Kurt tucked his phone between his ear and shoulder, reaching in his car for his dance bag. Draping it over his shoulder, Kurt smiled when he heard a click. "Hey, honey." His dads gruff voice came through the phone, soothing Kurt. "What are you up to today? I just got off the phone with your aunt. She was scraping burnt toast. How has that woman not burned her house down yet?"

Giggling, Kurt turned and walked to the Rogue Theatre, pushing through the doors. "Dad, its so good to hear your voice. Im sorry I havent had a chance to call all week. Ive been at rehearsals so much... my feet are so sore. I need a pedicure!"

"Dont tell Carole that. Shes jealous of your feet." His dad chuckled, "When is your opening night? Is there any way you could record it and let me see?"

"Id love if you saw!" Ignoring the stares of a few guys he passed by, Kurt walked down the hallway to his dressing room. "We only have a month of rehearsals left. Well be performing all through December."

There was a sudden sadness to his dads voice, and he sighed heavily, "Youve been gone for five months. Ive missed you like crazy, kid. Have you been taking care of yourself? Do you still like it there?"

Kurt closed himself inside his dressing room and slipped out of his shoes, then grabbed his ballet flats and wiggled his toes into them. "Yes... I love it here. I just... miss being home. I miss everything about Ohio. How is the family? How are the babies?"

Burts reply was hesitant, "Were getting along. Carole got a promotion so shes working longer hours... Im still working on cars. Finn is going part-time to that acting school. The babies are growing just fine... I think Hunter just started teething. His cheeks are about as big as oranges and hes crying a lot, but hell be fine."

Blinking, Kurt whispered, "And Blaine? I havent heard from him in months, Dad. What is wrong? Why wont he talk to me?" Getting suddenly anxious, Kurt asked, "Can I talk to him now? Oh, Dad, please give Blaine the phone. I need to hear his voice."

"Uh..." Burt was hesitant again, "sweetie, Blaine went out. The good thing is that hes finally getting a social life. If you want me to tell him you called-"

"Thats okay." Kurt swallowed his disappointment, his heart throbbing. "Im sure hell call me back when he wants to talk to me. Its very good that hes spending time with others." Managing a weak smile, Kurt said, "I should go. I love you, Dad."

"Love you, too, honey." Burt clicked the call off, and Kurt lowered his phone.

He stuck it in his purse and stood from his chair, unzipping his dress. He let it fall to the floor and grabbed a loose leotard with a frill skirt. Tugging it on, Kurt opened his dressing room door and poked his nose out. He wandered into the hallway and found a stage door, pushing through it. He immediately ran into Brody, who was walking out the door. Flushing, Kurt pulled away and wrapped his arms around himself. "Oh... Brody. I-Im sorry."

Brody looked down at Kurt as he tried slip past, and he frowned and lowered his brows, "Youre just going to walk by me?"

Kurt quickly looked over his shoulder, surprised that Brody was saying anything to him. "Brody-"

Shaking his head, Brody said, "What, am I making you uncomfortable? My bad. Youre the one making things uncomfortable by not speaking to me. Its been, like, four months. I was drunk. Cant you get over it already?"

Kurt took a step away from him, "Please dont raise your voice at me."

Brody narrowed his eyes, "Im tired of this, Kurt. You wont look at me anymore. You definitely dont say anything to me outside of rehearsals. I know youve never been drunk because youre so uptight, but do you get that a man does crazy things when hes drunk? I dont even remember anything."

"Brody, you frightened me." Kurt squeaked, backing away from him until he ran into a wall. "You held me to a wall and tried to grope me. I was scared!"

"And what do you want me to do?" Holding up his hands, Brody lifted his brows. "Apologize? Okay... Im sorry. Im not going to rape you." His expression suddenly changed and he looked very aggressive, his brows lowered and his mouth firm, "And you want to know why? The more I get to know you, the less attractive you get. Youre so... needy. Youre not adventurous. Its like youre terrified of men. I dont find that hot."

Brody walked past Kurt, shaking his head when Kurt stumbled away from him and wrapped his arms around himself. "See... its that kind of thing that turns a guy off. Let me know if you ever change your..." Pausing, Brody shook his head again, "everything about yourself." He stuffed his hands in his pockets and continued by, leaving Kurt shaking and near tears.

He took a step back and bumped into some boxes, so he plopped onto them. Pulling his knees to his chest, Kurt watched some of the stage crew walk by, but not a single one of them noticed him. Tears swelled in his eyes. Hesitantly taking his phone from his purse, Kurt dialed Blaines number. Maybe this time. The phone rang and rang and rang, but nobody answered. "Im still here..." he squeaked, hiccupping mid-sentence. "You promised you would be... but youre n-not." Tears flowed from his eyes, "Youre not here, Blaine... youre not here..."

Blaine closed his eyes as he felt the man on top of him shudder, his stiff cock plunging deeper into Blaine. "F-Fuck," the mans hands trembled and he squeezed Blaines arms. He came inside of Blaine, the condom bloating as his come filled the bottom of it.

Turning his head to the side, Blaine covered his face with his arm, "Get out of me."

The man lifted his head, his glazed eyes narrowing at Blaine. "Dont you want to come?"

Blaine shoved on his chest, ripping him out and throwing him to the side. "I said get out!" Swinging his legs off the bed, Blaine stumbled a little and knelt by the pile of his clothes. He felt nauseous... he couldnt remember if he had breakfast that morning, or dinner at the bar. It was all starting to blur together in a circle of sex, sex, sex. Blaine was tired of spinning... he was getting dizzy.

"Did you not like it?" the guy questioned, putting his hand on Blaines back. "You dont want to go for round two?"

"No..." Blaine pulled his pants on and buttoned them, "I want to leave."

"Okay," the man lay back on the bed, pulling off his condom and tying it. "Thanks, anyway, Blake."

Blaines head jerked up and he glared at the man, "My names Blaine." was the only thing he said, and he stood and slammed through the bedroom doors. Blaine let himself out of the apartment room and took the stairs down to the lobby, where he got a few stares. He probably looked ragged and shitty, but he didnt give a damn.

Walking outside, Blaine found his car and stepped into it, putting it in drive. He sped out of the parking lot and onto the main road, tapping his fingers on the steering wheel so he couldnt dig them into his palms. His jaw clenched as he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror, his lips swollen and raw, his eyes black, his cheekbones sticking out from all of the weight hed dropped. Disgusting piece of shit.

He turned the mirror so he couldnt see himself and focused on the road, anything but himself. He couldnt take it anymore... all of the horrible things hed done. He was a beast, no better than Karofsky himself. Tears blurred his vision so Blaine was glad when he pulled onto his road and up his driveway.

Stepping out of his car, Blaine hurried up to his front door and pushed through it. He checked the living room and saw no one in it but his babies, both of them scooting across the floor, mumbling to each other. Archer looked up at the sound of the door closing and he grinned, plopping onto his butt and holding his arms up for Blaine. "Ba-ba..." he cooed, his dimples popping.

Blaine rushed into the living room and knelt by his babies, gathering them in his arms. He kissed both of their cheeks, needing to feel their soft bodies, to hear their sweet babbling. "My little babies..." he whispered, tears rolling down his cheeks. He didnt want them to end up like him... abused and destroyed. He never wanted that. "Shh... Im here."

He rested Hunter against his shoulder, and Hunter put his sore mouth on his sweatshirt, slobbering on him. Holding Archer in his free arm, Blaine started to turn away and head for the stairs when he heard someone walk out of the kitchen. He turned around and spotted Finn, who looked exhausted. "You were with someone again... werent you?"

Blaines jaw tightened, "Dont make me talk about this, Finn."

Finns hard expression didnt change, and he kept on Blaines heels as he walked up the stairs. "Youre just in it for the sex now. Its not even about the beer anymore. You go to these bars for sex."

When Blaine turned into his room and carefully laid the babies in their crib, shaking their teddy bear for them before Archer grabbed it and hugged it to himself, Finn followed him and pushed him up against a wall. "You fucking asshole... you remember what you told me? That I wouldnt be happy if I slept around? Youre fucking sleeping around. You cant spend one day without jumping onto some guys cock-"

At the harsh wording, Blaine growled and grabbed Finns collar, almost lifting him off his feet. "If you think Im happy, then youre-"

"What other reason would you do those guys for?" Finn shoved Blaine off and took a step back, rubbing his neck. "Do you think Im an idiot, Blaine?"

"Im not looking for happiness!" Blaine shouted, his entire face turning red. "I havent had an orgasm in months! I dont want any of those men! I dont want the beer... it doesnt help."

Finn took a step closer to Blaine, "Doesnt help what? Blaine... what the fuck are you talking about?"

Slipping away from the wall, Blaine pushed past Finn and stormed across the hall, pausing in the middle of the bathroom. He stared at his covered mirror, wondering what hed look like if he tore the sheet draped over it away. Would he be as terrible as he thought he was? Or would he look like a decent man? He thought he was decent... for a long time he thought hed changed... but maybe he didnt. Maybe he was still a beast.

Finn stopped in the doorway of his bedroom and swallowed thickly, "Blaine... dont avoid me. Im tired of getting silence out of you." Crossing his arms, Finn walked up to Blaine, who stiffened and jerked away. "Shh... you dont have to panic every time someone reaches for you." Touching Blaines curly hair, Finn smoothed it and leaned down to press his forehead to Blaines. "You havent looked at me since I kissed you. But I still care about you, Blaine. I want you to get better... to not..." Finn searched for the right word, "be this way."

Blaine swallowed and looked everywhere but at Finn, feeling himself break. He didnt want to be vulnerable, so he turned his head. "Stop touching me."

Finn breathed on Blaines cheek, his arm coming around Blaine and resting on his lower back. He rubbed the top of Blaines ass with his fingertips. Blaine could feel himself cracking, but this time he was powerless to push Finn away. "Finn-"

Lowering his mouth to Blaines, Finn gently twisted their lips and rubbed until Blaines mouth opened. He slid his tongue against Blaines teeth, his tongue poking Blaines. Blaine shuddered and bit down on Finns bottom lip too hard. Finn jerked away with a gasp. "Blaine... Im sorry-"

"Just leave me alone," Blaine begged, more tears rolling down his cheeks.

"I cant." Finn shook his head. "Blaine, youre a mess. Come here... its okay to lean on other people." Wrapping his arms around Blaine, Finn tugged him close and tried to rub his stiffness away.

"This is what I want..." Blaine said despite his will to keep his mouth shut. He would have done anything for Finn if he would just keep holding him. "Finn... I miss Kurt. I m-miss him so much... and this is the only way I can have him-"

Finn looked down at Blaine, gently rubbing his back, "By feeling cared for? Touched by another man?" When Blaine didnt respond, his eyes huge and his mouth open, Finn pulled him closer, "Blaine... its okay." Tugging Blaines arm, Finn said, "Come lay down with me."

Blaine numbly followed Finn back into his bedroom, and Finn reached for the bottom of Blaines sweatshirt. Letting him pull it off, Blaine looked at the bed and back at Finn, suddenly ready to panic. "Finn-"

Finn cut him off by unzipping his pants, then pushing them down his thighs. Blaine wasnt wearing boxers so he was left naked, and he hadnt felt this exposed in a long time. Staring at Blaine, Finn swallowed and pulled off his own shirt, then dropped his pants to the floor. He kicked off his boxers and climbed onto the bed, and Blaine hesitantly scooted onto the edge of it.

Finn rolled on top of Blaine and kissed his mouth, "Does this feel good to you?" He whispered against Blaines lips. He wrapped his hand around Blaines cock and stroked his tip, but he frowned when he felt that Blaine wasnt even hard. "You can pretend Im Kurt. Will that help you get hard?"

Blaine stared up at Finn, his face emotionless. "Youre not Kurt," was the only thing he said, his voice weak.

Finn seemed to be fighting with that, but he decided to let it go and he leaned down to lick Blaines neck. Blaine closed his eyes and tried so hard to pretend that it was Kurt on top of him, his pretty blue eyes gazing excitedly at him, his cheeks pink and rosy with little dimples pushing up on them, his lips plump and red and damp from passionate kisses. He could almost feel his soft, dark blond hair running through his fingers, his gentle kisses peppering his cheeks, hear his beautiful laugh... but Kurt had left him for someone better... someone more deserving-not that anyone deserved Kurt. Someone less bad.

Someone more beautiful. Less beastly. Blaine started to cry again. What hed done had become who he was, and he was a monster. Not meant for a beauty.

Pushing his pants to the floor, Blaine stripped of his shirt and poked his toes into the steaming bath water. He felt so dirty... he wanted to be clean. Stepping into the tub, Blaine sank onto his ass and kept his chin above the water, everything else submerged. He stared at his body, shimmering under the watery surface. But he knew he didnt actually shimmer. He was too ugly, too scarred.

Running his hands up his thighs, Blaine felt the bumps from where Karofsky had stabbed him with a piece of glass. He lifted his shaking hands and closed his eyes, resting his head against the damp wall. Tears rolled down his cheeks, and he could taste the saltiness on his lips. "Im sorry..." he whispered to no one in particular, "Im so sorry... I wanted to change... I wanted to be what you needed. But he was too strong... he d-did this to me..."

He shuddered and wiped his weepy eyes, falling deeper into the water. He felt it at his nose and kept going, sinking until he was entirely under. He couldnt tell what was his tears and what was the water, but he thought that he cried more than what he had filled the tub with. Hed gotten rid of Karofsky... thrown him into prison... but he was still inside of Blaine. He still controlled Blaine... had a hard hold on him. And Blaine hated it.

He hated himself. He could feel himself blacking out, but he stayed under. Maybe someone would pull him out... but maybe it was better if no one did. He was tired of hurting people. He was tired of being Karofsky... a monster... a beast.

From his bedroom, Blaine heard a little cry from one of the babies. It pulled him from the water, and he jerked out of the tub. Yanking on a pair of boxers, Blaine almost ran across the hall and looked in his bedroom. Archer was fussing for him, helplessly waving his arms. Rushing to the crib, Blaine lifted the baby to his chest and patted his back. "Shh... Im right here. Ive got you." Kissing Archers pudgy cheek, Blaine reached in for Hunter, who was playing with Pavarotti and Everett as they scampered around the crib. He held his two babies so close to him, feeling better with them.

"Ba-ba..." Archer waved his tiny fists at Blaine, patting his face. "Ba-ba."

Another tear rolled down his cheek, and he kissed Archers dimpled palm, "Im sorry I thought about leaving you." He whispered against Archers arm. "Its just so hard... when the person you love doesnt love you back. I want you to know how much I love you... that I will do anything to protect you... both of you. I wont ever let anything like what happened to me happen to you."

Archer gurgled and patted Blaines face, "Ba-ba..." Smiling with his dimples, Archer snuggled into Blaines chest, and Hunter happily curled up against Archer.

Stroking Archers black curls and Hunters dark brown locks, Blaine whispered, "You make me so happy..."

Archer giggled and kicked his feet, pleased with the compliment, "Ba-ba." Struggling to lift his head, he put his lips against Blaines jaw and kissed him.

Blaine was never going to let go.