Blaine was still really conflicted about going to Lima. On the one hand, he’d be away from Kurt and he didn’t want that, no matter how much Kurt seemed to. Which hurt. A lot. On the other hand, he wanted to go back to Lima because the familiarity would help him adjust to the fact that his memories were lost, instead of feeling like he’s been hit with a ton of bricks because of this new life that’s been thrown at him that he can’t even begin to understand. If he can’t be with Kurt in New York, then he wanted to be with his family in Lima.

He just wished he could have both. Blaine knew Kurt was right about one thing though, Kurt had changed since 2012. He changed a lot. It still didn’t make Blaine love Kurt any less. Kurt was more confident than he was before, he held himself higher and he smiled brighter. He seemed a lot more comfortable in his body and had gained a lot more muscle, which Blaine definitely wasn’t complaining about. Kurt even somehow started dressing better which Blaine didn’t think was possible. He was happy that Kurt was happy with himself. That’s all that Blaine’s ever wanted. Well, that and to be with Kurt. At least he could have one of those things, even if it’s not the latter.

He stayed in New York until Monday afternoon, Kurt had offered to drive them to JFK but Blaine politely declined because he was sure that if he saw Kurt again he wouldn’t be able to leave. They took a cab instead and made it to the airport by 12:30, 2 hours before their 2:30 flight.

They landed in Ohio around 3:45 and Sam was there to pick them up. “Hey, buddy,” Sam said in greeting, slinging an arm around Blaine’s shoulder and walking him towards his car. Pam was following behind them. “So, I had to come get you from work. I’m making the Glee kids stay a little while after. I was wondering if you wanted to come and see what we were prepping for Regionals.”

“Dude, we’re an hour away from Lima,” Blaine replied. “Why would you make the kids stay after school that late just so I can see them?”

“The New Directions stay after school for 3 hours every other day, we’ve been undefeated national champs since 2015,” Sam explained, pride blooming on his face.

“And you’ve coached all of them?” Blaine asked, actually not that surprised at all. He always had faith in Sam.

“You bet I did,” Sam nodded enthusiastically as they finally reached his car. He opened his trunk and helped Blaine and Pam put their bags in the back. “Except for the first year, but that was before McKinley became an arts school. Kurt and Rachel coached that year.” Sam shut the drunk and they all got into the car, Blaine took the passenger seat.

“Really? Why?”

“Rachel’s career plummeted after she bombed a TV show...long story,” he added, after glancing over and seeing Blaine’s confused look. Sam pulled out and started heading back to Lima. “So, she decided to come back to Lima for a bit, where I was actually coaching the football team. Me and Rachel got really close...another long story. Anyway, she decided to revive New Directions after it’s inevitable death. Kurt came back to Lima in either determination to get back with you, or to do his NYADA third year project. I forget which. Maybe both. Who knows. His third year project was to help coach New Directions.”

“What was I doing during all of this?” He knew he dropped out of NYADA after Kurt broke up with him, but he wasn’t sure what exactly he did after he dropped out.

“Coaching The Warblers,” Sam told him, not a hint of bitterness in his tone.

Blaine felt his face twist into something of a shock, his loyalty was to the New Directions and the Warblers were dicks these days. “Why would I do that?”

Sam shrugged. “You got kicked out of NYADA and you needed a job. The Warblers needed a coach so they let you have it. Buh uh… I don’t know if I should tell you this…” Sam glanced up at the rearview mirror, obviously looking to Blaine’s mom to get permission to tell him something. Blaine didn’t like where this was going.

His mom cleared her throat before speaking. “Honey, this might be hard for you to take. Do you want me to tell you?”

Blaine nodded. “Please, just tell me. I know you want to keep some things from me but I’m bound to find them out eventually.”

Pam sighed and leaned over, putting a hand on Blaine’s shoulder. “Dalton Academy...it burned down. I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Blaine wasn’t entirely sure how to react. He knew his jaw must of dropped out of the initial shock, but his outside reaction couldn’t possibly match his inside reaction. How did a school that’s been around since the 19th century all the sudden decide to give up? Yeah, his heart was at McKinley with the New Directions, but Dalton still meant a lot to him. It’s where he finally found somewhere safe, where he felt like he wouldn’t be judged for his sexuality. It was where he first learned to sing his heart out and find friends who supported him and loved him for who he was. But most importantly, it was where he met Kurt. The love of his life. “Was everyone okay?” He didn’t know what else to say or ask, so he felt like that was the best thing he could have asked in that moment. Probably the question everyone would ask when finding out a building burned down.

“Yes, everyone was okay,” Pam assured him. “Physically, at least.”

“That’s...good,” Blaine decided. It was more important that everyone was safe anyway. “What happened to the students? To the Warblers?”

“Most people transferred to McKinley,” Sam answered. “I mean, it was a private school so a good chunk of them just decided to go to other private schools. But all the Warblers stayed at McKinley and joined the New Directions.”

“Seriously?” Blaine knew how prideful the Warblers could be, he couldn’t see them actually joining the New Directions.

“They didn’t exactly have a choice. They were reluctant, but they wanted to sing again. It was hard but they managed. The rest of the New Directions even decided they would have a uniform to make them more comfortable, it was pretty much the same as the Dalton uniform, except it was red and white and it said WMHS on it.”

Blaine couldn’t help but smile. He knew how much the Warblers would have appreciated that. “Do they still have it?”

“Nah, the uniform isn’t exactly the New Directions’ style,” Sam merged onto the exit to Lima. “We stopped the year after. Half of the Warblers had graduated anyway, and the rest didn’t think it was that big of a deal and were grateful that they had it last year.”

“That’s really nice,” Blaine smiled at nothing in particular, happy that the Warblers found their place even after where they were rooted didn’t exist anymore.

“You aren’t upset?” Pam asked.

“Of course I’m upset. There was a lot of memories at Dalton. I’m just happy that everything was managed to be fixed, even if the building itself wasn’t,” Blaine explained. “I’m really excited to see where the New Directions are now.”

“So you’ll come and see?” Sam asked excitedly.

“I definitely will,” he promised.

The rest of the car ride was silent. Sam stopped at Blaine’s house first, dropping Pam off and helping them get their bags back in. Blaine didn’t feel any need to go and explore the house and see what’s changed because he still felt like he was just in it days ago.

When they made it to McKinley, it only looked slightly different than he remembered. Added on to the William McKinley High School sign was “for the arts” but that was about it. There was only a few cars left in the parking lot when Sam parked, and when he got out the car, he beamed at the school. He was so glad to be back at a place that was so familiar, even with the slight changes.

“You would be the one to be excited about school,” Sam noted, shaking his head at his friend and then walking towards the entrance, Blaine following close behind him.

It felt good to walk through the doors of his high school again, to have an ounce of normalcy again. But something was still missing. It was going to stay missing until he figured out a way to get it back again.

He might never get it back, he realized suddenly. Blaine had been looking at this like they were fighting, maybe he was just trying to protect himself from the plummeting realization that him and Kurt are really over. This isn’t just a rough patch in their relationship. Their relationship is nonexistent now and it had been for years. They aren’t even friends.

Blaine stopped in his tracks. It took a Sam a moment to realize before he turned around, a concerned look on his face. “Sam, I-I don’t feel good all of the sudden. I think I’m going to call my mom and see if she can pick me up. I’m sorry.”

“Buddy, I can take you home,” Sam assured him. “It’s not that big of a deal.”

“You have rehearsals,” Blaine shook his head, he just wanted to go home and curl up in his bed. Which probably doesn’t even exist anymore because he hasn’t lived at home in years.

“Okay, but I’m waiting with you until your mom comes and picks you up,” Sam insisted and then gestured to Blaine’s pocket where his phone was in. “Call her.”

Blaine picked up his phone, opening it and clicking on his mom’s number and waited for her to answer. “What’s the matter?” Pam asked immediately upon answering.

“Can you come pick me up?” Blaine felt like a 15 year old again, asking his mom to come pick him up from school because he didn’t have his license yet. Except now he did. And that was far from the reason he needed his mom right now.

“Of course I can,” she answered, her voice soothing. “Can I ask why?”

“I just- I feel a little dizzy and my head hurts. I just want to go home,” Blaine could hear his voice turn into a whine, and now he really did sound like a 15 year old.

“Okay, I’ll be there as soon as I can,” Pam hung up before either of them could say goodbye, and Blaine slipped his phone back into his pocket.

“All right, let’s go wait outside,” Sam nodded his head towards the direction of the entrance and then they both walked back outside.

“You don’t look sick,” Sam pointed out, his face growing serious which wasn’t a look Sam often sported.

“Sam, not now,” Blaine breathed through his mouth, trying to calm himself down. “I want to see the New Directions perform. I really do. I just can’t- I thought being back in that school would make me happier but it just made me sick to my stomach.”

Sam nodded, not egging on the conversation. Sam was always really good at that, knowing when to stop talking when he knew it was going to lead to an unnecessary argument or if it would make someone upset. Most of the time Sam didn’t have a filter, but he knew how hard it was to talk about things until you were ready. He was grateful for that.

His mom arrived shortly after, pulling up in front of Blaine and Sam. Blaine waved a quick goodbye to Sam and told him he would call him later before climbing back in the car. He loved Sam, but that phone call probably wasn’t going to happen with the mental state he was in right now.

His mom was quiet on the way home but as soon as they got back in the house, she broke the silence. “I know you aren’t actually sick. What’s really wrong?”

Blaine exhaled and sat on the arm of the couch, facing his mom. He didn’t want to lie to her but it didn’t mean he wanted to talk about it. “Kurt,” Blaine said simply, knowing that his mom would understand.

“Honey, you could have stayed in New York,” Pam looked at him sympathetically. “While I do appreciate it, you didn’t have to come with me.”

“I know that,” Blaine assured her. “That’s not why I’m upset. I don’t really want to talk about it. Can I please just go upstairs?”

“You don’t need my permission,” Pam laughed, but halfheartedly. “You can take all the time you need. Just please come and talk to me when you’re ready. Or Kurt.”

“I don’t think Kurt wants to talk to me,” Blaine admitted sadly.

Pam looked like she wanted to say something but decided better of it and she just nodded. Blaine decided to stand up and hug her. “Thanks, mom,” he said into her ear before pulling away and walking upstairs to his old room.

He was happy to see that not much has changed, his old posters were still hung up, his bed was still in the same place it was even though there was a different bed set. It was still painted the same color and his bookshelf was still pressed next to the door. There was still a television set across from his bed, but the TV was bigger which Blaine wasn’t going to complain about. His mom brought his luggage up, which he made a mental note to thank her for later.

Blaine stripped down to his boxers and crawled up in his bed, that childish feeling he felt since getting back to Lima still lingering. Maybe he felt that way because he was longing for what he had when he was still a child, when he was sixteen and had fell in love for the first time. When he had a grasp on reality and had a person that anchored him there. Now all of his reality diminished within days and he lost the one person who made him stay in touch with this world.