Santana Lopez was notorious for being an absolute genius. Growing up in Lima Heights Adjacent, she had learned that the key to survival was getting what you wanted, how you wanted. She was a meddling prankster, and her good looks and charm made those she played tricks on that much more forgiving, even if she was unbearably arrogant and complacent at times. As it would seem, she had retired from her days of unwanted interference. But she had decided that it was time to put into action what she had hidden up her sleeve; and this time her target was her newly single, totally oblivious and down in the dumps best friend.

The chill of the autumn air wafted through their loft biting into Santana’s skin, and she shivered slightly, wrapping her arms around herself in an attempt to keep warm. She poured herself a steamy cup of coffee, and another for Blaine, nostalgic about the days when they actually had heat that wasn’t radiating from coffee mugs. She glanced over at the couch, seeing Brittany’s somnolent form, smiling sweetly at her girlfriend as Blaine slowly padded out of the bedroom.

“Coffee, coffee. That’s all I want right now,” Blaine groaned, scrubbing a hand over his face, his curls unruly and a light stubble dusting his features. “I might explode if I’m not filled with raging caffeine.”

“Clearly you had a taxing night, drinking yourself into oblivion and all,” Santana chuckled lightly, passing a cup of coffee to Blaine. Santana watched his expression brighten slightly; coffee was his absolute favorite. “You want some ibuprofen or something?”

“No, thank you. They say coffee’s the cure for the atrocious hangover.”

“Exceptional way to spend your first night back,” Santana grinned, her voice lilted with a teasing tone. Blaine was always her favorite person to tease, especially because he gave as good as he got. Santana was glad to have him home; she had missed Blaine while he was away in Ohio visiting his family for the holidays, though she’d never admit that to him.

“Yeah, well, just trying to escape these contrite and penitent feelings of my past… whatever you want to call them,” Blaine waved the answer away.

Santana grimaced. “Stop using such big words so early in the morning, hobbit,” Santana slipped two red pills into her mouth and swallowed them, silently thanking whoever had made painkillers, for they were God’s gift to mankind. “Speaking of your past indiscretions, or ‘whatever you want to call them’, I met someone that would perfect for you.”

Blaine looked up abruptly, shaking his head vigorously. “No way in hell, Santana. I don’t do blind dates.”

“I promise, he’s completely you’re type.”

“Oh, what, attractive and emotionally unavailable?”

“Uh, no. That would be you.”

“Well, yeah,” Blaine shrugged nonchalantly at her words. He was inclined to agree. Sebastian had made him that way, almost bringing to the brink of losing hope in finding true love. But somehow, he still believed he might. “Where’d you meet him?”

Santana cleverly avoided Blaine’s inquiring eyes, dropping her gaze from his and clearing her throat. “A… mutual friend.”

“I don’t like your friends.”

Santana gave Blaine a death glare, knowing that Blaine was only trying to stonewall his way out of it now. “Bull fucking shit. What do you think we are?” She pointed to Brittany and herself.

Blaine laughed lightly, giving her hand an affectionate pat with his own. “I know,” he stated, as he watched Santana pick up his phone, scrolling through his phonebook. “What are you doing?”

“I’m programming his number into your phone,” she said absentmindedly. She furrowed her brow, whizzing through the numbers. “You know four Jasons?”

“Hmm, yeah, CGM,” he answered, popping open a bottle of creamer. Upon seeing the confused look on Santana’s face, he elaborated. “Common gay name. Only outdone by Ryan and Phillip.”

Santana shook her head in dismay. “You are so weird, Borat.”

Her nickname made him smile as they always did, something he didn’t think he’d miss while he was gone, and downed his entire cup of coffee, taking a deep breath when he was finished. “Look, I’m not going along with this preposterous blind date idea. Men only seem to get me into trouble these days, so I’m trying, at least, to avoid them for the time being.”

“Okay, I know you’re on a man diet, or whatever, but -“

“It’s a man fast. Man fast.” Blaine reiterated, pointing his finger at her. Sometimes Cooper’s tricks were useful when they got Santana to listen.

“Because that sounds so much better,” Santana replied in the sardonic tone she had mastered. “Come on, Blaine, I already said you’d call him, and he’s going to think I’m a real jerk if you don’t.”

Blaine shrugged, fixing his hazel eyes on her. “Better him than me.”

“Please, Blaine. I don’t want you moping around here for the rest of your days because you think you’re not good enough. And who knows? Maybe you’ll fall in love and live happily ever after,” Santana cooed at him, nudging Blaine with her shoulder.

“I highly doubt that, given my track record, but since when did you become so optimistic? You’re the poster girl for hating men and all they’re worth.”

“Since forever,” Santana replied, rolling her eyes again at him. “And I don’t hate them for you, just for me. I just think you need to meet a great guy and get laid.”

“I do not need to get laid, as you so eloquently put it.”

“Will you at least consider it?”

Blaine sighed in frustration, knowing this could possibly be another one of Santana’s schemes. But, he figured there was nothing more to lose at this point than to humor her by going out with the mystery man. And as much he wanted to dismiss the idea completely, he knew Santana only had his best interests at heart. “Fine, but no guarantees. I’m picky when it comes to who I date, you know. He can’t be just anyone. “

Santana scoffed as Brittany stirred, waking up in the midst of confusion and bemusement. “What did I miss?”

Blaine and Santana exchanged a look of pure amusement, stifling their laughter.

“Who wants to confess to snoring like a freight train?” Blaine complained, and his eyes darted over to Brittany. “Brittany, I’m looking at you.”

“It was Santana.”

“It was not!”

Blaine snorted into his hand. “Yes, it was. You’ve always snored like that and you just didn’t know it.”

Santana gave Brittany a look of pure annoyance and pointed at Blaine. “Can I please throw the Geltastic Gay out the window?”