He grabs his mobile phone; there are no missed calls or texts from Blaine. He sighs, knowing all too well he is supposed to reach out. He isn’t brave enough to do so, though.

He spends the morning staring at blank sheets of papers, before he decides to leave early. He calls Rachel and on his way to her apartment he thinks about Blaine. He needs to stop thinking about him and the hurt expression in his golden eyes. It was the same expression in those horrible hallucinations Kurt has been having. The one that he wants to kiss away and never see again.

Rachel quirks an eyebrow when she opens the door of her apartment and sees him.

“Kurt, are you alright? You look awful!”

Kurt grimaces and shakes his head. He brushes past her and slumps on the couch.

“ You can’t come here with that face and not answer when I ask you if something’s wrong!”

“Oh, is there a rule against that? I have never heard of it.”

Kurt hates himself a bit, because he knows he is being bitter without sense; Rachel simply wants to help him, but he can’t bring himself to talk about Blaine- every fiber in his being still fights to keep what they have safe, guarded from the rest of the world, as though it would easily break.

“Kurt! It has been a while!”

Kurt turns at the sound of Quinn’s voice; he had forgotten she was going to be back from her business trip. He stands and she hugs him gently. Kurt still can’t help being taken aback by how much she has changed over the years- there are no traces left of the bitterness and the uncertainty that used to be her main characteristic when they all were still in high school. Her smile is clearer and her eyes softer.

She sits on the arm of the armchair beside Rachel who beams at her before taking her hand. Kurt remembers how hard it has been for the two of them to come to terms with what they felt for each other; he remembers the nights spent awake with Rachel curled against his side, confused and scared but so hopelessly in love.

For an instant he feels like someone is twisting his heart; he wonders if he is doing the right thing letting go of Blaine, when he is the only person who has managed to make him feel so alive in years, when he feels as though he isn’t ready to let go, and probably will not be in the foreseeable future.

“So, would you tell us what has happened?”

Kurt takes a deep breath.

“It’s…I was seeing this guy and…”

“Wait! You were seeing someone and you didn’t tell us?”

Rachel crosses her arms over her chest and Kurt can’t help thinking that she looks exactly like the stubborn teenage girl she was back in high school. Quinn shakes her head.

“Look, Rachel, Kurt has the right to keep whatever he wants to himself.”

Rachel glares at her and Quinn smiles, leaning down to press a quick kiss to her lips, before turning towards Kurt.

“Did something happen between you and this mysterious guy?”

Kurt bites his lower lip.

“Well, I…I kind of freaked out the other night and…”

“But, why did you do that? It’s…it’s not something you usually do, just freak out…”

Kurt isn’t surprised by Rachel’s words; they’ve been best friends for years, after all.

“I..I don’t know…he…he is just so much you know? After Andrew I haven’t felt with anyone like I feel around him…no that’s not true…I’ve never felt like this with anyone in my whole life.”

Quinn moves to sit beside him; her fingers are gentle when she takes hold of his hand.

“Kurt, you…”

She looks at him and Kurt has the feeling that she is trying to find the right words. He wonders why she seems to hesitate too much, when she has always been so direct when voicing her opinions.

“Look, it’s probably all in my head. He…he is simply perfect, and I don’t know what I’m so scared of.”

He hates that he has to lie, but it’s not as though he can simply tell them that he is having visions!

It’s Rachel who speaks this time.

“If you want to be with him…just give it a try, Kurt. I have known you for years and I know that when you don’t want to let go of something it means that something is very special for you. I’d say you should hold onto this guy, if he means so much to you.”

Kurt swallows; flashes of Blaine’s grins and of his fingers gently cupping his face rushing through his mind.

“I…I don’t want to let go of him.”

“Then don’t.”

Quinn squeezes his hand and Kurt turns to look at her.

“But be careful and guard your heart, please.”

He nods, looking at his hands balled into fists on his knees and misses the worried look that Rachel and Quinn exchange.

///

Blaine wishes he could sleep forever because waking up with the weight of what happened the night before settled on his stomach is too hard to bear.

He presses the heels of his hands against his eyelids; he doesn’t remember what he has dreamt of, but he hopes that it was something nice, because at least in his dreams he should be allowed to be happy.

When he finally gathers enough strength to get up, he pads over to the corner of the floor where his mobile phone has been lying all night.

There are three missed calls and his heart speeds up unbelievably fast, making his skin tremble with the force of it.

They are all from Jeremiah.

Blaine closes his eyes against the morning light splashing in the room. He needs to fix this. He can’t surrender without even trying. He just has to figure out how.

*

Being at work has never felt so much like being locked in a cage. Blaine keeps smiling at customers and preparing their coffees, but his cheeks ache with the fakeness of it and his fingers feel numb- it’s like moving under water.

He glances over at the window every few seconds, hoping that he would spot Kurt, that he would enter the shop, walk up to the counter and kiss him- like it happens in the movies. But reality is so much more difficult and painful than that; it leaves him waiting and waiting until every single part of his body feels drained.

When the afternoon rolls around Blaine knows that he has to make a plan for real or he is going to go crazy.

Around 3pm Wes strolls into the shop for his shift and relief washes over Blaine, because if there’s someone who could give him some good advice that person is Wes.

“What happened? You don’t look too good.”

Blaine shrugs and for the umpteenth time he wonders why he is so easily readable, why he always has to wear his heart on the sleeve.

Wes squeezes his shoulder gently.

“I will ask Lauren if she can cover for us for a second.”

They move to the small backroom where they keep their clothes during their shifts; Wes waits patiently for him to start talking. Blaine focuses his attention on his fingers playing with the hem of his green apron.

“I know that it’s stupid…but there’s this guy I’m seeing, or well I was…”

Wes tilts his head to the side.

“The one that made you have heart-shaped eyes for the past two weeks, you mean?”

Blaine blinks and lifts his gaze to look at his friend.

“Yes, you were that obvious.”

Blaine can’t help smiling, because he knows it’s true; he probably wore a stupid smile on his face every second of the day.

“Yeah, well…the problem is he kind of…freaked out about us and I…I don’t know what I did wrong, just…”

He pushes his fingers through his curls, trying to hold onto something. This is so difficult and he hates it, hates not knowing what to do to get Kurt back.

“Well, maybe there was a misunderstanding? Look, if you want to be with him, you have to make him understand that. Talk to him, because there’s no way silence can help the two of you.”

Blaine nods; he is going to call Kurt and ask him to meet and then he is going to voice all that he has kept bottled up inside during the past weeks, afraid that it was too soon to open up his heart.

“Thanks.”

Wes smiles and stands offering Blaine a hand.

“That’s what friends are for right?”

*

It’s easier said than done, though. Blaine spends the whole bus ride back home clutching his mobile phone in his hands. By the time he arrives at home he is positively sure that he isn’t brave enough to hear Kurt’s voice just yet. He swallows and types out a message, pressing send before he can rethink any of it.

///

Quinn and Rachel ask him to stay for dinner, but Kurt wants nothing more than curl up under the covers and remain there; his whole body feels too heavy.

He has just closed the door of his apartment behind his back when his mobile phone vibrates in his pocket.

From Blaine:
Hey. Can we talk, please? B.

Kurt sighs, his blood too cold and too hot at the same time. He wants to see Blaine, to hold him again; there’s no way he can deny it. He is grateful that there are mobile phone screens between them, though; the broken edge of Blaine’s voice from the previous night still rang his ears.

To Blaine:
Alright. Where do you want to meet? K.

From Blaine:
In front of the coffee shop in a hour? B.

To Blaine:
Alright. See you there. K.

After setting his mobile phone aside, Kurt feels incredibly vulnerable. He is used to wanting things so much that it hurts- he has wanted New York and freedom, he used to want to sing with all his heart- but this is so different that he constantly feels as though someone has taken the ground from under his feet.

He has an hour left to wait and he doesn’t know what to do with himself. Memories of the night he spent with Blaine on the Charles River start dancing around in his mind. He lets them.

///

Blaine stands in front of the coffee shop, rocking back and forth on his heels. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea; what if he doesn’t manage to talk properly, what if words get stuck somewhere in his throat and…

Every thought screaming in his mind falls silent the moment his gaze lands on Kurt. He is wrapped in a navy blue coat, his skin milky white as always- he looks beautiful and Blaine isn’t sure he can even expect someone like him to be worthy of being with such a perfect creature.

Kurt’s eyes spark quietly as he stops in front of Blaine.

“Hi.”

His voice is soft and low and for an instant he seems so much younger that Blaine wonders if he used to be like this back in high school. His fingers tingle with the desire to reach out and touch Kurt, but he can’t so he simply pushes them deeper inside his pockets.

“Hi. I’m glad that you came.”

A shadow crosses Kurt’s eyes but quickly disappears. He doesn’t say anything and Blaine takes a deep breath.

“So, do you want to walk or…”

“Can…can we, please, just sit here?”

And Blaine wonders if it’s normal that he feels as though he can read Kurt’s thoughts in this precise moment. He knows that Kurt wants to remain here because this place is neutral enough to talk honestly but also to feel guarded somehow. That’s why he chose it in the first place.

“Of course.”

They sit down on the steps of the shop, looking at the lit windows of the buildings on the other side of the road. Blaine knows that he has to force the words out; he has never been good at this, since he was just a boy in high school, eager to please adults, to make his father understand that he was worthy of his love even though he wasn’t what his father had dreamt him to be,

He turns and gently takes Kurt’s hand into his; the other man stiffens but doesn’t pull away and Blaine thanks whoever is up there for it.

“Look, Kurt. I…I still don’t understand what happened last night. What I want you to know, though, is that…I want to be with you. I know we haven’t known each other for long, but…you know? There are those moments when you look at someone and all you can think of is oh, there you are, I’ve been looking for you forever. It…it happened to me when I was with you on the river. I felt so stupidly attracted to you since that day on the train back from Montauk, but when we were at the Charles…I just knew that I wanted to be with you.”

Kurt is looking at him, his eyes big and slightly glassy. Blaine has to use all of his self-control not to lean forward and kiss him.

“Whatever the reason you reacted like that last night, please, know that I would never do anything to hurt you or push you away. I…I think I’m quite crazy about you…”

Blaine is positively sure he has never felt more exposed in his whole life; he has never laid his heart bare for someone to throw it away like this. He swallows, focusing his attention on their hands- his olive skin against Kurt’s porcelain.

After what feels like hours, Kurt gently squeezes his fingers and Blaine lifts his gaze. Kurt’s cheeks are slightly redder; Blaine can’t tell if it is because of the cold or because of what he has just said.

“I…since I went back home last night the only thing I could think about was you. I wanted you there and I hated how I behaved, I…I was just confused and scared because…this thing between us is…too intense at times and I’m not used to feeling like this.”

Blaine simply nods, scared that if he speaks Kurt would retreat behind his shield again.

“I…I want to try to be with you too; I really do, if…if you’ll take me back, of course.”

Blaine suddenly feels as though his skin has become too tight to contain what he is feeling. Before he even realizes it, he is leaning forward and gently cupping Kurt’s face.

They kiss softly; Kurt’s lips are cold and soft and Blaine is positively sure that butterflies have taken residence inside him stomach.

When they break the kiss, he remains close, his lips almost brushing against Kurt’s as he speaks.

“Of course, I want you back, silly. There’s nothing I want more than you.”

Blaine thinks that Kurt’s smile would make the moon pale in comparison.

///

It feels so good to have Blaine’s lips against his again. Kurt can’t help thinking that they belong there. Blaine’s tongue is warm and it makes warmth erupt inside of him.

They take the subway back to Blaine’s place, but all that Kurt seems able to register is Blaine’s hand around his own and the solidity of Blaine’s presence beside him on the train.

Blaine smiles at him, his eyes soft and loving and for a foolish instant Kurt thinks that he would gladly marry the man in front of him.

As soon as they have closed the door behind their backs, Blaine is kissing him again, his arms around his neck and his body pressing him against it. Blaine’s weight is real and solid and Kurt feels finally grounded.

They keep kissing and holding onto each other as they stumble to the apartment; every time the bump against a doorframe or a wall Kurt can feel Blaine smiling against his lips.

Blaine’s hands are gentle as he carefully removes Kurt’s clothes; every brush of fingertips against his skin make Kurt’s breath stutter. Kurt tries not to think too much about the way his hands are slightly trembling when he reaches out to tug at the hem of Blaine’s pullover.

They fall backwards onto Blaine’s bed and in an instant Blaine’s hands are sliding over Kurt’s exposed skin, warm and strong and simply perfect. Each single touch seems to make every nerve in Kurt’s body tingle; for an instant he wonders if Blaine could play his body as an instrument.

“Kurt…is…is this alright?”

Blaine’s breath ghosts right against Kurt’s swollen lips; he can feel Blaine’s heartbeat against his ribcage where their chests are touching. In this precise moment Kurt is sure he has never wanted anything as much as he wants not to be able to tell where Blaine finishes and he begins.

He nods and presses a kiss to the corner of Blaine’s mouth.

“I…I want this, Blaine. I…want you.”

Blaine’s smile is almost blinding.

Kurt holds his breath as Blaine slowly trails his fingers down his stomach; when finally Blaine’s hand closes around him, the only word that manages to slip past his lips his Blaine’s name, over and over, like a chant.

Blaine prepares him carefully, pressing wet kisses along the column of his neck as he pushes a first finger and then a second inside of him. The only sound that Kurt manages to hear over the thundering of his heart is Blaine’s breath, heavy and warm against his skin. As Blaine hits that perfect spot inside of him, Kurt is sure that he could live like this, with Blaine all around him.

He looks at Blaine, the soft light in his hazel eyes making his throat feel too tight to breathe properly.

“Blaine…please…”

Blaine kisses him over and over as he positions himself. When finally Blaine enters him in one slow and perfect slide, something terribly similar to love bursts inside of Kurt’s heart; he closes his eyes and grips Blaine’s shoulders as though they are a lifeline- to prevent himself from saying things that he could regret because they are so true that it hurts.

“God! You’re so beautiful, Kurt.”

Blaine’s words are punctuated by warm moans and Kurt, who has always thought to be one of the most imperfect people on Earth, allows himself to believe him.

His body vibrates with every movement Blaine makes; he can feel everything, from Blaine’s length inside of him, to his heartbeat, and he is sure that he has never been as connected to someone as he is to Blaine right now.

That’s why he lets himself go, because he knows that this is the only way he could convey what he feels for Blaine, this inexplicable jumble of affection and longing that has taken up residence in his heart and he is too afraid of voicing out loud.

He keeps holding onto Blaine, their bodies moving as one and kisses him until his lungs burn for the lack of air.
Feeling Blaine coming inside of him is enough to send him spiraling over the edge and he wishes he could live in that white space filled with completeness where Blaine has managed to take him.

///

Blaine tries to remember how to breathe, but his heart is too full and his mind seems filled with clouds. He manages to slip out of Kurt and lies by his side, uncertain of what to say.

Something gets stuck in his throat when Kurt turns towards him and presses a gentle kiss to his temple.

“Kurt…”

And he knows that it sounds too much like a prayer, but he can’t help himself. Kurt’s voice is low when he speaks, his lips brushing against Blaine’s skin.

“Can…can I stay?”

Blaine doesn’t trust his voice not to tremble; he simply nods and slides an arm around Kurt’s waist pulling him closer.

He falls asleep listening to Kurt’s heartbeat.

Blaine shifts his weight from left to right, anxiety running under his skin, as Kurt unwraps the small box.
Kurt looks at him, a wide smile stretching his lips.

“Blaine, this…this is beautiful!”

He is slightly breathless and his voice is soft and tender, like when they spend too much time kissing or when he whispers “I love you” buried deep inside of Blaine.

“I was afraid you would find it silly.”

When the idea of making a ring out of gum wrappers popped into his mind, he had felt like some silly teenage boy. But in the end that was how Kurt made him feel- so hopelessly in love that sometimes the world around them didn’t even make sense.

When Kurt slides his arms around his neck and hugs him tight, Blaine is sure that he could burst with happiness.

“I love you so much.”

Blaine hides his face in the crook of Kurt’s neck.

“I love you too, babe. So much that sometimes it doesn’t even seem real.”

///

Kurt’s breath stutters in his lungs as Blaine holds him a bit tighter in his sleep. Blaine’s voice is low when he speaks.

“So much that sometimes it doesn’t even seem real.”

Something contracts inside of him and Kurt gulps down air before turning to look at Blaine. He is still asleep, his lips stretched in a small smile and Kurt wonders what he is dreaming about.

He remains awake, his fingers drawing gentle patterns along the line of Blaine’s spine, as though he needs to remind himself that the other man is there for real.