Chapter 9

Kurt needs to get home. He needs to escape the swooping feeling that took up residence in his stomach when Blaine leaned in to kiss him … or when Blaine laughed, or when he simply breathed. It's overwhelming and confusing and just too much…mostly because it won't go away.

Maybe Rachel was right. Maybe he's afraid of liking someone who could actually be someone. But what if Blaine isn't that someone? What if he is? What if it all falls apart before it starts? What if Blaine can't deal with dating a stripper? What if he doesn't want to date him? What if Kurt had kissed him? What if he never wanted to stop? What if?

The more he thinks about the possibility of Blaine, the more he can feel his chest begin to tighten, and panic sets in. It's like the feeling he used to get when Karofsky would slam him into a locker, and when he realizes it, it scares him even more because he'd never felt more safe than when he was with Blaine. When he was with Blaine, nothing else mattered. It was just them. So why is he so anxious?

The fluttery sensation underneath it all is wonderful, though. It's new and exciting and just perfect. But no matter how hard he tries to focus on the exhilaration of almost kissing Blaine, the panic is still there. It's a dull ache in his chest that is suffocating him from the inside. It's so far from being bullied, he can't figure out why he's panicking. And why won't his stupid body cooperate?

Finally he pulls over to the side of the road to catch his breath and stop his hands from shaking.

"Get a grip, Hummel," he says out loud. "This is ridiculous!"

It doesn't calm him entirely, but the sound of his own voice in the quiet car, steadies him somewhat. If he can control his voice, maybe he can keep his emotions in check. He can still feel the dull ache, and his mind is reeling with fear and self-loathing.

Why did I run again? He's going to think I'm a total nutcase! Stupid. Stupid. Stupid.

He leans his head on the steering wheel, fighting hard to keep the tears from coming. He tries to pull himself together so he can drive home, because otherwise he'll lose it on the side of the road in front of a Burger King. And Kurt Hummel does not lose his shit in front of a Burger King.

He takes a few deep, calming breaths with his eyes closed and then sits up straight. He starts looking for an upbeat song on his iPod. He settles on a familiar tune and sings along with it the whole way home, which is thankfully short. He manages to keep it together, his voice only shaking once, which he blames on having been outside in the cold air rather than his own jittery nerves.

He pulls into his driveway and puts the car in park, checking his face in the rearview mirror to make sure he doesn't look distraught. He doesn't need the questions from his dad. Once he's satisfied that his usual mask is in place, he grabs his keys. But just as he's about to reach for the door, he feels his phone vibrating in his pocket.

Blaine
Wait … a *teacher* called you Gelfling?

Kurt can't help himself. He laughs, probably a little harder than he normally would. But his emotions are still raw and he's giddy with the thought that Blaine still wants to talk to him, despite Kurt's propensity for making a dramatic exit every time they're together.

Kurt
Cheerleading coach, actually. Let's just say she has a unique way of communicating.

Kurt
BTW … I really had fun today.

Blaine
Me too. Movie tomorrow?

Kurt
Sure. I'll call you.

Kurt sighs contentedly and has to roll his eyes at himself for that one. He might be a romantic, but even he has his limits when it comes to dramatic sighing. He rests his head on the back of the seat and tries to figure out why he panics every time he's in Blaine's presence. The texts and phone calls don't faze him, but the second he looks into those hazel eyes, he's gone.

He's not sure how long he's been sitting in the driveway, but the street lights have started to come on. It had still been mostly daylight when he left the Lima Bean, before he'd run from Blaine. No, not Blaine. But then what was he running from? Possibility? Happiness? Himself? He looks at his phone to check the time just as it buzzes again.

Blaine
You were a cheerleader?

He doesn't even realize the tension in his chest is gone when he replies. Without even thinking about it, he lets the lighter, fluttery feeling take over.

Kurt
Stalker much?

Blaine
Sorry…I had to look up the cheerleading coach and there's a video of you from nationals. Impressive high kick!

Kurt
Thanks.

Kurt
You're judging me. I can feel you judging me.

Blaine
: P

Kurt
Very mature, Blaine.

Blaine
You love it, admit it.

He does love it. He loves that Blaine is flirting, and that it's so easy to flirt back. He loves that Blaine Googled him. He loves that Blaine was thinking of him and compliments him and teases him and laughs at his jokes and …

Kurt
Oh yes, I can't help falling for a guy who acts like a big kid. ; )

Blaine
You'll come around. ; )

Kurt
Doubtful. ; )

But he hates that it makes him reveal so much of himself so easily. And just as quickly as he opened up, he retreats back into himself a little, putting up the barrier that he keeps around him at all times. To protect. To keep him from getting hurt.

Kurt
OK, really….I have to go get ready for work. Have a good night.

Blaine
You too. And I'm not judging. x

Kurt pauses for a moment considering that tiny x. He furrows his brow and bites his bottom lip, fingers hovering over his phone.

Blaine
Wait, are text kisses OK?

Kurt doesn't know what to say. Is it OK? Blaine is probably freaking out because he hasn't responded, and Kurt doesn't want to screw it up. Are text kisses OK? He wants to scream "YES!" and "All kisses are OK. Never stop kissing me." But he can't. What's there to say? He might not have much experience with love or anything remotely resembling romance, but he senses this as a moment where he can choose one path or the other.

One path is familiar and safe; it's high school and glee club and dancing. It's Rachel and Finn and his dad and Carole. It's Lima and working on cars and rolling his eyes at everyone in this hick town.

The other path is the terrifying step into the unknown; it's New York and NYADA. It's Broadway and leaving home and dreams of being a star. It's big and bright and being on the stage and forgetting he was ever the sole gay kid in high school. It's also hazel eyes and gorgeous smiles that set his skin on fire. It's coffee and sushi and singing in the car. It's Blaine.

He jumps when his phone buzzes again.

Blaine
Sorry. It's too much isn't it? Shit… I'm sorry.

Sink or swim, Kurt.

Kurt
Don't be. x

Blaine
:)

Blaine's still unsettled by Kurt's "let's be friends" moment, but he's made up his mind that he wants to see Kurt again soon and then as much as possible. And if there's one thing he is, it's stubborn. He's not going to let a little thing like "friendship" get in the way.

Now that he understands Kurt's hesitation, Blaine is confident that he can convince the other boy to relax and just enjoy Blaine's company. The trick is going to be how to do that. He's never been short on charm; his parents and prep school upbringing saw to that. He's gentlemanly to a fault, and it rarely fails him. Somehow, though, he senses that Kurt won't be swayed by his usual tricks. He'll see right through it. Blaine knows he has to go deeper than holding out chairs and opening doors. He needs to get personal.

Kurt had shared a lot of personal information with him and Blaine listened to every word, committed it all to memory in fact, but nothing jumps out at him as a way to connect, or even start another conversation, with Kurt. He had asked every question when it occurred to him and Kurt had answered it.

Blaine can't think of a thing that went left unsaid other than "I want to kiss you until you can't breathe." And somehow Blaine knows that isn't going to be the way to woo Kurt. As an exotic dancer, Kurt's probably so used to guys coming on strongly that he's learned to tune it out entirely. Blaine has to be far more subtle than that. He needs to get to know him; Kurt has to let him in. But how?

Blaine sits twirling his phone in his hands for quite a while, replaying the day in his mind. He needs to come up with something quickly because it's getting late and Kurt will be leaving for work soon. Then he won't get a chance for conversation until much later and he really wants to talk to Kurt. He's deep in thought when a random text from Cooper gives him his best idea yet.

Cooper
How was your date with the Gelfling?

Instead of responding to Cooper, Blaine texts Kurt. This is his in. He had kind of skirted around this topic because Kurt had gone to the bathroom. He never asked him to explain. He tells himself it's not all plotting to get closer to Kurt. He's actually curious about it.

Blaine
Wait … a *teacher* called you Gelfling?

Kurt
Cheerleading coach, actually. Let's just say she has a unique way of communicating.

Blaine laughs at what he's sure is an understatement. He can almost see Kurt's slight eye roll when he reads the text. He pictures the quirk of an eyebrow, pulling up toward perfectly styled, gloriously thick, brown hair and the beginnings of a crooked smile forming on perfectly pink lips. He might be a little distracted when his phone buzzes again.

Kurt
BTW … I really had fun today.

The smile on his face is probably huge, and if anyone else had been in his room at that moment, he might have had the good sense to be slightly embarrassed. But right now Blaine's just happy that Kurt seems to enjoy his company as much as he enjoys Kurt's.

Then Blaine suddenly realizes that Kurt is giving him a cue, and he decides to take it.

Blaine
Me too. Movie tomorrow?

Kurt
Sure. I'll call you.

Blaine didn't think it was possible, but his smile actually gets bigger. He's going to see Kurt again. Tomorrow.

If he's going to convince Kurt he's worth taking a chance on, he's going to have to up his game. Blaine is not normally one to resort to Facebook stalking or surreptitious Googling to find out information about people, but in this instance he realizes it's going to have to come to that.

He probably watches the McKinley High Cheerios nationals performance three or four times, but who's counting? Blaine is absolutely in awe of Kurt's flexibility and voice. Who sings (in French) at a cheerleading competition? Is this guy real? And he definitely did not pause the video in several places to get a better look at Kurt's ass in his uniform pants. Thank god for high def video. He did, however, come to the conclusion that red is his new favorite color, especially for pants.

He saves the video to his favorites and grabs his phone, trying to ignore a slight erection that appears to have taken up permanent residence in Blaine's pants the last couple of days.

Blaine
You were a cheerleader?

Kurt
Stalker much?

Well, he was being a bit of a stalker, but Kurt didn't need to know that. Curiosity is a valid excuse, right?

Blaine
Sorry…I had to look up the cheerleading coach and there's a video of you from nationals. Impressive high kick!

And he was genuinely impressed, so it's not a total lie. He continues to flirt with Kurt via text for a bit longer before one text nearly knocks Blaine on his ass.

Kurt
Oh yes, I can't help falling for a guy who acts like a big kid. ; )

Blaine has no idea how he manages to send his next text.

Blaine
You'll come around. ; )

And he means it.

Kurt
Doubtful. ; )

Kurt
OK, really….I have to go get ready for work. Have a good night.

Blaine's face falls a little at Kurt's response, but he refuses to let it bring him down. When all else fails, be charming, Blaine. It's a defense mechanism both he and Cooper have perfected over the years. And it works for the most part.

Blaine
You too. And I'm not judging. x

He doesn't worry what Kurt thinks of that x, but he wants to give him a chance to consider it. Make it clear that it's a kiss. Make sure it's OK with Kurt that they have that kind of friendship. Blaine waits a couple minutes before sending his next two, carefully crafted, texts.

Blaine
Wait, are text kisses OK?

Blaine
Sorry. It's too much isn't it? Shit… I'm sorry.

Kurt
Don't be. x

And there it is. Confirmation. Happiness surges through him like a tidal wave as it occurs to him he's never been more elated about anything in his 18 years of existence. Even if they're just friends, Kurt trusts him…Blaine. He trusts Blaine. And that's all he needs to know. He'll be this boy's friend until he aches with desire. But it doesn't matter because he'll get to see his perfect face, his lips, his eyes. He'll marvel at the way Kurt's hips move when he walks, and if he's really, really lucky, he'll get to hear Kurt sing. It's so very worth it to just be this boy's friend; it won't even matter if he's not his boyfriend.

Blaine's stomach flips with a mix of excitement and fear, but it's the most wonderful sensation, and he can barely breathe. Blaine can just picture the sparkle in Kurt's blue eyes, and he smiles.

He can't think of what to say in response to that simple, perfect text, so he sends the only thing he can think of: the look that is now plastered to his face.

Blaine
:)

Blaine knows from that moment on, he's going to pursue Kurt with everything that he's got. He'll take his time, but he's going to convince this gorgeous guy to be with him, even if it takes months.

Kurt's phone rings just as he's getting out of the shower.

"Hey, Rachel."

"Kurt, you were supposed to call me as soon as you got done with coffee. I am deeply offended that you did not keep your promise and I demand details."

"I just got out of the shower."

"Throw some clothes on, and then spill," Rachel demands. "I'll wait."

"Fine," Kurt huffs, dropping the phone on his bed. He quickly finishes toweling off and then grabs a robe. He can't put on anything too restrictive or he'll have marks on his skin. Not a good look under stage lights.

He considers for a moment what he's going to tell Rachel, because honestly, he's not quite sure what happened himself. Was it a date? Does he want it to be? Should he tell her Blaine tried to kiss him?

Why didn't I kiss him?

Rachel is going to want to know every sordid detail no matter what he does, so he decides in that moment to be vague, very vague, and reveal as little as possible until he's had time to sort it all out for himself.

Kurt takes a deep breath and picks up his phone only to hear Rachel humming softly to herself. He bites back a laugh.

"OK, Rachel. I'm back."

"I'm listening." Again, right to the point. She never gives up. Kurt steels himself and puts on his best bitch face. He knows Rachel can't see him, but it always helps him to get fully into character before beginning a performance.

"There's not much to tell," he says bluntly. "We had coffee." He bought my coffee and we flirted. "We spent the day together." It was the best day of my life and we almost kissed. "I came home." Because I'm a coward.

"You spent the day together?"

Shit, why did I include that?

Kurt envisions Rachel perking up like a puppy who's just been asked if she wants to go outside. He releases a short laugh at the image.

"We just had lunch and then walked around for a while. It was nothing major." He hopes his tone sounds nonchalant. Maybe Rachel will believe him.

"Nothing major? Kurt, you are either the most idiotic person I know or the most oblivious…or both! That's so incredibly romantic. You know what I would do to have Finn be that romantic?"

Or maybe not.

"Rachel, we're just friends," Kurt insists. "I just met him. And besides, an old boyfriend or something showed up. I really don't want to get in the middle of anything."

He's not sure if Sebastian is an old boyfriend or crush or whatever, but he hopes it's enough to shut Rachel up. She's been through a love triangle before, and she's unlikely to push Kurt into a similar situation.

"Oh," she says simply. They're both quiet for a moment before she asks, "Are you going to see him again?"

"I think so," Kurt says. "Probably a movie tomorrow." He hears Rachel sigh through the phone. "As friends," he adds pointedly. "Friends can go to the movies, Rachel."

"Of course they can, Kurt."

He can hear the placating tone of her voice and Kurt knows Rachel doesn't believe him. He doesn't care at this point because he really needs to start getting ready for work and he's losing his patience. Plus, he hasn't started his breathing exercises yet and it's already 9:15.

"I've gotta go."

"Fine, but if you think I'm letting this go…"

"Goodnight, Rachel," Kurt says firmly to cut her off.

"Bye, Kurt. Break a leg."

Kurt hangs up the phone, laughing at the idea of Rachel telling him to break a leg over a strip club performance.

Only Rachel.

As he waits to take the stage, Kurt's body thrums with anticipation. He hasn't felt this way about performing in ages, the buzzing of emotion just under the adrenalin. He's on the edge of arousal, which he knows will make his performance that much better.

Part of him is hoping Blaine is in the audience; the other part is hoping he's not. Kurt can't decide which is the stronger pull and he doesn't care. He's performing for Blaine whether he's there or not. Kurt needs to get this feeling out. He needs to work off some of his nervous energy or he'll be lost to his attraction forever.

He hears the announcer introduce him, and as the music begins, Kurt transforms into "Dalton." Even his posture changes as he struts onto the stage, commanding the gaze of every person in the room. Kurt feels as if his pores are oozing sex. He's never felt this connected to his performance before and he thinks he finally understands why people like going to strip clubs.

Kurt's only vaguely aware of the crowd as he removes his shirt slowly, making eye contact with a man in the front row who's holding a twenty between his fingers. Kurt's dances closer to him, and falls to his knees, taking the bill between his teeth and winking seductively as he moves to the next person with an outstretched hand.

When Kurt is done for the night, he heads to the dressing room, counting what's left of his tips after giving a cut to the bartenders, Vince, and the owner. It's more than he's made in a long time, and combined with what he got from Blaine's brother a few weeks ago, he's ready to take a couple weekends off.

"That was extra hot tonight," Mike says when Kurt walks into the dressing room.

"You were watching?" Kurt asks, quirking an eyebrow at him.

"I caught bits and pieces," he says feigning nonchalance. But Kurt knows Mike hates to be showed up. "The crowd ate it up."

"Mmhmm…I suppose," Kurt says with suspicion rising up in his mind.

"In my experience, only two things change a dancer's performance like that," Mike says checking out his reflection in the mirror and not looking at Kurt. "One: drugs."

Kurt snorts.

"Or two," Mike continues. "A guy."

Kurt laughs again and pretends to fix his hair in the mirror.

"Do you have a point?" he asks, looking down his nose at the other dancer.

Mike turns to look at Kurt and gives him a "bitch, please" look.

"What's his name?" he says.

Kurt just stares at Mike wide-eyed for a moment. When he speaks, his voice is higher than he wants it to be.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Oh come off it," Mike huffs. "You wouldn't dream of putting any foreign substances in that flawless twink body of yours. So, it has to be a guy and a damned sexy one at that for you to be dancing like a sex kitten all over that stage tonight. So I'll ask again... What's his name?"

Kurt is glued to the spot, panic threatening to take him. He can feel the flush rise up in his cheeks and searches his brain desperately for a comeback. But his brain won't process words beyond a refrain of "Don't say Blaine. Don't say Blaine. Don't say Blaine."

He's paralyzed with fear, his mouth making shapes, but no sound is coming out. And then he does the unthinkable, blurts the first name that comes to his mind…

"Sebastian."