Chapter 4

Kurt's mind is a spinning mess of confusion after Mr. Anderson's class. He had suspected that his teacher was gay — impeccable fashion sense and Coach Sylvester's comment notwithstanding. Kurt was certain he hadn't imagined the flirting either.

But having it spelled out for him in no uncertain terms, well that was utterly terrifying. And Kurt didn't know what to do with that bit of information. He considered confiding in Rachel, but then it would get back to Finn and probably his dad, and he just couldn't handle that kind of humiliation right now…or ever.

Mercedes was another option, but she was also likely to gossip. Not to mention, she would probably encourage Kurt to go for it just for the sake of watching the drama unfold while claiming she just wanted to see him happy. No, better not confess his confusion to either of them.

As he looked up from his locker, he saw Tina chatting with Artie on the other side of the hallway. Tina, who had been in a stable, committed relationship for going on two years and who managed to stay friends with her ex-boyfriend. She might be the exact person he could talk to. She also spoke so rarely, she was less likely to spill the beans to the rest of the school. And she was his friend.

Kurt closes his locker and makes his way across the hall to where Tina is pulling her geometry book out of her locker as Artie takes off in the other direction.

"Hey," she says, throwing her long hair over he shoulder. "How's your day going so far? I'm already drowning in homework and it isn't even second period yet."

"Okay I guess," Kurt says with a shrug. "Tina, have you ever had feelings for someone you shouldn't?"

Tina just laughs. "You're joking right?"

Kurt furrows his brow in confusion. "No."

"Kurt, I started seeing Mike before I was completely broken up with Artie, remember?"

"Oh, right," Kurt says. He ignores the good-natured eye roll Tina gives him and continues. "That's actually not what I meant. This is…different."

"Different how?" she asks.

Kurt looks left and right, making sure no one is in ear shot before leaning closer to Tina and lowering his voice to almost a whisper.

"It's about Mr. Anderson," Kurt says as softly as he can and still be heard over the din of the hallway noise.

Tina's eyes go wide, and her mouth forms a perfect O. "You have feelings for Mr. Anderson?" she stage whispers.

"Shhhh!" Kurt says. "I don't know. Maybe. I mean, he's gay."

"Well, we kind of figured that."

Kurt nods. "But now he's confirmed it."

"He told you he's gay? How did that even come up?"

"I might have told him I'm gay," Kurt says, looking down and toying with the buttons on his shirt. "I think he was trying to make me feel better, and he told me he understands what it's like and he just said it; like it's no big deal."

"So … that made you have feelings for him?" Tina's face is a mask of confusion.

"No, I think I already did … before that. But now that I know he's gay, and he knows I'm gay. It feels like there's this pressure. And he's a teacher…a teacher."

"Yes, he is…"

"Oh my god!" Kurt's hand flies up to cover his mouth as he remembers the other part of their conversation.

"What?" Tina asks, concern coloring her pretty face.

"We're starting private vocal lessons on Thursday! I'm going to be alone with him," Kurt says, looking terrified. "A lot."

"I don't see the problem here, Kurt," Tina says, closing her locker and heading toward her second period class. Kurt follows her as she continues talking. "It's not like you can do anything about it. You said it yourself…he's a teacher."

"Yeah, I suppose you're right," Kurt says. "I just wish he didn't look so good in those stupid bow ties."

Kurt sighs and Tina laughs, playfully swatting Kurt's arm.

"He is pretty easy on the eyes," Tina admits. "But don't you dare tell Mike I said that," she adds, poking a finger at Kurt.

"Your secret is safe with me," Kurt says. "As long as mine is safe with you."

"Oh, of course," Tina says. "My lips are sealed."

She mimes zipping her lip before disappearing into her geometry class, leaving Kurt in the hallway contemplating their conversation. Maybe Tina is right. He's got nothing to worry about. Blaine is a professional and his teacher. It's perfectly safe. And it's just singing lessons. It'll be fine.

Blaine pulls in to the McKinley High parking lot extra early Thursday morning. He kills the engine and takes a deep breath. Since his encounter with Kurt Tuesday morning, the two had not spoken outside of class or glee rehearsal. The exchanges, although brief, were fairly normal and nondescript. In fact, Kurt seemed as comfortable as he had been before their discussion. But he hadn't shown up early to first period or stayed late. In fact, he'd been the last one to enter room 265 in the morning and the first one to exit the choir room in the evening both days. Blaine wasn't sure what that meant for their early morning lesson.

But he's only got about 15 minutes before Kurt shows up and he wants to warm up a bit on the piano first. So he grabs his bag from the passenger's seat and his travel mug from the cup holder and walks into the nearly empty school. Walking through the quiet halls of McKinley, he decides he'll just keep their lesson professional. No need to talk about anything personal or bring up their earlier discussion. Strictly business. Scales and high notes.

As he nears the choir room, he hears a soft melody spilling out from behind the closed door. Even muffled, he can tell it's Kurt's crystalline voice. He cracks open the door just in time to pick up on the second verse of "Don't Cry For Me Argentina."

It's actually a really good rendition, if a bit melodramatic with all the hand raising and gesturing that Kurt is doing. Blaine closes his eyes and just listens to Kurt's voice, matched so perfectly to the accompaniment wafting out from the iPod dock resting on the piano. It rings out brightly in the empty room and Blaine can feel the emotion of it in every note.

Have I said too much? There's nothing more I can think of to say to you.

Blaine opens his eyes at the softer tone, knowing the song is coming to an end. Kurt is standing perfectly still, eyes closed, one hand clasped over his heart and the other reaching out as if to grasp at something. Blaine fights the urge to step forward and grab his outstretched hand.

But all you have to do is look at me to know that every word is true.

As he finishes the last note and the music swells behind him, Kurt's arms fall to his sides, and he slowly opens his eyes, revealing tears glistening in the corners. He startles slightly when he sees Blaine, but doesn't say anything.

"That was beautiful," Blaine says.

"Mr. Anderson, I didn't know you were there." Kurt shuffles some sheet music sitting next to him on the piano and turns off the iPod dock, killing the final dramatic notes of the song.

"I didn't want to interrupt," he says. "You looked…well, I uh…didn't want to interrupt it."

"I was just warming up," Kurt says softly. "Best not to start on a cold voice, you know."

"Indeed I do," he replies, trying to ignore the tension between them. "Why don't we work on some scales?"

Blaine takes a seat at the piano and gestures for Kurt to stand next to him. "Have you sung scales before?" he asks.

"Not really," Kurt says. "Mr. Schue had a more unconventional way of handling things. I've worked on matching pitch on my own a bit, but nothing formal."

"No problem," Blaine says. "We'll start simple. I'll play the note, and you try to match it … we'll go from there."

He strikes a key on the piano and says "B flat," and then gestures for Kurt to sing the note. Kurt's voice rings out clear and sharp, matching the pitch effortlessly.

"Good," Blaine says. "Now C."

Kurt hits the second note just as easily as the first. They continue that way through several scales, up the key and back down, Kurt never missing a note, despite some of the higher ones being on the top end of his range.

"Nice work," Blaine says, looking up at a smiling Kurt after he finishes the last scale. "You want to try a song? I think we have time. Something you're comfortable with. We don't want to push too much in the beginning. Remember, we're building up the strength of your vocal chords here."

"Sure," Kurt says. "There's this one song my mom used to sing to me. I sang it for my dad last year when he had his heart attack. It's well within my range."

Kurt hands Blaine the sheet music for "I Want to Hold Your Hand" by the Beatles. It's the slower version used in "Across the Universe." Blaine looks up at him, smiling.

"I love this version," he says. "Takes the lyrics to a new place. Don't get me wrong, the original's great…it's just for a love song, I don't know ... I guess I always thought it should have more longing, you know?" He looks back down at the sheet music and spreads it across the piano.

"Yeah, I know," Kurt says. "How can you practically beg to hold someone's hand and be so upbeat about it?"

Blaine nods in agreement before flexing his fingers and testing out the first few notes on the piano. Kurt takes a seat on the bench next to Blaine, which causes the teacher to start a bit.

"Mind if I sit down for this one?" he asks. "My feet are starting to hurt. I haven't really broken in my new Docs yet."

"Uh…sure," Blaine says, now acutely aware of how close Kurt's left thigh is to his right and it has to be his imagination that he can feel the boy's body heat through the cotton of his trousers.

Kurt looks at him expectantly and blinks slowly a few times. "I'm ready when you are," he says.

"Oh, right," Blaine says. "Just let me…." He taps out a few random notes to get rid of his nerves and then begins the song.

From the moment Kurt sings the first notes, it feels as if a spell is cast over the room. Blaine's fingers feel as if they're moving of their own accord, and he keeps stealing glances in Kurt's direction.

Oh please say to me, you'll let me be your man. And please say to me, you'll let me hold your hand.

Kurt is singing with his eyes closed again, and he's lost in the song. Blaine can't help but be grateful for the piano occupying his fingers at that moment, because he's sure this time, with Kurt pleading to hold his hand, he'd give in and touch him. And he knows it's wrong. So very, very wrong.

But Kurt's voice is richer singing this song than it had been earlier, and much deeper. There's something raw and sensual about the way he's singing, and Blaine wonders if he might be doing it on purpose.

And then suddenly Blaine realizes he's singing along. Kurt's eyes dart open, but he doesn't stop singing.

Yeah you got that something, I think you'll understand. When I feel that something, I want to hold your hand.

Kurt stares in wonder as they sing the final lines to each other, Blaine's fingers no longer gliding along the piano keys to accompany their singing.

I want to hold your … hand.

The final words of the song seem to linger in the air for a moment as they lock eyes. Blaine can hear them both breathing, heavier than they should be from the ease of the song they just sang. He feels as if something is pulling him toward Kurt and he leans in, unable to force his muscles to stop. Kurt seems to be having trouble staying put as well, inching a little bit closer to Blaine.

"Kurt…" Blaine says to Kurt's lips.

"I thought I heard music in here," a voice says from behind them. "Usually I'm the only one in the choir room this early. Are you working on something, Kurt?"

Kurt's head whips around quickly and Blaine turns to see Rachel standing in the doorway of the choir room, a gigantic, fake smile on her face.

Her tone is light and sweet, but the tension is evident in her voice. Rachel Berry would never let someone get the jump on her if she could help it, and the thought of Kurt getting any special attention that she herself wasn't getting would surely set her on edge.

"I offered to work with Kurt on his vocal range, Rachel," Blaine says, jumping to Kurt's defense as Rachel enters the room fully and stands next to them at the piano.

"Oh," she says looking thoughtful. "Well, it certainly wouldn't hurt the group for us to have more than one strong vocalist. I've been getting private vocal instruction since I was three. I just like to warm up my voice in the mornings. You never know when an impromptu performance might be necessary." Her smile is bright and genuine, and Blaine exhales loudly, grateful that Rachel seems to be oblivious to the moment she interrupted. He's also relieved that he's not created any unnecessary drama for the glee club.

Blaine stands and starts gathering up his sheet music and separating it from Kurt's. He shoves a few sheets into his bag and hands the rest to Kurt, who is still seated at the piano bench looking at him with a shocked expression. Blaine clears his throat.

"I should probably get to class," he says, throwing his bag over his shoulder and grabbing his travel mug. "See you this afternoon, Rachel." He turns to Kurt. "Don't be late for first period."

"I won't," Kurt replies still staring.

Blaine ducks his head and walks briskly to room 265, trying to clear his head.

"Kurt?" Rachel asks. "Why do I feel like I interrupted something?"

He looks at his friend with a raised eyebrow and a sardonic grin.

"It's just a singing lesson, Rachel. Surely you know what that is. You just said you have private lessons all the time."

"I do," she says, looking incredulous. "But Mrs. Hammerschmidt never looks at me like that."

"That would be awfully weird if she did," Kurt jokes.

"Kurt, I'm serious," she says. "I sensed sexual tension. With our teacher." She looks only mildly scandalized. Kurt can fix this.

"It's finally happened," Kurt says dramatically. "Rachel Berry, you've lost it. It was only a matter of time." Kurt begins shuffling papers and shoving them in his bag haphazardly. And when she doesn't seem to understand what Kurt means, he continues: "He's a teacher, Rachel. I mean…gross."

"It didn't look like you think he's gross," she says, looking less certain now. "I know when I had my crush on Mr. Schue, it was flattering when he would compliment my singing or smile at me. But I was very confused. It's a teacher's job to boost our egos, nurture our talents. That's what they do. I just don't want you to get hurt." She smiles warmly at Kurt and pats his shoulder.

"Look, there's nothing to worry about because there's nothing going on. I don't have a crush on Mr. Anderson."

I might actually be in love with him.

"Okay, Kurt…whatever you say. Just be careful, please. This could have negative consequences for the whole glee club."

"Jesus, Rachel, nothing is going to happen!" Kurt grabs his bag and storms out of the room.

He knows Rachel is right, but he also knows he didn't imagine the spark between them when Mr. Anderson had been singing with him, and it wasn't the first time he'd felt it either. This was really beginning to be problematic, and it's only the first lesson.

He makes it to class just seconds before the bell rings, effectively eliminating any chance of awkward conversation with Mr. Anderson before class starts. So Kurt takes his seat and tries not to stare too much while his teacher chats animatedly about a sonnet he's just read to the class. Kurt wonders how he manages to make the phrase "couplets of iambic pentameter" sound so sexy as he watches his strong hands write notes on the board.

Suddenly Kurt is acutely aware that he'd sung a song to this man not twenty minutes earlier about wanting to hold his hand. His face burns hot with the memory and he tries to focus on the lesson and take notes. He fails miserably.