It feels like being back in the right place, the one he wanted to reach when he was still a kid afraid of disapproval, the same kid that was beaten up so many years ago. The scars remain, Blaine knows as much, but Kurt looks at them, trails his fingers over them soothingly, even though he has his own scars .

As he prepares the umpteenth latte, Blaine finds himself hoping that Kurt won’t leave him, because he is positively sure he has never needed someone as he needs him.

///

Wes chews at his lower lip, his mind racing as he slips through the tables.

What should he do?

He has suspected it could happen, but to hear Blaine saying Kurt’s name again hit him like a slap.

This is real, this is happening and it shows that fate plays tricks and doesn’t let people disrupt what it has created. That what Kurt and Blaine have run too deep to be eradicated. But, even though he knows all of this, he still doesn’t know what he is supposed to do. Somehow he can’t bring himself to tell everything to Blaine, it would shatter him. And who is he to interfere with fate?

Still, it weighs down on him, the fact that he knows, that if something goes wrong again he could be held responsible. The idea pops into his mind as he is handing a Frappuccino to the blond girl sitting at a table reading the last issue of Vogue.

Mumbling that he needs to go to the bathroom, Wes slips into the changing room. As soon as the door clicks behind his back he fishes out his mobile phone and scrolls down his contacts until he finds the name he was looking for: Quinn.

///

Blaine’s face looked so calm and beautiful as he slept, eyes moving behind his eyelids. Kurt lay on his side, looking at him, wishing that he could see what Blaine was dreaming of. He sighed, feeling sure that he has never felt like this for anyone else, especially after what they had shared the previous night. Kurt looked at him and in that moment he realized that to look away from Blaine, after having seen the light in his eyes and the beauty he carried inside so effortlessly, was almost impossible.

Laying on Blaine’s blue sheets, Kurt wished that he could have met him years before, before the wounds he received taught him to curl up on himself, because letting people close was too risky and too painful. As he took in the small smile stretching Blaine’s lip, Kurt allowed himself to think that maybe it wasn’t too late to learn if he had the other man by his side.

*

As he exits Damian’s office after a three-hour conference, Kurt is exhausted; his limbs feel heavy and his head buzzes.

“Oh my, you look terrible, Kurt!”

He flashes a tired smile in Claire’s direction.

“He wouldn’t stop talking! But at least he liked my ideas!”

Claire beams at him.

“I had no doubt about that! You should take a break now, though.”

Kurt nods; he already knows where to go.

As he walks along the street towards the coffee shop, Kurt thinks that he is doing the right thing, letting Blaine in. He is the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to him; he would be a fool to let him slip through his fingers because of some hallucinations, probably due both to stress and to his stupid insecurities.

Before reaching for the door’s handle he casts a quick look inside, a smile already stretching his lips. What he sees, though, makes him stop in his tracks- his heart going oddly still inside his ribcage, like a broken gear.

Blaine is talking to a guy with blond curls; Kurt only sees his back but it seems to him that he is the same one he met outside Blaine’s apartment block after the night they spent at the Charles River. The man is leaning over the counter, a hand cupping Blaine’s face, their foreheads almost brushing as they speak.

People pass by on the pavement and through the coffee shop’s door, but Kurt barely registers that they exist. The only thing that he can feel is cold and the sensation of something thick bubbling at the bottom of his stomach.

He tries to swallow but his mouth doesn’t seem to work properly.

He wishes he could be strong enough to push the door open, walk up to them and make it clear to Blaine that he can’t ask him to give him his heart and then stomp on it like this. He isn’t, though; so he simply turns and leaves, traitorous tears starting to fall.

///

Wes paces back and forth in the small changing room as he waits for Quinn to pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

He takes a deep breath, he hasn’t spoken or seen her and Rachel since Blaine and Kurt decided to go through with the erasure process.

“Hi. It’s Wes.”

There’s nothing but silence coming from the other end of the line.

“Wes? Is…has something happened to Blaine?”

He wishes he could say that everything is alright.

“Well, actually…no, he isn’t alright.”

He hears her quick intake of breath; he has always known that she and Rachel liked Blaine and cared about him.

Somehow it is a comforting thought in the middle of this mess.

“What’s wrong?”

Wes thinks about the best way to put this, because if this situation is worrying and stressing for him it would be the same for Quinn and Rachel once they know that Kurt is involved too.

“He is seeing someone…”

“Well, good for him, then. Kurt is seeing someone too.”

Wes almost can’t suppress a smile at Quinn’s protectiveness towards her friend. He takes a deep breath.

“I know.”

“What do you mean?”

“It means I know because they are actually seeing each other again.”

Quinn remains silent for so long that Wes wonders if maybe she has hung up on him. when she finally speaks again her voice is barely a whisper.

“How…how is it possible?”

“I don’t know. Blaine doesn’t seem to remember anything, though. What about Kurt?”

“He…he has been weird recently, but…the last time we saw him he didn’t tell us anything about Blaine.”

Wes clicks his tongue against his teeth, an old habit that kicks in when he is thinking really hard.

“Something must have gone wrong.”

“But what do we do now?”

Wes wishes he could have an answer to that.

“Honestly, I don’t know. What do you suggest?”

“I…I think we should wait and see. People’s emotions and memories are too delicate and theirs are already messed up as it is.”

Wes nods even though she can’t see him.

“I’ll try then.”

Even though it hurts to be so helpless when it comes to his best friend, he doesn’t say it, though. Quinn’s voice is soft when she speaks.

“I know how you feel. It’s hard for me and Rachel too, but let’s just try to do our best and be there for them.”

Wes allows himself a small smile.

“You are right.”

“I’ll keep you posted then and you do the same.”

“Will do.”

Wes exits the changing room just in time to spot Kurt standing outside in front of the door, a shocked expression on his face. He quickly follows his gaze to see Jeremiah leaning towards a very confused and irritated Blaine. He can easily imagine how it could look seeing from the outside, though.

When he turns again Kurt is already gone and something closes around Wes’ heart and squeezes. Even though it’s childish he wishes they could all go back in time. Also because he knows that he won’t be able to step back and observe this time.

///

“Please, Jeremiah you have to let go, I…”

“Blaine, you’re not thinking straight, you don’t even know him!”

It’s like fire burning through his veins, the rage that Blaine feels building inside of him. He reaches over the counter and pushes roughly at Jeremiah’s chest.

“Don’t you dare! Now get out of here; I don’t want anything to do with you!”

He turns, hands balled into fists at his sides.

“Blaine, I…”

Wes’ voice comes like an anchor.

“I think you should leave.”

Blaine flashes him a grateful look, before going back to the coffee machine. Relief settles softly over him at the thought that finally Jeremiah won’t bother him and Kurt anymore. His skin tingles with anticipation, thinking that they are ready to begin now, to start building their story for real.

As time ticks by he can’t help wondering why Wes is looking at him with a slight frown. After he hands an espresso and a plate of biscotti to a young nervous looking man he decides he has had enough.

“Is there something wrong, Wes? You’ve been looking at me all morning with that look you get.”

He huffs when Wes blinks feigning innocence.

“C’mon, you know you can’t pretend with me!”

Wes passes a hand through his short hair and something cold settles at the bottom of Blaine’s stomach, because he has never seen his friend looking so distressed.

“It’s…Kurt was here.”

Blaine’s hands still over the buttons, hovering and twitching slightly.

“What…”

Wes leans closer to him and Blaine is grateful he is trying to keep the conversation private with all the customers sitting in the shop.

“Yes, it means he saw you and Jeremiah and he left…”

Blaine opens and closes his mouth, his mind racing. He looks around the counter.

“I…I have to…”

Wes nods and steps closer.

“I’ll cover you. Call him!”

Blaine flashes him a grateful smile before turning and racing to the backroom to retrieve his mobile phone. He chews at his lower lip as he waits for Kurt to pick up.

He doesn’t and Blaine barely manages to stop himself from smashing the phone on the floor.

He blinks back angry tears wondering if up there there’s someone who hates him so much, who wants him to end up with a shattered heart, because having Kurt constantly slipping between his fingers is surely taking its toll on him.

Taking a look at the clock hung on the wall, he hopes he’ll be strong enough to resist for two hours more until his shift is going to end and he’ll be able to rush to Kurt’s apartment.

///

Kurt looks at the caller ID flashing on his mobile’s screen. He bites hard at his lower lip and turns the phone off.

Sitting on the subway, he doesn’t even try to stop the tears; he couldn’t care less about what the other passengers may think right now.

The old woman sitting in front of him seems to tremble, the contours of her face and of the window behind her dissipating. Kurt has learnt what that means and he braces himself for whatever he is going to see this time.

Blaine looked at him from over his shoulder, a grin stretching his lips.

“What are you doing?”

“Making breakfast!”

Kurt padded over the stove and peered over Blaine’s shoulder at the amorphous thing cooking on the pan.

“Is that supposed to be a pancake?”

Blaine glared at him, the warm look in his eyes betraying him.

“I’ll have you know that my pancakes are awesome!”

Kurt grinned.

“Oh, I’m sure they are. Why would I doubt it?”

Blaine huffed out a chuckle before pressing a kiss at the corner of Kurt’s mouth.

Kurt slipped his arms around his boyfriend’s waist.

“I love that you want to make breakfast for me, though. No one has ever done that.”

Blaine flipped the pancake before turning in the circle of Kurt’s arms.

“I always will.”

Kurt stumbles out of the subway train, his eyes still unfocused and making it difficult to follow the right path to reach the way out. He wants nothing more than to be safe in his apartment; his skin is prickling and he can feel cold sweat forming on his forehead. He wishes these visions would stop, because he hates seeing things that he can’t have. Blaine is together with someone else, for God’s sake! He has lied to him and yet…yet his heart threatens to burst at the thought that he has to let go of him.

He has just managed to close the door behind his back when his breath stutters in his lungs and he falls on his knees.

Blaine held his hand tight, so tight that his nails were probably going to leave marks on his skin.

“We don’t have to, baby.”

Blaine looked at him, his eyes sparkling in the light of the lamp hanging over the door.

“I want to.”

Kurt knew that Blaine had never had a good relationship with his parents since he had come out to them on his last year of middle school and he hated to see how their disapproval still had some kind of hold on him, even now that he was a man, beautiful and talented.

He pulled Blaine closer until their noses were brushing.

“You are perfect, Blaine. Never forget that.”

Blaine’s smile burnt through him.

“I feel brave enough to do everything when I’m with you.”

Kurt kissed Blaine then. It was his way to say that he felt the same, that having Blaine by his side made him feel as though he could rule the world.

Kurt slams the palms of his hands against the hard surface of the parquet. Pain shoots up his arms and he welcomes the dullness of it, grounding as nothing else seems to be lately.

Hoping that the worst has passed he pulls back on his feet and pads over to his room. Outside the sun hasn’t set yet and still he wants nothing more than to crawl under the blankets and remain there, buried under their warmth.

After laying there for what feels like hours, listening to the erratic beating of his shocked heart, Kurt is finally falling asleep when the doorbell pierces through the quiet of the apartment.

Groaning, Kurt drags himself out of bed, dread settling at the base of his spine as he walks towards the door.

His stomach contracts almost painfully when he looks through the peephole and Blaine’s hazel eyes are looking back at him.

“Kurt, I know you are in there, please…let me explain.”

Kurt tilts his head back as if it could prevent more tears from falling; he doesn’t want to talk, he doesn’t want to hear any of it. There has been more confusion and pain than anything else. Even though he has seen the promise of happiness in Blaine’s eyes, even though he has felt how perfectly they fit with each other, he isn’t strong enough to endure all of this waiting for the happy part to come.

“I don’t want to hear it, Blaine!”

He is startled when Blaine’s hand slams against the surface of the door.

“Why do you have to be like this?”

“Alright, then. We have really lost each other!”

Kurt blinks as that sentence twirls over and over in his mind, like a reminder, like a regret. Something that is a mix of anger and desperations bubbles up inside of him.

“I am like I am, Blaine. Now go away. I don’t want to see you or hear your voice right now.”

His throat is raw, he feels as though he hasn’t screamed like this in years. A few seconds of silence pass before a soft thud comes from the other side of the door. Kurt wonders it’s the sound of Blaine pressing his forehead again the wood.

“I…I’ll go then.”

Kurt remains silent, listening to the muffled sound of retreating footsteps. It’s a matter of instants before he starts shaking. The trembling doesn’t subside even when he finally is back in bed. A wave of nausea hits him and he closes his eyes, hoping that it will deter the visions. It doesn’t.

Blaine took his hand and dragged him towards an old house standing at the far end of the beach. Kurt briefly wondered what Alex would think if he knew he was letting a stranger hold his hand, if he knew the way Kurt’s heart was beating faster just because of the contact of their palms.

When he had agreed to go to David’s party it had been more out of politeness than anything else. He had expected to spend a night making small talk and getting bored and instead he had met Blaine.

Kurt had never been one to believe in love at first sight. Even if those things existed they didn’t happen to him; with Andrew it hadn’t been any different even though he had been his first boyfriend. The guy he was seeing at the moment, Alex, was really nice but there weren’t sparks between them, never had been.

Listening to Blaine as he sang had been a completely different story.

He blinked trying to focus on what Blaine was saying.

“…see, I’ve always thought that I’ll buy a house like this one when I’ll have enough money.”

Kurt took a look at the house; it was old and the plaster was coming off because of the brackish air, but it looked beautiful nonetheless.

“You know? I used to be really into interior design, I could probably help you fix and decorate it when you’re going to buy it.”

And God, was he really flirting?

Blaine grinned.

“Let’s take a look inside.”

“But…”

Blaine pulled at his hand again and Kurt stumbled to follow him until they stopped in front of the main door and he started to meddle with the lock.

“Blaine! What…”

Blaine turned, a playful smile tugging at his lips.

“What do you think I’m doing?”

Kurt opened and closed his mouth. Needless to say, he had never broken into someone’s private property, but standing there on the beach with the moonlight splashing over the magnetic and beautiful guy in front of him he felt so light and free, as he had never felt before.

They walked through the rooms of the ground floor. Blaine babbled about a future where he would fill a house with his sheet music and Kurt talked about a future when he would land an audition, stop working as a costume designer here and there and become a Broadway star.

Blaine stopped in the middle of the dusty living room and turned to face him.

“I could play for you and you could sing for me.”

His voice was calm and deep, his eyes serious in the half-light and Kurt’s heart fluttered against the constraints of his ribcage.

“I…”

Blaine ducked his head and Kurt wondered if he was blushing.

“Sorry, that came out a bit too forward.”

Kurt had the inexplicable urge to let Blaine know that it was alright. He rested his hand on Blaine’s shoulder, squeezing gently.

“I would love that.”

He wasn’t really surprised when he realized that he would truly love singing for Blaine.

Blaine smiled and covered Kurt’s hand with his own. Kurt swallowed and waited for a few more instants before letting his hand slip back by his side.

“Let’s explore upstairs!”

Kurt chuckled at Blaine’s enthusiasm as he bundled up the stairs.

“Maybe we should go, though, don’t you think?”

“Oh c’mon.”

Kurt shook his head and climbed upstairs; Blaine was waiting for him, his arm outstretched and a smile on his face. Kurt hesitantly took hold of his hand, small sparks of something unknown crawling up his arm.

Blaine’s voice was low when he spoke.

“Would…would you like to spend the night here with me?”

Kurt had to remind himself to breathe, something liquefied inside of him at the thought of Blaine kissing him, holding him. He wanted to know how waking up beside him felt like, what singing to him would be like. Every fiber of his being screamed to say yes. But all of a sudden realization dawned on him- he truly wanted Blaine, like he had never wanted anyone before. Even though it might be silly, he had been daydreaming about them being a couple since he heard him sing a few hours before. He wanted to be able to pour all of himself into it for how silly and dangerous it might be. He didn’t want to be one of those people who hooked up for the night with someone back at home waiting for them.

“I…I have to go.”

As he turned and rushed down the stairs he felt like an idiot but he didn’t look back.

It was 3am and he was lying awake, his mind filled with memories of warm hands and hazel eyes, when he got a text.

From: Unknown

Hi. It’s Blaine. I got your number from David, I hope you don’t mind. I swear I’m not a stalker! I just wanted to say I’m sorry for tonight, maybe I can amend with coffee? B.

Kurt had to close his eyes against the wave of happiness and excitement that rushed through him.

To: Blaine

I’m the one who’s sorry (even though you do seem a bit of a stalker :P). Coffee sounds awesome. K.

Kurt grabs fistfuls of sheets and holds onto them. His whole body hurts.

This time everything feels so real, for once he doesn’t feel as though he has imagined things; they are much more present in his mind and in his heart. They feel like memories and as his heart threatens to burst Kurt hopes that he is going crazy because otherwise he doesn’t know which other explanation is possible.

As exhaustion finally wins him over, he is sure that he is going to dream of Blaine.