Chapter 16

"Sebastian?" Kurt's eyes are wide and he's shaking a little.

"Um, you know the guy we ran into at the coffee shop? Total jerk..." Blaine says nervously. "Well, he's my chem lab partner..."

"You told him?!"

Kurt's eyes are burning with tears and he's so angry he can barely see straight. What on earth possessed Blaine to tell anyone, let alone that asshole Sebastian? And he'd used that information to blackmail Kurt. Did Blaine know? Dear god, what if Blaine knew and let it happen?

"Not on purpose," Blaine insists, walking over to where Kurt is standing alone on the otherwise empty stage. The piano player slipped out even more quietly than he appeared. "He said some really awful things about you and I just wanted him to shut his stupid mouth, and it just slipped out."

"It just slipped out," Kurt repeats quietly, barely able to look at Blaine and wrapping his arms around himself as fat tears betray him by falling freely.

"Kurt, please," Blaine pleads as he reaches for Kurt. "I'm so, so sorry."

"Just don't," Kurt says, pulling out of Blaine's reach. "You promised me you wouldn't say anything!"

The bitterness in Kurt's voice is nothing compared to the lump forming in his throat.

"I know," Blaine says so quietly Kurt almost misses it.

Blaine buries his head in his hands, running them through his hair. Ordinarily Kurt would probably laugh at the way Blaine's heavily gelled hair is sticking up all over the place when he pulls his hands away. But right now he's too angry and hurt to give it a thought. His elation at having Blaine in his auditorium, listening to him sing a nearly perfect rendition of a song that pushes the limits of his range, is ruined by the hopeless feeling now coursing through him.

He can't look at Blaine anymore. It hurts too much.

"I think you should go," he says.

Kurt can feel Blaine's eyes on him for a moment, and he can tell from the muffled sounds coming from Blaine's direction that he's probably crying. But Kurt's heart is breaking, and he doesn't want to be near him anymore.

"I really am sorry, Kurt," he says. "I didn't mean to hurt you."

Blaine walks away, and Kurt doesn't follow.

Blaine doesn't know how he got to his car. His vision was blurred from the tears threatening to spill, and he barely remembered the way to the parking lot, but the universe somehow managed to guide him to where he needed to be.

He barely gets the door closed before the sobs wrack his body and he collapses against the steering wheel.

Blaine expected Kurt to be angry, but the reality of seeing the utter despair on Kurt's face, blue eyes swimming with tears, simply broke Blaine's heart. He's not sure how long he sits in his freezing cold car in McKinley's parking lot, but it's nearly dark when he lifts his head from the steering wheel and finally notices his surroundings again. He also notices that Kurt's car is gone from where it had been parked a few spots over. Fresh tears begin to fall when he realizes Kurt would have had to walk past him to get to his car. Blaine's not sure if he's more embarrassed or hurt by that realization.

When the tears finally subside for a second time, he picks up his phone, unsure of why, but knowing he has to do or say something. He considers calling Cooper, but instead types out a text to Kurt:

I really am so, so sorry. You may not want to forgive me, but I want you to know I would never intentionally betray your trust. It was an accident...I swear.

He contemplates the text a long time before sending it. He just stares at the screen until his eyes begin to blur from the strain of looking at the backlight in the semi-darkness. He hits send and waits. Nothing.

He types out a new text:

I'm still here if you need me. Good luck on your audition tomorrow. x

Blaine doesn't get a response to that text either, not that he's surprised. Still, he secretly hoped that once Kurt calmed down he might try to contact him.

He doesn't hear from him at all that night.

After Blaine leaves the auditorium, the shaky emptiness in Kurt's stomach threatens to knock him over. He sits down on the stool, feeling numb and limbless and not really knowing what to do. The adrenalin rush of performing quickly gave way to pain and fear. The rollercoaster has come to a stop, but now Kurt can't seem to get off the train.

Blaine had betrayed him, and whether he knew it or not, that had led to Sebastian blackmailing Kurt.

Maybe it would just be better if he told his dad. He could quit his job at Shades and go back to being a normal high school senior.

There's just one problem: Kurt is nothing if not stubborn, and he had promised Nate he'd give him a few more months.  Plus there are a couple more items on his fall wardrobe list that he's almost got enough saved up for. But the perks of making all that money are quickly fading now that it's threatening his closest relationships and even his sanity.  

And now keeping his job means going on a date - or worse - with Sebastian. It means losing Blaine and betraying his father's trust. It means he's become someone he barely recognizes and it churns his stomach to even think of it.

For a second, Kurt thinks he might actually throw up. He doubles over on the stool and clutches his torso, rocking back and forth until the nausea dissipates.

When did my life become so ridiculously complicated? I'm a part-time stripper and a full-time student with a musical theatre audition coming up tomorrow. I'm being blackmailed by a guy who thinks life is a porno and courted by an insanely hot guy who is everyone's innocent-school-boy fantasy, and I'm stuck in fucking Lima, Ohio.

He doesn't know whether to laugh or cry. So he screams - a guttural, almost primal yell that echoes through the empty auditorium and takes some of Kurt's ache with it, only to bring it back and smack him in the face full force.

The tears begin to fall in earnest as his scream fades away. He's broken, alone and absolutely terrified. The worst of it is the looming NYADA audition. How is he going to get through that now? If he blows that, even his escape plan is ruined.

He feels his phone buzz in his pocket, but it barely registers. He just clutches himself tighter and rocks faster.

When Rachel finds him hours later sitting on the stage, head in his hands, face red and swollen from crying, Kurt has lost track of time and can no longer feel his right foot. Rachel helps him to his feet, sending pins and needles to prickle his toes and radiate up through his stiff ankle.

"Kurt, what happened?" she asks softly, rubbing tiny circles on Kurt's back.

"I really don't want to talk about it. Can you just get me home?"

He gives Rachel a pleading look and hopes it's enough to stop her from asking any more questions. It works for a while until she spots a small figure slumped over a steering wheel in the parking lot. The figure is obviously just as distraught as Kurt.

"Is that...?" she trails off.

"Please Rachel. Just take me home," he pleads, refusing to look at Blaine huddled in his car, shoulders heaving with deep sobs.

Thankfully Rachel doesn't ask Kurt any more questions. She drives his car home, insisting that it's no trouble. She'll just get Finn to drive her home after she drops Kurt off.

By the time he gets home, Kurt is mostly just numb as he heads for his room without saying goodbye to Rachel or hello to a shocked Finn. He collapses into a heap on his bed and falls asleep fully clothed. He sleeps soundly until his alarm goes off at 6 a.m., but he feels like he hasn't slept at all. His entire body is aching and his head is pounding.

He rubs the sleep from his eyes and winces at the feeling of his tie wrapped too tightly around his neck. At some point in the night, someone must have come to check on him because his shoes have been removed and he's under the duvet, but otherwise, he's still wearing his outfit from the previous day. It's wrinkled and will need to be dry cleaned, but he can't bring himself to care. That should have been his first clue that today wasn't going to go as planned. The second clue was the black screen of his cell phone mocking him harshly.

His phone must have died somewhere in the middle of the night, so he plugs it in to charge while he takes a shower and gets dressed for school. He's in such a rush to get out of the house on time and still slightly distracted by his audition later in the day that he doesn't remember he left his phone at home until well after fourth period.

Kurt's audition is just before lunch and of course his prerecorded piano accompaniment is on his phone, which is still charging on his night stand. There's no time to go home and get it and make it back in time. He's going to have to do another song. He races through the halls to the cafeteria to find Rachel. It's a last ditch effort, but Kurt knows she'll have something in his key on her iPod that he knows all the words to. It's better than nothing.

When Blaine still hasn't heard from Kurt by the next day, he's more than a little worried and completely distracted. It's a lab day in chemistry and Sebastian is being particularly obnoxious. Blaine's too tired and heartbroken to care.

"Jeez Blaine, you look like someone killed your puppy," Sebastian says, flicking his fingers across the flame they're supposed to be using to heat up a solution for their lab.  

"Let's just stick to the assignment," Blaine says gruffly.

"Or," Sebastian says, leaning in to Blaine. "We could go find a quiet corner and relieve some of that ... tension."

Blaine turns slowly in his chair and looks fiercely at Sebastian. Maybe it's the stress of the last few days, or Sebastian's constant innuendo, but Blaine's had enough. He pushes back in his chair and grabs his bag from beside their lab table. He doesn't even care if he gets suspended for walking out of class, he is done being sexually harassed by Sebastian fucking Smythe. Blaine doesn't even bother trying to keep his voice down.

"You know what, Sebastian? I wouldn't fuck you with someone else's dick. So why don't you go find someone naïve enough to fall for your bullshit."

Amidst the oohs and whispers of his classmates as he storms out, Blaine hears Mr. Burke call after him: "Mr. Anderson!"

Sebastian must have tried to follow him because he also hears Mr. Burke say, "Mr. Smythe, take your seat or I'll have you in detention until you graduate."

Blaine is nearly running down the hallway and toward his car. He doesn't care if they suspend him for a month, he can't be in the same room with Sebastian for another minute, not when Sebastian's the reason Kurt may never speak to him again.

Kurt.

It hits him all at once and the tears come back. Kurt hates him. It's probably all over, and he never even got the chance to tell Kurt how he feels about him.

Once he reaches the parking lot, he pulls out his phone and turns it on to check for messages from Kurt. He should just about be heading to his audition. Blaine desperately hopes Kurt has responded to one of his texts from the previous night.

Nothing.

He gives it one last shot.

Blaine
Break a leg. I know you'll do great! x

Almost as an afterthought, Blaine gets in his car and drives toward McKinley. Just because Kurt isn't speaking to him doesn't mean he won't try to support him. He'll just sneak in the back and watch from the balcony. He won't let Kurt down again, even if he doesn't want him there.

Kurt finds Rachel in the choir room, having skipped lunch in favor of running scales for the millionth time. Ordinarily he would admire her dedication, and probably compliment her on her high notes, but right now he's mostly just annoyed that he had to run all over the school twice to find her. He's out of breath and sweaty, and he still doesn't have any music.

"Rachel," he pants, not bothering to wait for her to finish her run. "I...need...music...audition."

She turns to face Kurt and gives him a piercing glare.

"I'm in the middle of rehearsal, Kurt. This better be important."

Kurt is slowly regaining his breath, and he manages to get out a complete sentence this time.

"I left my accompaniment for my audition piece at home."

Rachel's eyes go wide at his admission. Kurt is suddenly glad that Rachel is so ambitious and a born performer; she understands Kurt's distress without another word from him.

"I have your song actually," she says, digging through her bag. "I was originally thinking of doing ‘Defying Gravity' for my callback, but it's not really the right emotion for me.  It's a little higher than the key you were practicing, though. You might be able to hit the high F, but it's a risk."

She hands Kurt a bedazzled, obnoxiously pink iPod with an encouraging smile.

"It's better than nothing," he replies, resigned to his fate. He's got just under an hour to practice the song in the new key. "Mind if I commandeer the choir room?" he asks.

"You are so lucky we're not competitors, Kurt, because if we were I'd throw some marbles in front of and shove you down a flight of stairs ... and really mean it literally when I say ‘break a leg.' "

She smiles again and kisses Kurt on the cheek, squeezing his arm in an affectionate, and what she hopes is a comforting, gesture.

Kurt tries to smile, but he's afraid if he opens his mouth too widely, he might vomit. He offers Rachel a friendly nod and connects her iPod to the speakers and watches her walk out of the room. He does an abbreviated warm up and then begins running through the song. Switching keys has never been very difficult for Kurt, but this song is a challenge no matter what key it's sung in. He's stretching the limits of his voice and he hopes it will hold out long enough for him to finish the song.

Blaine sneaks into the balcony of the McKinley High auditorium and takes as seat in one of the darker rows in the back. From his vantage point, he can just make out the microphone on the stage. He should be able to see Kurt without being spotted himself.

He hears the piano music start and realizes almost instantly that it's a different key than what he had heard Kurt sing it in the day before. It's higher. Suddenly Blaine's heart is racing and he's nervous for Kurt. That song was pushing his limits already and singing it in a higher key will only mean more opportunity to make a mistake. Not to mention the difficulty of changing it at the last minute.

Blaine wonders why Kurt picked a different key the day of the audition. It's too much of a risk, even for Kurt.

He senses rather than sees someone sit down behind him, and it forces him out of his confusion over the key change. Blaine turns in his seat to see a petite brunette with large brown eyes and a pretty smile seated two rows behind him. He returns her smile and returns his attention to the stage.

The girl slips into the seat next to him and whispers, "You must be Blaine."

Blaine really doesn't want to look away from Kurt, but he wonders how this girl knows his name. He turns to face her, a question forming on his lips. She must have sensed his confusion.

"I'm Rachel Berry," she says. "You've probably heard of me from Kurt. I'm his biggest competition."

Oh Blaine had heard of her, alright. But "competition" had not been one of the many colorful words Kurt used to describe his best friend. Blaine can't help but laugh to himself. Rachel is exactly like Kurt described. Blaine opens his mouth to ask her if they can talk after Kurt's audition when she speaks again.

"I still can't believe he forgot his phone at home. He had to borrow my music at the last minute and it's in a higher key. He's really doing pretty well, isn't he? Not that I had any doubt. He's the only person who could even come close to keeping up with me vocally."

Blaine looks at her, mouth agape and nods slowly.

Mystery solved.

Knowing that Kurt is now singing "Defying Gravity" in a higher key and had only had moments to prepare, Blaine is complete awe of Kurt. His heart aches, knowing that Kurt had probably been distracted because of their fight. Because of him. He really had screwed up.

Kurt had left his phone at home, though. Blaine isn't so caught up in the song that he fails to notice the flutter of hope that rises up when he realizes Kurt might still respond to his texts. 

Maybe it's not too late.

Neither Blaine nor Rachel speaks for the remainder of Kurt's audition. The song is reaching its climax and Blaine can feel Rachel's small frame tense up beside him. She's bracing for the high note they both know is coming.

Kurt closes his eyes, his voice soaring through the auditorium clear as a bell. His tone is rich and pure. Blaine can feel tears forming in his eyes and goosebumps on his arms. Rachel is grasping her hands in front of her face, and she's perched on the edge of her seat.

This is it.

Kurt opens his mouth wide, his posture confident and strong.

I'd sooner buy defying gravity
Kiss me goodbye I'm defying gravity
I think I'll try defying gravity

He reaches and stretches to the high end of his register.

And you won't bring me....

Down

His voice cracks.

He missed the note. He was so close, but he missed it.

Blaine's face drops. He hears Rachel murmur a soft "oh no." Still, Kurt keeps going. He finishes the song, does a half bow/half curtsy, chokes out a small "thank you" and walks off the stage.

Blaine and Rachel sit in stunned silence for a moment before Rachel speaks.

"I should go find him."

Blaine doesn't object. His face feels numb with guilt, and he can't will himself to move. Fat, heavy tears begin to fall.

It's all my fault.