Chapter 3

It was the fourth day in a row of rain. Thunder shook my building, and lightning lighted it up when the power went out two or three times.

Rachel and Kurt stayed over the past few nights, for some reason not wanting to go home. They seemed to spend more time at my place than I or they did at theirs.

“I hate the rain.” Rachel sat near the window, racing rain droplets down the glass.

“I'm bored too.”

“You guys are such downers, why are we friends again?” Kurt asked, looking up from the book he was reading.

“Because you wuv us and were amazing.” Rachel said, looking away from her raindrop race. I was sitting on the couch, my feet across Kurt(just to annoy him) and watched some random Disney movie.

“But thats not a good point Rachel. For the past four days, all you have been wanting to do is go out and party, if you want to so badly just go do it.”

“But I can't go alone, and I know you don't like partying Kurt, and Blaine just doesn't seem like the ‘party' type.”

“Hey! I am a ‘party' person.”

“A ‘party' person doesn't say they are a ‘party' person.” Kurt snickers, trying to move my feet from his lap. I stuck them there, not letting them budge.

“Were not partying. Thats final.” He said, going back to his book.

“A movie?”

“Shopping?”

“Nah.”

“Why not?”

“Cause its raining Rachel, thats why not.”

“Would you guys stop arguing like little children and just figure out something to do.” We had annoyed Kurt finally, we've been waiting for Kurt to break all week.

“You know, you could embrace the rain and walk in it in central park. Its just a few blocks away.” He suggested, Rachel and I looked at each other before racing to grab our shoes.

~

“My phone!” I screamed, trying to take a video of Rachel and Kurt ‘dancing in the rain' and I could barely see either of them from the water getting onto the lense.

“Man up Anderson!” Rachel laughed, running farther and farther away from Kurt and I. We walked together, looking at the other nannies and parents who had the same idea to embrace the rain. In the distance, a dog rain past Rachel headed straight towards us. It barked in the rain, almost dancing and the child behind it was doing to same, but trying to catch the dog too.

“Come on, lets catch up with Rachel.” Kurt grabbed my hand and we ‘exaggeratedly' skipped towards Rachel, looking like a couple of old school girls. I laughed as we swung our arms in sync and Kurt singing songs from the Wizard of Oz.

See Blaine, its raining. Its raining and it reminds me of you. Cause you always loved the rain. I remember-

I was having too much fun to care about my head. Or my mind. I was having too much fun with my friends to care anymore.  

I grabbed Rachels elbow and linked it with mine, we probably seemed high we were laughing so hard. The rain pouring down in waves, making my hair start to curl, flattening Kurts, and Rachels was just wet.

We laughed for what seemed like hours, I dont ever remembering laughing that hard my whole life.

To think, at least youre alive. What would I do if they didnt find you? I dont think I could live with myself, knowing you were going to do that. Or pressuring you to do that. How can they live with themselves?

I stopped  in the middle of Kurt and Rachels song. Wanting to sit and listen for the first time.

"Blaine. Whats wrong?" I ignored Kurt and a confused Rachel, walking away from them, brushing my hands through my hair. Then I ran. I heard Rachel and Kurts yells and footsteps behind me, but I ran faster.

I dont know what I will do if you were gone. What will I do with all the memories? Pack them all away in boxes and forget? What do I do? Please answer me.

I felt anxiety for the first time in a month. I had the feeling that I needed to end it then, just like the day I first met Kurt. It bubbled in my stomach, feeling like bile coming into my throat. I had to do it. In the back of my mind I knew it probably wouldnt happen, but I needed to at least try. Try to get away.

~

I slammed into the railing of the bridge, my ribs aching from the pain. I couldnt do it. I sat with my back leaning against the railing and cried. Rocked back and forth and cried.

"Stop." I whispered, holding my head against my knees. "Make it stop."

I dont know what to do anymore Blaine. When will you wake up and realize that you miss me too

My head was swirling, my anxiety boiling up. I could feel my tears hitting my shirt, mixing with the pouring rain.

"Blaine?" I looked up to see Kurt, I got up and just hugged him. Crying into his shoulder, feeling like I wouldnt be able to stop. I just stood there, in the middle of the sidewalk. Hugging a person I havent known that long, but already felt like was my best friend.

"Blaine, stop lying, somethings up. Please tell me what it is." He pulled out of the hug, placing both hands on my shoulders.

"I just dont want to make it weird. I dont want to say something, and then both you and Rachel treat me like a mental patient." He wiped the tears from my eyes, and I stared into his.

"I feel like you have known us long enough, to know that we would *never* do that." He pulled me into a hug again, I sniffled and cried all over again, but I couldnt tell if they were happy tears, or sad tears.

"We should probably find Rachel. And again Blaine, you know we wont pressure you, but I feel it would be easier for you, and also us, if you told us what is happening." I nodded and provided a weak smile for Kurt. He grabbed my hand and walked me to where Rachel was, at the end of the street with coffee.

"Kurt! You found him! oh Blaine!" Rachel ran to me and gave me a big hug, I gave another weak smile and hugged her back, she was so comforting, and mother like when she had to be, but also happy and playful too.

"Sorry I ran off like that, I guess I just needed time to think." I looked over at Kurt who nodded and sat down. I knew he got the message, I wasnt ready to tell them about these thoughts or voices going on in my head. I knew, or felt like I knew, that if I told them, they would send me somewhere to get me fixed or something in that sorts.

The coffee was great, but I never caught the name. Rachel and Kurt were smiling and laughing, while I sat next to them and smiled when I had to, but I didnt want to laugh. I was tired, and just wanted to go home.

~

I couldnt sleep again that night. Kurts advice had been working for the past week or two, but tonight, nothing was letting me fall asleep. My mind was all over the place.

No! You cant do that to him! Just-please.

Im sorry but we have to.

No you cant.

It was like my head was having conversations with itself that my mind, or anything else in my body, didnt know about. The different voices, had different tones and different ways of speaking. Almost as if they had personalities.

I paced around the apartment, wishing Kurt and Rachel hadnt left me to my thoughts so soon. Kurt was onto me, I could tell he was trying to figure out what was going on in my head. Different scenarios played through my head of what they were going to think when they heard my story.

It was silent. My brain was silent, only the slight, steady beating, that was my heart, rang in my ears. I took a sleep pill that Kurt and Rachel both recommended to me, but mostly Kurt. I sat on the couch, watching as the TV blurred in and out of vision. I knew I was asleep, for what felt like the first time, in a long time.

My head was calm and silent, nothing seemed to be roaming around. I could hear the New York City traffic for what felt like the first time, but I had no reason to open my eyes. I felt the slight knock on my door and heard it opening.

"Blaine?" Kurt whispered quietly, throwing the extra key back on top of the doorway. Where it always sat. I could feel his eyes on me as I lay there sleeping.

I heard the pull of the blanket from the chair and felt it being placed over me. I snuggled into it, feelings Kurts hand graze over my hair, moving it out of my face. I was out of it, sleeping soundly, but I could still feel his touch.

"Goodnight Blaine," He said, but I didnt hear the door open and close again. I snuggled more into my blanket, feeling like a tiny burrito and fell back into a quiet sleep.

~

What do you mean he wont survive?

Im so sorry. We cant just keep him hear.

But you cant do that to him. I love him.

I know that, but we cant just wait and see, we have to take action sometime.

Fine...

I woke up in a start. Sweating heavily from the fluffy blanket laying on top of me. I didnt know how I got it, but I assumed it might have been Kurt. He was in the kitchen like it was his home, and he has lived there since day one.

"Morning." I said, moving my hair from my face, adjusting my eyes to the morning light.

"Good Morning." He said, handing me a bowl of yogurt and Rice Krispies.

"How long have you been here?"

"I couldnt sleep so I got bored and came over here around six or so."

"Why..."

"Nothing was open at six, I wasnt in the mood for coffee and Rachel has her audition today so shes freaking out over text right now." He glanced to his phone I didnt realize he was holding.

"Okay then, just stay here. We can do something while shes at her audition."

"Awesome."