Kurt inhaled as the familiar scent of the New York air forced his body to wake up, even if his eyes didn’t exactly want to open yet. He knew what day it was. He dreads this day every year because all the emotions and memories flood back to him like he was just hit with a ton of bricks. He sighed and willed himself to get out of bed, not wanting to face the day. When he walked out of his bedroom, the smell of pancakes worked his way into his nose and made his stomach grumble. He saw Rachel flipping pancakes at the stove they shared and noticed that their was already a plate set out for him.

“I made you breakfast!” Rachel perked up at the sight of Kurt. Rachel was the definition of a morning person, always ready to start the day even if the day was going to be absolutely terrible.

“Thanks,” he grumbled. He sat down at the table and started picking at the pancakes that Rachel had made for him. Rachel wasn’t the best cook, but pancakes were definitely her specialty. She was always in charge of breakfast and Kurt was...well, in charge of everything else. Rachel Berry had too busy of a life to keep up with cooking anything else but breakfast. He didn’t have much of an appetite and paid more attention to his orange juice than his food.

“What?” Rachel asked, noticing Kurt’s glum expression. “What did I do wrong? You always love my pancakes! Did I not use enough flour? Do you want me to get you more syrup?”

“Oh my god, Rachel,” Kurt sighed and put his face in his hands. “Do you know what day it is?” He lifted his head out of his hands and nodded towards the calendar.

Rachel looked towards it and her expression fell, immediately giving him that pitying look she gave him every year on this day. “Oh, Kurt…” she said softly. She turned the stove off and took her plate of food and sat next to him. She put a hand on his shoulder in attempt at comforting him. “You know I love you and support you but you really need to get over it. It’s been 5 years. You’re 26 years old. Your fashion business is booming and you just got a callback for Finding Neverland. You can’t mope on this day for the rest of your life because that would just be a sad life and you are the farthest thing from a sad person.”

Kurt sighed and looked at his best friend. She tells him he needs to get over it every single year but there’s just something about this day that he doesn’t think he will ever be capable of getting over. “I love you, too,” he told her honestly. “But you know how much…” he trailed off because he didn’t need to explain it to her. She knew. She was there for him through his whole mess the same way he was always there for her. She truly was his best friend, no matter how much of a pain in the ass she was. It saddened him that she was going to be moving out soon and he was going to be on his own.

She had just gotten engaged to Jesse St. James. It was a little comical to Kurt how in love they were because Kurt could still remember how much Jesse used her in order for Vocal Adrenaline to win Nationals. Kurt was unsure of Jesse when they started dating again but he really got to know him and Jesse had changed a lot since high school. He was truly a good guy and really did love Rachel. Next week, Rachel was moving into Jesse’s house. Then, the week after was Rachel’s opening night for Jane Austen Sings that Jesse was directing. Kurt was really proud of her. “I know,” Rachel assured him. “I just wish this day didn’t make you so sad. I hate seeing my favorite person so sad.”

“I thought Jesse was your favorite person,” he smiled at her, feeling a little better with Rachel’s reassurance.

“He’s my second favorite person. No one beats the person I lived with for the past 7 years,” she patted his shoulder one more time before eating her own meal. Talking with Rachel was enough for him to gain his appetite back and he quickly finished his meal before letting Rachel know he was going to get dressed.

He went through his closet, and picked a simple pair of jeans and a red button up. He changed into them and slipped a pair of boots on. He was going to make it through the day. Rachel was right. It’s been 5 years. Time to get over it.

He went back out and saw Rachel slip her coat on. “I have rehearsals all day,” she told him. “I wish I could stay here with you all day. I’m sorry. Ice cream and movie date tonight?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world,” he told her. “I’ll go food shopping since I’m off. Want Ben & Jerry’s?”

“Yes, please,” she nodded eagerly. She was a sucker for Ben & Jerry’s, but who wasn’t? “Can you get me Cherry Garcia? I have to stick to my diet.”

“You know, just because it has a fruit in the title doesn’t mean it’s healthy for you,” he informed her sarcastically.

“Nobody needs to know that,” she grinned at him before kissing him on the cheek and walking out the door.

An hour after Rachel left, Kurt put on his own coat and slipped out the door. He walked the few blocks to the grocery store and picked up a few things they were missing and then walked over to the ice cream aisle. Specifically, to the huge section of Ben & Jerry’s. He got Rachel’s pint of Cherry Garcia and honestly, everything looked so good he couldn’t help himself and had to get three pints of different flavors. He got his favorite, Milk & Cookies, he also got Cinnamon Buns and Chocolate Therapy. It was going to be a long day.

The first mistake Kurt made when he got home was sitting in front of his laptop with his pint of Chocolate Therapy. He thought the title of the ice cream was very misleading because it didn’t do anything to therapize how he was feelings. He thought he should probably sue. He started stalking Blaine’s Facebook. He knew it was childish and stupid and would only make him feel worse. Blaine was the reason this day was so hard to bear.

He couldn’t blame Blaine. Blaine didn’t break up with him. Kurt broke up with Blaine. This was the 5th anniversary of when Kurt broke it off with him and he’s regretted it ever since. The first year was really hard. He even ran back to Blaine and begged him to get back together with him but Blaine already had a boyfriend. He rebuilt his life. He rebuilt it without Kurt.

It was so weird for Kurt to see that because their lives revolved so much around each other when they were together. But now that Kurt looks back on it, that wasn’t at all true. Blaine’s life had revolved around Kurt and that’s the true reason it had been so weird to see Blaine living a functioning, normal life without his best friend. It had been so unhealthy when they were together. Blaine had constantly been up his ass and constantly wanted to spend time with him and Kurt was just constantly annoyed he never realized it was because Kurt never made an effort. He never made an effort to spend time with his boyfriend, his fiance and Blaine just wanted, so badly, to spend time with Kurt.

He should have seen it. He was so selfish and hurt Blaine so much. They should have been more open with each other. They should have talked and compromised on things. Kurt just didn’t want to compromise on anything because he was so focused on his own life and his own goals and didn’t stop to think about what Blaine wanted. That was all his own fault and after a year of wallowing in self pity and Rachel being highly annoyed at him, he decided he was only going to allow himself one day. One day every year to feel bad about himself and miss Blaine. Obviously he slips up sometimes, he’ll stumble on a photo of him and Blaine together and all the heartbreak will come rushing back.

He can’t even see him. He hasn’t spoken to or seen Blaine in person in three years. They have each other on social media but they don’t interact with each other. Kurt didn’t know how they avoided each other all these years since Blaine is friends with all of Kurt’s friends but somehow they have managed to avoid seeing each other. Even Rachel still talked to Blaine but she respected Kurt enough not to bring him up. The last time she mentioned him was two years ago.

Rachel knocked on his bedroom door and Kurt told her to come in so she did. “Hey,” she said softly and sat on his bed. “I don’t know if it matters to you or not but I thought you should know. Blaine and Karofsky broke up.”

It didn’t matter, Kurt had realized. It didn’t matter because Blaine’s relationships and Blaine’s life was none of Kurt’s business. It still felt good nonetheless even though Kurt shouldn’t have felt anything. He should have felt indifferent. Kurt reached over and squeezed Rachel’s hand, knowing she meant well. “Thank you for telling me,” he replied. She gave him a sad smile and got up and left his room.

Kurt tortured himself with Blaine’s Facebook, scrolling all the way down to when they were still together. Blaine had documented so much, them holding hands, them ice skating together. Their was a picture of their coffees from when they went on a date at the Lima Bean. He stumbled on the post that said Engaged to Kurt Hummel, barely a year before they called it off. He looked through the comments, everyone was so happy for them. He looked at one comment, specifically. Brittany’s comment. It said “OMG!!!! MY FAV POWER COUPLE! Ily guys <3.” He remembered how upset Brittany was when they broke up. Right before her and Santana’s wedding, (which was painfully awkward because Blaine had brought Dave and they tried to talk to Kurt and it was just too weird for all three of them) Brittany came to Kurt and started crying.

When he asked her what was going on, she told him that the only reason the wedding was possible was because of him and Blaine. She told him how she had looked up to them as a couple and how important they were to her. She said she was devastated when they broke up because she felt like she lost her inspirations. Kurt didn’t know how to react. He just kind of snapped and told her that he was sorry she felt that way but him and Blaine were over and weren’t ever getting back together. He told her that what she and Santana had was special and they were always meant to get married no matter what. He thought that about him and Blaine too, but at that point he wasn’t so sure.

Now he definitely knew that him and Blaine just weren’t meant to be together, no matter how much it still hurt to think about. No matter how much he knew in his heart that he would always love Blaine, he knew that what they had was over years ago. Blaine had moved on and Kurt...well, he moved on in his own way. He let himself have this day. That was his way of moving on. He’s barely dated anyone since even though Rachel has tried to set him up so many times, there was just no one he clicked with. No one who would understand him.

Kurt considered scrolling up through Blaine’s Facebook until he was passed their relationship, he looked at the relationship status post that Blaine posted about Karofsky but quickly decided to skim past it until he was all the way up to the past couple of months. Blaine had been working at an open mic restaurant as a waiter after he graduated college 2 years ago, he had little video clips of him performing that his friends shared on his page. Kurt didn’t watch them. If he listened to Blaine’s voice he knew he would fall apart. Blaine seemed happy, it looked like he was also working in a local theatre and performing in musicals, typically geared towards younger kids. Kurt was happy Blaine was doing what he loved, even if he wasn’t aiming as high as broadway, Blaine was still happy. That was important to Kurt.

Kurt sighed and decided to close his laptop, his Chocolate Therapy was all gone and he threw it in his trashcan next to his bed. His next mistake was going through his drawer of old high school memories because Blaine was written all over it. His prom pictures with Blaine, the Christmas promise ring Blaine gave him...then, in the corner, was his engagement ring. Kurt had forgotten he put it there. He picked it up and slipped it on his finger. It still fit him. That realization made him break down. He hated this. He hated crying over a boy he broke up with so long ago but he couldn’t help it. Blaine was right in his engagement speech. They were meant to spend every lifetime loving each other no matter what, and Kurt had ruined that for them.

Kurt hadn’t even heard Rachel walk in the door before he felt arms wrap around him. “It’s okay, Kurt,” she rubbed his arm soothingly before grabbing his hand and taking the ring off of his finger and tossing it back into the drawer and closing it. “What happened happened. C’mon, let’s go have our ice cream/movie date.”

“Okay,” he agreed and stood up with Rachel. They walked out into the kitchen and grabbed their ice cream out of the freezer, Kurt grabbing his Milk & Cookies and Rachel grabbing her Cherry Garcia before plopping down on the couch in the living room. They decided to rewatch Rent for the hundredth time. Midway through, Rachel’s phone started ringing.

“Who is it?” Kurt asked, trying to glance at Rachel’s iPhone screen. Rachel grabbed the TV remote and paused the movie.

“It’s Sam,” she crinkled her eyes and picked up the phone. “Hey, Sam, what’s up?” She was quiet while waiting for his response. Then, her confused expression turned into a shocked one. “Oh my god, okay...yeah, we’ll be there. Yeah, I’ll tell him. Thank you for letting me know.” She quickly got off the phone and stared at Kurt.

“What’s wrong?” Kurt asked, the look on her face made Kurt thing something was seriously wrong. Did one of their friends get hurt?

“Sam just said…” she shook her head, trying to get her words out. “Blaine got in a car accident. And, well...he keeps asking for you.”