Chapter 26

"Kurt," his dad begins. "You know I'm not happy about you working at that club, but…"

"Dad, wait…let me get this out," Kurt says.

Burt pauses, mouth still open trying to form the words that went unsaid. He sighs and lets Kurt continue.

"Okay….shoot."

Kurt shuffles his feet on the carpet, stuffing his hands in his pockets.

"I quit my job," Kurt says, his voice barely above a whisper.

Burt furrows his brow in concentration for a moment before breaking into a broad smile.

"Well, that's very sensible of you, kid," he says.

"That's not why I did it," Kurt says.

"Okay…?"

"When I started working there, I planned on staying until I left for New York," Kurt says. "The money was really good, and it helped with my stage presence. But then I met Blaine and things got confusing. Not to mention that incident with Sebastian."

"Understandable," Burt says when Kurt pauses. "Why the change of heart?"

"Right…well, last night was supposed to be my last night," Kurt says. "I decided I wanted to quit after I told you about it, but I had already agreed to work, and I wanted to quit face to face. It seemed like the 'adult' thing to do."

"I would agree."

"But then you yelled at me," Kurt says, tears welling up. "And I got so angry, dad. I didn't want you telling me what to do. So I left. But I didn't mean it. And I'm so sorry, dad. I'm so, so sorry."

By the time Kurt finishes speaking, tears are streaming down his face.

"Kurt…" Burt places a hand on his son's shoulder, leaning down to catch Kurt's gaze. "Buddy, it's okay. I said stuff I didn't mean too. I don't want you to go."

Blaine takes the few bags he had loaded in his car and dumps them on the living room floor. He can't hear Kurt and his dad anymore, so they must have stopped celebrating, but he doesn't go back upstairs. They were obviously well on their way to reconciling, and Blaine doesn't want to get in the way. So he quietly shuts the door behind him and heads for his car.

By the time Blaine gets home, probably a little too quickly, his chest feels tight and he's having a hard time taking a full breath. His palms are sweaty and his heart is racing. Blaine is halfway to a full-blown panic attack.

Without stopping to lock his car or take off his shoes, he races up the stairs to his bedroom and buries his face in his bed. Blaine's entire body shakes with sobs, but his eyes remain dry. He can't cry; he's happy for Kurt, but he's just so scared. And it hits him all at once like a tidal wave — all the drama, fear, and elation of the last few weeks with Kurt — he's so terrified he'll lose it all. And they had just finally gotten together. What had started out as such a perfect day, was slowly devolving into a nightmare.

Part of Blaine hopes Kurt will never let anything come between them, but the more irrational, and unfortunately louder, part worries that the glamorous, impossibly even more perfect, New York version of Kurt is not going to want to date a silly, bowtie-wearing, obnoxious prep school boy from Ohio. And it breaks his heart.

Blaine lies with his face buried in his pillow for too long and eventually, he has to turn his head to catch a breath. His face is sweaty and flushed, and when he inhales, he is accosted by Kurt's scent. It's the sandalwood and vanilla smell he memorized from Kurt's sweater that day they got caught in the rain. The sweater that Blaine has hidden in the back of his closet and conveniently forgot to return to Kurt.

He rolls off his bed and makes his way to the closet, reaching behind outgrown school uniforms and a box of old gaming magazines until his hands close on the soft cashmere. Blaine pulls it out and when he presses it to his face, he finally lets the tears fall. He pushes down along the wall in his closet and just sits on the floor, the sweater clutched tightly in his hands, as he thinks through what he wants to say to Kurt. But his mind won't cooperate. All he can hear is a swirling sea of doubt: Kurt doesn't want you. He's going to leave you behind. You're not enough.

Blaine knows it's ridiculous, but he can't release himself from the infinite loop of self-loathing for the moment. When he can't take the agony any more. He pulls his phone out of his pocket and dials.

"Hey little B, what's up?" greets a familiar voice.

Blaine opens his mouth to speak, but he can't make words form.

"Blaine?" Cooper inquires. "You there? …. Come on, Blaine. You didn't butt dial me again, did you?"

He tries to speak again, but all that comes out is a choked sob.

"B, what's wrong?" Cooper's teasing tone is gone, and the unrestrained brotherly concern in his voice is what finally opens the floodgates.

"I'm gonna lose him, Coop. I don't want to lose him," Blaine sobs.

Burt Hummel has always been a man of few words. After Kurt's confession and the subsequent apologies, Burt hugs his son and leaves him to his own thoughts. It only takes Kurt about five seconds to realize Blaine never came back upstairs. He practically skips down the stairs, excited to tell his boyfriend the good news. When he doesn't find Blaine in the living room, he checks the kitchen, thinking maybe Blaine needed a glass of water. No Blaine. He opens the front door, expecting to find his boyfriend loading up the car. An empty driveway greets him instead.

Kurt runs back into the house and yells for his dad. He finds him in the living room, staring down at a pile of bags on the floor, scratching the back of his head.

"Kurt..." Burt asks, looking up with concern.

"Blaine's gone," Kurt says, looking down at his own bags. Panic starts to well up in Kurt's chest. "Where did he go?"

"No idea..." Burt says. "Have you tried calling him?"

"Oh yeah...good idea," Kurt says, as if it's not the most obvious solution.

The phone rings several times, but then goes to voice mail. Kurt tries to quell the panic in his voice when he leaves Blaine a message.

"Hey, it's me. I don't know where you went, but it's okay. I made up with my dad. I'm not leaving. I'm just worried about you. Please call me."

The instant he hangs up, he sends a text.

Kurt
What happened to you?

When he hasn't received a response after 10 minutes, he goes into full panic mode.

"Blaine, you've got to breathe," Cooper says. "Just breathe and tell me what happened."

Blaine recounts the past few days with Kurt, right up until he overheard Kurt's celebration about getting into three New York colleges. By the time he reaches the end, he's rambling a bit and talking too fast, but Cooper seems to follow it all because he responds with an elongated "Wow."

"Yeah," Blaine says. "I don't know what I'm going to do when he goes to New York next year. What if he doesn't want to be with me?"

"And what if he does?" Cooper asks. "Have you talked to him?"

"No, Coop…I kind of panicked."

"I think he's starting to rub off on you."

"Huh?"

Blaine can hear Cooper's chuckle over the phone and sighs, having lost his patience with his older brother.

"It's just a joke, Blaine."

"I'm not laughing."

"Sorry," Cooper says quietly. "Listen, you just … I mean, you can't run away from this. You're going to have to face it eventually. You and Kurt have gotten through a lot already. That shit with Sebastian…"

"I know," Blaine says. "Just…"

"No, listen…If you can get through that, you can get through this," Cooper says. "Just talk to him."

"Why is that always your advice?" Blaine asks.

"Because you always run away from your problems, squirt. I know you. And you need a push in the right direction."

"I'm just not sure I want to have that conversation. Can't I just serenade him? I'm so much better at singing about my feelings."

"Sure…serenade him if that will help, but you still have to talk about it," Cooper insists. "No getting away from that."

Blaine sighs deeply and drops his head into the hand not holding the phone.

"You gonna be okay?" Cooper asks quietly.

"I don't know. I really don't know."

"Call him," Cooper says.

"Yeah."

"Call me after if you need to talk."

"I will," Blaine says. "Bye, Coop."

Blaine barely hits the "end call" button before a new text pops up on his screen.

Kurt
What happened to you?

Blaine
Nothing…just didn't want to interrupt. Did you and your dad make up?

Kurt
Yeah. Where are you? I was so worried, and I have something I need to tell you.

Blaine
I'm at home.

Kurt
Can you come get me? My car's still at your place.

Blaine freezes. He had forgotten about Kurt's car.

Blaine
Sure.

After hearing from Blaine, Kurt's panic subsided. But there was still a nagging feeling in the back of his mind that something wasn't right.

You're being ridiculous, he told himself. Blaine's fine.

Kurt runs through the possibilities in his mind: Blaine changed his mind; he was disgusted at the thought of Kurt making out with Sebastian; Blaine had only wanted Kurt because he was an exotic dancer. But each thought seemed more illogical than the last, until Kurt gives up and decides to start unpacking his bags and reorganizing his room.

He turns on some music and dances around the room, hanging up shirts and folding scarves as he goes. When something catches his attention out of the corner of his eye, he looks up to see Blaine standing in his doorway with a familiar-looking fabric in his hands. Kurt's mouth falls open when he recognizes it as his own cashmere sweater that he nearly forgotten about.

"I thought you might want this back," Blaine murmurs. "You…uh, left it in my car a while back."

"Thanks," Kurt beams, taking the sweater from Blaine's outstretched hands and gently smoothing out the soft fabric before laying it on the bed. "I wondered what had happened to that."

"Well, I guess we should get you back to my place so you can pick up your car," Blaine says, not making eye contact with Kurt.

Suddenly the nagging feeling makes sense. Something is wrong. Blaine's entire demeanor is off.

"Blaine," Kurt begins. "Is something wrong?"

Blaine finally looks up and smiles brightly. He's obviously trying, but the smile doesn't quite reach his eyes and it breaks Kurt's heart a little.

"Nothing at all," Blaine lies.

Kurt knows he's lying, but he doesn't call him out on it. Instead, he changes the subject, biding his time.

"Well, good…because I have some fantastic news," Kurt says with an excited gleam in his eyes.

"I'd love to hear it," Blaine says with the fake smile still plastered to his face. He sits down on the bed and looks up at Kurt with watery eyes.

"Well, you know how I've been waiting to hear from NYADA and I was worried about my audition and everything?"

"Sure," Blaine says, giving Kurt an expression that shows interest, but little else to give away any of what he's thinking.

"Well, I just found out that I got in!" Kurt says. "To NYADA…and Parsons. And deferred until spring for NYU." His smile is lighting up his face and he's beaming down at his boyfriend, who is still sitting quietly resolute on the bed.

"Kurt, that's wonderful," he says sincerely, a single tear falling.

Kurt's smile falters a bit, and he searches Blaine's face for a clue as to his state of mind. He takes a seat on the bed and reaches for Blaine's hand.

"Blaine, what's wrong?" Kurt pleads. "Please tell me. I hate seeing you upset."

"Kurt," Blaine says, his voice breaking. "I just…"

Blaine's breath catches. He can't look at Kurt right now or he'll cry. He purses his lips and looks at the floor, Kurt's hand still gripping his own and silently willing him closer. In the end, that's what gives him the strength to start speaking again.

"I just don't want to lose you," he confesses.

"What?" Kurt says, reeling back in shock. "What makes you think you're going to lose me?"

"You're going to New York, Kurt, and I'm staying here. I'm going to OSU."

Kurt's mouth forms a silent 'oh' as Blaine's words begin to sink in. They're going to be separated; it's a tough test even for long-term relationships, and they just got started. Even if they somehow manage to stick it out, that's four long years of distance and relationship by text message and late-night Skype sessions. Suddenly Blaine's fear makes sense.

"I didn't think of that," Kurt says finally.

"I know," Blaine says.

They sit in silence for a minute before Kurt speaks again.

"I can't change my plans. This is my dream."

Blaine's eyes flash brightly as he rushes to correct Kurt's assumption.

"No," he says. "Kurt, I would never ask you to give up New York. Ever. I'm really proud of you." He squeezes Kurt's hand. "Proud to be with you," he adds. "I'm just worried you're not going to want to be with me once you're living in New York. Lima is going to seem so small… I'm going to seem so small."

"That's crazy!" Kurt says. "After all that we've been through? You'd just give that up?"

Kurt looks hurt, but Blaine is the one crying.

"I just can't stand the thought of losing you," he says. "I just found you."

"You're being ridiculous, Blaine. You're not going to lose me. I want to be with you. Really. You didn't even blink when you found I kissed Sebastian, of all people. Why would I give that up?"

"But you're going to be out there," Blaine says, gesturing with his hand. "Experiencing new things, meeting new people. You won't have time for me."

"I'll make time," Kurt says. "And you will too. And I'll come home all the time and you can visit me in New York. It won't be ideal, but it will be wonderful because we'll be going through it together."

"You sound so sure," Blaine says, his eyes searching his boyfriend's face.

"I have to be," Kurt says. "I mean, if I can get out of Lima, anything is possible, right?"

Blaine nods and tips his head forward slightly to capture Kurt's lips in a kiss. His free hand instinctively finds Kurt's jaw and he pulls them even closer. The kiss gives him the comfort that words couldn't. Kurt is pouring all that he's feeling into this kiss and it's radiating all the way to Blaine's toes. The soft brush of Kurt's tongue speaks volumes, and Blaine somehow knows they're going to be all right.

He pulls back from Kurt's lips so he can grab Kurt in a tight hug. Kurt rests his head on Blaine's shoulder, and he's so close Blaine can feel his eyelashes tickle his neck as warm breath ghosts over his collarbone. Blaine relaxes into the embrace and strokes his hand over Kurt's back. It's the best hug he's ever received.

They stay like that for a while, Kurt breathing deeply while Blaine strokes his back and kisses the top of his head until something more needs to be said.

"I don't think I can handle saying goodbye to you in September," Blaine says finally.

Kurt's head pulls back from Blaine's shoulder to look his boyfriend in the eye.

"Are you kidding?" Kurt asks, eyes warm with feeling as he strokes Blaine's cheek. "I'm never saying goodbye to you. That's a promise."