Baby, can't you see

I'm calling

A guy like you

Should wear a warning

It's dangerous

I'm falling

Kurt ran skilled fingers along the brim of the pinstriped fedora that matched his tear away suit. The audience sat stone still as he flitted around the stage. They were entranced. That's how he liked it.

The dancer unbuttoned his blazer and let it fall from his shoulders. He tossed it to the man holding up the hundred dollar bill. A few people grabbed for it but Kurt didn't see who actually ended up with the prized item. The second it left his fingertips, the dancer was turning his attention to another section of the audience.

Too high

Can't come down

Losing my head

Spinning 'round and 'round

Do you feel me now

Kurt rolled his hips to the beat and danced towards the different tables. The spell was broken. Long gone was the quiet crowd. The customers were shouting at him and begging him to dance for them. Kurt smirked and ran his fingers along the line of buttons on his dress shirt.They want it. They want it so bad.

With the taste of your lips

I'm on a ride

You're toxic I'm slipping under

With a taste of a poison paradise

I'm addicted to you

Don't you know that you're toxic

And I love what you do

Don't you know that you're toxic

Kurt forewent unbuttoning the shirt and tore it away. Buttons flew across the stage and out into the crowd. The dancer shouldered the shirt and tossed it to a man who, in return, shoved a few twenties into his pants.

Kurt sashayed around the stage. He stopped every few seconds to tease the audience with the prospect of losing his pants. They threw their hard earned money at him and he continued to tease. He loved his job.

The last chorus rang through the club and Kurt was done teasing. Slowly, he undid the button and let the pants pool around his ankles. He stepped out of them quickly and kicked them off stage. There he stood, in all his glory, wearing nothing but a hat and tiny pair of black Cheekies with 'Kalvin' bedazzled across the ass.

Intoxicate me now

With your lovin' now

I think I'm ready now

I think I'm ready now

X

Blaine watched in awe from the audience. As usual, Kalvin's performance was amazing. Hell, Kalvin was amazing.Kurt. Man oh man, his name is Kurt.Blaine needed to keep that in mind. He and Kurt were meant to have dinner after the dancer's shift. They wanted to get their stories straight for a dinner with Jeremiah and Sebastian the following evening. In order to perpetuate the dating façade, their information needed to match perfectly. Jeremiah would spot a lie and then he'd find out just how truly pathetic Blaine was. The pharmacist couldn't have that. He didn't want that. He wanted his ex to see how much he'd changed; for him. And, well, he wanted Jeremiah to get jealous. A jealous Jeremiah was a possessive and territorial Jeremiah.

Blaine sat through a group act and thought about his time with his ex. He remembered the time a police officer flirted with him and the amazing sex he and his ex-husband had afterwards.Kurt is a million times better looking than that cop was. Jeremiah is going to be at my feet by the end of the week. The pharmacist smirked at the thought when he felt his phone vibrate. He quickly pulled it out of his pocket and checked the message.

Changing right now. I'll see you in a few. –K

The elder took that as his cue to leave. He spent $10 on the cover charge and he only paid attention to one dance; Kurt's dance. It was worth the money. Kurt owned the stage.

A few moments later, Blaine found himself waiting patiently in his car. He dried his palms on his slacks as he waited. Why were they sweating?Why am I so nervous? It's not like he's Jeremiah.Blaine's mind rattled when the car door opened. The young dancer rushed into the car and slammed the door behind him. All Blaine could do was stare questioningly. "Hey." Kurt chirped. "Sorry I'm late, Will tried to dick me at payout." He explained as he fastened his seatbelt.

Blaine nodded but didn't immediately respond. Instead, he took in the dancer's appearance. Gone were the tear away clothes and in their place was a pair of skinny jeans paired with an oversized sweater that looked far too fashionable for the pharmacist's taste. I think I'll stick to my Lacoste sweaters and bowties. Thank you very much."It's alright. I haven't been waiting long."

Kurt nodded but didn't respond verbally. After a spell, Blaine started the car and drove towards Breadstix. It was the only acceptable restaurant that he knew Sebastian and Jeremiah wouldn't be at. He didn't want to risk the possibility of them overhearing their conversation and finding out that the relationship was a farce.

The two were seated and ordered their food. Blaine was surprised when Kurt turned down wine in favor of water but that would be a conversation for another day. Neither man spoke until their food arrived a while later. Kurt spent the time prior sending texts and Blaine spent his time checking work emails. "Here you go boys. Enjoy." The waitress said as she sat their food down in front of them; a giant salad for Kurt and a plate of baked spaghetti for Blaine.

"So...tell me everything, Blaine." Kurt said as he poured vinaigrette over his food. The elder man looked up and from behind the rim of his glasses.

"I figured you could start. You already know a bit about me. I know nothing about you." He replied civilly. Kurt scoffed and rolled his eyes.

"Listen, Blaine," the way the man –boy? He looks young- said his name made Blaine cringe. He sounded bored. "I just spent the past few hours dancing my ass off. I'm fucking famished. Thus, I feel I deserve the opportunity to eat first. So..." he waved his hand in an attempt to get Blaine to talk. Instead, the elder sat back with a look of shock on his face.God, this is a bad idea. He cusses and everything. My parents are going to hate that.

Eventually, Blaine's brain caught up and he began to talk. He decided to start with his relationship with Jeremiah. He talked about their courtship and the proposal. Then he brought in the heavy hitters. He discussed their marriage and the dissolution of it. "....and I asked him to leave. I just....you have to understand. I was upset and I just..." Blaine finished with a lame shrug. He teetered on the edge of an emotional breakdown in response the memories. That's when he heard it; a laugh.

"Oh my god." Kurt was doubled over the table laughing to his heart's content. "So...why are we doing this again?" He giggled.

Blaine's face fell. "What do you mean? I told you I want him back. He won't just come back. I have to give him reason to want me back. We're doing this so he'll want me back."It's not that difficult to understand.

Kurt's laughter stopped abruptly. "Oh...I thought you were kidding about that part. I...I thought you just wanted to make him jealous."

Blaine's eyes went wide. "Really? I told you why I wanted to do all this and –"

"And I think it's stupid. Listen, if he doesn't want you for you then he doesn't deserve you. Move on." Kurt's words stung. Blaine placed his fork down and sat back in his chair. He pulled his arms across his chest defensively and stared at the young man.

"Why are you being so mean?" He asked. His voice was harsh and accusatory. "I figured we could be friends or something. I mean, you were so nice on the phone and-"

Kurt, number one on Blaine's 'jerk of the week' list, rolled his eyes. "I'm not being mean, I'm being real. I'm also not your friend, so I'm not obligated to be nice to you. That first day, I was caught in the heat of the moment. But...I don't really do the friend thing; at least not here. Not now. "

"I'm paying you, so I suggest you change your tune."

"That's right." Kurt shot back. "You're paying me. You're paying me to be yourboyfriendin this whole fucked up plan. You're not paying me to be your friend."

Why is he so defensive about this?Blaine thought. He was genuinely confused. "I don't need any more friends. Friends create ties and I don't want any more ties to Ohio. This is business."

"So make it your business to be a little bit nicer to me." Blaine half shouted. A few heads turned and Blaine shrunk under their scrutiny.Many oh man.He never raised his voice.Never. Well...that one time with Jeremiah but...never before and never again. Well...until now.

"Fine." Kurt sat back in his chair as well and crossed his arms to mirror Blaine's. "You're right. I have no right to be nasty towards you. I mean...it's not like we would be friends anyways. I'm sure you have a whole circle of higher ups that you run around with. I'm just a lowly dancer. Anywho, is there anything else I need to know about you?"

Blaine ignored the self-depreciating comment. "I'm not one for PDA, my middle name is Dexter, I'm allergic to shellfish, both my parents are pharmacists, and I have a dog named Doo Wop." Blaine rattled off meaningless facts that Jeremiah would throw at Kurt. If he knew Jeremiah, and he did, then he knew the blonde would use the facts as a challenge. He needed Kurt to be able to answer them because Jeremiah hated easy victories. He liked to fight and come out victorious. Blaine could give him that. He would give him anything.

Kurt caught very little of Blaine's random facts. He stopped to say, "Hold on, your middle name is Dexter? That's too perfect." And he held up a finger towards the end. "You have a dog named Doo Wop. Where did you come from?" By the end of the conversation, Blaine was annoyed. He hoped like Hell that Jeremiah would come around sooner rather than later because Kurt was kind of a jerk.It doesn't even matter that he's hot. He internally face palmed. Kurt wasn't hot. He was just...nevermind.

"If you're done laughing at me. Tell me about yourself. " Blaine gritted through his teeth.

Kurt shrugged and nibbled on his bread. "Not much to tell. I'm leaving in a few months. Do you want to tell Jeremiah that?"

That was it. Blaine stood up and began to gather his jacket. "I can't do this. You're not being serious and I can't take it. I'm sorry but the deal is-"

"Don't go. I'm sorry. I just..." Kurt shrugged and for the first time, he looked adorable. He looked even more adorable when he sighed and threw his hands down in his lap. "You're asking me to be your boyfriend –technically speaking- and I don't know how. I've never done this before. It's going to be my toughest performance....like ever!"

Blaine didn't know he made the move to sit back down until he felt the chair beneath his butt. He was perplexed. Dumbfounded. "You've never had a boyfriend?" The words felt wrong coming out of his mouth.

Kurt shot him a scandalized look. "Ummm...what do you take me for?" When Blaine didn't answer, Kurt glared at him. "I'm not a whore, ya know. I do what I have to do to get by, but I do jump from guy to guy."

For the first time in a long time, Blaine felt horrible. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have assumed and-"

"Damn right!" Kurt cut in.Somewhere, somehow, he's related to Santana. No one snarks this much without being related to her.

"AND..." Blaine's voice was strained again. "I'm going to need you to cut back on your cussing, my parents don't like it. AND, if this is going to work, I need to know about you so..." Kurt flipped his wrist, indicating that it was Kurt's turn to speak.

"Fine!" Kurt deflated. "I'm 19-"

"Oh my God, you're a baby! You have to be older. We'll say you're 23. How does that sound? I loved being 23."

Kurt rolled his eyes at Blaine's mini meltdown.If you keep rolling your eyes, honey, they're going to get stuck in the back of your head.The memory of his mother telling his 3 year old self that popped into his mind. "I don't think that'll work if we go out and I can't produce an ID for alcohol." He replied absently. "Having a 19 year old boyfriend will drive Jeremiah crazy. Trust me."

Blaine looked uneasy but he didn't speak. So, Kurt continued. "I live with my friend, Rachel, I'm in cosmetology school, and I'm moving to New York when this is all done. After you and Jeremiah send me that fat check, I'm jumping on the first thing smoking to New York."

"Why New York?" Blaine asked as he rested his head in his palm.

Kurt asked himself that time and time again. He always came up with the same answer. "Why not?" Blaine hummed and shrugged. He was an Ohio boy through and through. He was born and he would probably die in Ohio. He loved it though. Ohio was safe. Ohio was predictable. Those were two things that rested high on Blaine's list of priorities.

Their waitress chose that moment to come and collect their empty dishes. "Will you two be having dessert?" She asked hesitantly. By the look on her face, Kurt concluded that they had frightened the young woman with their shouting earlier in the evening.

Both men replied in the negative and the waitress trudged off with their dishes. "What do I need to know about your family? I'm assuming you won't want me to meet them since this is a 'business arraignment'" Kurt snickered at the elder's air quotes, "but I'd like to have something to tell Jer and Sebastian when I talk about you."

The dancer did his best to remain impassive. "You can tell them whatever you want."

"We just established that it was best to be semi truthful in this lie when we discussed your age. Don't you think that sentiment should carry over into other aspects?" Blaine asked.

Kurt shrugged. "I'm sure whatever lie we come up will sound better than 'yeah, they're dead'." He watched as Blaine's face fell.Here it comes in 5, 4, 3, 2...

"Kurt, I'm so sorry. I didn't....I didn't know. If it makes you feel better, we can just lie or something."1.

"She was a nurse and he was a mechanic. I was an only child. We can change the tenses from past to present and we're in business." Blaine knew that he boy's sarcasm was a defense mechanism but he was not inclined to call the boy out on it.

"Will you be comfortable with that?" He asked.I wouldn't be.

Of course not."It is what it is."

Their conversation continued at a much rapid pace. They perfected the details of their lies and Blaine paid the bill. They continued to talk on their way out to Blaine's car and on the drive to Kurt's house. When the pharmacist pulled his car into the driveway of the tiny home, he looked over at Kurt. "So, dinner tomorrow at 8?" He asked.

"Yep."

"Great."

Kurt stared at house. It was once a lovely house but it seemed to grow more dull and lifeless as time passed.Dad would kill me if he saw that shutter hanging the way it is."You ready for this? Parts of this whole experience are going to be crazy but it will be a great story to tell your acting buddies when you're in New York." Blaine said. He followed Kurt's far off gaze and noticed the hanging shutter as well.

"Blaine Anderson, I was born ready." With that, Kurt stepped out of the car and walked into the house.