“What are you guys talking about? Did Puck get another cheerleader pregnant?”

Mercedes opened her mouth to reply but before she could Rachel cut her off, “Oh no I know! It’s Mr. Schuester isn’t it? He totally made another one of his inappropriate advances on one of the other teachers didn’t he? Who was it this time? I mean he’s already victimized Ms. Pillsbury and Coach Sylvester and Coach Beiste and Ms. Holliday…”

“Oh. Nothing like that, we were just discussing what Lady Gaga wore to the Grammys last night. Right Mercedes?” Kurt elbowed Mercedes not so discreetly.

“Ow-what? Oh yeah. The Grammys.” Mercedes finished lamely.

Rachel surveyed the pair sceptically, “But…I know your gossip face Kurt and that was definitely it. You two were discussing something a lot juicier than Gaga at the Grammys. Out with it.”

Mercedes glanced at Kurt nervously and Kurt just looked at his feet, shifting nervously back and forth.

Rachel was getting impatient and she glared accusingly at Kurt. It was then, in the midst of giving Kurt the evil eye, that she noticed it.

It was bluey-red and an unmistakable shape. Familiar, and in a very incriminating position on Kurt’s neck.

Rachel gasped. “Kurt Hummel! I cannot believe you!” she said with fake astonishment.

“Where did you get that hickey? Who is this boy I need to meet him!” Pulling herself up a chair and plopping onto it, Rachel looked up at Kurt expectantly.

“Well, what are you waiting for? Give me all the juicy details.”

Kurt was still looking at his feet and his cheeks had turned a deep red colour.

Mercedes was stifling a fit of giggles into the back of her hand and looking from Kurt to Rachel attentively.
Kurt mumbled something into the floor that Rachel couldn’t make out.

“What?”

Taking a deep breath and finally pulling his eyes upward to meet Rachel’s, Kurt said, “It was your brother.”

“My…my…Blaine?!” Rachel gasped.

“No, your other gay brother who’s in love with me” Kurt replied sarcastically. “We were just kissing but then I guess he got a little carried away and one thing led to another-”

Rachel cut him off.

“Oh GOD. Stop right there! That is my brother you’re talking about. That. Is. So. Gross.”

Kurt hadn’t anticipated that reaction, but when he looked at Rachel’s disgusted face, the wheels started turning in his head.

Deviously, he continued his story,

“Yeah…Blaine was just really into it. He pushed me onto the bed, and then started moving his hand up my leg, and he was wearing these ungodly tight pants so I could tell that he was really har-”

“LALALALALA-I CAN’T HEAR YOU!” Rachel had sprung up from her chair and was plugging her ears with the tips of her fingers.

Kurt was amused that he had elicited exactly the reaction he was looking for.

“Ugh, I will never ask what you guys are talking about EVER again.” Rachel moaned and with that she scurried out of the room in a flustered huff, leaving Kurt and Mercedes doubled over in fits of laughter on the choir room floor.

When Kurt finally caught his breath he looked at Mercedes and said, “Who knew dating Rachel’s brother would be so useful?”