Morning came fast for Kurt, almost too fast. He’d had horrible dreams the night before and was having trouble sleeping. Images of Mark and Blaine kept prancing through his head and each time he closed his eyes he thought of the two kissing and it would make him wake with a jolt.
He finally gave up sleeping around six in the morning and went to exercise. The physical exertion helped him keep his mind clear. When he got ready to take his shower he caught a glimpse of his sweat soaked body. Kurt had obviously grown, but he could still see traces of his younger self hidden away under his skin.

The vision before him brought back a memory of years gone past. It made him think of an evening of pure passion sparked by Blaine making a sudden appearance at his home after a vigorous run. Kurt had been too lazy to actually shower right then and there, and yes, while he knew it would kill his skin routine, the wish to actually sit for a moment was stronger.

He’d been staring lazily out his window when the door opened behind him and Blaine slipped in, only to stop a moment later at the sight of Kurt with exercise clothes sticking to his slender frame. He let loose a low whistle and Kurt spun round to stare at Blaine. “Oh my God! Why are you here so early?”

Blaine’s eyebrows lifted high and he replied, “I wanted to surprise you. Are you upset?”

“Kinda! I’m not presentable,” Kurt shot back.

“That’s right. You’re not and I think it’s incredibly hot.” Blaine’s voice was low and suggestive. Kurt swallowed hard and felt a thrilled tingle run through his body at the idea of what Blaine meant. The air between them was stilted until Blaine stepped quickly between Kurt’s legs. He leaned forward to press his lips to Kurt’s neck and taste the salt there.

Kurt was about to comment on how unsanitary this was until Blaine leaned away and waggled his eyebrows in an incredibly ridiculous manner. Kurt groaned tiredly and was about to push Blaine away so he could clean up when Blaine pulled one of his strange tricks and read Kurt’s mind.

“We could clean up together,” he whispered into Kurt’s ear. Kurt’s mind short circuited right then and all he could remember after that was the feeling of skin on skin and heat and everything that came with Blaine.

Kurt shook his head almost painfully to bring himself back to the present and literally threw himself into his shower to cool down.

At the theatre, he found Sadie working with a few of the tech guys. He threw her a distracted smile and meandered off to his changing room. Sadie glanced his way and called, “Kurt! Wait up. I need to talk to you.” She pushed away from the techs and trailed after Kurt, stopping in the doorway of his changing room.

Sadie caught a glimpse of Kurt’s face in the mirror and her brow furrowed. “Is everything okay?”

Kurt spun his chair around. “I wish I knew.”

“Problems with Blaine?” Sadie asked, sighing internally. “I thought everything was hunky dory yesterday,”

“It was. We went to dinner and then this guy that he dated came out of nowhere and decided to cause problems by telling me all this shit about him and Blaine.” Kurt sighed, pushing his hair away from his face.

Sadie slipped into the room and closed the door. “Did you talk to Blaine about it?” Kurt shook his head, eyes downcast. “Why not?”

“Because I don’t want to be that guy who pries into his life and asks about previous boyfriends.”

Sadie lifted an eyebrow and muttered, “I think you’re allowed to when you’re dating the guy,”

“But I don’t know if I’m doing that!” Kurt burst angrily. “He won’t kiss me,” he whispered, his anger suddenly disappearing.

Sadie slipped forward to touch his shoulder. “Well, maybe that’s a good thing. You’re still licking your wounds from before. I mean, I know how deeply first loves can cut you. You two didn’t end things well and it’s going to take time. Blaine seems like the type of guy to be a slow mover, so he’s probably afraid to let you get in again and break his heart once more,”

Kurt gave her an affronted look that couldn’t hold up for very long. He understood her reasoning but he didn’t want to. Finally, after moments of painful silence, he whispered, “I just wish I knew where I stood with him. I want to be like we were before.”

Sadie sighed and touched her fingertips against Kurt’s face. “Right now you two are going at a good pace. Leave it at that. When he’s ready he’ll be ready, and if you’re still waiting for him at that point then that will mean something.” The look on Kurt’s face hurt her, but it was something that needed to be said.

She drew away once more and sighed. “Now, we have a show to do. Put Blaine to the back of your mind and focus on being Kurt the Star for the evening. You’ll see Blaine later and you can figure out what you’re doing then. Just, don’t get too invested too early, I don’t want to see your heart get hurt.”

Kurt sighed and nodded, turning towards his mirror to start working on his face before it was time to apply hair and everything else he needed to finish.

The show went smoothly that evening. Kurt really didn’t have that much energy to invest in the show, but he made sure that he didn’t mess it up for the crowd. When he said goodnight to Sadie he murmured that he would see her later and kissed her on the forehead before heading outside to hail a taxi.

Back at his apartment, Kurt sidled into his apartment, focused on the drink he was planning on making himself before bed. Just on the inside of his doorway he stopped, his attention drawn to a small rectangular piece of paper on the floor. Stooping slowly to pick it up, Kurt stared attentively at the slight handwriting. It was addressed simply to Kurt and immediately the actor felt a shiver run up his spine. ‘Oh God, not again’ his mind supplied as he slid it open.

Sure enough, inside rested a letter from his secret admirer. The handwriting was hasty and looked like it had been written almost in anger. Kurt glanced over the words, picking out the sentences and phrases that he could make out of the scribbles.

The letter was truly freakish. The fan, whoever it was went into great detail describing Kurt’s outfit from the day he’d gone to get coffee with Blaine. Towards the end it focused on Kurt and Blaine. ‘He’s a nobody that doesn’t deserve to have a talent like you hanging around him.’ The rest was intelligible but Kurt didn’t even try to figure it out. He was too tired and too wrung out to really contemplate the implications of the letter and crumpled it up, lofting it across the room where it landed skillfully in a corner.

Kurt made a mental note though to talk to the apartment manager about changing his lock and checking the security system videos for the person slipping the letters under the door. Kurt refused to get worked up about it and instead went on with his nightly routines.

Monday morning dawned bright and early and Kurt woke with the thought, ‘I have a date with Blaine tonight. I’m going to make him dinner and everything is going to be alright between us.’ With that infantile thought in mind, he hurried off to start his daily routine, the letter from the previous night completely forgotten.

The entirety of the day was spent getting ready. He got dressed and cleaned up, went to the store to buy supplies to make a positively amazing dinner, then came home and started cooking. Blaine texted him around noon to confirm their date and Kurt found himself vibrating with anticipation. He could just feel that something important was going to happen tonight.
Blaine arrived on his doorstep promptly at eight looking positively dapper. He handed Kurt a bouquet of daisies and roses and grinned as Kurt allowed himself a slight blush. “It smells amazing in here! What have you been up to?” Blaine exclaimed, taking off his blazer and hanging it up.

Kurt felt his eyes drawn to the blazer, noting idly how domestic it looked there. Finally, he realized he needed to respond. “Just making dinner.”

Blaine’s jaw almost dropped, but he composed himself enough to follow the other man into the kitchen. Sure enough aroma wafted from the stove and a few pots boiled on top. Blaine settled himself at the counter, accepting the drink that Kurt practically shoved into his hand in his haste to check on the meal in the stove. “I think you’ve outdone yourself.”

“Well, I have a date who’s worthy of something over the top,” Kurt replied loftily, fluttering his eyelashes at Blaine.

Blaine had the presence of mind to roll his eyes and scoff a sickly sweet, “Oh, stop it!” Kurt thought he noticed a sort of guarded air to the way Blaine held himself, almost as if Blaine were keeping a safe distance between the two of them. Kurt wrote it off as his own imagination.

They chatted amiably for a while about nothing, mostly work, while Kurt finished up dinner. He shuffled Blaine out of the kitchen and into the living room where he’d set up a little picnic like area on the floor. Kurt had considered candles, but decided he didn’t need to go that far yet. He wasn’t trying to get Blaine into bed yet, just a kiss. That would help solve a lot of things from bothering him at night.

Through dinner, Blaine entertained Kurt with stories about his editor and the illustrator they’d hired to help with the book’s cover art. “She’s apparently very popular in the YA circles and is so excited to work on my book,” Blaine all but crowed, looking very pleased.

Kurt listened obediently, but didn’t give much input. Instead, he was thinking. At first, he’d considered bringing up the latest letter, but he didn’t really want to bring that sort of angst into their evening. Instead, there was a question that had been nagging at his mind since Sadie had planted the seed. Finally, he forced himself to be brave and asked. “Hey, Blaine. You know that Mark guy you said you dated?”

Blaine quirked an eyebrow but didn’t say anything in response, so Kurt went on. “Well, when we had dinner that one evening and you left the table he dropped by to chat with me.”
Blaine’s brow furrowed. “And what did he say?” Blaine’s voice was measured, calculating. Kurt didn’t take that as a good sign.

“He just asked how you were and chatted with me about how he, um, thought you had a connection and you didn’t call him?” Kurt felt horrible asking this, and that feeling only intensified at the look on Blaine’s face.

His eyes clouded over and expression darkened. “Mark was nothing but an-“ He cut himself off and huffed lightly. “Like I think I’ve said before, Mark and I had nothing between us. Chance set me up with him as a way to try and forget you and when I went out with Mark as a last resort he was a complete pompous ass to me. I’d never been so skillfully insulted in my life,” Blaine fumed. Kurt couldn’t remember the last time he’d seen Blaine that angry. It was almost like a quiet storm raging under his more calm outer expression

Blaine’s anger lessened when he glanced at Kurt, who looked a little worried and concerned. Immediately Blaine leaned across to take Kurt’s hand in his softly and murmured. “It was only one date between us and I didn’t call him again because I didn’t have a good time and at the end of the evening I felt miserable. I almost crawled onto my couch and hugged my cats, it was that bad.” He grinned charmingly and Kurt allowed himself a smile.

“All right. I was just wondering. Thank you for telling me,” Kurt murmured, getting to his feet.
Blaine immediately made a movement to get up also, but Kurt brushed him off. “Stay, I’m getting our dessert. This time I’m going to feed it to you as payment.” He hurried to the kitchen, feeling lighted and less worried than before, grabbed the dessert from the freezer and rushed to where Blaine was.

He’d taken it upon himself to clean up their area, stacking dishes and putting them up on the coffee table and out of the way. Kurt settled before Blaine and cut a piece of frozen chocolate pie from the pan before proceeding to place a small chunk at Blaine’s lips.

Blaine’s gorgeous hazel eyes flicked up to Kurt and he smirked slightly before taking the piece into his mouth, but not without a show. Kurt found his eyes drawn to Blaine’s mouth as he slowly finished off the piece Kurt cut him. Blaine returned the favor moments later, but Kurt didn’t have it in him to give a show quite as extravagant as Blaine’s.

Kurt couldn’t help but think, This would be a wonderful moment for Blaine to kiss me. He knew that Blaine wasn’t one to make the first move unless provoked, so he attempted a little provocation. As they worked on their dessert Kurt tried to make himself be as enticing as he could, which only made him think back to his days at Dalton as a baby penguin.
At one point he tried to tilt his head closer to Blaine’s, as a silent invitation for Blaine to kiss him. He was sure he saw a flicker of emotion in Blaine’s eyes before the man moved away quickly to shovel a piece of chocolate pie into his mouth, leaving Kurt stranded.

He tried not to think too much into that movement, though it was hard not to with Mark’s words singing in the back of his mind.

The night was wearing on and Kurt had to get sleep for his performance and Blaine had more meetings to attend so they agreed it was time to say goodnight. Kurt felt like soaring. He was so sure that he was going to be kissed tonight; there was no way he couldn’t. He’d played all his cards, cleared up the mess with Mark, and had been a perfect host and date.

He walked with Blaine to the door, hand in hand, and helped him put on his jacket. Blaine turned to him and smiled softly. “You could at least let me help clean up the plates.”

Kurt shook his head swiftly. “Nope, I’m the cook, it’s my job. I’ll do it later.” They stood together, fingertips touching and eyes averted for a while. Finally Kurt decided to take the reins and try again. He took a deep breath and cleared his throat for Blaine’s attention. Immediately those eyes were on him, searching his face for any kind of instruction.

Kurt touched his fingers softly to the side of Blaine’s face and drew him close, desperate to feel Blaine’s lips against his. He could remember the thrill he used to receive when they would kiss and the pain he felt in his chest the last time they kissed. They were so close, their breaths were mingling, and Kurt could hear Blaine’s heartbeat. They were so close…

Blaine pulled away and took a giant step back from Kurt shaking his head, “No, I can’t,” he hissed, staring pointedly at the floor.

“Why?” Kurt demanded, feeling the childish urge to stomp his foot against the floor. What was Blaine’s problem?

“Don’t you see everything that is wrong with this entire scenario?” Blaine growled, looking up at Kurt’s face, eyes burning him like hot coal. “This is all backwards? You are like some sorcerer or seductress who just waltzes back into my life demanding that we erase everything that went wrong all those years ago and start over? You just being you is capable of doing that to me and I don’t like that you have that power over me!”

Kurt blinked at Blaine like he’d just grown a third head. “Do you realize how crazy you sound right now?”

“Do you know how crazy you make me feel?” Blaine shot back, a throaty quality to his voice that Kurt was sure he’d never heard before from Blaine. The mood had suddenly changed, gone dark and foreboding.

“Why is this all my fault?” Kurt hissed back, not allowing Blaine to buffalo him into submission. There was no way Blaine was going to make him run and hide in the corner with his dangerously flashing eyes and clenched fists.

“Because it is! You do this to me, you have some magic hold over me that I can’t explain and I hate because you, just being you, makes me forget how you broke my heart!” Blaine flung back, ignoring the traitorous sting of tears in his eyes. There was no way in hell he was going to cry in front of Kurt when Kurt was looking at him so murderously.

“I, I broke your heart? What about you? You’re not exactly a saint yourself Blaine! You should know how badly you ripped my heart to shreds too.” His voice wavered dangerously and Blaine knew Kurt was as close to the edge as he was and neither one was going to be backing down any time soon.

“How did I break your heart? You’re the one who broke up with me and then logged out moments later so that we couldn’t try to fix it.” Blaine’s voice hitched.

Kurt felt the muscles in his jaw convulse and replied. “You didn’t come after me. You didn’t try fighting for me.”

Blaine’s eyebrows shot all the way to his hairline. “Oh! Is that what you wanted? Because I was under the assumption you wanted me gone. You didn’t give me a chance. I’ve always done what you wanted. When you wanted to go slow I did and when I went off to school I tried to give you all the attention that I could. I wanted to be with you but then you decided to give up and not try anymore and I knew better than to waste my time and energy fighting for you. You’re so stubborn Kurt! I knew that you would turn me down if I tried to contact you and I couldn’t take that. I was already in a fragile enough state as it was.” The words tumbled from Blaine’s lips as he fought against the tears in his eyes.

All the anger that he’d felt, the sadness and the depression he’d experienced at Kurt was finally pouring out of him and he couldn’t bring himself to look Kurt in the eyes.

Kurt watched the entire rant with clenched fists and trembling lips. “You promised me you’d be there, and then you weren’t time after time, after time. I hated that. And then you go and send me those ‘I’m proud of you, baby’ texts and I waited for you to come, even if I told myself and other that I wasn’t. Those texts made me wait for you until I finally couldn’t anymore. But then you showed up again and you were you and I was positive we could start over again, I wanted to make everything that went wrong, right again but you refuse to budge.”

Kurt hiccupped a little, feeling his damn tears burn trails down his cheeks. A throbbing pain was starting in his temples but he couldn’t give up. Blaine groaned and leaned against the wall, eyes close and body drawn in on itself. “I can’t! I gave you everything when we were teenagers and I’ve always been told that first loves stay with you forever, so I told myself it would be impossible to force you out completely. So, I sent those texts as a way of weaning myself off you slowly. If I knew that you were doing fine then I would be fine and I wouldn’t feel as horrible.

“I let myself love again and he broke my heart, so when you popped in once more it was like all the forces of the world were conspiring against me. I told myself to keep space between you and me, because if I didn’t we would end up where we were, and look at us! Fighting again over something we keep telling ourselves we got over when we obviously haven’t. I can’t let myself lose me to you just yet. There are so many scars we have to heal and problems we have to get over before I can fully give myself to you again,” Blaine moaned softly, eyes opening onto Kurt’s strangely quiet form.

Kurt had been listening, but something in his mind had brought back what Mark had said earlier, ‘at least he won’t kiss you if he doesn’t like you.’

Finally he allowed himself to speak. “You keep talking like you want to be with me again but you won’t even kiss me. Kisses are simple things, gateways to other things much greater and yet you pull away from me like I’m disgusting and start bringing up old ghosts that were better left until we were ready.”

Blaine blinked a few timed, trying to process what Kurt was saying. “You’re this upset because I won’t kiss you? Kurt, to me kisses mean everything, they honestly have the potential to mean more than sex. Kisses are like promises and I’m not ready to promise you anything yet.”

Kurt’s shoulders tightened and he whispered softly. “So Mark was right.”

Blaine’s entire body froze and he felt like he’d just been doused with ten buckets of Arctic water. “What was that?” He ventured.

Kurt looked up at him with betrayed eyes. “Mark was right. When he spoke to me, he said, and I quote, ‘at least he won’t kiss you if he doesn’t like you.’ He was right. You don’t like me, you’re just playing with me until you’re sure you have me. So, what? Once you got me completely under your spell you were going to drop me like I did to you? Divine retribution and all that rot?”

Blaine felt a growl grow in the back on his throat and his hair stand on end. “You’ll believe Mark, a total stranger, over me?”

“Why won’t you kiss me if you aren’t doing all this to hurt me?” Kurt pressed, his heart thumping in his chest.

“I’m not vindictive like you.” Blaine’s words cut through Kurt’s heart like ten thousand knives. “I just realized that we’re still stuck in our teenage bodies and are trying to pretend we’re adults. I’m not going to be with teenage you again because I remember so well what he did to me.”
Silence suddenly fell. A hurt, painful sort of aching silence that tried to suffocate the both of them. Finally Blaine broke the silence to whisper, “I’m not sorry this happened Kurt, it needed to. I’m sorry it ended this way though.” He opened his mouth to say something else but stopped and seemed to recalculate, finishing with a, “Goodnight Kurt.” Without anything more Blaine quietly left the room and Kurt’s life again.

Kurt stood in the doorway, holding his arms tightly against his body and forcing himself not to cry. A small movement at his wrist reminded him of the bracelet on his wrist. In a sudden spike of anger Kurt tore the bracelet off his wrist and chucked it against the wall, tears flowing down his cheeks. He grabbed his coat and stormed out of his apartment, leaving his keys and wallet behind.

He slammed the door behind him, not stopping to lock it and hurried to the elevator, desperate to get as far away from Blaine as he possibly could. In his hurry, he didn’t notice the figure lurking at the end of the hallway who had only moments ago watched Blaine leave the apartment. He waited there for a few more minutes, until he was sure Kurt was gone before sliding up to the door and trying to handle.

When it gave and pushed open his lips slid into an ominous smirk and he slithered into the apartment, pushing the door closed behind him with a satisfied ‘click.’