Chapter 31

When Kurt awoke the next day, he was better rested than he had been since Oliver was born. His skin looked brighter, and his cheeks rosier than he's seen them in a long time. He also felt absolutely, devastatingly heart broken. He lay in bed long after his alarm told him that it was time to get ready for work, staring at the walls of his apartment and trying to remember what it felt like to be at home in this room. Now it was cold and empty, a reminder of his life before Blaine. He felt tears fill his eyes at the thought that if Blaine decided that it wasn't worth it, it wasn't just Blaine he was losing, but Oliver too. The beginnings of a family that he'd been imagining in his future.

It was only when he remembered his own words in the fight before about his worries for his job that he picked himself up, and hastily grabbed whatever mismatched clothes hadn't yet made the move to Blaine's apartment. He hesitated outside Blaine's door, but Blaine had asked for space. The least he could do was respect that now.

Over the course of the day, Kurt oscillated from despair over the now apparent distance between him and his boyfriend, and anger over the fact that the fight had happened in the first place.

It was in this mood that Kurt made his way out of his office at the end of the day. He'd only been trying to help with Oliver. To do something that would make Blaine see that he was capable of being more involved. For all that Blaine talked about his family, and how Kurt would eventually become a part of it, he seemed to be doing his upmost to avoid any progress down that road.

Kurt wasn't an idiot, he could be some help, after all. Blaine made it sound as though Kurt lifting a finger to help with Oliver was some kind of sacrifice that Kurt was making, but it wasn't that at all. And, God, contributing in some way, feeling needed in any way… Couldn't he see that Kurt needed it?

Kurt was still fuming when he reached the elevator, but was distracted by a woman standing in front of him, trying to keep her grip on what seemed to be a very heavy, oversized package and push the button for the elevator at the same time. Her grip on the package faltered, and Kurt reflexively reached out for it.

“Careful,” he said. “Can I help you with that?”

The woman gave him a shy smile before saying, “Thanks. I thought I'd be able to carry it no problem, but I tend to bite off more than I can chew.”

But Kurt smiled, “I'm sure you could have handled it. It seemed like you had a handle on it before.”

 “For a while, at least,” she agreed. “Some people offered to help, but I'm pretty determined.” She gave a self-depreciating laugh.

“But that doesn't mean we don't all need help every now and then.” Kurt argued. “My boyfriend's the most determined person I've ever met, and we actually met when I offered to carry a box for him.” His heart twisted at the memory.

“I guess it's harder for some of us than others,” the woman said. “Being willing to accept help, even when we need it. But I guess what goes around comes around, because now maybe I can return the favor?” she added as the doors to the elevator opened and they stepped inside. “What floor, good sir?”

Kurt smiled at her as he told her he was headed to the ground floor, and she pushed the button for him. Inside, however, her words were settling something inside him. When they reached her stop, Kurt placed the package back into the woman's arms with her assurance that she could handle it from there, and when she departed with a smile, Kurt pushed the button to return to his floor.

Dashing back to his department, he passed by Marcia's secretary and knocked on her open door.

“Kurt,” Marcia said, looking up from her desk with a look of surprise on her face. “What can I do for you?”

“I think that it would be a good idea to put John on my team,” Kurt said calmly.

Marcia frowned at him before saying, “But Kurt, you were adamant that you didn't want him-“

“I changed my mind,” Kurt interrupted swiftly. “It's a big project, and I think an extra hand could be very beneficial to the group morale, especially after the delays from the switch yesterday.” He paused for a moment before adding, “I think I need to realize when I need some help.”

Marcia considered him for a moment, and then nodded. “Done,” she said calmly. “I'll call him in first thing tomorrow to give him the brief. I trust you can take it from there?”

“Yes,” Kurt said, before nodding her goodbye, and heading back towards the elevator, his shoulders set.

When Kurt arrived back at the apartment building, he stood debating with himself outside of Blaine's door for ten minutes before using his key to unlock the door and push it gently open.

The living room was in the same state it had been in the night before, the table cluttered with Blaine's baby books still open to various sections on child soothing. Kurt's plate he'd used the night before for his sandwich was still in the sink from where he'd left it in his bad mood to be cleaned the next morning.

The additions where all contained to the kitchen table, where a mug stood, the last dregs of what must have been warm milk remaining, surrounded by tissues that had Kurt's heart dropping at the thought of Blaine sitting here in tears after he had left the night before.

Kurt only hoped that he hadn't made any final decisions just yet.

Blaine was nowhere to be seen, and he couldn't hear him moving around in the bedroom, so he made his way to the nursery where the door stood ajar. There he found Blaine asleep in the soft chair that Kurt had picked out so many months before. Instead of facing the big window on the far side of the room however, it had been moved so that it was facing the crib where Oliver was also deeply asleep. The mobile above his cot was still swinging gently, the birds' wings flapping noiselessly in their cycle, so Kurt knew that they couldn't have been asleep for long. He backed out of the room, and closed the door softly behind himself.

Moving back to the lounge he started clearing away the mess around the living room, the repetitive actions soothing him as he waited for Blaine to wake.

He'd moved on to cleaning the kitchen when he heard a noise behind him, and turned to find Blaine standing in the doorway, looking hesitant.

“Kurt,” he said quietly. “You don't have to do that-“

“I asked Marcia to add John to my project today.” Kurt said swiftly, talking over Blaine in his haste to say what he'd been thinking since he'd left the office. “He's a weasel face who'll try to take credit for all my work, but I realized something important. I find it really hard to admit when I need help. I'll always do everything I can to actively avoid having to ask for help, apparently no matter how stressed or overwhelmed I feel. But I guess I needed to learn that it's okay to ask for help when you need it.” Kurt hesitated for a moment, but then pushed through. “And I think you need to realize the same thing.

“I know that you're afraid I'll take on more than I can handle and resent you for it. But Blaine, I need to do more so I can feel like I'm contributing to this arrangement in some way. And I think that you need to learn that you don't have to do everything on your own.”

Blaine gave Kurt a watery smile, but didn't move from his spot in the doorway. “I'm just afraid of relying on someone too much. What if I do and you leave?” He wrapped his arms around himself and looked away from Kurt's gaze. “It's not that I want to do it all on my own. It's that I need to know I can.”

“Don't you think that's a little unfair on me?” Kurt countered. “You're assuming I'll fail before you even give me the chance to try. I'm capable, Blaine. I know I could do this if you give me the chance. But I need you to have confidence in me too.”

“You're right,” Blaine said, and Kurt let out a sigh of relief that Blaine seemed to understand where he was coming from; everything he should have said weeks ago. Blaine took a step out of the doorway, and Kurt crossed the rest of the space to wrap his arms around his boyfriend.

“I'm sorry for how I acted last night,” Blaine said into his shoulder, tightening his hold around Kurt's back. “I shouldn't have made you leave like that.”

“No, I think I needed the space to sort stuff out myself,” Kurt said honestly. “And I'm sorry for being such a stubborn jerk lately. Marcia knew I needed help, but I waited until everything seemed to be falling apart before I knew I could accept it.”

“Are you okay with it though? You hate John.”

“Yeah,” Kurt chuckled into Blaine's hair. His relief that things were getting back on track made the situation seem so easy. “But there are certain perks that go along with being team leader. Every time he's an asshole I'll give him more work.”

Blaine finally pulled back to look at Kurt, his eyes still slightly red, but a smile taking over his face. “It's so hot when you abuse your power.”

Kurt laughed and pulled Blaine into him again. “How's Oliver been today?”

“Better.”

“So it wasn't any magical ability on my part that made him go down so easily last night?”

Blaine grinned indulgently at him. “Kind of. When I was looking up his symptoms online, some of the websites said to try changing his formula, so I went out and got a new one. I hadn't tried it out, but you used it to make Oliver's bottle last night. Then this morning I gave in and called Oliver's new pediatrician and, of course, the first thing he suggested was to change his formula. He's got to go in for checkup next week, but he's already so much better today.”

Kurt suddenly felt the tension of his worry alleviate with the knowledge that nothing was seriously wrong with Oliver. That, coupled with the fact that his and Blaine's relationship was back on track made him feel light and giddy with relief.

“I love you,” he said, and without giving Blaine any time to reply, he leaned down to kiss Blaine in a way that he hadn't since before Oliver was born, a kiss full of intent.

Blaine seemed taken aback at first, but then hummed happily into the kiss, the vibrations across Kurt's lips making arousal rise in his belly. Blaine moved his hands down the slope of Kurt's back, lingering low on his spine, teasingly. He knew that it was too soon for sex, that though it had seemed like a different life before Oliver was born, it was actually only a short time, and Blaine was still recovering. Kurt was nevertheless happy to continue for just a little longer when a high cry echoed through the nursery door.

Kurt groaned, but the smile on his face ruined the effect.

“Hurry back?” he asked, only half teasingly.

Blaine gave him a soft smile, but his tone was obviously nonchalant. “Actually, I need a minute,” he said. “You know, I've got a few things I need to do. Do you mind checking on him?”

Kurt tried and failed to pull off the same nonchalance, instead allowing his smile to spread wide over his face. “Okay,” he said excitedly. “I've got this.” He kissed Blaine once more, whispering, “Thank you,” over his lips, before he darted towards the nursery door.

“It's okay, little man,” he said, lifting Oliver out of his crib, and checking his diaper. “Let me help you out, huh?”