sighed, watching the younger intently. It was still decently early in the school year and he could already see that Kurt wasn't fairing well. He was getting angry a lot more then usual, pushing everyone away...
"What?" Kurt asked with a sigh, truly wishing he wasn't in this room right now. He just wanted to be left alone. He hated it when people tried to pry into his problems. He much preferred it when they turned and walked away, pretending they hadn't seen anything.
"I think this is all getting to you... Usually this stuff just rolls off your back... You don't usually let it bother you. But lately... lately you've been belligerent, angry... you're pushing everyone away, including your closest friends."
"Can I be honest with you?" Kurt asked, lifting an eyebrow, wanting to snap back at the other truth be told but keeping himself in check, "you... like everyone else at this school... are too quick to allow bullying and homophobia slide. And I understand... it's fine. I've gotten use to taking care of myself over the years. I don't need help from people who only want to help me after the fact... and not before it's already happened... and even then... don't care about actually making sure it doesn't happen again after that."
Mr. Schue opened his mouth to speak, a bit shocked at the others words. He could actually hear the hurt in the others voice. Truth be told perhaps Kurt was right but he really didn't know what to do most of the time. But what could he do... unless he saw it happen... or someone else said something to him about it happening... It was just Kurt's word against the bullies'.
Kurt, by now, had brought his hand to his arm, making it look like he was just crossing them though he pressed his fingers tightly against the one arm, letting the pain surge through his arm and calm him as he spoke again.
"And it doesn't help that you've gone and made me feel like an outcast in Glee... Girl's versus boys? You know I don't fit in with the other boys. Doing a song with them involves me sitting there and waiting to be given orders. There's no way they're going to want any input from me... To them... I'm too 'girly' and any ideas I have will be shot down just like last year," he mumbled out, looking away. He hated having to voice the way he felt he was seen by the other boys, hated using that word. He wasn't a girl... and he hated to be treated like one.
"So you're basically upset that I didn't let you join the girls' team?" Mr. Schue stated though the others words had hit home. He'd thought Kurt felt comfortable to be himself in the Glee club... but it seemed, though Kurt played the part well, he wasn't as comfortable as he seemed. He still felt like an outcast even among the outcasts. It hurt to see this truth be told and he wanted to do something to help.
"Yes, Mr. Schue... I'm unhappy. And yes, being the only out gay kid in this school gets me down... But most of all, I don't feel like I'm part of this school and the curriculum is horrible... I'm not challenged in the least here... I want to truly succeed but this school doesn't give me the opportunity to do that. I'm smarter then this school's curriculum."
~*~*~*~
Glee club soon came and Kurt sat quietly next to Mercedes as Mr. Schue moved to the middle of the class, "alright... now I'm not trying to step on any toes here but we're going to change the rules to our competition just a little bit. I want you all to be really challenged," he let out with a nod and the students all looked to him, waiting for these new rules.
"Boys... you're not going to be doing songs traditionally sung by women. I want to see some ingenuity... make the songs your own. Take something old and make it new again..." he said, spotting the smile from Kurt before he turned to the girls.
"Girls... I want to see something new... classic rock... The Who, The Stones. Step out of your boxes and try something you've never tried before. The more opposite your choices the more points you will get. Now... good luck and have fun," Mr. Schue said with a smile. He had a feeling this would be good for everyone. It would challenge most of the other students and make Kurt feel like he could actually contribute.
Kurt smirked a bit as he looked to the boys before piping up, "Boys... Leave this to me... I've got it all under control," he let out with a nod as the boys looked towards him. They all knew if they were doing a girl's song then Kurt would be the one to find them the right song.
~*~*~*~
By the next day Kurt had decided on a song and had some costume ideas on a board to show the others. They slipped into the classroom Mr. Schue had set aside for them and he got the boards up and began to explain everything.
The moment Kurt mentioned feather boas Artie couldn't hold it in anymore. He looked to the others as he piped up, "Isn't this lesson about opposites? I mean... you in a sequined gown and feather boas is exactly what you'd expect," he said as he looked back to Kurt.
Kurt's heart leapt in his throat at this point, Artie's words stinging like a slap to the face as he looked to him, "Excuse me... who said anything about a gown?" he said, almost trembling with anger and hurt. He wanted to walk out, embarrassed that someone that was supposed to be his friend would say such a cruel thing. He thought they all knew him... or at least a little bit about him.
He would have said more or maybe just walked out but was stopped when Puck spoke, "Look... why don't you make yourself useful and go put some rat poison in the old folks jello or go and visit the garblers..."
"Warblers... The Dalton Academy Warblers... It's a type of bird..." Kurt piped up, hurt even more by his words. He felt like they were ganging up on him all of a sudden and it made him sick to his stomach. Why were they being so mean?
"Whatever..." Puck said, "see what they're up to. You can even wear all the feathers you want, you'll blend right in," he said, basically proving to Kurt that he was right and none of them really cared about his opinion or ideas. It hurt that none of the others even said anything about the insults being thrown his way. No one stuck up for him... Not that anyone really ever did. Sure they'd ask him if he was alright, how he was doing... but always after it was over and done with.
Kurt felt tears stinging his eyes at this point and he just couldn't take it anymore. He stared at them for a few seconds before he nodded, "Fine..." before turning and grabbing his boards, moving towards the door. He paused before heading out, however, as he ripped the boards in half and tossed them in the garbage before walking out, not saying a thing and not getting a reply in return... not that he'd expected one anyway.
~*~*~*~
He went straight to his Navigator, slipping in and slamming the door a little more harshly then his precious car deserved. He put his hands on the steering wheel at this point as he started to sob. He broke down, curling up a bit in the seat as he brought his hands to his face, muffling his sobs.
After a while his hands slipped around himself, hugging himself as he dug his fingers into his bruised flesh, pressing hard and knowing he was just making the bruises even worse... he didn't care though. He preferred this kind of pain to the pain he felt inside.
He thought they were supposed to be his friends... or where they? Maybe not... they were in a club together... that was it. That didn't make them friends... They weren't his friends. Kurt didn't have any real friends. No one really wanted to be around him. The only reason they put up with him in Glee club was because they needed the members and he was a good singer... Beyond that... they couldn't stand him... At least that's what he believed.
The truth was... he didn't want to go back in. He could have... braved the rest of the day like he did after every verbal and physical attack by the schools bullies... but this hurt too much. It wasn't like it was with Karofski and Azimio... He'd actually liked the Glee club...
He took a deep breath after a while, squeezing his arms again and letting out a soft whimper of pain as he continued to cry. He finally brought his hands from his bruised arms, slipping off his gloves and staring at his cut hand. He gnawed his lip a bit before he brought his other hand to the injured bandaged flesh.
He took the injured hand in the other and sniffled a bit as he pressed his thumb against the wounded one, gasping in pain as he arched a bit against the seat, gritting his teeth but not stopping right away. He finally stopped and let himself take a few deep breaths before pressing again, though not as hard this time, letting the pain wash through him as he winced.
He let his hands fall away from each other finally, his breathing having calmed as he stared outside the car with a blank expression on his face. He nodded after a moment as he started the navigator and drove off... He knew where he wanted to be right now... and it wasn't at McKinley High.
~*~*~*~
Comments
oh no, poor Kurt. Was that self harm? Will Karofsky and Kurt get into an abusive relationship? xx
ya Kurt presses into his bruises or cuts in order to cause himself pain because he finds the pain seems to calm him... as long as it does it himself. And you will see in future chappis ~_^ Blainer's comin in in the next chappy =) Writting it as we speek. =P
Poor Kurt! I wanna hug him so!
I wanted to hug him from the first moment I saw him... he's so cute. =P *Snuggles Kurt*