All the Things I Didn't Say
castrash
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All the Things I Didn't Say: Chapter 5


T - Words: 2,967 - Last Updated: Aug 02, 2016
Story: Complete - Chapters: 14/14 - Created: Aug 02, 2016 - Updated: Aug 02, 2016
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Author's Notes:

sorry for the wait! i hope you guys enjoy this chapter!

Having dinner with Jesse St. James and Rachel Berry was like having dinner with the Kardashians. They never stopped gossiping and complaining, only mentioning the show here and there. If Kurt didn’t know any better, he’d think Jesse was gay but he knew Jesse was completely smitten with Rachel. It made sense, they were practically the same person and they were both already obsessed with themselves.

 

“God, I swear she is the worst understudy I’ve ever seen,” Jesse was ranting about someone he hired, “I’m about to fire her and just hire Kurt.”

 

“Please don’t,” Kurt interrupted their conversation, starting to regret ever inviting Jesse to dinner. Kurt could barely ever get a word in when it came to Jesse and Rachel. “I’m going to nail my Finding Neverland callback and you’ll be devastated that I can’t be your understudy.”

 

“True,” Jesse nodded in agreement.

 

“You know, she just can’t get the blocking right. She’s always going into profile and anyone who’s ever been on a stage knows-” Rachel’s comment was interrupted by Kurt’s phone blaring. He picked it up and looked at the caller ID.

 

“It’s Blaine,” Kurt said, shocked that Blaine would call him again after the last conversation they had.

 

“Since when did you have Blaine’s number?” Rachel asked, her eyebrows going up in question.

 

“Yeah, haven’t you like, not spoken to him in three years?” Jesse piped in.

 

“Jesse, I cannot deal with you right now, you know he lost his memory,” Kurt just waved them off and excused himself from dinner to answer Blaine’s phone call. “Hello?”

There was a sob through the phone in response.

“Blaine, what’s the matter?” Kurt asked, his voice growing with concern.

 

“I can’t do this, Kurt,” Blaine barely got the sentence out before Kurt heard a choked sob again. “Sam took me to my apartment but...nothing feels familiar. I don’t know where anything is and Sam tried to show me around but that’s not enough. I feel like I’m in somebody else’s home.”

 

“I’m really sorry, Blaine but why are you calling me about this?” Kurt knew he sounded like a jerk, but Kurt wasn’t the only person he could call about something like this.

 

“Because right now, you’re the most familiar thing there is to me,” Blaine replied, his voice quiet.

 

Kurt didn’t respond for a moment. “What about your parents?”

 

“My mom’s flight got delayed so she won’t be here for another hour or so,” Blaine explained. “And you know my dad…”

 

“Yeah, I know,” Kurt responded softly. Kurt knew Blaine’s dad wasn’t the best person to rely on. But it still shocked Kurt a little, whenever something bad happened, his dad was usually there for Blaine. “But that doesn’t really answer my question.”

 

“You know, my mom asked me if I wanted to come home last night,” Blaine mentioned, still avoiding the topic.

 

“Home? As in Ohio?” Kurt was surprised that Blaine referred to Ohio as home, Blaine had lived in New York almost as long as Kurt. New York was home to Kurt, he thought it would be to Blaine too. He didn’t wait for Blaine’s answer. “What did you say?”

 

“I said I didn’t want to. That it was better for me to stay here. That New York is my home now,” Blaine’s voice wavered. “But now that I’m here, in my apartment, it doesn’t feel like that. And I’m kind of freaking out. Maybe they shouldn’t have checked me out of the hospital so early...maybe- maybe I should go back to Lima.”

 

“Blaine, I’m really not the right person to be talking to about this,” Kurt said. Blaine didn’t realize it, but unloading his problems onto his ex-boyfriend probably wasn’t the best idea considering Kurt just wanted to desperately get back to his normal life and his one day a year of crying over Blaine Anderson. He had a feeling that he couldn’t have his one day anymore. “You have friends.”

 

“I usually talk about this stuff with you,” Blaine said quietly.

 

Kurt let out a sigh. How many times was he going to have to remind Blaine that they aren’t together anymore? “No, you don’t.”

 

Blaine didn’t respond for a moment and Kurt heard sniffling through the phone. Blaine was still crying. “Can you please come over? I don’t want to be alone right now.”

 

“Blaine, I really can’t,” Kurt felt his throat tightening again, like it did when he entered Blaine’s hospital room for the first time. That feeling like he had no air to breathe in.

 

Please,” Blaine sounded so desperate that it actually physically hurt Kurt to hear.

 

“I’m having dinner with Rachel and Jesse,” Kurt felt bad for Blaine but he desperately did not want to go over Blaine’s apartment. “And I don’t even know where you live.”

 

“Come after dinner,” Blaine suggested. “I can text you my address.”


“I don’t know, Blaine. Rachel and Jesse have been so busy with rehearsals and I promised I would hang out with them tonight despite how irritating they can be.”

 

Blaine chuckled at Kurt’s comment but his laughter quickly faded. “Rachel lives with you, Kurt. You haven’t seen me in three years.”

 

“You’re right,” Kurt admitted. “I’m sorry. I’ll come over, but only till your mom gets here.”

 

“Thank you,” Kurt could practically hear Blaine’s smile through the phone. “I’ll text you the address.”

 

Blaine quickly hung up the phone and barely a minute later, Kurt’s phone pinged with Blaine’s address on his screen. Kurt texted him back that he’d be there in a half an hour or so, then he went back out to Rachel and Jesse.

 

“What was that about?” Jesse asked when Kurt sat back down and Rachel looked at Kurt intently.

 

“Blaine wants me to come to his apartment,” Kurt put his head in his hand, feeling kind of miserable at the idea. Jesse waggled his eyebrows at Kurt. “Oh, god. Not like that. What happened to that new leaf you turned over years ago?”

 

“I’m just trying to make light of the situation,” Jesse said defensively as if that made it any less offensive.

 

“This situation shouldn’t be made light of,” Kurt argued back. “He thinks he’s still in 12th grade, for god’s sake. How am I supposed to deal with 18 year old Blaine? You know how I feel about teenagers.”

 

“Look, old man Kurt,” Rachel began, a smile creeping on her lips, “I saw how Blaine was in the hospital room. He might think he’s still 18 but I know he doesn’t act like it. He might night be your friend anymore but he’s still mine. I have put up with respecting your ‘I don’t want to see him I am too heartbroken’ act for too long. You promised you would try to be friends with him, so at the least, please just be nice to him. Indulge your ex-boyfriend who just got in a severe car accident and lost seven years worth of memories.”

 

“Rachel, I already told him I would come over,” Kurt said, rolling his eyes at his best friend.

 

Rachel squealed. “Yay! Ignore everything I just said. I can’t wait for you two to be best friends again! Don’t worry about me and Jesse, we can have our date night without you.”

 

Somehow Kurt had become an extension to Jesse and Rachel’s relationship these past three years because Rachel insisted that they experience everything together. When Kurt had tried to explain to her that that shouldn’t include her dating life she said, and he quotes, “well, you’re never going to get another boyfriend anyway so you might as well just date Jesse with me.” Miraculously, Jesse didn’t seem to mind. Kurt was so grateful that when they got engaged, Jesse didn’t get a ring for him too. That would have been very awkward.

 

“Rachel, we aren’t going to be best friends again. I’m just going to be supportive of him until he gets his memories back,” he said, picking up his fork to finish his meal.

 

“Mmhmm,” was all had Rachel had to say. For once. But of course, there was another Rachel in the room.

 

“Weren’t you two, like, inseparable in high school?” Jesse asked after swallowing down spaghetti.

 

“How would you know?” Kurt looked at him pointedly. “You graduated when we were in 10th grade and then disappeared.”

 

“Not true,” Jesse pointed at Kurt with his fork. “I came back to coach Vocal Adrenaline. Remember?”

 

“Unfortunately,” Kurt replied. He regretted saying it almost immediately after. He shouldn’t have been sarcastic about remembering something after what Blaine had just been through. “That didn’t last too long though.”

 

“Whatever,” Jesse waved him off. “I’m just saying, I’m friends with Blaine now-”

 

“That’s an overstatement,” Rachel interrupted him. “You hang out with Blaine when I hang out with Blaine, which is practically never because now I pretty much only have time for you and Kurt.”

 

“Anyway,” Jesse glared at his fiancee for interrupting him, but Kurt knew it was out of love. “From all the stories I’ve heard about you two from both him and you-”

 

“I never talk about him anymore.”

 

“Will you let me finish?” Jesse directed his glare at Kurt now. “Based on the stories, you guys were super close. Pre-relationship and post-relationship. Then Blaine started dating Dave Karo-whatever and you guys stopped being friends. Now, Blaine isn’t dating that guy and you two will inevitably become best friends again, like Rachel said.”

 

“You know what?” Kurt said, glancing between his two friends and then standing up. “I’m just going to leave now. Because I don’t think I can take another minute of you two badgering me about this.” Kurt didn’t wait for their response and quickly took his plate, threw what was left of his food in the trash and then put the plate in the sink. He walked past the table, grabbed his coat and his keys and walked out the door.

 

When he reached his car, he typed in the address of Blaine’s apartment which was oddly only a 5 minute drive from where his apartment was. (Which actually meant a 15 minute drive because his GPS doesn’t know what New York traffic was.)

 

After he arrived at the apartment building and Blaine buzzed him in, he went up the elevator to the 5th floor that Blaine lived on and knocked on Blaine’s door. It didn’t take him long to answer and when Blaine opened the door, his face immediately lit up.

 

“Kurt!” he exclaimed happily. Blaine moved towards him and for a split second he thought Blaine was going to kiss him, but his head moved in the opposite direction and he took a step and encircled his arms around Kurt. “I’m so happy you came.”

 

Kurt just squeezed Blaine’s shoulder in response and then carefully removed himself from Blaine’s embrace. “May I come in?”

 

“You may,” Blaine smiled at him and moved to the side of the door, gesturing for Kurt to come inside. Kurt didn’t know what he was expecting of Blaine’s apartment, but he wasn’t too surprised when he walked in. The aesthetic of it somewhat matched Blaine’s old room when he still lived in Lima. The walls were painted a light blue, there was artwork and broadway posters hanging up in various places. He had a black and blue striped couch with a small coffee table in front of it and a television across from the couch.

 

“Sit,” Blaine insisted and ushered Kurt to the couch. “Do you want anything to drink?”

 

“I’m okay,” Kurt smiled up at Blaine. “Thank you, though.”

 

“No problem,” Blaine shrugged and sat down next to Kurt. “Really, though, thank you for coming over. I know...I know we’re not on the best of terms right now.”

 

“Understatement.”

 

“Right,” Blaine nodded. “I just don’t know how he...I went all these years without crawling back to you. We weren’t just boyfriends, we were best friends.”

 

“You went 16 years without having me as your friend, I guess you had to relearn what it was like to live without me. Must have been hard considering how awesome I am,” Kurt joked, hoping to steer the conversation in a different direction.

 

Blaine didn’t think it was funny. “I’m not the only one guilty here, you know. You had just as much influence in not talking to me as I did you. Also, you’re the one who broke up with me.”

 

“And you’re the one who jumped in a relationship barely 3 months after we broke up,” Kurt knew this argument wasn’t going to go anywhere, Blaine didn’t remember what happened but Kurt felt the need to defend himself. He never actually got to have a conversation with Blaine about this. After Kurt came back and confessed he wanted to get back together with Blaine, it all kind of crumbled from there. He found out Blaine was dating Karofsky and it was just too awkward for them to talk to each other after that. He knew if he continued to be friends with Blaine, he had to deal with Karofsky by extension.

 

“I don’t know why I would do that,” Blaine said quietly. “I can’t imagine myself wanting anyone else but you, let alone Dave Karofsky. Your freakin’ high school bully.”

 

“Not that I don’t agree with you, but you know he turned over a new leaf,” Kurt pointed out. “I guess his newfound niceness was just something you couldn’t turn down.” Kurt was trying really hard to not sound bitter because Dave really was a nice guy now, but he couldn’t help it.

 

“I don’t believe that and I know you don’t either.”

 

“That’s the thing, you don’t know. You don’t know me, Blaine. You don’t even know yourself. You lost seven years worth of memories. Not one, not two, seven. People change a lot in a seven year span.”

 

Blaine just nodded his head, no verbal response to what Kurt had just said. Blaine looked so sad and Kurt couldn’t blame him. What if the roles were reversed? If he woke up and thought he was still in 2012, he would be absolutely devastated if he found out him and Blaine weren’t together.

 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt said, moving his hand to touch Blaine’s shoulder which caused Blaine to perk up. “I know this is really hard for you. I’m being a jerk. I’m trying not to be but this is all so weird and difficult. I truly didn’t think I’d ever see you again unless it was a big event of one of our close friends.”

 

Blaine was crying again and he had put his head in his hands. Kurt never remembered Blaine being so emotional but this situation was much worse than anything Blaine’s ever been through. Kurt threw away all the pride he had and slung an arm around Blaine’s shoulder, pulling him closer. Like Rachel said, it didn’t matter how he felt right now. Blaine was in pain and he needed him.

 

Blaine fisted his hand in Kurt’s shirt and was sobbing into Kurt’s chest. Kurt rubbed Blaine’s back soothingly, trying to provide as much comfort as he could but knew he was failing. Blaine knew how Kurt felt about all of this, and it wasn’t exactly happy feelings. “I’m sorry,” Blaine mumbled. “I’m ruining your shirt with my tears.”

 

Kurt laughed and patted Blaine’s back. “It’s okay, it’ll dry.”

 

Blaine laughed too and wiped at his eyes before letting go of Kurt. “My emotions have been all over the place since I woke up. I’m sorry I have been kind of taking that out on you.”

 

“It’s understandable. You don’t have to apologize for being upset over the fact that you got in a car accident and lost your memories,” Kurt smiled sadly at him. “I’m the one who’s been making this even more difficult for you. I’m really sorry. You got plucked from Lima and put in a big city that you don’t understand yet. Maybe you should go back to Lima for a little bit.”

 

“You’re right,” Blaine nodded. “I think that will be good for me. I’ll talk to my mom about it when she gets here.”

 

“Speaking of which, when will Pam be here? I haven’t seen her in awhile and I think she’s just going to kick my ass if she sees me,” Kurt loved Blaine’s mom, but he was willing to bet that she hated him. He practically walked out of Blaine’s life five years ago, which meant, by extension, walked out of her life too.

 

“No she wouldn’t! She loves you, trust me,” Blaine insisted. “I think she would really like to see you.”

 

“Are you sure?” Kurt was hesitant. He hadn’t seen Blaine’s mom since Santana and Britt’s wedding. “I haven’t seen her in five years, Blaine.”

 

“Then take this as an opportunity to catch up with her, and maybe with me. I know where I’m at in life but nobody has really told me what’s been up with you,” he gestured at Kurt with a hopeful look on his face.

This was going to be a long night.

End Notes:

thanks for reading guys! also, i'm going to new york on sunday for the first time in my life which is weird considering i live in philly which is in close proximity to nyc. but anyway i'm v excited & i'm hopefully gonna be able to do some research and find some more places so kurt & blaine aren't holed up in their apartments for my entire story! thanks again and feedback is appreciated!


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