Dear Journal,

Blaine and I had our first big couple’s fight today. 

I guess it was a long time coming but looking back on it, I can’t believe how far it escalated and how fast. I don’t even remember what set it off exactly, but apparently it was enough for both of us to let go and blurt out everything we had been bottling up. 

We both said some really hurtful things to each other and, looking back, I am ashamed to think about some of the things I shouted at him. My insecurities had come out in full force and I projected so much on him that wasn’t his fault. I really do value him and everything he means to me.

Dad says that fighting is a part of a healthy relationship. That, as much as it hurts in the moment, it is important that you feel safe enough with your partner to have things not always be perfect. But he also said that it is even more important to find a healthy way of arguing. 

Who’d have thought that bottling things up until they explode and you end up shouting at each other apparently is not, in fact, healthy and good communication?

I do see what he means, though. I never want to feel the way I did while we were fighting ever again. We ended the fight by both of us storming away to take some time to cool off and we said we’d talk about this more later. 

It’s just… Nobody ever told me it would be this hard. I don’t want to be like any of my fellow glee clubbers. I love Blaine and I want a loving and healthy relationship, but nobody ever taught me how to have one. My mom died so long ago that I don’t remember my parent’s relationship all that well outside of some happy memories. 

What should I do? 

~ Kurt