July 19, 2014, 7 p.m.
Out: The First Time Ever I Saw Your Face
E - Words: 7,362 - Last Updated: Jul 19, 2014 Story: Complete - Chapters: 81/? - Created: Jul 19, 2014 - Updated: Jul 19, 2014 228 0 0 0 0
Blaine held his breath as he followed Kurt down the hallway that seemed to be too long, his lids dropping over dark eyes. They hadnt been back to the school for the rest of the week, but Kurt wanted to go to the performance to show his support, so Blaine had finally dragged himself out of bed. With every step he felt sicker, his stomach twisting and churning, and he wanted to go somewhere alone and hang his head and try to get himself under control, even though that seemed impossible after what Karofsky had put him through. His mind was constantly going back to that night, distracting him from what he needed to pay attention to most.
Kurt seemed to understand that something was off about Blaine, but because Blaine kept his mouth shut, all he could do was helplessly wrap Blaine in his arms and hold him while he cried. Blaine was so tired that he didnt even bother with trying to blink away his tears. They seemed to run down his face no matter how hard he tried to hide them. It was clear to him that Karofsky wasnt giving in, and he sometimes felt like his disobedience had only made Karofskys efforts to destroy him stronger. So he gave in... again.
He reached for the back of Kurts skirt when Kurt swished around a corner and walked through the backstage doors, his tiny form disappearing in the dim lighting. Blaine clung to him as tightly as he could, trying not to bump into any of the football players who surrounded him. A few of them were goofing off and twirling each other around in circles and dipping each other to the floor, but as soon as they noticed Blaine, they burst into laughter and slapped each others chests. Blaine raised his brows and started to turn away, but they yelled, "Hey, Blaine, wheres your tutu?"
Kurt tugged on him to pull him away from their rude insults and snickers, but Blaines feet were glued to the ground. Hed become so stiff that he couldnt twitch a finger. He felt like he was ready to break in half if they just gave him one more blow. Another one of them shook his head at him as if he had done something to disappoint them, "What a freak."
From beside of him, Kurt made a soft sound of distaste and seemed to want to defend Blaine, but another person said, "Come on, guys, back off. He didnt do anything to you." Finn appeared in the corner of Blaines eye, and he waved them off, "Get off his back, okay?" The guys narrowed their eyes at Finn and snarled, but they finally pulled back and stormed past them. One of them reached out to shove Blaine, but Kurt quickly pulled him backwards so he didnt get hurt.
"Oh, dear." Kurt whispered more to himself than to Finn or Blaine, his lips drooping into a frown. "Theyre so mean. Are you okay, my darling?" He smoothed Blaines hair and face, his tiny hands so comforting on Blaines skin. Blaine nuzzled into his palm, almost forgetting everything he was so tense about because of Kurts gentle touch.
But his brief happiness didnt last for long when Finn touched his arm, "Blaine, can we talk? Theres something I need to ask you." Blaine lifted his head from Kurts hand, staring at Finn as he tried to figure out the screwed up expression on his face. He wondered if it was about Burts proposal for tonight, or if it was something that could be said in front of Kurt, but Blaine guessed the first when Finn flicked his eyes to Kurt and made a face. "Kurt, do you mind waiting with Puck for a few minutes? Hes right over there."
Kurt looked at Blaine and blinked at his blank expression, then back over to Finn. He gave him a gentle smile, "Sure. I hope you have a nice talk with Finn, my love." He cooed to Blaine, giving him one last stroke before he pranced over to Puck, who greeted him with a hop of his own. The two of them seemed to send each other into fits of laughter because of how entertained they were by each other.
When Blaine turned back to Finn, he saw him swallowing thickly, so he raised his brows. "What is it?" He mumbled, and Finn shook his head, looking more distraught than Blaine had ever seen him, besides the day they had their first falling out. "Finn."
Finn pursed his lips, still shaking his head, "I ran into Karofsky on the way in here." At the sound of Karofskys name, Blaine felt the blood drain from his face. He instantly jerked around and searched the area around him. Finn, who hadnt been there the day Karofsky had beaten him in front of others, went on, his words slow as they came out of his mouth. "He said he wants you to meet him outside." His brows ruffled, and he licked his dry lips, "Do you want me to come with you?"
Blaine had never heard of anything worse than his friend following him to Karofsky. He never wanted Finn anywhere near Karofsky. Shaking his head, Blaine mumbled, "No... I need to be by myself. Finn... stay with Kurt. Dont let him leave your side. I have to go." Walking away from Finn before he could fight him on going with him because it was dangerous-Finn had no idea how dangerous it really was, Blaine shoved through the doors and stepped into the hallway.
He slipped past parents complaining about how their football playing sons shouldnt have been forced to dance and sing on stage, and he got to an almost empty hallway where he could gather himself. He didnt want to do this-he didnt want anywhere near Karofsky ever again, but he had to get him away from Kurt before he hurt him. If the only way to do that was to sacrifice himself, then so be it. Holding his breath when it got unsteady, Blaine stumbled over to a door that led out back. He wondered where Karofsky would be, if he would attack Blaine from behind, if hed make himself obvious to Blaine, but he knew it didnt matter if he was expecting Karofskys approach or not. Hed get hurt either way. His pep talk didnt help him in the least, and he still felt weak and vulnerable, as if he didnt have any strength at all. At least, against Karofsky he didnt.
Hearing applause from inside the auditorium, Blaine realized that their song was starting, and he was missing the thing that Kurt had looked forward to all week. Without Blaine, he didnt even have a partner, and Blaine hoped that Finn or Puck would step in for him. Closing his eyes, he took a deep breath and stepped closer to the door. He touched it and it swung open, and a burst of cold air nipped his skin and made his fingers and toes numb. He didnt have two seconds to just breathe the fresh air before something slapped the side of his face. He was so used to the beatings now that he didnt even flinch.
Karofsky shoved Blaine to the ground, and Blaine toppled over onto his ass, easily becoming helpless under Karofskys violent hands. Instead of going on with his beating, Karofsky dropped to the ground beside of Blaine and he grabbed the collar of his shirt. Pulling Blaines head up, Karofsky almost touched his nose to Blaines, staring at him and searching every crease on his face. "I just wanted you to love me." He whispered, his voice shaking with every word. "Why dont you love me?"
Blaine shook his head, his eyes narrowing on Karofskys scrunched face, "You know why I didnt love you. I wanted to, Karofsky. There wasnt a moment that I didnt try. But this is all that we have now... you hurting me. Karofsky... if you love me, you have to let me go. You have to put my happiness before yours." When Karofsky shook his head and made a low sound that sounded like a sob, Blaine closed his eyes. All he wanted was for this to end, this constant battle with the man he used to think would never hurt him because he loved him too much. Whimpering as tears burned the corners of his eyes, Blaine whispered, "Karofsky, you were my everything. Did you ever love me?"
Karofsky whipped away from Blaine, his hand slapping his face and covering part of it. Blaine wondered if it was to hide the tears he had never seen before. Slowly picking himself up from the ground, Blaine grabbed Karofskys arm and tugged it, "Karofsky, youve never answered me before. Just tell me. I want to know if I ever meant anything to you. You know how m-much I cared about you. I gave up everything to keep you happy... but it was n-never good enough. Thats why I didnt love you... and its so easy to love Kurt... because he accepts who I am. He loves me... even though Im not as perfect as he is... He doesnt want to change me. Ive made mistakes, but he forgave me for all of them. He doesnt beat me when Im wrong-"
That seemed to strike the wrong nerve in Karofsky. Jerking around, Karofsky raised his hand and slapped Blaine across his cheek, making his eyes water and his skin sting. "Shut up!" He screamed at him, then his twisted mouth softened. He made a rough sound from deep in his throat, and he collapsed to the ground beside of Blaine. "I wish things were different... my Blaine." He reached out and touched the place hed just slapped, and he flinched as if it had hurt him, "We used to be perfect for each other."
Blaine shuddered under Karofskys touch, and his mouth quivered when a tear rolled over his lip, "Youre letting me go?"
Slowly sitting up, Karofsky slid his hand down to Blaines chin, then up to his mouth, "I wish you would kiss my hand when I touched your mouth. Im sure you kiss Kurts." It was the first time Blaine had ever heard Kurts name out of Karofskys mouth, and it made him jump that Karofsky might have started to accept that Blaine was gone, that he was in the heart of another. "No... Im not letting you go. Some part of you will always be mine." Blaine looked very closely at Karofsky when he reached in his back pocket.
He scooted away from Karofsky in case he had something that could hurt him, but Karofsky quickly held up a small, plastic device. "Its just a recorder." He told him, holding his hand out for Blaine. Realizing what Karofsky wanted him to do, Blaine took it from him, their palms brushing. Blaine felt warmth on Karofskys hand, and Blaine wished that Karofskys heart could be just as warm. There was a small, red spot in the center of it from when hed hit Blaine. "Its okay... I cant kill you. You mean too much to me." When Blaine jerked away, his eyes filling with tears because hed wanted to hear something like that from Karofsky all along, Karofsky leaned back, "It has everything you hate about me on it... I dont think it was bad when I killed that fag in France, or when I... hit you-" Blaine noticed that Karofsky didnt use the word beat, "-but now you have the freedom from me that youve always wanted. Does that make you happy?"
Blaine felt like he was being tricked, but he still stuck the recorder in his pocket. He almost needed to feel it against his thigh, to know that he had power over Karofsky, something he never had. Karofsky raised his brows, "Its not that easy, Blaine. If you turn me into the police, Ill get out of jail one day... and I want you to know that Ill go to France and kill your fag." Moving closer to Blaine, who leaned away from him, he tilted his head and grabbed Blaines face. His hands were so strong that Blaine couldnt yank away when he pressed their mouths. He pulled off a moment later with a pop, and he sniffed again. "If only that could be our lives. I miss you, Blaine."
Blaine watched Karofsky get to his feet, his steps very short and clumsy. He stumbled over his own feet a few times, giving Blaine the chance to scramble to his and run after him. "Wait!" He pleaded, unsure of why he didnt want Karofsky to leave sooner. But he was willing to beg for the answer he wanted. "Karofsky... wait!" Karofsky stopped after a long stride and turned around, his eyes sad and lips pulled down. "Karofsky... I deserve honesty. Ive never asked anything of you. Give me this." When Karofsky sighed and lowered his head, he seemed to know what Blaine was about to ask him, but Blaine said the words, anyway. He just hoped that this would be the time that Karofsky answered him. "Do you love me?"
Karofskys mouth twisted, and he shoved Blaine back, making him tumble and fall on his ass. He shook his head, a look of disapproval on his face. Blaine seemed to be getting a lot of those looks lately. "I dont you owe you anything... not after the pain you put me through when you left me. Stop fighting me... When I tell you that you dont need to know something, listen to me." After a minute of staring down at a weepy Blaine, Karofsky muttered, "Do you remember when you used to curl up on the couch and fall asleep on my shoulder? I remember." He turned away and kept walking, ignoring Blaines low sobs that he couldnt keep from tearing out of his mouth.
Once he was gone, Blaine let his head drop to the cool ground that felt good on his hot forehead. Pathetic cries and whimpers burst from his mouth for reasons he didnt know, if he was just tired of being pushed around, if he secretly missed the Karofsky he could lay his head on, if he just let himself get to the point that he didnt bother to hide his self-pity. He knew that there was something wrong with him. His cries muffled the world around him, tuning him out to the yells in his head, the echoes of mean words, and to the voices calling his name. He didnt realize anyone was nearby until a pair of thin arms wrapped around him, stroking and smoothing his rumpled form.
"Oh, my darling..." he made out the softest voice, fading in and out between his yelps. "My sweet Blaine..." Blaine nuzzled under Kurts chin, feeling like hed done something terrible against him. He was going behind his back and letting another man kiss him and control him, so in an odd way he felt like he was cheating on Kurt. The very thought made Blaine cry much harder as his stomach rolled in a way that made him feel sick. "Hush..." Kurt rubbed small circles on his back and shoulders, and Blaines skin prickled at his tender touch. "Oh, my love, whatever made you cry? Come now, let me wipe your face."
Kurt rubbed Blaines snotty and teary face with his sleeve, and Blaine helplessly buried his face in it and smelled his sweet perfume. "Finn, would you be so kind to get him a cup of water? Hell give himself the hiccups if he doesnt have a drink! My poor darling."
Blaine was unaware that Finn had ever been there in the first place, but he heard him stand up and crunch across the grass. Left alone with Kurt, Blaine peered through wet eyes at his blurred face, "W-Why are you out here?"
"Oh, dear," Kurt kept wiping his face as new tears ran down his cheeks, "I was so fretful over you when you didnt come back to me. How could I ever dance on stage when I thought you were hurt? I was so worried that one of the football players-" Kurt stopped speaking about the kind of injuries a football player could give him, and he quickly switched the subject. "Well, at least I have you in my arms now. Im certain that the show went very well without me there to guide the football players. There were some very good dancers in their group." Realizing he was babbling, as he often did when he was nervous, Kurt sat down on his heels and murmured, "Everything is alright now, Blaine. Were together again... and Im not in fits over you anymore. Are you okay, my darling? Im still so confused about what could have made you so sad. You know I dont like when you cry a thousand tears."
Blaine curled up against Kurts chest, and that was enough for Kurt to understand that Blaine was needy and just wanted to be held. Wrapping Blaine up tightly, Kurt tilted his head and kissed Blaines forehead. He hummed to him and listened to his weeping, a miserable sound that Kurt never wanted to hear. Unable to keep it in as Kurt held him so close, Blaine snorted through a runny nose, "E-Everyone hates me." Even the man he thought had done nothing but loved him for years. "Im such a f-freak. No ones ever wanted me!"
"Blaine!" Kurts eyes widened to the size of saucers, and he gently patted Blaines cheeks, "Oh, darling, how could you say such terrible things? Youre not a freak... Come now, look at you. Youre beautiful. Ive always loved your curly hair... its so soft when I stroke it. And your pink lips. There isnt a reason to not get faint over those when you smile... You have the most gorgeous smile. It makes my stomach flutter. And your eyes... Ive never seen such golden eyes. Anyone who doesnt see kindness in them doesnt understand you. Blaine, you are many things... youre silly and loving and so very sweet... but youve never, ever been a freak." When Blaine tightened his small ball and tucked his head under Kurts chin, Kurt cooed and tangled his fingers in his hair. His dark locks wrapped around Kurts fingers. "Dont you see how much I love you? I never even had a choice in the way I feel about you... You swept me off my feet the first time I looked at you and saw such an amazing man."
Sniffling, Blaine closed his eyes and let Kurt keep stroking him, his entire body so sensitive that it turned to flames wherever Kurt touched him. He closed his eyes before he spoke again, his words much slower so he didnt stumble over them and stutter, "No ones ever touched me the way you touch me." He felt Kurt press his lips to the top of his head, a gentle peck that made Blaine cry again. He didnt understand what made it so easy for Kurt to love him, but impossible for Karofsky.
They stayed like that until Finn returned, and Blaine was disappointed when Kurt lifted one of his hands to take the cup. "Thank you, Finn. I appreciate this very much." Holding the cup up to Blaines lips, Kurt murmured, "Drink some water, my dear. It will help a dry tongue."
Blaine put his lips around the edge of the plastic cup, slurping at the water until he choked because he took too much in. Kurt instantly rubbed his back, "Oh, my poor Blaine. Drink slowly, my darling." Massaging Blaines nape with his fingertips, Kurt looked up at Finn, who had been pacing back and forth by their feet. "Is there something on your mind, Finn? You look so concerned."
Finn stopped walking, and he sucked his lips in, "Its nothing, Kurt. Dont worry about it. Blaine, do you remember what we talked about?" When Blaine lifted his head from the cup, Finn made a gesture with his hand and continued, "Do you think youre still up for that? I could ask Burt to do it on another night. Theres not a lot for our parents to celebrate, anyway, since we didnt even perform."
"A celebration?" Kurt chirped, tightening his arms around Blaine. "Oh, that would be wonderful! Im in need of a celebration. Things have been so sad... We should be cheerful again. Oh, Blaine, wouldnt it be lovely to celebrate?" Giving Blaines cheek a kiss, Kurt smiled up at Finn, "But, Finn, what are we celebrating?"
Before Finn could wave him off again, two people hurried around the side of the school, and Blaine put one leg in front of Kurt to protect him. But his efforts were for nothing when the people got closer, revealing a balding man and a brown haired woman. "There you guys are." Burt huffed, putting one hand over his heart. "I thought I was going to have a heart attack if we didnt find you."
Kurt pushed his bottom lip out in a pout, "Im sorry we scared you, Dad. Its just... I was so frightened about Blaine."
Carole, who Blaine knew from the times he went over to Finns house for sleepovers, took a deep breath, "We looked everywhere for the three of you. We had to ask a few of the football players. They said that Blaine had a breakdown and went outside. Blaine, honey, are you okay? Come on, get off the ground. Let me brush you off."
Not seeing how he had much of a choice, Blaine boosted himself to his feet and lifted Kurt up. Carole scurried over to him and batted dust and dirt off of him, then she pulled back and looked him up and down. "Well, look at you. I havent seen you in years. You were just a scrawny thing the last time you came over to my house. Youve become a very handsome man, Blaine." Blaines cheeks turned red at her compliment, and Kurt cooed and nuzzled him, obviously pleased that his good looks had been noticed. Her eyes passed over Kurt, and it didnt take seconds for her jaw to drop. "Oh, my goodness... you must be Kurt. You might be the prettiest thing Ive ever seen. Finn was right about you." Turning around to Burt, who was scuffing the ground with his shoe, she said, "Burt, he is so lovely."
Kurt shyly giggled at her compliments, and he happily draped his hand over hers when she held her hand out. "Its a pleasure to meet you. You know, Finn says well be celebrating. Do you have a clue what he means? The two of them are being hush-hush with me." Putting his hands on his hips, Kurt gave Finn and Blaine a sour look, his nose wrinkled and lips pursed, but he couldnt keep a smile off his face for long.
"Celebration?" Carole scoffed, putting her hand on her stomach. "I dont know what theyre talking about, but Ill be celebrating getting food in my stomach. Burt said hes taking all of us out to Breadstix."
Laughing behind his fingertips, Kurt went back over to Blaine and rested his head on his chest, "Oh, I am charmed. You remind me of my Aunt Laurice! Finn, we must go to dinner with your family more often. I see where your sense of humor comes from." He reached down for Blaines hand when Burt started moving away, and he followed his dad. Blaine stayed right on his heels.
"Yeah, lets head over there now." Burt put in, patting Finns back, "Finn, why dont you drive over with Blaine and Kurt? Well meet you guys at Breadstix." He leaned closer to Finn before he let him go, and he pointed at Kurt, then dragged his finger over to Carole. He muttered something to Finn, and Finn bobbed his head.
Blaine turned away from them and held onto Kurt as the five of them walked across the grass and over to the parking lot. It was already packed with people, most of them footballers talking about after-parties and getting totally wasted. Kurt must have felt Blaines fingers tighten on his because he gave him a gentle squeeze, guiding him through a less crowded area. They got to their car, which was toward the back of the parking lot, and Blaine let Finn drive because he was too exhausted and unfocused to make it out of the parking lot.
He climbed in on the passenger side after he helped Kurt get into the back, and he remained silent, even though Finn seemed to want to start a conversation with Kurt. "So..." he said as he backed out of the parking space and turned into a line of cars that were heading out of the parking lot, "what do you think of my mom? Shes pretty cool, huh? Blaine knows how nice she is."
Kurt blinked at Finn, obviously not understanding why Finn had brought his mom up, but he smiled, anyway, "Oh, yes, shes a very kind woman. I did enjoy her company. Shes just like my aunt in France... and we had the best of times together. Why is it that you asked?"
"Nothing." Finn put him off, turning onto the road and speeding up a little, "Its nothing. Do you like Breadstix?"
Leaning forward as far as he could without having his seatbelt snap him, Kurt touched Blaines shoulder, "Its very unusual to me because I didnt ever have Italian food in France... but, yes, its one of my favorites now. Blaine took me on a date there, you know. But I didnt get to have a bite of the food because-" When Blaine cleared his throat, Kurt remembered why they had left early and sat back in his seat. "Oh. Well... I thought the food smelled yummy."
Finn didnt comment on that, which Blaine was relieved of, and they turned into the parking lot before he could continue the conversation. Once Finn pulled into a spot, Blaine opened his door and stepped onto the hard pavement. He walked around the car and opened Kurts door, reaching in for him. He unstrapped him and lifted him by his hips, then set him down on his shoes. Wrapping an arm around him, Blaine waited for Finn to get out before he walked toward the front doors, his arm tightening so Kurt wouldnt get a chill.
He pushed through the front doors and a burst of warm air brushed through his hair, blowing his curls back. The three of them found Carole and Burt waiting at the entrance, and they smiled at the sight of them. Blaine had never been smiled at by his own parents. Keeping Kurt on his arm, Blaine led him up to them, and Burt left Caroles side to talk to the waiter at the podium. The man took them back to a booth, and Blaine slid in on the longer side, trapping himself between another table and Kurt, who sat so close to him that their thighs brushed.
Finn lowered onto the bench beside of Kurt, and they smiled at each other, fond grins that looked just like the smiles his brother gave him. After Carole and Burt were seated on the other side, they picked up their menus and looked over what they wanted, but Blaine didnt touch his. He felt too sick to keep anything down. He was still in fits over Karofsky, and another part was worried about Burts proposal to Carole. The last thing he wanted was for Kurt to cry over his mom, who he loved very much.
A waiter came by to get their drinks, and Blaine just ordered a water, the only thing he was sure that would stay in his stomach. Carole suddenly reached over and patted his hand, interrupting his dreadful thoughts. "Blaine, dear, are you alright? Youre about to chew a hole in your lip."
Blaine let go of his lip that was stinging from his gnawing, and he heard someone coo. A tiny hand touched his raw lip, "Oh, darling... gentle. You have a sore spot." Kurt rubbed it with his finger, making some of the pain go away. "Oh, dear, your skin is so warm. Do you feel well? I would hate if you got a fever from the cold outside."
Blaine took a deep breath, and then another, and he pushed Kurts nurturing hands away. "Im fine." He actually felt like his stomach was coming up his neck, but he didnt tell Kurt. Realizing he had caused an uncomfortable silence, he sank into his seat and pretended to be invisible.
Carole broke the silence after Kurt turned back to the group, "Kurt, would you mind talking to me about your career on Broadway? I think its admirable that you have the talent to sing and dance on stage."
Even though he was still distracted by Blaine, Kurt managed a sweet smile, "Oh, yes, its a wonderful career. I do hope to go back on Broadway as soon as Im home in France. Its very fun... and its even better because I know that my mom sang on stage before me."
Carole gave Kurt a sympathetic look, "Your mom sounds like she was a wonderful woman. Your dad has told me all about her... He said that youre just like her." Kurts eyes sparkled at the thought of it, and her grin widened, "He told me that you were always happy when she was near... Im sorry that you lost her when you were young."
Kurt tilted his head, "Thank you for saying that... It means so much to me. She was my best friend... We told each other all of our secrets. She made me happy even when I was sad. She inspired me to be the greatest I could be." Blaine felt pathetic as he listened to Kurt speak so kindly about his mom, when Blaine had little of good that he could say about his own mom. When he was little, the biggest encouragement she had given him was to keep his chin high because he was better than everyone else in the room, not because of anything that hed done, but because of how much money his family had.
Burt, seeing his chance to talk to Kurt about his new mom, cleared his throat, "You know, Kurts never had a bad thing to say about his mom. They loved each other more than anything. Kurt, honey, I want you to know that Im not trying to replace your mom. I loved her as much as you did. Its just... sometimes I get lonely. Itd be nice to have someone there all the time... and you go back and forth between France... I dont always have you. But I want to marry Carole... and I want your approval."
Both Carole and Kurts jaws dropped, their eyes widening to the size of saucers, and Blaine couldnt hold it in anymore. His cheeks bloated as he tried to swallow his rising stomach, but he knew that he was going to vomit all over the table in about two seconds. He shoved away from the table and darted across the room, desperately searching for a bathroom so he didnt embarrass himself in front of the entire restaurant. He found one near the back of the room and hurried into the mens stall, glad that it was a private bathroom.
He dropped to the floor by the toilet and opened his mouth, hating the way he coughed and heaved. Tears stung his eyes, burning his hot cheeks as they rolled down his skin. He was a mess, but he couldnt bring himself to stand up and clean himself off. He hadnt eaten much that day, so all that came out of him was sour mucus that made him wince. He felt so disgusting, and he jerked when someone knocked on the door. "Blaine." He made out Finns voice, demanding and rough, "Blaine, open the door."
"Go away." He begged, hacking like a cat halfway through his sentence. It was such an embarrassing sound that he sobbed, just wishing he could go fall in a hole somewhere. He never seemed to get things right, not even throwing up.
Blaine heard Finn mumble something to someone else, and he closed his eyes when Kurts soft voice rang through the door, "Blaine, darling... will you please let me in? No one else will see you... Finn went back to the table. Its just me."
Even though he looked ragged and sweaty and gross, he couldnt fight Kurts gentle tone. Wiping his mouth to get the vomit off his face and flushing the toilet, Blaine got to two wobbly feet and cracked open the door. A pair of blue eyes gazed back at him, and Blaine swallowed thickly. "Oh, my love..." Kurt cooed, coming closer to Blaine and wrapping his arms around him, even though he probably stunk. "Its okay... Im here now. Shh... come now. Rest against me. Ill hold you."
Blaine helplessly curled up against Kurt, wanting him to protect him from bad things. Drained of all of his energy, he almost collapsed to the floor, but Kurt held onto him as tightly as he could. "You look so sleepy." Kurt whispered in his ear, stroking his hair off his damp forehead. "Perhaps tonight youll rest very well. Oh, darling, what made you so upset?"
Blaine sniffed through a snotty nose, "I was s-scared... that youd be hurt by your dads proposal. You love your mom s-so much... and I was afraid that-"
"Oh," Kurt covered his mouth with his hand, and he held onto Blaine much tighter. "Oh, my sweet Blaine... its so kind that you were thinking about what will make me happy, but I am perfectly okay with my dad marrying Carole... as long as you are. Youre part of this family, too." When Blaine gave him a face, Kurt smiled at him, "You dont understand... I do miss my mom very much. But all I want is for my dad to be happy. Besides, I do like Finn very much. I think it will be so much fun to have a brother, especially such a humorous one." He giggled behind his fingertips, then gave Blaine the sweetest smile, "Oh, darling... you are a very good man for caring about me so much, but all Im worried about is if youll like having new people in our family."
Blaine turned his eyes to the closed door, imagining living with the man hed left behind years ago. He remembered the days when he used to go to Finns house and theyd sit beside of each other on the couch to watch movies. Theyd usually laugh themselves into fits and somehow end up on the floor, falling all over each other. He remembered when he, Finn, and Puck had tried to make their own pizza instead of ordering, and within the next hour, theyd splattered it all over each other and the ceiling. He remembered when Finn had been there for him when hed cried because his parents were fighting again, and when hed fallen asleep on Finns bed and felt completely safe there. Finn had been just like his brother. Theyd done everything together, and then Karofsky had come and taken him away from his happiness.
Looking back down at Kurt, he blinked at him, and Kurt blinked back, his blond lashes batting on rosy cheeks. "I think Im ready to go out again." When Kurt smiled and squeezed his hand, Blaine took a step toward the door, pushing it open. His family was waiting at the table, all of them with pursed lips and wide eyes. They approached very slowly, and Finn jerked to his feet and stared at Blaine. "Im okay." He said lowly, letting Kurt do the talking after that.
Kurt took a step away from Blaine and held his arms out for Finn, who bent down and slowly wrapped him in his. He turned to Carole after Finn let him go, and the two of them hugged. "Blaine and I would be more than happy to welcome you into our family." He chirped to her, and the biggest grin pulled at her face. "This is all so surprising, but Im so glad my dad is happy again."
"Thank you so much." Carole murmured, going over to Burt and putting her hand on his chest, "Youve made me a happy woman... both of you have." She nodded at Blaine, who swallowed thickly and turned his head. "I promise that Ill try to love your dad as much as your mom did."
When he wasnt expecting it, a hand came to his back and slapped him, making him jump with surprise. The hands touched his shoulders, and Finn gave him a playful smirk, "Looks like were brothers, huh?" He scrubbed Blaines hair, laughing when Blaine swatted his hands. He was starting to have such a good time with his new family that he almost forgot what was happening later that night. "Kurt, come here! Give your new brother a hug!"
Kurt squeaked and jumped into Finns arms, giggling when Finn lifted him off his toes and swung him around. "Oh, Finn, Im so excited! Ive always wanted a big brother!" After Finn let him down, he scampered back over to Blaine and pressed himself to his chest. Blaine bundled Kurt up, needing to feel him jittering with giddiness before he came across Karofsky again, which would probably be soon. Karofsky didnt seem to want to leave him alone for long. This happiness might have been the only happiness he felt for a while.
Later that night, Blaine held Kurt against his body, feeling his breath blowing against his hot neck. His hands smoothed up and down Kurts naked thighs very slowly, his callouses and cuts scraping his flawless skin. His head drooped with sleepiness, but he couldnt let himself slip away, not when his heart pounded with anxiousness. Karofskys bitter words echoed over and over in his head, every part of their conversation. He wondered if Karofsky hated him. Tears filled his eyes for the millionth time that night, but he turned his head and rubbed his face against his pillow before they could fall down his cheeks. A low sob escaped him, but he bit back the next. His cheeks were raw from all of his tears, and they were starting to burn.
The room was silent, so the softest creak alarmed him, and when he heard the blankets rustle beside of him, he jumped. "Blaine, darling?" A sleepy voice rang in his ear, and he lifted his heavy head from his pillow and stared at a pair of blue eyes through his own blurred eyes. "Why are you crying?" A tiny hand stroked his jaw, feeling the wetness of old tears.
Blaine quickly wiped his face, unwilling to disturb Kurt any more than what he already had. "Sweetheart..." he mumbled through a thick voice, wrapping his arms around Kurt and squeezing. "I thought you were asleep. Did I wake you? I can lay down on the couch for the night." When Kurt shook his head and grabbed the front of his shirt, Blaine pressed himself back into the mattress. "Whats wrong, honey? You look upset. Your lip is quivering."
Kurt lowered his lashes over two eyes that had turned dark blue under the low lighting, "I havent gotten a wink of sleep because Ive been so worried." Sighing, Kurt touched Blaines chest, running his fingers over the cotton that clung to it, "Your eyes are so sad. Would you tell me why youve cried so very much? Im frightened... I wish you wouldnt turn your head."
Turning back to Kurt, Blaine stared at his small face for a moment, those blue eyes searching his golden eyes for any kind of clue as to why he was so sad. He found nothing, though, because Blaine tried to keep it all inside. He firmed up his mouth to keep himself from frowning, but Kurt slowly lifted his hand and touched his lips. "Do you want to keep me out, Blaine? Its okay... if you want to tell me your secrets. Ill tell you mine. We wont tell anyone else. It will be just us." Blaines face must have changed with his interest in knowing more about Kurt because Kurts nose scrunched and he tapped his bottom lip with a fingertip. "Lets see... oh!" He smiled playfully and squirmed closer to Blaine, pressing his lips to his ear, "Sometimes... I dream that you propose to me in the most romantic of ways. You lift me off my feet and kiss my lips and smile at me."
Blaines eyes widened to the size of saucers, but before his shock over what Kurt had whispered in his ear made him forget about what hed been going on and on about for the whole night, Kurt touched his neck and jerked him back to reality. He looked down at his blond head, and Kurt blinked up at him, "Will you please tell me what makes you cry?"
Blaine took a deep breath, and he let his lashes fall over dark eyes. He could see Karofskys disappointed face in his head, his lips curling and his eyes narrowing. "Im scared youll think differently of me. Youll be disappointed in who I am." When Kurt gasped and shook his head, Blaine swallowed thickly. He could feel all of his efforts to keep himself hidden breaking apart for Kurt, the second person hed tried to let in. He could either cry for Blaine, or he could hit him and tell him to never do anything against him again. "I used to cry myself to sleep."
"Karofsky, hold me tighter! Why did everyone leave me? Why does everyone hate me?"
"Its okay, Blaine. I wont let you go. You can always have me."
"I used to throw myself into his arms because he was all I had left. He was the only one who stayed with me. I didnt know h-he was the one hurting me." He swallowed thickly after he said that, his vague eyes staying on the wall because he couldnt bring himself to face Kurt. "I was... miserable without my friends... without Finn or Puck. I didnt understand why I couldnt be with them anymore. I-I didnt know why Karofsky controlled me... why he hit me when I did something wrong. I felt like I was suffocating. Everyone hated me... and I just..." His mouth trembled, and Kurt patted his cheeks, obviously concerned. "I wanted to end all of my pain, so I... broke the mirror in my bathroom. I was going to slit my throat with a piece of glass. I couldnt take it anymore. Karofsky had become my beautiful thing... but he wasnt beautiful to me anymore."
"Beautiful thing?" He heard Kurt peep, and for the first time since hed started to tell Kurt about himself, he lowered his eyes to his tiny face. His eyes shined with tears, a few of them dripping off the tip of his nose. He leaned down to kiss Kurts nose, and he felt it scrunch under his mouth. "I dont understand. Am I a beautiful thing to you?"
"You are my beautiful thing." Blaine said without hesitation, reaching down for Kurts face and stroking a soft cheek. "Honey, w-when I... looked in the mirror at myself, I saw something that wasnt beautiful. And some part of me was angry with Karofsky. I had become just like him, but I wanted to be myself again. He wasnt the man I thought he was, not after he... hit me. I wanted to see something beautiful... something so wonderful that I would know that I meant something. Whatever this thing was... I knew it would make me feel better. I was scared that I would never find it... I didnt deserve it, but then..." Kurts lips parted when Blaine pressed the tip of his thumb to the bottom one, "you showed up."
The smallest of smiles curved Kurts lips, "Oh, Blaine." He tucked himself under Blaines chin and cried into his shoulder. Blaine realized that he wasnt in any danger of getting hurt again, so he buried his face in Kurts hair and wept with him, instead of under his violent hands.